Crimes of the Heart (4 page)

She held up a trembling hand. “Please, can’t we do this another time? I don’t think I’m up to this right now.”

Needing answers, he pressed her, “I’ve waited twelve years—”

“A few more hours, or days even, won’t hurt then.”

A needle of conscience poked his gut as she hugged herself tightly. Raking a hand through his hair, he said, “I don’t want to wait. Put yourself in my shoes, Jewel. I just found out I’m a father. Think of how I feel with all these things whirling around in my head.”

For a brief moment, she locked gazes with him. His middle clenched at the moisture gathering on her long, dark lashes. “I’m sorry, Devon. I never meant to hurt you. Not then and not now.”

Shockwaves rolled over him. “Then? You knew, didn’t you? You knew you were pregnant when I left and you didn’t tell me.”

She flinched. “I suspected.”

The betrayal she’d dealt him years ago intensified a hundred fold. “Why didn’t you say something, anything?” He didn’t wait for a reply. “You didn’t want me to know, that’s why.”

Disgust crowded in his throat and he had all he could do not to explode. Instead, he turned abruptly, and then walked away.

Exiting the stables, he headed toward the house. Her hurried footsteps followed him.

A tiny hand wrapped around his bare forearm, sending delicious shivers up his spine. “Devon, wait.”

He halted, trying to shake off the silky fingers along with the unwanted sensations coursing through his body.

“It’s not like you think.”

Whipping around, her clasp falling away, he asked, “No? Then tell me exactly what it was like, because, for the life of me, I can only figure I was never good enough for you.”

Wide, violet eyes blinked in stunned wonder. “That’s not true.”

“Then why couldn’t you tell your father about us when we first got involved?”

“He’d have never understood. I tried later. But you wouldn’t let me.”

“It was too late.” Devon gritted his teeth, trying to grab hold of the last vestiges of reason through the hazy fog of anger. “Even now you refuse to admit it. I didn’t have the money you loved so dearly.”

She blanched, and then shook her head. “No,” she said as if in pain.

“Oh, yes.” A seed of an idea sprouted in his mind.
I can take care of Jewel and the son I should have been taking care of all along. And I can have everything I’ve ever wanted.
Leaning close, he leveled her with a look. “But it’s all changed now. The tables have turned. I have what you want and you have what I want.”

Frowning, she asked, “I do?”

“Without a doubt.”
My family’s reputation will be restored with the next generation
. “Sean.”

Horror chased across her face, and then she cupped a hand over her mouth. Denial shone in her stare.

“I’d say it was a fair exchange, Jewel. My money and this house, for a chance for me to help raise my son.” He shrugged his shoulder. “Well, you will have to endure me as your real husband. Do you think you can do that for our son?”

Dropping her trembling hand, she appeared shell-shocked. “Are you proposing again?”

***

Every nerve and fiber in her body vibrated in dazed disbelief as Jewel walked into the kitchen with Devon on her heels. There was no sign of Sean or the cat.

The emptiness closed in, and the old clinging scent of baking sugar cookies rushed up to her. The awkwardness that had descended in the yard moments ago clung to her like a second skin. Shivering, she rubbed her arms, hoping to restore some warmth to her numb body.

“Cold?” He sounded as if he actually cared.

Stopping abruptly, she threw over her shoulder, “I’m fine, thanks.” Terrified, was more like it.

Repetitive clomping bounced down the stairs, alerting her to Sean’s whereabouts. He entered the room a few seconds later with the cat draped around his neck. A guilty flush stained his cheeks. “I was just exploring.”

So much like your father, always curious, always searching for something
.

“Did you find anything interesting?” Devon’s rich voice washed over her.

Sean’s face lit up. “I found your gear on this really cool bed.” He turned to Jewel, dislodging the animal. The cat leapt to the floor to perform figure eights through his legs. “Mom, you should see this bed. It’s built in under a window like a window seat, but it’s way bigger.”

Surprise lanced through her as she jerked her head to Devon.
My old room.
He quirked an eyebrow at her as if daring her to challenge his choice. The accompanying smile sparked a curl of heat coiling low in her abdomen. Her heart rate accelerated, thumping in her chest as his hooded gaze spoke of endless delights they had shared and, if it were up to him, they would soon share again.

Tearing herself away from his hypnotic stare, she cleared her throat, and then said to Sean, “Next time ask permission first before searching someone else’s house, all right?”

His scuffed his brand new sneaker along the scarred hardwood floor. “Sorry.” Sneaking a peek at his father, he asked, “Is this your place or are you just working here?”

“It’s mine.” The ring of pride in his answer could not be mistaken.

“Cool. So, you gonna fix it up and stuff.”

Devon nodded, leaning a hip against the counter and folding his arms across his chest. “I’ve got several of my crews showing up tomorrow to begin work.”

Frowning, Jewel asked, “Your crews?”

Twisting to her, he captured her gaze, holding steady. “My partner and I have a construction firm based in Texas. We travel all over the country working on special projects, mostly custom homes for the wealthy. I also design software programs for the industry.”

“No way!” Sean beamed from ear to ear.

“Way.” Devon answered with a smile in his voice, breaking the connection with her.

“Wait until I tell Kev He won’t believe it. Oh, Kev’s my best friend. He doesn’t have a dad, well…he does, but his folks are divorced and his dad’s in the Navy, so he hardly ever gets to see him.”

Jewel processed the fact that Devon had carved out a life of his own. Part of her applauded him for going from penniless to an obviously rich man. The other half shriveled up inside at the assumption he was like all the other power hungry, well-to-do men she’d encountered over a lifetime, including her father.
Would he take time for Sean or be like dad who ignored me because business and making the almighty buck was always more important?

As her son and Devon talked about computers, Jewel noted the jubilation written all over Sean’s face. He’d suffered his whole life not having a man in his world. She’d tried to fill the void, but knew the impossibility of it. No one could take the place of someone’s father.
Haven’t I learned that first hand? And Devon had, too.

A hollow ache behind her rib cage came to life, for her son, for herself. Her little boy had shouldered too many responsibilities trying to take care of her, thrusting himself into adulthood far beyond his time. He was missing his childhood.
He’s growing up too fast.

“Mom? Mom?”

Shaking off the well of despair that nearly engulfed her, she focused on Sean. “What were you saying?”

“It’s okay if dad has dinner with us, isn’t it? I mean you did put that big roast in the crock pot and everything.” He waved a hand around the room, pointing out the disrepair. “And all he’s got is this for now.”

Smiling tightly, she nodded. “Sure.” With that she acknowledged the obvious.
Sean needs his father. I can’t do anything about my own problem with mine, but I do have the power to give him what he needs the most: Devon. And, by the looks of it, Devon needed him
.

Devon winked at her, clearly sensing her unease, yet staking a silent claim over his son, over her.

Something churned inside of her. A long buried desire sprang forth. A tiny pocket inside of her yearned for a man who
wanted
her, who could fall in love with
her
. Now, gauging Devon’s relaxed, triumphant stance, she suspected she’d have to settle for a man who
needed
what only she gave him: The Wainwright sterling reputation in exchange for his redemption. His trophy.

Did she dare put her heart in harm’s way?

***

Inhaling, Devon relished the mouthwatering scents of pot roast, vegetables, baked apples, and cinnamon that still permeated her blue and white kitchen. The mingled scents reminded him of his impressions of a loving home, something he’d never had himself.

Collecting the dirty dishes from the small round table, Devon sensed the swelling tension mount between Jewel and him. She washed dishes, her back stiff and straight.
She doesn’t want me here, invading her space.

He couldn’t help but linger over her glossy black hair, small waist, and softly rounded hips in form-fitting jeans. Nerve endings danced as he imagined holding her in his arms again and caressing every inch of her lush body.

Trying to shake off the invisible web of passion swirling around him, he hefted a stack of crockery. As plates rattled together and silverware clinked, Devon took stock of her home. From the outside, the two-story duplex blended into all the rest in the long row of what once were factory houses. But he’d bet good money that the vibrant color scheme and plant strewned cozy atmosphere she favored set hers above the rest.

“Hey, Dad, what kind of yellow did you say your Corvette is? Kev wants to know,” Sean yelled from upstairs, having begged to be excused only minutes before so he could phone his best friend.

A smile tugged at his lips and his heart expanded.
Dad.
“Competition yellow. Hey, ask him and his mom if he can take a spin with us in, say, half an hour.”

He witnessed the slight flinch in Jewel’s shoulders as he drew near. A waft of roses tickled his nostrils.
Her scent.
In her stockinged feet the top of her head just about reached his chin. Dreams of her tucking her head in the space between his jaw and shoulder flashed through his mind.

Trying to banish his wayward musings, he admitted, “In spite of what you may think, I’m not about to strangle you. Although, I have to admit, it did cross my mind while we were in the stables.”

She swiveled to face him, encountering his gaze. Just as quickly, she turned away. But not before he detected the flash of something deep in her eyes. Fear? Guilt? Despair?

Her fingers brushed his as she reached for the pile of dishes. A current blazed up his arm at the soft touch. She gasped, apparently feeling a similar reaction.

A tightness knotted in his belly, part desire, part anger. “Talk to me, Jewel. You can’t go on trying to ignore me forever.”

A sigh escaped her parted lips, lips that used to taste of strawberry lip-gloss. He wondered if they still would. As she submerged the dirty plates in the steaming water some of the stiffness in her eased. “I hate being part of your vendetta. I’ve got nothing to prove to this town.”

“Well, I do.”

Turning to him, with suds dripping from her hands, she asked, “Why? What does it matter what they think? Why should you care anyway? You turned your back on everyone twelve years ago.” Pain laced her words, jabbing him in the gut.

Gritting his teeth, he said, “I was tossed out, on my ear. Or have you conveniently forgotten that?”

She squeezed her eyes shut as if trying to block out that night. “Oh, I remember. Very distinctly, as a matter of fact.”

“So, I didn’t have a choice.”

“Damn you, Devon, you had a choice, but you took the hard way just as you always did.”

“And you took the easy way out just as
you
always did.”

Opening her eyes, she sought his. Agony chased across her delicate features. “Maybe I did, but it was all I knew back then. All right, I confess, I was a spoiled little rich girl who got anything she ever wanted.”

“Including the stable boy,” he sneered.

Jewel jerked back. All the color drained from her face. “My God, is that what you thought?”

He raked a hand through his hair. “What else was I supposed to think? You asked. He coughed it up. I was just one more thing for you to add to your collection only daddy didn’t know until the end.”

She grabbed a handful of his shirt, wetting the fabric. “And he let us both have it, didn’t he? Why wouldn’t you tell him the truth about us then? Why wouldn’t you let me?”

Curling his hand around her tiny wrist, he felt the rapid pulse point.
Is it from being near me or the heated conversation?

Feeding her a dose of unvarnished reality, he watched closely for her reaction. “I didn’t want to go on being his slave. Or yours.”

She pulled free of him. Wide, hurt violet eyes and the tinge of gray pallor invading her complexion should have brightened his nasty mood, but all it did was convince him how vindictive he could be at times, especially around Jewel. Silently, he berated himself.

“I never treated you like that, Devon. Never.”

He couldn’t deny what she said. She never deliberately regarded him as such. But her father had. He’d also flaunted how he had taken Devon’s mother as his mistress in order for them to keep a roof over their heads.

And at eighteen he’d come to see the chains that passion created. He’d have done anything for Jewel. And he had. The last time he’d seen her he’d almost given in to her demands, but he had yanked himself back moments before disaster struck.
Moments before I bowed down to her old man and lost my self-respect, my dignity.

Dawning seemed to enter her expression. “You were testing me, weren’t you? To see if I’d cave in to his pressure, his demands to know some answers or to follow your instructions and remain quiet. You had to play it out in front of my father to show him the hold you had over me.”

“It worked.”
Wainwright had lost control. And, for a brief moment, I won
.

Deep grooves between her eyebrows marred the smooth skin. “At what cost? Us? What we had together? Did you ever really care about me or were you playing a game then, too? You once said you loved me. Was it just empty words to manipulate me to go along with your revenge? And what about…”