Crazy for Her (17 page)

That sounded easy enough. He tested the weight of her breast, molded it, traced the curve of it, flicked his thumb over the nipple, making it peak. His grunt was pure male satisfaction that he could make it do that. With his other hand, he stroked her leg down to her knee, amazed at how silky and soft her skin was.

Her gaze never wavered from his, and when he moved his hand to her curls and slid a finger along her folds, her eyes turned dark. His heart pounded, sending a roaring into his ears. She was so wet, and it was for him.

He’d tried thousands of times, but never in his wildest fantasies had he come close to imagining how it would feel to touch her, to feel her slick heat on his fingers. It was possible he wouldn’t survive being inside her, but he didn’t care. He found her clit and rubbed it with his thumb as he pushed his finger inside her.

“Oh,” she murmured. Her eyes closed and she pressed down on his erection.

“I need to be inside you, Dani. Now.” Her lips curved up in a dreamy smile, one he hoped to see often.

“Soon. I promise.” She opened her eyes and leaned forward until a breast was at his mouth. “Taste me.”

“I swear to God, you’re going to be the death of me,” he said, and sucked the nipple into his mouth. Cradling her breast with one hand, he stroked her back and bottom with the other while he licked her nipple.

Christ, maybe he should’ve added ice to his shower. He wanted his hands everywhere on her, wanted his mouth everywhere, wanted to learn her body, to memorize it, to love it. Would she make sounds when she came? Maybe call out his name?

She pulled away and he started to protest, but she moved her other breast to his mouth. “It was feeling neglected.”

“Can’t have that.” He lightly pinched the nipple with his thumb and index finger. “Your breasts are perfect, so beautiful.”

“Which do you like better, dark nipples or lighter ones?”

“These. I like these best.” Not that he had anything to compare hers with, but if he’d seen a thousand, hers would still be the most beautiful.

“That’s too bad. They’re darker and larger now because I’m nursing. Normally, they’re smaller and pinker.”

“When that happens, then those will be my favorite.” He thought he would very much like pink, pert little nipples.

She chuckled. “You have a glib tongue.”

“Yeah? Let me show you my tongue’s other talents.”

So far, he seemed to be pleasing her. Maybe men were born knowing how to love a woman, or perhaps it was because his first time was with this particular woman. She was subtly guiding him without making him feel like a bumbling teen, and he loved her all the more for it.

When she reached between them, slipped her hand under his waistband, and wrapped her warm fingers around his cock, he let go of the nipple in his mouth and hissed. He closed his eyes and tried to freeze the moment in his mind. The first time a woman was touching him like this was as momentous to him as man’s first steps on the moon. Christ, if the mere touch of her hands could make him feel like this, what was it going to do to him when he slid inside her?

“Time for these to come off,” she said, tugging on his trousers.

Logan couldn’t agree more. With her help, they got him naked. “Now what?” he asked, trusting her enough to voice the question. She was on her knees, maybe a foot between the parts of them he desperately wanted joined. “What now, Dani?”

Lowering her mouth to his, she licked her tongue over his. He tried to capture her, but she reared up and shook her head. “Now, a little foreplay.”

Wasn’t that what they’d been doing? Apparently not, because when she took him in hand again and rubbed the tip of his erection through her wet folds and over her clit, he understood she was teaching him a new lesson.

At thirty, he’d led a full life, or so he’d thought. He’d raised a sister, led men into battle, had faced death. Never in all his sorry years had he understood what he’d been missing until now. If he’d known, he might have turned his back on the vow he’d made at fifteen. Dani made him glad he hadn’t.

I love you
, he said in his mind when she sank down on him.
I love you.
The intense pleasure of having her wrapped all tight and hot around him was beyond description. Energy coursed between them, heating his blood. He raised his eyes to the stars, amazed at how bright they had turned.

Logan lifted his ass, trying to go deeper inside her. “Fuck me, Dani,” he growled, gritting the words out.

“That’s the plan.” She began a rhythm he had no problem recognizing.

“Damn, I’m sorry,” he said when his seed shot out like machine-gun fire. Embarrassed and unable to bear the disappointment he knew he would see in her eyes, he pulled her against him so her face was buried in his neck. “I’m sorry.”

She pushed away and sat up, still straddling him. Her smile was soft and sweet. “This time was all for you, babe. After you’re rested up, I expect reciprocation.”

He liked her calling him babe. Cupping her face with his hands, he leaned forward and kissed her. “Thank you.”

“Better than your hand?” she asked after snuggling against his chest.

Jesus, was she kidding?
Logan trailed his fingers through her hair. “Yes. Good God, yes. It was amazing, better than my fantasies. It was . . .” He tried to think of a word to describe the feeling but didn’t think such a word existed. “Powerful,” he finally said.

“It is that.”

Still nestled inside her, he stroked his hand down her back to her bottom. He was still semihard, and when he slid a finger along the crevasse of her ass, she shuddered and began to move. He was instantly full-blown hard again. She lifted up and he moved his hand to the front and found her clit.

“Yes, like that,” she said when he rubbed it in a circular motion with his thumb.

The rhythm of their dance began again, and her breathing grew heavy. As did his. The sky opened and rain poured down on them, but it didn’t seem she cared any more than he did. Water trickled down her skin. Unable to resist, he leaned forward and licked the droplets from her breasts. Suddenly her muscles clenched around him and she leaned her head back, closing her eyes.

“Oh God. Now, Logan. Now.”

He put his hands around her waist and thrust hard into her, watching her face as she came, imprinting it in his mind. The pressure built in his cock again and he climaxed with her.

“Jesus,” he rasped. “Jesus, Dani.”

She fell against him and he felt the pounding of her heart. Or maybe it was his. When they’d recovered their breath, he stood, wrapped her legs around his waist, and turned to carry her inside. He glanced at the table. “Hell.”

“What?”

“The condom. I forgot it.” Had pretty much forgotten his name.

“It’s all right,” she said, and nuzzled his neck. “The reason I had you take me to my doctor before we left was to get an IUD fitted, and I don’t think we have to worry about diseases. I’ve not been with anyone since Evan died.”

That information was music to his heart. “So you were already planning to seduce me?” he teased.

“I admit I had high hopes, and I don’t trust condoms, though I would’ve made sure you wore one if I hadn’t learned tonight would be your first time.” She gave him a mischievous grin. “Wanna do it again?”

“Now there’s a stupid question. What do you think?”

He walked them inside and straight into the bathroom. Lowering her down, he reached into the shower and turned the water on. Another first was about to happen. He’d never bathed with a woman before.

“Your bathroom is fantastic. Two of mine would fit in here,” she said, looking around. “What’s that?” She walked to the decorative shelves filled with mementos of his travels.

Logan watched her pick up the frame. Crushed between two pieces of glass was the rose she’d given him before his last deployment. Would she remember? She had met them at the base with two roses, a red one for Evan and a yellow one for him.

“In the time period I write about, the colors had meaning. Yellow is for friendship,” she’d said, and handed it to him, following the gesture up with a sisterly hug and a kiss on the cheek. “Keep Evan safe for me,” she’d whispered.

He had held his yellow rose of friendship, standing awkwardly by when she told Evan that red signified love before throwing herself in his arms. That night he’d pressed the flower between the pages of a book and carried it to Afghanistan and back.

Maybe if she’d given her husband the yellow one and whispered in his ear, it would have been Evan who returned to her. Logan wished to God it had been so, because he loved both of them with every fiber of his being and every beat of his sorry heart.

What would Evan say about her standing naked in Logan’s bathroom after being thoroughly fucked by his best friend? Because she was magnificent, every single part of her, and she’d never been meant for the likes of him.

The guilt he thought he’d banished returned with the force of a desert storm. What right did he have to love Evan’s wife? He turned off the shower and walked out of the room, through his bedroom, and onto the deck. A hard rain battered him and he welcomed the beating. It was no less than he deserved.

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

D
ani stared at the space where Logan had stood only seconds before. What had just happened? Jeez, he was one moody, difficult man. She looked at the rose in the picture frame. Was it the one she’d given him? If so, why had he saved it, and why had it upset him that she’d seen it?

She remembered the first flowers a boy had given her. Thinking herself in love, she’d wanted to save the corsage forever and had pressed it between the pages of a book. Where it was now, she didn’t know. Chad Mitchell, as it turned out, wasn’t her forever love.

Had Logan thought he loved her back then? If so, the guilt of being in love with his best friend’s wife would have been a heavy burden for a man striving to be noble. Then, when he didn’t bring that man safely home . . . She gave her head a little shake. That was without even touching on his belief he was defective because his mother’s blood streamed through his veins.

What did all this mean for her? She might be figuring him out, but she was more confused than ever as to what she wanted from him. Why did she keep falling for these alpha males who thrived on danger? Why not a nice man whose closest brush with death was driving his car to and from his nine-to-five office job?

She set the picture frame back on the shelf, wrapped a towel around her, and then went in search of the man who kept breaking her heart. Walking through the dark bedroom and not seeing him, she stepped up to the French doors and looked out.

Logan stood at the railing, wearing not a stitch of clothing, staring into the night. She imagined she was one of the privileged few to see a Greek god in person, and a naked one at that—and what a fine ass her hero had. She dropped the towel, walked out into the rain, and stood next to him.

“Logan?” His gaze stayed on the gulf; his lips stayed pressed together. Rain poured down around them and lightning flashed every few seconds in the distance. Thunder rumbled long and low, but she barely noticed.

“Logan,” she said louder, more insistent. “Damn it, look at me.”

“You shouldn’t be out here. You’re going to get chilled and then get sick.” He kept his eyes focused on the water.

Stubborn man. “Then it appears we’ll be sick together. Besides, it’s warm and the rain feels good.” No response. “Please, Logan, talk to me.”

He turned to her then, anger radiating from him. “You want me to talk? Fine. I made a mistake and I don’t like making mistakes. I should never have touched you. You can rest easy it won’t happen again. Now go away.”

She touched his arm, and his muscles tensed under her fingers. “Why? What if I want it to happen again?”

“You’re Evan’s wife!” he practically shouted, jerking his arm away.

That might be a part of his problem, but there was more going on in his mind than just the idea she’d once belonged to Evan. “I
was
Evan’s wife, past tense. I loved him, you know that better than anyone, but he’s gone and he’s never coming back. Would you have me spend the rest of my life alone because I was once his?”

Instead of answering, he went and picked up his wet trousers, putting them on. He grabbed her wrap and handed it to her. “Put this on. I can’t think straight when you’re naked.”

Hiding her smile, she slipped the garment on, although as soaked as it was, she was still nearly naked. A bolt of lightning struck nearby, and she shrieked at the loud boom of thunder that immediately followed.

“Christ, first I take advantage of you, and now I’m going to get you killed,” he said, and grabbed her hand, dragging her under the overhang. “Sit,” he ordered, and pushed her toward a deck chair.

There was something sexy about an alpha male bossing her around. Not that she would stand for it when it mattered, but at the moment she rather enjoyed it. He left, returning shortly with two bath towels; he handed her one and then lit the candle on the table between them. She rubbed the towel over her hair and then wrapped it around her shoulders.

Logan stared moodily out at the rain, not speaking. There was still another secret he kept close—the one he’d said he wouldn’t talk about ever—but she sensed it was the one at the root of all his issues.

No matter what happened between them, even if they didn’t have a future together, she at least wanted to part company knowing he had put all his demons to rest. He would never be at peace otherwise, and this beautiful man deserved to be happy.

Dani stole a peek at him. He stared off into the distance, his body taut, his jaws rigid, his lips pressed firmly together. Apparently it was going to be up to her to get the conversation going again. She leaned her head back against the chaise and sighed. Men.

“You should know, I take issue with your claim that you took advantage of me. I’m a single, consenting adult, and I assure you, I was eager to consent. But back to my question, are you going to answer?”

He finally looked at her, but his expression was blank. “What question was that?”

She tried to decide whether to sigh again or roll her eyes, but maybe it would be more effective if she just bashed him on the head. “You’re not stupid, Logan, so don’t act like it. You don’t want to answer, do you? You know it’s unreasonable to expect me to remain celibate for the rest of my life, and you think you should tell me I deserve someone better than you, but you can’t bring yourself to say it.” His eyes flared. Well, she’d hit the nail on the head.

“You can and should find someone better than me.”

“Why? What makes you so bad? From what I know of you, you’re an amazing man. You made something of yourself when the odds were against you, you raised a lovely sister, you’re one of our country’s heroes, and you created a company that appears to be highly successful. Best of all, you make an awesome paella. Where’s the bad in all that? And if you say it’s in your blood, I’m going to go find one of those guns I know you’ve got hidden all over the house and shoot you just to put you out of your misery.”

Logan was self-destructing and he knew it, but like a cruise missile locked on its target, he couldn’t seem to keep it from happening. All the things she’d just praised him with might be true, but it was all a facade, a false front he’d erected to fool anyone who looked at him too closely. She wanted to know the bad in him? Fine, he’d enlighten her. See how amazing she thought him then.

“That other thing, the one I said I would never talk about—”

“You don’t have to tell me,” she interrupted, but her eyes said different. She wanted to know his dirtiest secret.

He leaned forward and glared at her. “Oh, but I do. You’ve got it in your mind I’m some kind of hero. What would you say if I told you . . .” He couldn’t say it. Couldn’t tell her about that damned, godforsaken morning.

The woman he would willingly die for, the one who’d given him his first taste of the pleasures he’d listened to other men talk about, sometimes joke about, lifted her leg and stroked her toes over the top of his foot.

“If you told me what?”

Her toes found their way to his knee, and he stupidly wondered how far they might travel. His cock responded to her touch the way it had since the day he’d walked in the door of her cabin. Pavlov’s dog—that was him and it fucking pissed him off.

“Little girl,” he growled, “you’re playing with fire. I may be new at this, but I promise, I pay close attention.”

“Fire can be a beautiful thing.” Her foot crept up a few more inches. “If you told me what, Logan? Come on, I dare you to say it.”

“You dare me? Fine then. I shared a bed with my mother. Satisfied?” That should have the desired effect of sending her back to Asheville, so far away he might be able to find some kind of peace of mind and forget all that happened that night. In about a hundred years.

Between anger and intense arousal, she’d somehow managed to suck the confession out of him, the one he’d sworn would never be spoken of to anyone, especially her. And even then, he tempered his words, made them less crude than he’d intended.

Her foot stilled. “While I understand what you mean, and it may well be true, I don’t think that’s the whole story. Start from the beginning. Something like, once upon a time, this is what happened.”

How could she be so blasé about what he’d just said? Apparently she wanted it spelled out. Logan pushed her foot off his leg. Although he wanted to look away, he kept his gaze on her, waiting to see her disgust, waiting for the moment when he would know he’d lost her forever.

“Once upon a time, this is what happened. I woke up to find my mother’s mouth on me.”

“I don’t want to hurt your feelings, but I’m liking your mother less and less.”

What the hell was wrong with her? “Do you not understand what I’m saying?”

“Yes, I do, and that was a horrible thing for her to do.”

She didn’t get it. “I had a hard-on,” he snarled. “I was turned on by my mother’s mouth wrapped around my cock.” He couldn’t put it any plainer than that.

She would get up and leave now, and letting her go would be the best thing he could do for her. Drained and embarrassed, Logan exhaled and fell back against his chair. Unable to bear watching her walk out, he closed his eyes.

Tomorrow, he would send her home with Buchanan after all. Making love to her should never have happened, but he couldn’t bring himself to regret the night. It was everything he’d imagined, and everything beyond imaginable. Because of his training, his memory was highly developed, and every touch, every sigh, the very moment she’d shattered in his arms were imprinted in his mind forever. At least he had that.

“How old were you?” she asked softly.

He opened his eyes. She hadn’t left? “I’m done talking about it.”

“How old were you, Logan?”

A sigh escaped him. The woman could be relentless when she made up her mind to be. “Fifteen.”

“And you awoke to someone giving you a blow job?”

“Didn’t you hear what I said? It wasn’t just someone, it was my fucking mother.”

“But you didn’t know that at first. There isn’t a fifteen-year-old boy on this planet who wouldn’t wake up with a hard-on under those circumstances. What did you do when you realized what was happening?”

Jeez?
That was the extent of her reaction? “You’re not going to let this go, are you?” Why she hadn’t fled to her room and locked her door, he didn’t know, but when she held out her hand, he grasped it, holding on for dear life.

“No, I’m not. What did you do?”

“In my haste to get away, I fell out of the bed and broke my nose on the nightstand.”

“So other than a bump on your nose, what’s your problem?”

He couldn’t help it, he laughed. With it came an easing of the two-ton weight on his chest. “I think you’re daft. Why doesn’t this disgust you?”

The look she turned on him was fierce. “Oh, trust me, it does, but my revulsion is directed at your mother. What she did was sexual abuse of her son. That is in all ways despicable and inexcusable, but Logan, listen well because this is the most important thing I can say and what you need to believe. A child is never to blame.” She squeezed his hand. “Not ever. You did nothing wrong, so stop thinking you’re some kind of sordid monster.”

“I can still hear her words as I crawled toward the door, trying to get away. She . . . she said, ‘I’m sorry, baby. I wasn’t trying to kill you. I just need a good fuck.’ I always thought I’d done something to deserve her attention turning on me. I just couldn’t figure out what.” He sank back against the chaise, wondering if he was having a heart attack. He’d never thought to, wanted to, or planned to confess his dirtiest secret.

“Oh God. I said almost the same words to you. No wonder you were so upset. I’m sorry, I didn’t know.” Dani reached across the small table and placed her hand over his heart. “This heart of yours is pure, and you did nothing to deserve what she did to you. But, Logan, my words were the kind of play that happens between a man and woman attracted to each other. There’s a damned big difference in me saying them and your mother saying them. You get that, right?”

Not until now, he hadn’t. He’d lived with his shame for so long, he didn’t think it would be that easy to let it go. It wouldn’t go away overnight, he knew that, but for the first time, he thought there was enough light for him to find his way out of the tunnel. What could he possibly say that would tell her how much her words meant?