Cut Cords of Attachment (27 page)

Although Wayne had heard of codependence, he never thought it might apply to him. Maybe it didn’t. I invited him to consider learning more about codependence. Then he could decide for himself if there might be some growth potential related to emphasizing his own sense of self, even while in relationships with others.

Now that Rosetree Energy Spirituality had structurally altered Wayne’s aura, it became appropriate for him to enjoy the put-in: New concepts, spontaneous understandings. Perhaps, in this case, Wayne might pursue psychological healing around codependence, if he decided that was relevant to his personal path of growth in life.

Fortunately, there are plenty of resources for releasing codependent behavior, including support through the 12-Step program offered through
CODA World Fellowship
.

However, no resource can fully succeed until a client is freed from the energy dynamics of unbalanced giving. I could reassure Wayne that, however he approached change now, he would have greater freedom to succeed.

Why so optimistic? The toxic energy flows from his cord of attachment were gone forever.

Wayne understood. He felt hopeful about moving beyond old patterns.

Don’t underestimate the impact of conversations at Step 11 in cutting cords of attachment. Energy that locked old behavior in place will be gone for good.

Logical Consequences, No More

Having a discussion with your family member or friend isn’t the same as making an official diagnosis. You are learning a technique of Rosetree Energy Spirituality. That isn’t the same as being trained as a psychotherapist.

(If you were a qualified psychotherapist, you would know better than to give therapy sessions to your family members or friends.)

So remember. When you do Step 11 to Cut Cords of Attachment, your suggesting a logical consequence is just a discussion.

Another important point, Courageous Explorer, is to clearly appreciate the distinction between logical consequences and predictions. Any work you do to heal an aura can arouse fatalistic beliefs in a client. Some popular examples are:

• “I am supposed to suffer. It’s my bad karma.”
  
• “Everything happens for a reason.”
  
• “If I have a problem now, it is because I haven’t been positive enough.”
  

Some clients may not yet have developed much spiritual self-authority. Because you have accurately validated a cord of attachment from the present and past, these vulnerable clients may consider you an expert on predicting the future.

Instead of hearing, “Now you are free to create a new kind of relationship with your husband,” a client might hear, “I predict that the two of you will reconcile. You don’t need to change a thing. Your happiness (or suffering) is meant to be.”

If you are trained as a psychic, go ahead and make predictions. With a cleaned-up aura, your client will have more objectivity for evaluating your comments.

Otherwise, at any hint that your client expects a psychic reading, bring the conversation back to earth. Prod your client to think for herself: “Since you won’t have to be dealing with all that anger from your ex, what might you do differently with your love life?”

Back at Step 1, when we discussed setting an intention, I raised the idea of discouraging undue emphasis on “Meant to be.” Step 11 is where many clients begin to recognize the power of free will. Choice becomes greater when they are healed at the level of auras. Because cords of attachment can cause a person to feel helpless.

Wayne’s story is an example. While attached to his mother’s energy, he expected life to involve perpetual giving without receiving anything back. With his aura, and the cord pattern, configured this way, whenever Wayne looked outside himself for signs, guess what he would inevitably find?

Whether you take reality checks or look for signs—and I’ll admit to having done both, on occasion—remember that life always responds to our goals, words and actions. Step 11 speeds up this process of taking personal responsibility in the here and now.

Energetically, your client has become capable of making choices in ways that simply weren’t available before. This is what I mean by a logical consequence.

Encourage your client to discuss these possibilities, rather than feeling that any kind of growth or life change will automatically happen due to cord cutting.

TALE: The Drip

Have you ever seen someone in the hospital with an intravenous drip? Then surely you have noticed that clear plastic bag of fluid.

If that bag is labeled “Mother” or “Father” or “Spouse,” how much does the name on the label really matter? Whatever that bag holds will become part of the patient’s body.

Similarly, that old cord of attachment dripped into your entire mind-body-spirit system. It dripped away, day and night. Of course this affected your sense of self, your thoughts, feelings and actions.

From now on, you never will receive that subconscious, internalized drip, drip, drip. That is why your life can be different.

Consider Cord Dialogue from the Cordee

Most clients can readily understand how removing
their side
of a Dialogue Box could be life changing. But why would your client receive logical consequences from removing cord items from
the cordee’s side
of that Dialogue Box?

Let’s consider the energy implications of a cord of attachment. The whole show repeats, not merely words from one actor.

Having a cord, you might be compared to a star from a classic movie. Ever since it was filmed, you have been influenced by constant reruns. And, ouch, it was a horror movie!

Ever hear of Gestalt Therapy? This psychological model offers a fascinating approach to dream interpretation: Everything in the dream represents a part of the dreamer. In your client’s dream, he could be running away from a monster. Of course, he will identify with the victim. According to Gestalt Therapy, however, the monster also represents another aspect of the dreamer.

Similarly, each cord item in a Dialogue Box represents an aspect of your client, replaying endlessly within his aura. The rest of this chapter will provide practical examples of logical consequences that result from removing all cord items, including those from the cordee.

Finalize Divorce

I believe in divorce. (I’d better, having been twice divorced twice before settling into a marriage that works.) In one way, however, I completely agree with those who don’t believe that marriage vows can be broken: Energetically, divorce is never simple.

Despite legally divorcing a partner, patterns from that relationship continue through a cord of attachment. Grieving can take years, as with the death of a loved one, adjusting to a miscarriage or abortion, or accepting that someone close to you is an alcoholic.

Sometimes, the grief never seems to end. Given all you know now about cords of attachment, doesn’t that make sense? No divorce decree or death certificate will remove a cord.

So it is a great privilege to be able to
energetically
finalize a divorce like Emma’s. In Step 9, we looked at the Dialogue Box related to her ex-husband. Now let’s revisit those dynamics to consider logical consequences for the rest of her life.

CORD SAMPLE: Consequences of a No-Win Marriage

As you read the Dialogue Box, which long-term results occur to you?

1. Emma: I’ll do whatever I can to please you. Just pay attention to me. I need that.

2. Husband: No response.

3. Emma: Look, I’m working harder to please you. Isn’t that great? Isn’t it?

4. Husband: No response, he’s as far away energetically as he could be, yet still be included in the cord pattern.

5. Emma: If you don’t pay attention to me, I won’t have any value as a person. I’m begging you to pay attention to me.

6. Emma: I feel so worthless.

7. Husband: Interested in pornography. Keeping it hidden. “I have a right to my private life. Don’t interfere.”

8. Emma: I must have done something wrong. Until I find out what that was, I can’t forgive myself. I have to try harder and harder to make up for it, whatever “it” is that I’ve done wrong.

So Many Logical Consequences from One Cord

While discussing logical consequences with Emma, first I asked what she thought might change. Emma proposed, “It will be easier for me to let go of the relationship and date other men without feeling guilty.”

So true! But that’s just the start of potential logical consequences from cutting this cord. Listing possibilities, I’ll refer to the numbered bits of cord dialogue. Notice that consequences are grouped roughly in order of the Dialogue Box, except that I saved the most important consequence for last.

1. The begging pattern (Cord Item 1) can shift for all Emma’s relationships. When is she lavishing time and energy on somebody who doesn’t appreciate her?

Now it will be easier to recognize the pattern. She has more freedom to decide, “Maybe it’s enough that I’m in this relationship. I’m a wonderful person. No need for me to grovel.”

2. Awareness of Emma’s own value as a person (Cord Item 5) can increase. Her old cord contributed to a pattern of desperation, as if she had no worth unless she was loved by a man.

Might she now be ready to consider her life valuable, with or without male approval? (Emma loved this idea.)

3. The pattern of feeling worthless (Cord Item 6) didn’t help Emma’s self-esteem. Yes, she could relate to perpetual battles within herself, trying to “think positive.”

Now Emma won’t have to try so hard. She might also stop blaming her ex for “ruining her life.”

Divorced or not, that ex still made Emma feel bad about herself. Energetically that could change now.

4. What about the delicate—and common—problem of a husband’s use of pornography? (Surely you noticed Cord Item 7.) The problem was easy for Emma to recognize, but she hadn’t considered long-term consequence for herself energetically.

While the cord was in place, knowingly or not, Emma had an energetic connection to pornography.

No, she weren’t the one using the porno; it still affected her. After this cord cutting, Emma, might find sexual energy clearer for her own enjoyment of intimate moments.

Auric modeling
is a term I use in Rosetree Energy Spirituality, meaning that everyone reads everyone else’s aura subconsciously. (Of course, everyone can consciously learn energy literacy, to be able to do aura reading on purpose, just like regular reading of the words in this paragraph, “Gutenberg literacy.)

With the cord gone, consider the change to Emma’s auric modeling without any lingering traces of her husband’s need for pornography. If she chooses to date again, Emma is more likely to attract an appropriate man into her life. A man who doesn’t also have a porno addiction....

5. Constantly blaming herself (Cord Item 8). That could start shifting now energetically.

6. More objectivity about what really happened in the past marriage. (Again, related to Cord Item 8 being gone.) Emma might find it easier to assess that marriage objectively. Was it really worth begging for?

Clearer energetically, Emma could answer the question Ann Landers made famous: “Are you better off with him or without him?”

7. Most important, perhaps, Emma now had the chance to regain her personal energy reserves. Through the cord, she kept lavishing attention on someone who took without giving back (Cord Items 2 and 4).

Psychically, each person has only so much energy. I estimate that Emma has been surrendering as much as 10 percent of her energy every day to that ex-husband. Because of Divine Homeostasis, he will be okay now. While she, revitalized, will be far better than merely okay.

Search for Missing Social Skills

Could your client be missing important social skills? Cord items can warn you. As we explore this productive way to help clients, let our motto be, “Just because you didn’t learn something yet doesn’t mean that you can’t ever learn it.”

Here is a checklist to help you identify a client’s missing social skills. Each skill is paired with the
type of comment
you might make during Step 11. (Of course, you will add new skills and comments to this list, based on a particular client’s situation plus the unique wisdom that you bring to cutting cords.)

TECHNIQUE: 10 Essential Social Skills

1. Can your client
enjoy life on her own,
or does she feel she must always have a relationship of some kind, no matter how bad?

“Which way do you think you can attract a better quality partner: as someone with a desperate need or as someone who feels whole? What could be your next step to develop a stronger sense of self?”

2. Check for a reasonable balance of
give and take
in relationships.

“Demand that every one of your relationships contains fair amounts of give and take. If a relationship doesn’t return at least as much as you give, either change that relationship or let it go.”

3. Actively pursue
self-interest.

Invite your client to ask, about any relationship,
“What’s in it for me?”

With cord cutting, your client may spontaneously bring new common sense to old social patterns.

4. Has your client learned to stick up for herself during conflict?

If not,
“Whose job would that be if not yours?”

5. Exercise the right to
drop an outgrown or toxic relationship.

“What’s the worst thing that could happen if you broke off contact with that person?”

6.
Redefine
an obligatory relationship.

“If that relationship can’t be dropped, how can you change your expectations? What about changing one thing about what you say or do?”

7. Purposely choose
superficial relating
when this style is most appropriate.

Relationships don’t have to be all or nothing, either deep and best-friendy or totally dropped.

“During visits, what would happen if you just went through the motions, rather than staying deeply involved?”