Crazy Beautiful Love (12 page)

Chapter 8

Logan

I was ashamed of
myself. For the first time in my life, I was ashamed of who I was as a human
being. As I drove, all I could think about was how I could have even
entertained the thought of getting Maddie pregnant for revenge. That wasn’t who
I was; I didn’t just ruin people’s lives. Especially not Maddie’s. I snuck in a
quick glance at her as I drove and I was struck at the intensity of emotions
running through me as I looked at her. I had well and truly fucked up this
whole situation; I wasn’t even sure what I was going to do now. I couldn’t stay
in her life. I didn’t trust myself or my brothers around her. She was safer
without me in her life. There was nothing I could do to help make her life
better.

“Where are we
going?” Maddie’s voice was open and I wondered how she could be so trusting. I
guess that was one of the negatives of sheltering your kids: they didn’t truly
know what danger looked and smelled like.

“I want to take
you to a field.”

“Oh.” She laughed.
“I suppose since we didn’t get to make love in the backseat.”

“No, this isn’t
about sex.” I shook my head and reached over and grabbed her hand. “Don’t get
me wrong, I love having sex with you, but that’s
kinda
all we know about each other. If we’re going to be friends, we need to …”

“Okay, stop right
there.” Maddie turned to face me. “You surprise me every single day, Logan
Martelli
. I knew you were a great guy.”

“I’m not a great
guy.” I denied her words. If she knew the truth about what I had been thinking
about doing, well, I’m not sure she would be so gushing then.

“So why are we
going to a field then?”

“It’s a special
field.” I smiled at her briefly. “Just be patient.”

“Okay.”

I looked at the
familiar surroundings as I drove and I could almost smell the pollen in the
air. The fields we passed were lush and green with dashes of colors, the
flowers were in bloom and they brightened up the otherwise dull fields. I got
excited as I pulled off of the road and down a street with a
Do not pass
sign. I stopped the car and
jumped out.

“Come on, we have
to walk from here.”

“Can we leave the
car here?” She jumped out of the car and looked worried. “What of the police
see it?”

“It’ll be okay.” I
laughed. “If you didn’t notice, we’re on a private road, pretty far from the
main road. The police won’t be coming.”

“Okay.” She looked
up at me with bright eyes. “So where are we going?”

“Follow me.” I
reached over and grabbed her hand and she smiled at me happily. For a moment,
everything almost felt normal. I felt like a regular guy, on a date with a girl
he liked, and everything was right in the world. The sun was shining, the birds
were chirping, and Maddie and I were happy to be in this moment.

“So what is this
place?” Maddie asked again, not able to keep her curiosity to herself as we
walked down overgrown path.

“It’s a special
field my mom used to take me to as a boy. Just me and her.” I didn’t look at
Maddie as I spoke, scared that somehow I would be too overwhelmed to continue
on this journey. “I always loved nature, it’s something I got from my mom. I
love the smell of the grass, I love the feel of the sun on my face, I love to
just be swallowed up by nature; it makes me feel like I’m a part of something.”

“It
kinda
makes you believe in something higher, doesn’t it?”
Maddie’s voice was soft and thoughtful as she looked around. “When I go
camping, I’m reminded that there is so much more to the world than whether I
get good grades or a new top.”

“Yeah.” I dropped
her hand and bent down to pick her a few flowers that were growing to the right
of us. “Like, take a look at these. Have you ever seen such a bright pink
before in your life? Look how vivid it is. It’s a pink that could punch you in
the face.”

“They are
beautiful,” she agreed, and smiled at me, a delicious, wide, gorgeous smile and
I felt a part of me melt inside. It was as if she had awakened in me something
that I hadn’t known existed. A part of me that was full of wonder and belief.

“And this one.” I
held the violet flower delicately. “This one reminds me of your eyes, it’s
purple, but when you look at it in a different light, it looks navy blue. So
beautiful and deceiving. Yet so lovely and captivating.”

“I hope you don’t
think I’m deceiving.” She smiled at me searchingly and my breath caught as my
heart constricted at the sight of her.

“I think the image
of you is deceiving,” I answered slowly, trying to explain it to her, as well
as to myself. “I think when I look at you, I see a beautiful, wonderful,
capricious girl. And all I can focus on is your impish smile. But then there
are times I look at you, and I see Maddison Wright, and I see a rich,
privileged girl. And I feel deceived, because how can I be falling for the girl
with the purple eyes if she’s Maddison Wright ...” My words trailed off and we
stared at each other for a while. I think we were both in shock, not because I
had voiced my inner turmoil but because I had admitted I was falling for her. I
was really falling for her, and I knew that a relationship between us would do
nothing but cause more trouble.

“So when I look at
you, Logan
Martelli
,” she began softly and then
reached over to hold my hands. “When I look at you, I see the handsome boy I
grew up daydreaming about. I see your dark blond tousled hair and green eyes,
and I think, this man is too handsome to be here with me. I think you can have
any girl you want. And you’re cocky and self-assured, and you don’t mind
throwing punches. And I think, he’s a player, he’s all about one thing. But
then I see that hint of a smile in your eyes, followed by an even quicker hint
of sadness and a whole lot of anger. And I think, this man, this man is
trouble. He’s secretive, and he doesn’t trust, and he’s a thief, and I know he
hates my father. And I think, what am I doing here? What do I hope to get out
of this? Am I just looking for a heartache?”

“I don’t want to
cause you a heartache, Maddie.” Her words cut my heart and I didn’t know what
else to say.

“I slept with you
on the first night I met you.” She shook her head, slightly laughing to
herself. “I tried to steal a cop car to get you to like me. I’ve cried and
almost begged you to be friends.” She leaned in towards me. “I’ve been slightly
crazy, and I told myself that it would be worth it, that it had to be worth it.
And just now, you made it all worth it.”

“I did?” I wanted
to step back from her. My head was starting to feel overwhelmed with emotions
and realizations.

“Yeah, you did.”
She grinned. “You just told me that you’re falling for me, too.”

“Too?”

“Well, you know,”
she laughed. “I’ve already fallen for you.”

“Oh, Maddie.”

“We deserve to
give this a chance, Logan.” She bit her lip and leaned in and pressed her lips
against mine. Her lips tasted like sweet mint and I closed my eyes as I kissed
her back sweetly. I pulled away from her and grabbed her hand again.

“Come, we still
haven’t gotten to the field as yet.” I didn’t want to continue talking about
us. I wasn’t ready to delve any deeper into our feelings. It was all too new
for me, and I needed to think. We walked for another ten minutes in
companionable silence and then I saw the familiar two rocks on top of each
other and stopped. “My mom and I put those rocks there.” I pointed over to
them. “We wanted to make a marker so we wouldn’t forget this spot.”

“Did you guys come
here a lot?”

“Maybe four or five
times.” My eyes glazed over. As I had gotten older, it had been harder and
harder for my mother to take me anywhere with her, especially once I became a
teenager. I had not wanted to come and visit fields with mother anymore. I
could still remember the last time she had asked me. I had been playing
videogames with Vincent, and I had been feeling particularly proud of myself
because I had bought the newest game out of money my father had given me for
helping him steal a brand new Toyota Camry. I had heard her arguing with my
father about letting me go with him, and she had told him she didn’t want this
life for her sons. She then came to my room and asked if I wanted to go on a drive
with her. I hadn’t even looked up from the game; I was still annoyed with her.
“I thought we could go to our field,” she had said, but I ignored her. She left
the room silently and had never asked me again before she died. That was a
memory that still pained me, and I felt my muscles tighten as I stared at the
rocks.

“It must have been
nice to come here with just your mom,” Maddie continued and squeezed my hand as
if she realized how hard it was for me to be here.

“It was nice.” I
nodded. “Let’s go.” I pushed through the bushes next to the rocks and held them
open for Maddie as much as I could. She squeezed through and we took a few more
steps and then I stopped and stared. There in front of us was the largest field
of sunflowers I had ever seen in my life, it seemed to go on and on, and each
sunflower seemed to shine even brighter than the next.

“Wow, this is
amazing.” Maddie’s eyes shone with appreciation. “This is so beautiful.” She
gazed around and gingerly touched the petals of a sunflower in front of her. “I
understand why Van Gogh painted sunflowers now.”

“They all look so
similar, but if you study them, they are all so unique. The yellows in their
petals, the oranges of the florets, all so unique if you stop to study them
carefully.”

“I don’t really
know much about flowers.”

“Me, either.” I
laughed. “Sad, really, but I couldn’t name half of them for you.”

“So are sunflowers
your favorite flower then?”

“Why, of course.
What about you?”

“Is it cliché if I
say roses?” She blushed. “Red roses are my absolute favorite.”

“They are the
flower of love.” I grinned at her.

“No one has ever
given me roses before.”

“Not even a
boyfriend?” I teased, trying to ignore the slight stirring of jealousy inside.

“Not a one of
them,” she laughed. “And I gave them plenty of hints as well.”

“What sort of
hints? Maybe they didn’t understand. You know how you girls can be.”

“Hints like, oh,
it’s my birthday coming up. I’d love it if someone got me roses.”

“Oh.” I laughed.

“Yeah, exactly.
Anyone who was listening should have known I would have loved to have received
some roses.”

“Good things come
to those who wait.”

“I sure hope so.”

“So,” I asked
casually. “Are you dating anyone right now?”

“Is that a joke?”
She gave me a weird look.

“No.” I looked
away from her. A part of me was wondering why I was going down this road of
questions. I didn’t want to go down this road, because I knew where it would
end up. It would end up with her asking where we were going, and what did I
want, and I didn’t want to answer that. Though I did want to know more about
Maddie. What was it about me that attracted her? What guys had she dated
before? Did she have a history of choosing bad boys? Was she one of those girls
whose goal was to fix her man? I knew I didn’t want to be that guy to her, though
I didn’t know exactly what role I wanted to play in her life.

“Well, no, Logan.
I’m not dating anyone. I certainly wouldn’t be sleeping with you if I was
sleeping with someone else.”

“So, you don’t
sleep around?” I knew the words came out wrong. I knew she may interpret my
tone as disbelief that she wasn’t easy. Even though that wasn’t what I meant, I
really wanted to know if she was interested in anyone else aside from me, but I
didn’t want to voice it that way.

“I know it’s hard
for you to believe, but no, I am not sleeping around.”

“So there’s no
one.”

“There’s no one.”
She rolled her eyes. “I’m just a single girl, having some fun.”

“I see.”

“You’re such an
idiot.” She pushed me slightly. “I like you, Logan. Don’t you understand that?”

“What?” I couldn’t
stop the smile on my face. “You like me?”

“Like that is
really news to you.”

“Well, you know,” I
laughed, “I’m a guy, I’m a bit slow.”

“Just a bit?”

“You know how it
can be sometimes.”

“So what about
you?”

“What about me?”

“So do you like me
as well?”

“Hmm, that’s a bit
of a hard question.”

“Logan
Martelli
!”

“I think I can say
that I like you.” I smiled at her warmly. “I think I can say that I like you
quite a lot.” I laughed at the words. If my brothers could see me now, telling
a girl I liked her like some pussy.

“A lot, huh?” She
grinned back at me. “Even though you were shouting at me just a few hours ago.”

“Well, you were
shouting at me as well.”

“Only because you
were shouting at me.”

“I’m new to
situations like this, Maddie.”

“Have you been in
a relationship before?”

“Of course. I’m
not a monk.” I laughed at the disappointment in her eyes. “I’m sure you
appreciate the benefit of sleeping with a man with experience.”

“I don’t want to
think about you sleeping with anyone else.” She wrinkled her nose.

“Just think about
me sleeping with you, then.” I pulled her towards me. “Just think about the
feel of me as I fill you up and pound you so energetically that you can think
of nothing other than the feel of my cock in you.”

“Logan.” She
laughed delicately against me. “Are you trying to turn me on?”

“Did it work?” I
winked at her and watched as she licked her lips. I wanted to feel her tongue
on me, and I groaned as I realized how turned on I was.