Crystal Bella (25 page)

“
I can hardly look at you.”

He looked at her in the opposite way Ethan looked,
he looked harsh and judgmental. He was judging her and looking at her with contempt.

“
Don’t look at me with disgust, Jason. I know it’s sad. But the level of connection and love that I need you just cannot give. I don’t expect it from you anymore. I really don’t. But I can make a choice for myself even though it is not what you want.”

Jason just looked, un
certain what to say and right then Kali realized with what she had hoped for, from him, all along was an illusion of type. She had hoped for more and expected it, but the truth was he simply couldn’t give it. He couldn’t give something that he didn’t have or understand. The expectation for him to give something that he didn’t possess was a void equation and she knew it right then. She wanted to be heard, loved, understood, listened to deeply, and expected it, despite Jason not having the ability or understanding to give it to himself or to another. This was part of the consequence of having expectations, especially when those expectations were unable to ever be met.                                           

The taxi was waiting outside an
d she grabbed her bags and left.

She wen
t back for her last bag and that would be it.

Kali faced him. She looked at him for the last time.
When she looked she felt compassion, she also realized how strong she had become. In front of her seemed like a lost, young boy. She felt so separated from him but deeply understanding at the same time. She saw the girl she was then, when she first met him and the woman she was now.

Jaso
n could see this new woman also. The new strength that had emerged and it just made him want her more. She took a step towards him and hugged him and then she left.

She walked out and int
o the taxi, forever saying goodbye to that old life. Jason watched her walk away, the feeling in his stomach felt nauseous. He was certain he was going to throw up. He felt so pained and as he saw her walk away, all he could feel was devastation. Tears rolled down his face. He could never cry in front of anyone but the moment she walked away he felt a pain he had never experienced. He saw the detail of her beauty like never before. When he looked at her while she was walking away, her walk, her legs, her hair looked surreal and right then he didn’t know whether he could handle not seeing her ever again. She jumped into the taxi, she didn’t look back and the car went immediately. Tears rolled down his face. If he had ever understood Kali’s beauty it was right now. For the first time ever he understood her for the smallest moment. When he surrendered to the pain, he saw how gorgeous and pure she was. He saw her smile and those eyes deeper than ever before. Especially now when he realized he may not see them ever again.

Despite everything
that had happened he was still in love, and didn’t feel he would ever get over her.

~ CHAPTER FIFTEEN ~

DEATH

In San Francisco
Ethan was plodding around the house, Elisabeth was at work. He had dropped in to see her after his morning lecture and had helped her with a few jobs and now he was alone at home. It felt good to be by himself, he needed to relax. He felt so much was going on and he needed to stay grounded. He made himself a coffee. That often seemed to ground him and it was true it did have a grounding effect, and lots of water cleared the mind. His home felt so loving, warm and spacious that he could just hang out there by himself and feel wonderful doing very little. It was like a holiday retreat especially compared to his old place in Noe Valley which was more humming, urban cool. This was calm and his mother had decked it out so well. Ethan sat there having his coffee, he thought he would probably just stay home all day and wait for his mom to turn up and make dinner, or he would call up a restaurant and get some nice food delivered.

~~~~

Across town Lenard arrived at his home, he walked in and was greeted by his mom. His brother, Brandon was also there, in another room. He was the passenger on the plane who had sat next to Kali. His mother was waiting for Lenard and gave him a big a hug as she usually did. She asked how his day was, while she boiled the jug and offered him some snacks. Lenard mentioned his latest exam and that he had done very well. It was a happy household.

His brother Brandon walked in from his bedroom
.

“
Hi, Lenard.” Brandon said.

“
You’re back. How was your trip?” Lenard asked.

“
It was great thanks.”

“
Come on, Brandon don’t be coy. He did meet a lovely girl on the plane,” his mom said.

Brandon had been talking
to his mom about the most beautiful woman he had ever laid eyes on. It was kali on the plane.

“
Mom, it was only brief, but what a connection. The most beautiful woman I have ever met.”

“
Think you’ll see her again?” Lenard asked.

“
Probably not, but you never know. It made my trip, just knowing there is such beauty out there. Admittedly I froze, I didn’t know what to say, I was out of my league!”

Brandon’s mo
m gave him a little, “aww” and touched him in that motherly way.

~~~~

Kali was in her new hotel, she went up market. She enjoyed the luxury and the freedom of not having Jason around. She just wanted to be by herself and rest and talk to Ethan before she went to bed. She went down to the hotel restaurant and had a meal by herself and then she headed back to her room. She showered and as she put the bodywash over her body she told her body how much she loved it. She felt connected and she wanted to talk to her body as this was the part of her that was getting her around. She knew how people just took their bodies for granted, sending junk food into it, but worst was the negative thoughts and the stress they gave their bodies. So tonight she really wanted to appreciate her body on a deep level. As she showered herself and thought of Ethan, she could almost feel his presence. When she looked at her body it was like for a moment she was looking at her naked body through Ethan’s eyes and she saw how gorgeous she looked, how clear her skin was, how radiant it glowed and the smoothness of her body. She loved her body and she got the intense feeling of how Ethan felt when he saw her sexually, the intensity and the love and the attraction he felt looking at her.

She placed her
hotel gown on and wished that Ethan was there to take it off. He would be soon and they would have to come to a flash place like this. She jumped into bed and called Ethan. It was so exciting for them to talk. They felt like they were next to each other as they curled up in their beds and heard each other talk and breath. She told Ethan she was in a hotel and would be back in San Francisco in a few days. They were both really sleepy and were nearly falling asleep with the phone on their ear. Ethan blew out his candle and got back into bed. She turned her light off and they said goodnight. Ethan kept the phone near his ear as he went to sleep, he could hear her breath, she sounded so cute and they fell asleep both phones still on, hearing each other’s breath.

~~~~

They were both in the ether now. Ethan was standing there all alone when Kali zoomed in from nowhere from an impossible angle, they stared at one another with love. Kali grabbed Ethan’s hand and said, “I’m taking you somewhere.”

Ethan
was a bit surprised. Kali was leading the way and taking him towards a portal. They started to glide through the air, holding one another and they came to a portal. It was unknown to Ethan, this time Kali knew what was happening. A reversal of last time when Ethan took her through the portals. It was his turn to have to trust.

“It’s okay
,” Kali said.

S
he led the way and they went through the wall of light. Ethan could feel the uncertainty and the need to be clear and trust Kali with the four seconds of such immense power and intensity. He could sense Kali’s love just saying,
‘trust, trust me.’

T
hey came through the portal and beautiful images appeared on the other side. They went through another portal and when they come out everything looked a lot different. They saw images of the future around year 2035, they were both in love, Elisabeth, Halo, Amy, Christian and Carl were also there.

Then it went blank, a bit dark and Ethan wa
s reaching his hand out trying to find her, trying to reach her,
where is she?
Calling her name, “Kali Kali!”

He awoke
suddenly, all sweaty saying her name out aloud.

~~~~

Kali got out of bed in her new hotel. The moment she awoke she had teary eyes, something was big. It must be love she thought. She remembered the ether with Ethan last night and that immediately made her teary eyed again. It was everything, the beauty was escalating to a level she didn’t know existed. This was bliss, exciting but so deep and challenging also. There was a deep burning in her core now that was missing Ethan. It was getting really hard not to be around him. It was becoming almost painful.

She sat on her bed and just wep
t and cried. Cried for her past and the pain that she had given to herself for not listening more. But it was also a release of everything. She had been on this rollercoaster of highs and then meeting her ex-husband again, it just had to come out. She cried so deeply, it was her soul releasing but her body needed it too. She cried for Ethan because she loved and missed him so much. This love was at her core, in a depth like a water well where it just went infinitely deep and the emotions were like the water found bursting to the top. She laughed and cried at the same time. She felt like she had been given the ultimate fighter jet, the best in world, sensitive and powerful that few could fly, and it was hers but she had to say yes to the power of it.

She wanted to touch
herself and think of Ethan, she had to. It was what she needed, she wanted to feel close to him. She closed her eyes and envisaged Ethan touching her. She went into an almost dream like state and it felt beautiful and she put her hand down between her legs and felt joy for herself and the man she loved. After the tears it was the lightness she needed. It was great for her soul and just what her body needed.

Ethan could sense Kali. The mo
ment she touched herself he could feel her sexuality all the way back in San Francisco. He didn’t know what she was doing, he just felt passion and could sense her soft skin and curves. It just came upon him like a rush.

Ethan
was missing Kali too. He felt this sadness in his heart that started to crave her. He was missing her already. It was Friday and he last saw her on Monday. He had seen her in the ether and that was amazing but it also made him miss her more. He was craving her now. He needed her. She was like blood to his body, he couldn’t fathom life without her now.

~~~~

Ethan had a late morning lecture and then a free day. He picked up Christian on the way, dropped into Edgeoholic cafe, had a coffee and then went to college.

Kali had a lunch booked with a friend of her
s. She was an English woman called Katrina. She knew her briefly from teaching in Seattle. She was one of those great listeners and so polite and intuitive and she wanted to be with her today.

They had lunch for about an hour and she told her everything. She laughed the whole
time. She opened up and told her about Ethan. Her heart had told her it was okay to share and it felt so good to find someone she really trusted to let it all out.

Katrina listened and laughed and talked about her life also. After
their lunch she decided to buy some clothes, something feminine, high fashion and something Ethan would love. She went into a store and found a dress that just stood out to her. It was expensive but once it was on her there was no turning back from it. It made her look elegant and it showed her figure off too, but it was also Gothic in its feel. She noticed she had a lot of black on today, black shoes, dark watch, even her nails were black today. The dress was a light blue color and made her feel like a Goth angel, fairytale like. It was a boutique store that went more edge than formal, but glam as well.

She decided to wear it out of the shop. So she paid for it and put her old clothes in her new shopping bag and left. As she left the shop she noticed that for
about three or so minutes she hadn’t compulsively thought of Ethan as she was in the store. Nearly she thought, her outfit was for him too.
You do this me Ethan, I cannot think of anything else.
He consumed her, her thoughts, her body and heart. She just couldn’t stop thinking about him.

Ethan Jumped in his car after
finishing his lecture and went towards the beach. He didn’t have his togs with him but decided he would just jump in the sea in his boxers. He needed space, openness, water and went towards that.

Kali walked in her new outfit
. She was smiling to herself thinking of Ethan and she looked ahead and saw the high rise buildings, the light shining through, the ocean in the distance and the sprinkle of cloud in the blue sky. Right then everything looked and felt perfect. She felt peace in her heart as she looked with the view before her and stepped across the road. She breathed in that view, it looked so serene and she stepped onto the road, went to look left, but was suddenly hit by a pickup truck.

The cars were parked on the side and she could not see
until she stepped out and the driver of the pickup truck could do nothing but slam his breaks on as Kali was hit.

The impact was sudden. S
he flew through the air like a test dummy and then hit the hard concrete road. The driver jumped out in a panic. He was crying at what he saw. Kali lay there with blood pouring out her mouth. No one touched her, they were too afraid and they all knew no one could survive that and she would be dead. All the city noise just seemed to come to a halt. It was silent. Tears rolled down the diver’s face, but he was silent. All was quiet. It was like God had told the city to hush. Be quiet now, still your mind, my child has passed.

Kali died one minute after impact. She received no pain
, her soul knew she was leaving, and left her body a millisecond before she was hit.

~~~~

Ethan was driving his car with the roof down. He could feel this pain in his heart, it was pumping in him. Why was he feeling like this? He could hardly see as his tears were clouding his vision.

“
What the fuck am I feeling?” He screamed.

The
pain was harsh. He didn’t know what was happening. He used to get this all the time and pick up on the negative feelings of others. He could never understand whether they were his feelings or someone else’s. He could always sense when Christian or his mother were highly upset, he could feel it. But this came on like a tidal wave and he knew something was not right in his world. He knew Kali was not okay.

He screamed and cried
. He screamed out to God, “let her be okay!!”

He could
n’t see again as the tears rolled down his face. He couldn’t stop crying. He pulled up at the beach and jumped out.

He wept
and he couldn’t stop. He cried and cried. He needed to be near his mother, the pain was burning within him and he felt so lonely and needed support. Then he realized he had to find out what had happened. He had to get proof. Sometimes he used to hope his intuition was wrong, but it never was and in this moment the feelings were so powerful he had no doubt, he knew something had gone bad. His heart was telling him and he couldn’t ignore it.

He jumped in
to his car and turned the radio on. His heart said do it, so he did with caution. It had the news running and he listened. At the end it mentioned a young woman had been hit by a car on the road, down town, Seattle and the traffic was at a halt around that area.