Cuts Run Deep (13 page)

My pulse spiked the minute I heard the knock on the door. I stopped writing, my hand suspended over my notebook, the ballpoint pen dangling from my fingers. Damn that Zach. He had led me to foolishly believe that I was in the clear; that the cops wouldn’t want to talk to me. When school was out today he walked me to my car, assuring me that Tanya was the only person they’d want to talk to in our group. And like an idiot, I bought it hook, line and sinker.

I figured he was right. They’d already gotten to Tanya, so it would stand to reason that if they wanted to talk to Zach or me they would have done it by now. Besides, I was sure that Tanya had given them more than enough information. Probably talked their damn ears off. It’s not like they’d need any more information.

I’d gotten home from school less than a half hour ago. After eating a snack, I headed to my room to do homework. Mom was still hovering, but today I let it slide a little. It wouldn’t kill me to let her fuss over me a little. Besides, I was in a better mood than yesterday. I thought I was in the clear. I’d even started to breathe easy again. The crushing feeling on my chest dissipated a little.

Now it was back. In fact, it wasn’t just back. It was worse.

Holding my breath, I listened to Mom’s feet shuffling on the carpet. I heard the click of the door as she opened it. A low male voice spoke to her. He said my name. She let him in, and she was walking toward my room. I felt sick. Like seriously sick. Like so sick bile rose in my throat, burned the back of my tongue. I gagged, forcing it back down.

My door popped open. Mom’s face was drawn and pale. “Tyler, a detective is here to talk to you.”

I nodded, smoothing out my facial features. As I stood, my gaze fell to the phone sitting face up on my desk. I reached toward it, wishing I could text Zach, to ask him what the hell I should say. But then I dropped my hand. No way could I text him now. It would make me look guilty. No, what I needed to do right now was stay levelheaded.

Following behind Mom I forced my breathing to slow a little. I concentrated on each breath, the way it sucked in through my nose and blew out through my mouth. I counted my steps, paid attention to my heartbeat. Anything to try to keep myself composed. If I lost it now it was all over for me.

When the detective came into view, my heart arrested in my chest.
How was I going to do this?
I’d never been good under pressure. I always cracked. Oh, god, if only I’d never gone with Zach and Jackson that night. What had possessed me to get involved? That’s not even my type of thing. I didn’t like violence or confrontation. I was the quiet one, the shy one. How did this even happen?

A part of me wished Jackson had never sought Zach and me out that day. At the time I was happy. Our friend was finally back. At least that’s what I thought. But now I wished he’d stayed away from us the same way he’d done for months. Then maybe none of this would have happened.

It all stemmed from that moment. That one decision. It was like a damn game of dominoes. When I was a kid, Jackson and I would line up my dominoes all through the family room. Sometimes we made elaborate curves and designs, but sometimes we just made a long, straight line. Then we’d bump the first one, it would hit the next one, and pretty soon they’d all go down.

It was exactly what happened with us. One event led to another, then led to another. And pretty soon we were all going down.

I have a confession to make. I’ve done something pretty damn terrible. But I can’t tell anyone. Not ever. Especially not Piper. She’s the last person I ever want to know this. 

So I’ll write it in here where it’s safe. And then I’ll move on, and I’ll never speak of it again. Deal?

I guess in order to tell this story I have to start at the beginning. And to do that I need to go back to the day that Piper told me the truth about Bentley. As badly as I don’t want to remember that day or any of the awful details of what that monster did to her, I have to share it in here. It’s the only way you’ll understand. It’s the only way to justify what I did.

Just trust me. You’ll see.

I’d been sneaking into Piper’s room at night for weeks. She had been having nightmares again, and she confessed to me that the only night she didn’t was that one night when I slept next to her. At first I had been angry with her for not sharing this sooner. If I had known, I would have been with her every night. But then she told me that she hadn’t said anything because she was afraid that if I started sneaking out every night I’d get caught. And she was worried that if that happened my parents would never let me see her. I couldn’t be upset with her after that. Her fear was valid. My parents still hadn’t warmed toward her. If anything, they’d grown colder.

One night she had a bad dream even though I was holding her. It was the first time that had happened, and it scared the shit out of me. She started writhing on the bed, her face scrunching up with fear. I woke her quietly, scared of arousing her parents. When her eyes popped open it took her several minutes to realize it was me and not Bentley. And she kept muttering something about how she knew I’d finally find her; that she knew I’d finally get her back for what she did.

I gently shook her shoulders and assured her that I was Jackson, not Bentley. Finally her eyes widened, clearing, as if she was coming out of a trance. The relief that swept over her features when she realized it was me was the most beautiful sight in the world. She threw her arms around me and clutched me tightly.

After she calmed down, I stroked her arm and kissed her forehead. Once she nestled into me and her breathing returned to normal, I asked her what she did to Bentley that would make him want revenge. For a few minutes she was quiet, and I feared she wouldn’t tell me. But then she peered up at me with those green eyes of hers and spilled the entire story.

She told me all about how she and Bentley met, and what he did to her at the party. I had to grip the side of her bed when she told me to keep from lashing out. I ground my teeth together and imagined strangling that bastard with my bare hands. I knew that if he was still alive, I would get my hands on him at some point. There was no way I’d let him get away with hurting my girl.

And then she told me how no one had believed her, and I got even angrier. So angry I felt it pumping through my veins, red and hot. When she stiffened in my arms, I knew this part would be the hardest for her to share, and it made me curious. What could be worse than what she’d already said?

Rolling over, she looked into my eyes and made me promise I would still love her after she told me the next part. That’s when I realized that for her it hadn’t been hard to share with me the way she’d been violated because she loved and trusted me. What was hard was the thought that I wouldn’t want her anymore. That what she did would cause me to turn my back on her. It only made me love her more. I kissed her softly, trailing kissing all over her face and lips. And then I convinced her that nothing she could say would ever make me not love her.

Appearing satisfied, she took a deep breath and then told me how a week after the rape she took a knife from her house and drove to Bentley’s. It was late at night and everyone in his house was sleeping. So she snuck in through his bedroom window and stood over his bed, wielding the knife. She promised me that her goal had only been to scare him, but honestly I didn’t care. The asshole deserved to die for what he did. However, I told her I understood because I knew that’s what she needed to hear.

She explained to me how she stood over his bed with the knife and softly spoke his name into the air until he woke up. Her plan had been to use the knife to threaten him until he swore to tell the truth. When he saw her he freaked out and started screaming. She tried to shush him, but he wouldn’t listen. Pretty soon his parents came rushing in, and there was Piper standing over his bed holding a knife.

So they called the cops on her. Bentley told the cops his version of the story - that they’d slept together and then he broke it off causing her to go psycho. Everyone believed him, including her parents, and people started harassing her constantly.

That’s when she tried to kill herself. In fact, she said she used the same knife she’d brought to Bentley’s that night. She called it poetic justice. She had hoped Bentley would get the symbolism and feel bad. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that he never would have. Guys like that never feel remorse.

But he sure as hell was going to feel something when I was through with him.

The detective was really tall. He towered over me, his shadow obliterating everything around him. I swallowed hard, already feeling sick. My hands trembled at my sides. God, I was totally going to screw this up. If only they’d chosen to interview Zach instead. A thought struck me, almost knocking me over. What if they were interviewing us both? What if they were at Zach’s right now? Would he tell the same story as me?

Shit, we should have corroborated our stories beforehand.

The detective introduced himself, but I didn’t remember what he said his name was. I was too busy freaking out.

“Why don’t you have a seat?” Mom’s voice wavered nervously as she indicated the empty love seat to the detective.

Our family room was normally a comfortable place for me with its framed family pictures, soft couch, and flat screen mounted to the wall. But today it felt claustrophobic. I tugged at the collar of my shirt, sweat accumulating on my back and under my pits.

The detective sat down, his long legs bent awkwardly. We were not a tall family, and he looked odd in the small chair. Mom sank down onto the couch, and I took the seat next to her. For once I was grateful for her hovering. I scooted as close as I could to her, as if I was a little boy needing his mommy. When I was in third grade I got in trouble for horsing around in class. Mom had to come down to the school for a meeting with the principal. I remembered the way her presence calmed me, the way her smile took away my anxiety. It wasn’t quite the same today, but it did ease my fears a little having her here.

The detective stared right at me. His eyes were blue, and I could see my reflection in them. It unnerved me.

“Tyler, I need to ask you a few questions about Jackson Walsh.”

As if I really needed clarification for why he was here.
But I nodded.

“I understand the two of you were good friends.”

“Oh, the best,” Mom gushed. Then she flashed an apologetic look and shook her head. “Sorry.”

The detective smiled at her before returning his attention to me.

“Um…yeah.” My mind whirred.
Should I tell him that we didn’t hang out much this year, or would that sound like motive? Then again, if I made it sound like we were still best friends, then he’d want to know when the last time I saw him was. And I didn’t want to open that can of worms.
Finally, I opted for the truth.
“Well, I mean, we used to be. Not really this year.”

“Why is that?” the detective asked.

My stomach tightened. I hoped that was the right move. “Because he spent all his time with Piper. You know, you should probably be talking to her. She was always with him.”

“So you didn’t hang out with him at all this year?”

I swallowed hard, unsure of what to say. There’s no way I could tell him about the last couple of times I saw Jackson. Then again, he did use the words “hang out,” and I didn’t think what the three of us did could be described as hanging out.

It was January, and it was bitterly cold. I was at Zach’s house playing videogames. Rain pelted the windows, and wind howled like a dying animal. At first when we heard the knock on the door we assumed it was a tree branch scratching the side of the house. But then it became more insistent. With a raised eyebrow, Zach peered out the window.

“It’s Jackson,” Zach said, surprise evident in his voice.

“What’s he doing here?” The last time he came over he and Zach almost killed each other. My chest tightened.

Zach just shrugged and reached for the door. When it opened, a gust of wind blew inside. The magazines sitting on the coffee table fluttered. My hair blew up, and I shuddered. Jackson wore a hooded sweatshirt and jeans. He hugged himself as rain whipped around his body.

“Can I come in? I need your help.”

A curious expression crossed Zach’s face as he moved out of the way to allow Jackson entry. Once inside, Jackson pulled off his hood, causing water to drip on the floor. I dropped the video controller on the couch and then turned around, resting my chin on the cushions.

“What’s up?” Zach crossed his arms over his chest.

“Look, I know we’ve had our issues this year,” Jackson said. “But the three of us have been friends for a long time, and right now I need you guys.”

Zach glanced over at me, and I shrugged.

“Tyler, I’ve always had your back, haven’t I?” Jackson pinned me with a challenging look.

My insides twisted. “Yeah.”

Jackson turned to Zach. “And who was it that got you out of all that trouble freshman year?”

“You,” Zach mumbled.

I almost laughed at the defeated look on his face. He hated admitting that he needed anyone, but it was true. Zach got caught sneaking out freshman year. If it hadn’t been for Jackson’s smart thinking, he would have been grounded for life. But Jackson sweet talked Zach’s mom, pretending that Zach was just sneaking out to help Jackson out of a jam. She bought it, because Jackson is such a great actor, and all the parents loved him.

“Well, now it’s my turn. I need you two to have my back. Do you?” Jackson’s expression was hard, and I knew whatever he was going to ask us was serious. That alone made me want to say hell no, but I knew I couldn’t do that.

“Sure,” Zach answered.

Jackson glanced at me. I nodded.

“Great. Then let’s go.” Jackson rubbed his palms together the way he did when he was anxious.

Zach grabbed his coat off the rack near the front door.

I froze. “Wait. Where are we going?”

“Cherry Wood,” Jackson reached up, yanking his hood over his hair.

“The town? Isn’t that like an hour away?” I asked, still sitting on the couch.

Zach zipped up his jacket, shaking his head with exasperation. I wasn’t trying to be difficult, but if we were driving an hour away I should know why.

“It’s where Piper came from,” Jackson responded.

“Are you taking her back?” I joked.

“Yeah. You got her stashed in your trunk, man?” Zach nudged Jackson in the side with his elbow.

But Jackson didn’t even crack a smile. “No. There’s a guy there that I need to see.”

I didn’t like the sound of this. “Just see?”

“C’mon.” Jackson reached for the front door. “I’ll explain on the drive.”

“Let me grab us some snacks.” Zach hurried into the kitchen.

How could he think of food at a time like this? We were walking into this situation blindly.

“You coming or you gonna chicken out?” Jackson asked me.

“Bock, bock, bock.” Zach came out of the kitchen, flapping his arms. Chip and candy bags dangled between his fingers.

Standing up, I sighed. “No, I’m not chickening out. Let’s go.”

“All right. Road trip!” Zach hollered as we headed out into the cold. “It’ll be just like old times.” He sidled up to me as we headed toward Jackson’s car.

But I couldn’t share in Zach’s excitement. I knew this wasn’t some fun road trip. We wouldn’t be bonding and horsing around. I could tell by Jackson’s face that this was bad. We were walking into something dangerous, I was sure of it.

The first half hour of the drive Jackson was quiet. He blared rock music while Zach munched on chips. I sat alone in the back seat staring out the window, anxiety rising with each passing mile.

Finally I couldn’t take it anymore. “What are we doing, Jackson?”

“I told you I need to pay a visit to a guy in Cherry Wood.” He kept his eyes on the road, his hands on the steering wheel. But I saw his fist clench when he spoke, and that was all I needed to know.

“What did he do?” I asked.

“He hurt Piper,” Jackson responded, venom in his voice.

Shit. He was going to kill this guy. Panic settled in my gut. “What are you gonna do to him?”

“Relax. We’re just gonna scare him a little,” Jackson said, a small smile flickering. It’s the first time today I’d seen him smile, and it worried me more than the angry look he had before.

“How?” I asked.

“You’ll see.” He flicked on his blinker and moved into the right lane. Cars zipped past us swiftly on the freeway. I wondered where they were going - home from work, out to drinks with friends. Most likely they were not on their way to hurt some unsuspecting guy. Damn it, why did I get in this car?

“Do you think this is a good idea?” I pressed, hoping I could talk him out of it.

“Seriously, Tyler. Calm down. God, you’re a pussy,” Zach said in a harsh tone. “This guy hurt Jackson’s girl. He deserves whatever’s coming to him.” He slapped Jackson on the shoulder. “And we’ve got your back, man. Anything you need.”

“Thanks.” Jackson took the next exit. When the Cherry Wood sign came into view, I felt sick.