Cyrus (13 page)
She seemed more relaxed now, and I felt it
too. I sat against the headboard and looked at her, she was still
checking out the art.
“You said we can’t do that anymore,
but…after everything you know…you still want to be my friend?” her
voice squeaked and she looked up.
“I would really like that. I’m pretty sure
Carly would as well.”
“Okay,” she tried not to smile and failed
miserably she let go of my hand and covered her face.
I couldn’t help but smile, “Thank you.”
She uncovered her face and looked confused
briefly and then reeled it back in. “So if we’re friends and you
know….what do you know.”
“I know, life hasn’t been easy Tara Gardner.
I know your parents died when you were little…”
“Five,” she looked down and scowled and took
a deep breath and forced a smile, “I was five.”
“Yeah I know.”
“Okay, so now you tell me something.”
“Are we playing a game?”
“Well, if we’re friends, I think,” she
stopped and giggled, “I never really had friends, I mean Tony was,
or I thought he was. What do you and your friends talk about?”
“Well nothing I can talk to you about now,”
it was true, I’d been inside her, on her.
“So sex, that’s what you and your friends
talk about?”
“Yeah pretty much. Sad, isn’t it? See you
need a few Carly’s,” she laid down and rolled to her side towards
me.
“I kind of like Cyrus. So tell me about this
one,” she pointed to the outline of a ship.
I don’t know if it was out of exhaustion or
guilt but I told her I had been in the Navy and that was what it
represented.
“The mirror has six pieces,” she began.
“Please, not that one,” I couldn’t talk
about that not with her, not with my family, not with anyone.
“This one?” she pointed to the wave.
I held her hand against my rib stopping her
little exploration, “Not tonight. You got one, when you’ve figured
them all out you may not want to be my friend Birdie.”
She giggled, “I’m pretty sure that’s not
true.”
“You went to your old house?” She looked up
at me swiftly, “I was trying to find you, remember?” She shook her
head yes, “It was your’s, right?”
“A long time ago,” she put her head on my
chest and I wrapped my arm around her pulling her closer
,
friends do that right?
“So the little yellow room, was that
yours?”
She swallowed hard, “I didn’t go in.”
“Birdie you gotta see it,” I rubbed her
arm.
“I’m afraid if I do and it’s not the same,
all my memories will be fantasies and then I would have nothing,”
she whispered.
“Then tell me why you came here?”
“I—I didn’t have anywhere else to go.” her
voice cracked and I didn’t wanna push.
“Alright so tonight you’re gonna sleep and
tomorrow we talk about keeping you safe and then we figure out
where you wanna go next Birdie, the sky’s the limit.”
“Okay,” she relaxed against me and I knew I
should be a better man and get up and leave, but I wasn’t.
I woke shaking, cold I was so cold. I got up
and walked into the bathroom and got a drink when I came out I saw
Cyrus on the couch with his phone, a notebook, and a pen on his
chest.
I walked closer and saw he had written
Rights to video, how much
House, who owns it why is it empty
Cemetery, flowers and shit
Get her back home,
Job ? School ?
Find out what it’ll take to keep that
bastard away and make it happen!
Fix that MOTHER FUCKING tattoo
Keep her safe and stay friends
Mission completed
He opened his eyes, “You okay, Birdie?”
“I’m cold, I was just going to figure out
how to turn up the heat,” he stood and walked over to the
thermostat.
“It’s seventy five in here, you sure you’re
aright?” he felt my head, “Birdie, you’re burning up. Come on,
let’s get you into bed.”
I laid down and cringed, “It’s cold.”
“Alright,” he laid down next to me and
pulled me against him, “Body heat.”
I couldn’t stop shaking, and he held me
tighter , “You gotta fever Birdie, don’t move I’ll be right
back.”
As soon as he moved I felt like I was in a
snow bank, naked.
I pulled the blankets tighter around me and
he was back, “Okay, I’m having some Tylenol sent up,” he pulled the
blanket to the side and I buried my face in the mattress, he laid
on top of me as I shook, “You’ll be fine, ten minutes tops. You got
this alright?”
My teeth chattered, “You’re gonna get sick
if you’re in here.”
He laughed, “Birdie, if I’m gonna get sick,
it’s gonna have nothing to do with this right here all right, I’m
pretty sure I’d caught it earlier. Try to sleep and tell me if I’m
crushing you.”
“You’re warm,” I managed to say.
“Yeah, you’re pretty warm too, Birdie.”
I woke to Cyrus rubbing my back, “Okay
little Bird, you gotta sit up for just a minute, your fever is one
hundred and two degree’s. Motrin will help.”
I didn’t want to move, but I didn’t want to
tell him no, he was being kind.
I sat and he held a cup with a straw, “Open
up and take a drink.” I did and then began to shake again,
“Alright, lay back down so I can warm you up.”
He woke me again another time and did the
same thing, “Every six hours okay? Sorry about this.”
“Thank you,” I laid back down and felt him
immediately on me, warm, comfortable, and feeling safe.
~
I sat up and the room was still dark.
“Yeah she’s pretty sick…I have no idea…nope,
I’m not gonna bring her back yet I’m gonna let her rest and make
her eat something…Carly, when she feels better alright?...I get
it…No but thanks for the advice…you’re a pain in the ass…I don’t
know, let me check…” I saw him grab my bag and go through it.
“Says fourteen on the undies…no-- Jesus you
saw her…I don’t know…fuck you C she’s twenty…How the hell am I
supposed to know, maybe it’s girls or European…Honest to God, I’ll
deal with it you just…fine, damn you fit right into the Momma role
don’t you?...Yeah I know…Small, the t-shirt says small…Carly she
didn’t have a bra…no those things are real perky and not little,
about the size of my hand…You fucking asked…shoes…hold up…five, it
says five… One more thing, could you please buy her adult clothes,
she’s not a kid…I swear to God C when I see you…Yeah, Yeah, Yeah,
I’ll be thanking you…She and I are gonna be friends, good friends
C, don’t fucking push…You don’t wanna know the answer to that…or
that…good God C, not that either…yeah talk to you soon.”
He hung up and sat back and ran his hands
through his hair. I could sit here and look at him all day, but I
had to pee.
I walked out and he jumped up, “You feeling
better?”
“I think so, I have to use the
bathroom.”
When I came out he had something in his
hand, “Come here Tara, I’m gonna take your temperature.”
He held the back of my hand still as he
pushed thermometer in my ear, “Ninety nine, better than it was. You
hungry?”
I couldn’t help but giggle, “You eat a
lot.”
He gave me a smirk, “Gotta maintain my
girlish figure. Now get your ass in bed. You an eggs and bacon
girl? Pancakes? What’s your fancy?”
“I’m really not…”
“Tough shit Birdie, tell me or I’ll pick,”
his browse raised challenging me.
“No toasted cheese or tomato soup,” I raised
mine back.
“Oatmeal?”
“If that’s what you want, that’s fine,” I
laid down and covered myself.
~
When I woke I looked at the clock, it was
nine thirty. He was sitting across the room in a chair with elbows
resting on his knees as he was looking at his phone, reading I
suppose.
I sat up and he looked up, “You’re lucky
there’s a microwave in here. Toast probably tastes like shit but
eggs, bacon, and oatmeal should warm up good. You wanna eat in
here?”
He left the room as I answered, “Sure.”
I sat back feeling content, happy even. I
closed my eyes and thought about a memory, or an imagined time I
felt like this. I don’t know if it was a book my parents read me or
it was because when I lived with the Todd’s their son watched the
movie The Lorax over and over again, but I knew I loved the story
and that it made me feel like everything would someday be alright,
that someday, I would have enough air to fill me.
I looked up and he was walking in with a
tray, I felt my eyes heat, and knew that this was a feeling that I
couldn’t get comfortable with. Every time I had in the past, it had
come to an end. The Todd’s divorce, the Greens move out of state,
the Steinberg’s health issues, the Shaw’s financial crisis when
they lost their home, the death of Solomon Goodwin followed by the
breakdown of his wife Helen, there were so many.
“Birdie, talk to me, were friends now right?
Tell me what’s eating you,” he was kind, he was a good man.
I tried to smile and shrugged, “Just
thinking I guess.”
He held the spoon up to my mouth, “Take a
bite and then tell me.”
“I don’t want to talk about it, and I really
am not that hungry,” I swallowed back tears, “Please not now.”
“You eat and I won’t ask you another thing,”
I took a bit, “Good, huh?”
I smiled even though I really wanted to just
curl up and cry. I don’t know what’s harder, knowing that it was
all going to fall apart, the false security-- expecting it to. Or,
waiting for it to happen and not wanting it to.
I ate a few more bites and he handed me
bacon, “I’ll throw up.”
“You a vegetarian?”
“No, I haven’t eaten much in the past few
days and I know it’ll all come up if I over indulge,” I smiled,
“When do we have to leave?”
The way he was looking at me I didn’t know
if he was angry, or disgusted but it made me completely
uncomfortable.
He took in a long deep breath, “You feel up
to traveling or you wanna chill till you feel better?”
I sat back and hugged my legs and started
taking deep breaths, “Why…where…I have no idea where I’m going. I
have no idea why you’re doing this for me. All I know is that I’m
thankful and I really would like you to tell me when you’re leaving
so I can try to figure…”
“Listen to me Tara, one last time. We’re
friends, and I don’t have a time frame here, it’s whenever you’re
safe and on your feet. Today I promised to take you back to the
cemetery, I want to swing back by the house you grew up in and then
if you’re feeling up to it we head back to Jersey. Carly and Jase
are living together now that they’re married, so her apartment is
available: that’s where you’ll be staying. It’s safe, it’s warm,
it’s furnished. When we get you back there, you decide what you
want, I’ll help you do it. That’s it, nice and easy, you wanna take
over her place, we figure it out.”
“I don’t have a job,” tears swelled in my
eyes, “I don’t want to cry.”
“If you want one, we’ll find one, and Tara,
from what I understand it’s perfectly natural for girls to cry. As
your friend, it’s my job to let you, so go ahead Birdie, cry. Just
don’t take off again, I need to know you’re okay.”
I started crying and he held me, “I’ll repay
you, someday.”
“I know, but right now Birdie let’s just get
you better.”
I knew he not only meant physically but
emotionally. I also knew I could trust him, real or imagined right
now, I didn’t care, “I’m done.” I wiped my eyes and stood off the
bed, “We can go.”
“Back here tonight?” he asked as he
stood.
“No, I need to move forward.”
~
Cyrus stopped at a corner store to grab
snacks, he said he was hungry, that man could eat, and that thought
made my face flush. I was lost in thought when he tapped on the
window, “You gonna let me in?”
I pushed the button unlocking the door and
he got in, “Sorry.”
He handed me a bouquet of flowers, “These
are for your parents grave, not last night.” I was sure my face
turned an even brighter shade of red, “Sorry, I mean, you get it
right?”
“Yeah, thank you that was very thoughtful,”
I looked over and he smirked.
“These are for last night,” he handed me
some sort of candy and laughed.
“Razzles?”
“Yeah, I used to smoke after sex, nasty
habit. So I decided I would take up a less dangerous one. Good
stuff,” I wasn’t sure why he bought three bags of them unless…
“Birdie, I’m joking.” He reached over and closed my gapping
mouth.
I just sat there and had no idea what to say
and I was thankful he started talking.
“Okay, so I make jokes when I’m nervous. And
I fucked up which makes me nervous. I’m not saying I didn’t
completely enjoy every bit of last night, because I did, I just
want to make sure we can be friends, be comfortable with each
other.”
“Okay.”
“Last night you asked me about the
tattoo.”
“You don’t have to.”
“Well since I know everything about you, I
thought maybe I could share. My Dad died a couple years ago.
Hurricane rescue shit I volunteered for and he insisted on going.
That’s what that one is about.”
I reached over and grabbed his hand, just
like he had mine when I was upset, “I’m sorry.”
“Me too Birdie, me too. So I know what
that’s like, losing someone you love. But the shit kicker is, if I
hadn’t gone, he wouldn’t have. So I have blamed myself for it…”
“It’s not your…”
“So I hear, still sucks though you
know?”
He was opening up to me, telling me his
secrets, “Death sucks.”
“Hey Birdie, we’re here.” He threw the Jeep
in park and turned facing me, “We go in, you say what you need to,
you cry if you wanna, and then we move on,” he didn’t wait for a
response, he reached over and felt my head, “Still warm, so we’re
gonna do this fast, you can come back after your settled, lets
go.”
