Crimes of the Heart (10 page)

Stunned wonder robbed him of speech and something inside him twisted. He never saw her like that, not really. His heart had always won over when it came to her, so much so he had nearly given up his vengeance just to go on loving her. But as much as it hurt, tearing his heart in two, he had to restore his father’s honor.

“Don’t look so incredulous. You said it yourself, I have what you want. A public marriage to me seals the Marshall name to the Wainwright reputation. All I am is a necessary annoyance while you get your family’s redemption.”

Necessary annoyance? He never thought of her like that. But he dared not tell her how he had really felt then or how happy he’d been since reuniting with her. “You’re right about the reasons why: the names, clearing my father, and being in Sean’s life. You’re the mother of my son and I intend to take care of you.”

“So I’m your responsibility now, is that it?”

He didn’t like the sudden chill in her tone. “I owe you. And now I have the money to keep you in the lap of luxury.”
I couldn’t do it then, but I can now. I can give you all you ever wanted, all you deserve. I can make your dreams come true
.

With her mouth agape and her eyes wide, he sensed he’d said the wrong thing. She didn’t wait long to prove it.

“I don’t care how filthy rich you are. I don’t want your money. I will live in your house, raise our son, and be your wife, but that’s all. I won’t take one red cent from you. I don’t want your trinkets either or should I call them bribes. Not the new car you offered me, or the wardrobe, or the three-carat diamond, or selling my part of the beauty shop just to please you so I don’t have to work any longer.”

A deep hurt sliced through him, cutting his insides to shreds. She was throwing back the only things he could do for her. “You’re my wife I have a right to—”

“Don’t you understand, Devon? It was never about money, not then or now. Not for me anyway. I will never be a burden to anyone else again in my life, especially you.”

Confusion swirled around him. “I never said you were a burden.”

“You didn’t have to; you showed it all too well by leaving. You wanted out, but didn’t know how to get it. Well, you got it all right and kept it for twelve years. Now when it’s convenient for your needs you rush me back to the altar.”

Raking a hand through his hair, he turned away, and then headed to the window to gaze out into the dark, starless night. A deep well of sadness spilled over; in a way she was right. Softly, he said, “I can’t deny it, dollface, if it weren’t for our son, we’d have been in divorce court this past week.”
I would have done that for you, given you the quick, painless ending you should have had so long ago.

Silence stretched to unbearable lengths. With his back to her, Devon could only imagine what she was thinking. But he sensed how she was feeling; he knew with a certainty how he’d hurt her, knew it in his bones as if they were connected. A wave of remorse engulfed him.

“But you said…my name…”

Cursing under his breath, he swiveled around, wondering how he’d ever thought that telling the unvarnished truth to a dreamer would get him anywhere. Colorless now and huddled in the chair, she seemed so small and fragile.
Just like she was all those years ago.

His heart twisted and his protective streak emerged as it had in the past. Tempering his explanation, he said, “I thought you should have a second chance at happiness. At love.”
Because I sure the hell couldn’t give you either, then or now.

Rising, she moved to him on unsteady legs. “You mean because you’d already bought the house and property, don’t you?”

Her unusual skepticism cut him to the core
. How much damage did I do to her?
“No.”

“You had the trophies you always wanted. But since you found out about our son you figured one more wouldn’t hurt. In fact, it would only benefit your crusade in proving yourself to everyone,” she lashed out.

The throb of pain in her voice tugged at his core.
It sounds so cold, so calculating. Is that how she sees me now?
“Damn you, Jewel, for making me feel when I don’t want to,” he muttered, battling the rage of emotions churning inside him.
You could always do that to me, make me feel when no one else could.
At this moment, thinking how everything she said made perfect sense, he saw her view clearly and hated himself for the thread of truth in it.

Tears gathered in her beautiful violet eyes. “Why don’t you want to feel, Devon?”

He realized she didn’t want to know just for curiosity’s sake. She seemed to be desperate for an answer to his age-old problem. “Because it hurts too damn much to feel.” His voice broke and he fought for control.

“That only makes us human.”

“Well, I don’t want any part of it.” He knew how ridiculous it sounded, but he couldn’t stand to have his heart ripped open for a second time where she was involved.

She sucked in a sharp breath. “That’s what you’ve done, haven’t you? Shut yourself off from people, from your emotions all these years. You tried to even back then, but—”

“You wouldn’t let me. You just wouldn’t let it rest. No, you had to go and give me a Valentine card every year in school when no one else ever did. You had to be nice to me and make me
feel
special when everyone else went out of their way to avoid me, the bastard son.” With every word he spoke to her, he tortured himself, revealing a part of himself he didn’t want to face, much less allow Jewel to see.

Moisture clung to her dark lashes, and then fell silently. “Why didn’t you tell me this before? Maybe I could have helped you then.”

“You did without even knowing it,” he admitted softly, afraid to say more, afraid to let all his defenses down. The bond she’d created between them with that very first card had survived years of heartache. He’d kept every last one of her homemade Valentines, having taken only them and his clothes that night he’d left town. And for the last twelve Februarys he’d made one for her without sending any.

His simmering emotions siphoned out of him in a long, deep breath. A weight seemed to have lifted from his shoulders, the confession cleansing his soul. Holding out his hand, he said, “Come here, dollface.”

Thankfully, she did as he asked, telling him she trusted him enough. He tugged her into his arms, cradling him close.

Her sigh said it all: They’d cracked through a barrier. “Why do we do this to each other?”

The silky feel of her negligee, the stirring scent of roses, and her softness didn’t help his condition one bit. In fact, he ached with need, his heart most of all. “I guess because we can’t help ourselves,” he offered gently, mindful of the fragile atmosphere.

When she tucked her head into the space between his jaw and shoulder, he closed his eyes at the sweet rush that swept through him.
Heaven.

“I want to make love to you. I can’t deny it. Hell, I couldn’t even if I tried.” Her soft chuckle vibrated through him and he smiled.

“I know, I want you, too.”

“But?”

“I don’t know how to just give my body and nothing else,” she whispered against his neck.

That admission stunned him. “I guess I knew that, it’s just surprising to hear you admit it. I don’t know what to say.”

“Can you just accept that about me and not question it or try to brush it aside?” Hope gathered in her tone.

“That’s all? Nothing but acceptance?”

She nodded.

Wonder flowed through him. She hadn’t asked him to give anything in return, not the same conditions for making love, nor anything that would compromise his will in any way. He had nothing to lose and everything to gain. But would saying it and doing it be giving her false assumptions? “All right, but you’ve got to understand I can’t promise more than I can deliver, dollface, understand?”

“I know that now, Devon. I know you don’t want to feel any more than you have to.”

Reaching up, he found the pins holding her hair, and then pulled them out one by one, dropping them on the floor. They hit the carpet with a muffled thud. Free of any restraints now, her glossy, black hair flowed over her shoulders. Tunneling his fingers through the length, Devon relished the rich, silky feel and the flowered scent drifting to him.

“Do you know how many times I dreamed of doing this?” he asked.

Her lips moved against his neck, sending a shaft of heat through his blood. “It can’t be half as many times as me dreaming about you holding me again.”

“I want you, dollface.” He couldn’t disguise the husky timber in his tone even if he wanted to. Feeling the shiver that raked her body, he pulled back slightly, forcing her to face him. A luminous quality shone in the depths of her violet eyes, causing a delicious curl of heat to knot low in his abdomen. “Do you remember what we used to say to each other when we had been apart for a while?”

Nodding slowly, she stared at his mouth and began the familiar script, “It’s been so long.”

“The first time I take you will be hard and fast,” he promised with a vengeance.

“And the second?” she asked in a breathy whisper filled with anticipation.

Leaning near, he brushed his lips across her soft ones. “Ahhh…the second will be slow and easy and last all night.”

She gasped. “And what if I want to taste you?”

A groan, long and loud, erupted from his throat. “Then you can have whatever’s left in me, baby.” With that he captured her lips in a searing kiss, drinking the sweetness she so willingly offered.

This embrace was bolder, more intimate than the earlier one. Hunger consumed him. He yearned for more. When she melted into him, Devon knew a moment of heady triumph.

Caressing her, he rediscovered every line of her, now rounder and lusher. Irritated at even the thin barriers separating them, Devon sought the ties that held her from him.

Shoving at his shoulders, she drew back. He gasped for air while honoring her the moment of hesitancy. Looking into her troubled expression tumbled Devon back in time. Her bottom lip trembled and she caught it between her teeth just as she did at eighteen. A chunk tore off his heart.

With the tender spot in him pulsing to life, he harnessed his baser male urges and concentrated on her distress. Gently he stroked her cheek, asking, “What’s wrong?”

Her hands covered her middle. “I’m not the same as I was.”

Throwing up his hands, he said, “Well, I’m not either.”

“No, you don’t understand. My body’s changed. There’s a couple of stretch marks.”

Something inside him twisted. “Oh, dollface,” he said, gathering her close to his chest. She clung to him. Closing his eyes, he buried his face in her silky hair. The flowery fragrance stirred his senses. “It doesn’t matter. To me it’s a symbol of your love for our son. You were so brave to keep him, not many women in your situation would have done the same.”

She pulled back. A fierceness entered her eyes. “I didn’t take the easy way out.”

Admiration beamed bright. “No, you didn’t that time. And you haven’t since then, have you?”

Devon didn’t wait for an answer. Trailing feather-like kisses over her face, he murmured, “This is what I’m going to do when you show me where you carried our son.”

Jewel’s heart hitched at the well of emotion in his voice. The concerns of earlier faded. In its place was a wealth of wonder at this tender, caring side of him, a side she’d thought had disappeared.

When he found the ribbons holding her robe together, she allowed him the access. With infinite care, he slipped the silky fabric from her shoulders. Each touch heightened her senses to another degree.

He cradled her to him, stroking the length of her in the negligee. Jewel quivered under his erotic ministrations. The heated imprint of his big hands sent a flood of liquid fire coursing through her blood. But it was the warming to the coldest regions in her core that stirred her the most. He filled the needy part of her soul.

With a calloused fingertip, he drew down one slim strap, then the other. She held her breath as the gown pooled around her waist. Letting out a sigh, she reveled in the feel of his hot skin touching hers. “Feels so good,” she murmured.

His hands skimmed down her arms, taking the straps with him and off her. Then he spanned her waist, gliding the silk over her hips and letting it sail to her ankles in its own caress. A rush of cool air made her shiver. But when he stood back and drank her in, his heated gaze sparked banked fires deep inside her. Delicious curls of anticipation swirled low in her middle.

“Beautiful,” he whispered huskily.

For the first time in her life she believed someone who gave her the compliment; it was there in his darkening green eyes.

As if she would break, he barely touched her as he returned his hands to her body. Slowly, he grazed her face, neck, shoulders, and then lower. Jewel gasped as his roughened fingers brushed her breasts, his thumbs lingering over the peaks.

“Ummm…bigger,” he said softly while feasting his eyes on her.

“More, Devon, please.” An ache grew in the pit of her stomach and spread out.

“Patience, my love, patience.”

At the familiar words he’d spoken to her so many times in the past, her heart swelled and her anticipation increased.

He dropped to his knees before her, his hands circling her waist. Suddenly his mouth brushed her belly. The unexpected action made her suck in. She looked down at the top of his head as he continued his sensual onslaught. He planted a row of kisses on the twin pale lines slashing her flesh. Wonder filled her at the sensitive gesture. Tears smarted the backs of her eyes.

Tunneling her fingers in his thick hair, she held him close, savoring the tenderness, the reverence. For long moments he kept up this special treatment. Then he rose, his breath coming in short, quick pants.

Lifting her in his arms, he moved to the other side of the room, stopping in front of the fireplace. He knelt, still holding her. “I can’t take much more of this. I’ve just got to have you.”

Jewel nodded as he gingerly placed her on the plush carpet. In one deft flick of his hand, he released the knot in his towel. It fell away. She gulped hard. Greedily, she scanned his hard, muscular body, taking in the sculptured changes. “Gorgeous.”