Cyrus (15 page)

Never in my life had I remembered feeling so
comfortable with someone or safe. Cyrus did that to me, and I knew
the rule, his rule.

He pulled back, “Birdie, I can’t… I can’t do
this to you.”

I nodded my head like I was agreeing but I
wasn’t sure why, “I’m sor…”

He grabbed my face, not hard but firm, “No
more I’m sorry, Birdie. You and I need to be friends, friends
aren’t sorry okay?. We have a lot to get through and if I keep
wanting to fuck you … We just can’t, alright?”

I nodded my head again and he stood. He was
hard and I wanted to lick him again, taste him, touch him.

“I’m going to make some food, you’re gonna
eat and then if you’re feeling up to it we come up with a
plan.”

I smiled, “Thank you.”

He left the room quickly and I fell against
the bed. I could smell him on me around me. I pulled the blankets,
surrounding me and hugged them tightly.

Tony…he didn’t smell like Cyrus. He didn’t
look at me the same way Cyrus did. He would never. I needed a job,
maybe one that helped pay for college. I had taken my SAT’s and did
really well. I could live in the dorms, an all-girl dorm,
preferably a private room, well a room would be nice private or
not.

I wished I’d gone in that room. I’m sure it
was my room. “One room, two parents, three people in my immediate
family, four…”
oh God I wished I had that picture
! I looked
around the room, “Four doors, the bedroom door, the bathroom door,
two other doors probably the closet doors, five oh I hate that
number! Five …pillows,” I tossed the sixth one on the floor, “Six
drawers in the dresser, seven…seven,” I got up and walked into the
bathroom and counted seven light bulbs above the vanity, “Seven
lights on the mirror, eight damn it damn it, damn it!” I opened the
bathroom closet, “Eight towels, nine oh God please…” I walked out
and opened the closet door, “Nine …nine…nine hangers. Ten…”

I felt tears fall down my face I was
crying—again, “Ten just ten that’s all I need.”

When I walked out of the closet he was
standing there with a plate in his hand, “Sor…”

“Sit, Birdie,” I did. God he must think I’m
crazy. I think I may be.

He sat next to me holding the plate, “It’s a
spinach and cheese omelet.”

I nodded and wiped my eyes and watched as he
cut it up.

“How many pieces, Birdie?”

I counted and closed my eyes, relieved and
embarrassed, “I know this may seem crazy, sometimes I think it is,
but I promise I’m not.”

“There are ten pieces okay, and you’re gonna
eat them all. Then if you can’t find ten again remember there
inside you. Open.” I did.

I didn’t know what to say, I was extremely
uncomfortable. He held up another and I ate it.

“You were right about the metals. Sort of,”
he held up the fork and I let out a breath, “You eat all ten Birdie
okay? And I’ll talk.” I nodded in agreement, “Last mission overseas
went bad-- seven of my team died. I didn’t, I got a stupid fucking
metal,” he held up another bite and I took it, “I did make sure
they all got a home, didn’t leave them behind.” He let out a sigh
and held out another bite and I really didn’t want it but I wanted
him to keep talking so I did, “When I got home I was pissed that I
made it and they didn’t. I threw the fucking metal in the ocean and
got seven tattoo’s, each represents something about each of them.
Another bite Birdie.”

He must have seen me hesitate and his lip
curled up, “You full?” I smiled a little, “Okay I’m gonna cut this
one up real small and it will still be ten alright?”

When I finished I was full and he seemed a
little more relaxed, “Thank you, Cyrus.”

“For telling you a secret?”

“Yes.”

“I trust you will keep it to yourself,” he
looked up at me.

“I promise.”

We sat looking at each other saying nothing,
his face was softer, gentler. His guard was down. After a full
minute, he shook his head back and forth and stood up.

He reached over and felt my head, “Still
warm,” he grabbed my hands, “Getting cold again. Do you know when
your hands are cold you seem to heat up and act like you’re
hurting? When they’re hot your head doesn’t feel as warm,” he
laughed at himself, “I think I figured it out,” he reached in his
pocket and pulled out a bottle of Motrin, “Take these cause I’m
pretty sure you’re spiking a fever. If you’re not better tomorrow
we see a doctor. Sleep it off, rest will help. Then we chat,
alright?”

“Thank you,” he started walking out,
“Cyrus.”

He turned, “Yeah Tara?”

“I’m glad you came home,” his head cocked a
little to the side and he looked confused, “I wouldn’t feel safe
right now if you didn’t. I’m very glad you came home.”

“Me too, Birdie.” He turned and walked
out.

“Ten bites in my belly.”

~

I woke up and decided to take a bath, I was
soaked which I suppose was good. I sweat it out.

I ran a bath hoping he didn’t come in until
I was cleaned up. Then well I secretly hoped he did come in. Maybe
dress me again, maybe touch me again. God he was amazing, and I
knew I could have him one more time. I was alright with it, well… I
had to be alright with it, didn’t I?

When he didn’t come in, I got out and felt
so much better. I dried off and walked out into the bedroom, there
were clothes laid out on the bed. Pajamas.

I dressed and went downstairs. I turned the
corner and Carly was walking towards me. She hugged me so tight,
and I heard her sniff. I stepped back and looked at her.

“Sorry, Tara. I was so worried about you,”
Carly hugged me again.

I suppose it should have felt odd since I’d
only met her once and we were both drunk but it didn’t. I liked
her, she was so nice.

“I’m okay, thank you.”

“Listen I hope we can be friends, I mean I
already think we are. Do you think we are? I mean if you don’t and
I’m freaking you out-- by all means let me know. Come on let’s have
some tea and talk about it,” she finally took a breath. “Sorry-- I
ramble when I’m nervous and sometimes even when I’m not.”

I couldn’t help but giggle and she looked at
me and did the same.

We sat at the table and she looked at me,
“I’m sorry about Tony being an ….asshole.”

“Me too,” I took a drink, “I hope we can be
friends.”

“Good. Tara do you read?”

“Well, I like to read but I guess I’m use to
watching movies. I would love to start reading again. Is there a
library?” I stopped because I didn’t even know what I was doing
with my life, the weird thing was it had never mattered before
anything I had ever planned didn’t pan out.

“Tara?” Carly interrupted my train of
thought.

I looked up and smiled, “Yes?”

“Everything is going to be fine.”

Oh please don’t cry, please don’t cry, I was
gonna cry.

I closed my eyes tight and Carly was hugging
me.

~

I was pretty sure I cried for at least an
hour before I fell asleep for another two hours, when I woke up
Carly was gone and another woman was sitting on the couch at my
feet.

“You feeling better?”

I had no idea who she was but I was sure
Carly wouldn’t leave me with someone who couldn’t be trusted but…,
“Where is Cyrus?”

She smiled at me, “My son had some things to
do. Tara I’m Joe Steel, and I’m going to stay with you for a
while.”

“Please don’t feel like you have to babysit
me.”

She laughed, “I don’t feel that way, however
my son seems to feel you should have someone here because you’re
not feeling well.”

“I really am better, you can…”

“Nope, I’m going to cook for you and you are
going to sleep. If you are not feeling better we head to the doctor
in the morning.”

“Okay, but I’m not hungry so please don’t
feel like you need to…”

“Nonsense, at least some soup.”

She stood and covered me up, then reached
down and felt my head and walked away. She had his eyes, light
brown with flecks of gold. She also had a way of making me feel
comfortable, which oddly made me uncomfortable.

I felt horrible laying around having
everyone cater to me. I didn’t like it at all. They were all kind,
but when they got tired of taking care of me…One blanket, two
pillows, three people who were being burdened by me, four photos
framed on the wall five…oh this is no good. I stood up and walked
to the window. It was dark now--- I’d slept all day. I needed
another way to calm myself.

“You want something to drink?” I turned and
she was standing in the doorway.

“No…please don’t feel like you have to take
care of me. I can honestly sleep this all off and tomorrow I’m
going to…. Tomorrow. Five days ago,” five I hated five, “I honestly
can take care of myself, please I’m sure you have….”

“Have a seat, Tara,” I did as she asked.

“Believe it or not this is a break for me as
well. You’re doing me a favor letting me stay here with you in your
home…”

“But it’s not my home…”

“Well yes it is. Tara, I know you don’t know
me but if my boys and my new daughter like you, you’re part of this
family. Now if you decide you need a break from us please let us
know. We can be a bit overprotective of those we let in. Now I have
to go finish the soup and you need to rest because tomorrow we help
find you a doctor if you’re sick and a job if you’re well.”

I couldn’t sleep, not now. I got up and
walked into the kitchen, “May I help you?”

She smiled and shook her head yes, “Wash
your hands first, please.”

“It smells so good,” I said as I washed my
hands.

“Then you are on the mend. Cyrus says you
eat like a bird,” she smiled as she needed the dough.

“He …I don’t understand how I,” I stopped
talking, “Your son looks like you. He is also very kind like
you.”

“Cyrus is kind?” Joe chuckled and I looked
at her waiting for her to continue, “My boys are boys. All are
wonderful, thank you.”

“Well you must have done a wonderful job
raising them.”

She laughed, “They raised me as well. I was
just about to turn nineteen when Cyrus, my first son was born. And
thank you Tara, there is no better compliment to a mother than you
just gave me.”

I smiled and watched her cut the dough in
strips. “You want to help form?” I looked at her curiously and she
smiled, “Like this.”

Joe showed me how to make her garlic knots,
“There’s a lot.”

“Ahh yes, I have four sons who all eat like
horses. Hard to cook smaller amounts but this will be good, we can
freeze some and you can heat them up when you’re hungry, Tara.”

“You don’t…”

“Shush…I want to. I love to cook, Tara. Life
sometimes gets too busy. Speaking of, Tara what is your dream
job?”

“Ummm, I don’t really know. But I can work.
I don’t know if…”

“Have you had a job before, I mean
besides…dancing?”

I felt my face turn red. I hated that she
knew, I don’t know why but… “That was not something I ever aspired
to become. It was just…that’s not who I am. I really don’t know who
I’m supposed to be. I have always…”

“Tara, I don’t want you to be uncomfortable.
We do what we need to do.”

I swallowed hard and I needed a minute,
“Would you excuse me please?”

I walked quickly into a bathroom and closed
the door. I was in there for a while when I heard her talking, I
heard her say his name. Immediately feeling like I would be
alright, I opened the door when I realized he wasn’t here. She was
on the phone.

“Cyrus she’s in the bathroom…I think she’s a
little upset…no Cyrus! You made choices with this girl and now you
need to step back…I’m your mother you will listen to me…You will do
what it is you said you would. See that she is safe and step away--
it’s what’s right for her…Friends? Cyrus Steel you’re not a stupid
man…No those feelings are not friends…No, you do as you’re
told…give her what?...Fine…no, I’ll do as you ask but you now stand
by what you say it is you want her. Goodnight, Cyrus.”

I waited a few minutes and was about to walk
out when I heard another voice.

“Bell asleep?”

“Yep and I’m here for a sleepover. Did Cyrus
call?”

“Yes, he’s a stubborn, stubborn man.”

Carly laughed, “So is Jase, he’ll get
there.”

“You’ve tamed Jase.”

“I wouldn’t say he’s tame.”

I heard Carly laugh and then Joe did, “Men
are funny creatures.”

I walked out and they both stopped and
looked at me. I cleared my throat and forced myself to smile, “I’m
tired.”

Joe and Carly both immediately walked up to
me and reached to feel my head and they laughed which somehow eased
my worry.

“You’ll eat first, Tara,” Joe laughed as she
walked away.

“You better listen to her, or you’ll be in
trouble,” Carly smiled and I followed her into the kitchen.

We sat at the table and Carly’s phone rang,
“Hello….yes…yes…fine. Tara it’s for you.”

Joe scowled at the table as I took the
phone.

“Hello,” as soon as I heard him I wanted to
cry and when for the second time he said my name .

“You there, Birdie?”

“Uh huh,” I managed.

“Cool, you feeling better?”

“I guess,” I answered quietly.

“You need anything, medicine…”

“No, I want to just go, just leave. I’m an
adult.”

“You’re a human being, you’ve been through
some shit Birdie…”

“We were supposed to talk about what’s next
and you left. I can’t. No…. I won’t be someone’s problem anymore.
I’m leaving I’m…”

“The fuck you are!”

“Thank you for everything…”

“You sit you’re little ass still Birdie! I’m
working on some shit here. Your fucking video is down, your fucking
piece of shit ex is next. I’m doing shit I said I would-- now you
sit your ass still damn it!”