Cravings (22 page)

"No. You are right. I can't let myself be taken by any government. I'm… too
much temptation."

True, but I suspected he didn't mean it the way I did. "Open the glove box,
will you? Oh—it's this." I showed him. We had the registration and insurance
papers out by the time the cop turned his flashlight on us through the window.

I hit the button to roll it down. "Yes, officer? Would you mind—" I held a
hand up. "The light. I can't see you at all."

He lowered the flashlight enough for me to see that the face beneath the
Smokey Bear hat was young, but he had his cop face down pat. He looked as
friendly as stone. "Are there just the two of you in there, ma'am?"

"Yes, me and my nephew." I held out the papers that proved me to be a
law-abiding citizen.

He ignored them. "I need you both to step out of the vehicle, please."

This was not good. Officers never ask middle-aged ladies to step out of our
vehicles for a traffic violation. "What's wrong?" I made my voice breathy, as if
I were frightened. It wasn't difficult.

"If you'll just step outside the vehicle, ma'am."

I glanced at Michael—who had the most peculiar expression on his face. His
upper lip was pulled back as if he were about to sneeze, and his eyes were fixed
on the officer demanding our exit. "All right," he said in a thin voice. "I've
got him."

"Got—" I swung my head back. "Oh, my." The stone-faced cop was truly stony
now. Frozen.

"What should we do with him?" Michael asked. "I can't hold him very long."

I took a slow breath.
Steady
, I told myself.
You've seen
stranger things
… but at the moment I couldn't think of any. "What did you
do to him?"

"I froze him. You can ask him things," Michael said helpfully. "He won't
remember later, if I tell him not to. But hurry."

"Ah…" I looked at the poor, frozen young man and asked, "Why did you stop
me?"

"There's an APB out," he said. It was bizarre. His mouth moved, but nothing
else. His eyes stayed fixed on a spot near my left shoulder. "For your plate
number."

Great. "Why is there an APB out on my license plate?"

"You're wanted by the FBI."

Pete, the rat, had not been sufficiently charmed. He must have made a full
report, and now someone in the government wanted to get their hands on Michael.
The Unit?

Some other corner of the bureaucracy? "This is not good news. Michael, can
you make him do more than forget this conversation? Could you make him think he
misread the license plate and that I'm someone else altogether?"

"I believe so. He has no shields." Michael sounded professionally
disapproving, like a dentist whose patient hasn't been flossing.

A couple of long minutes later the trooper spoke again, his gaze still fixed
over my left shoulder. "Sorry to bother you, ma'am." Then, suddenly, he came
unstuck. He gave me a brisk nod and headed back to his car.

I slumped back in my seat. "That was weird. That was so weird." I watched in
the rearview mirror as the trooper's car pulled away. "If I'd known you could do
that, I would have gotten you to take care of Pete."

"I… didn't know I could, either, at that point."

His voice sounded funny. I straightened and looked at him. His head was
tilted back against the headrest, and he was almost as pale as he'd been when I
first found him. "Are you okay?"

"It always gives me a headache to do that," he said absently. "A real
mother—"

"Whoa. That's considered a very rude phrase."

"Oh. Is the word fuck offensive?"

"Yes, unless you're actually doing it, or about to do it."

"Odd. There are several words with a primary or secondary meaning involving
copulation that do not offend. At least I don't think they do. Screw, lay, sleep
with, mate, ball—"

"It's all in the context. Michael? You said 'always.'"

"I remembered… a little more." He turned his head to look at me. In the muted
light from the dash, his eyes had an odd sheen, almost reflective. Like cat's
eyes. "I performed the same spell on myself just before I came here. I didn't
know if my transit would be successful, and I couldn't let them… learn from me.
So I told myself to forget. But I was rushed. Something went wrong."

"You forgot too much?"

"I forgot how to get it all back." The twitch of his lips might have been
meant for a smile. "There are seventeen versions of this saying in the various
realms: whatever can go wrong, will."

"We call it Murphy's Law. You look wrecked." I unbuckled my seat belt and
stood. "I'm going to get you some ibuprofen."

"This is a remedy for pain?"

"Yes."

"Good. The nearest ley line is thin, hard to draw from with my head pounding.
And the Houston node is too distant to reach directly."

"Houston has a node?"

"Of course. So many people could not live so closely without one. They would
become insane. Though that node is well below the land surface, and the energy
is badly scattered. I suspect electricity… ah." His eyes lit up. "You brought me
the Coke to drink."

He had the oddest gaps in his knowledge. I had to show him how to use "the
Coke" to swallow pills. Then, abruptly, I shut off the engine and told him I was
going outside to think.

 

THERE'S so little real night left in the Western world. Here, halfway between
Houston and San Antonio, the sky was hazy, the stars thin. But the moon was fat
and profligate with its borrowed light. I started walking along the curve of
road that denned the rest area.

There were trees. I could hear a dog barking somewhere, far in the distance.
And all those noisy fireflies on the interstate swishing by, making good time on
their way to wherever. The grass was soft beneath my feet and the breeze held a
pleasant, green scent, but I missed the smell of the sea.

I ached.

Lord knows I should have been thinking about the fix we were in. I tried, but
my intentions kept scattering, then re-forming, lined up behind one thought like
iron filings obedient to the pull of the magnet.

I could have him. I could have Michael. He was willing, and I hadn't seduced
him into it. I didn't have to worry about hurting him.

Not physically, that is. I moved slowly, watching the restless branches of an
oak nibble the moon into lace. But that had never been my real worry, had it?

I'd long ago learned control. Whatever vital force I consume—and it's not the
soul; that's a ridiculous superstition—a healthy body can easily replace it as
long as I don't drink too deeply. Rather like a dairy farmer, I like to think, I
dine on what other bodies make naturally, without having to kill for my dinner.

But the worst hurts—the ones that don't heal—aren't physical.

I stopped and looked up at the hazy sky. I've had plenty of time to puzzle
out the moral limits of my condition, and ended up with something similar to the
Wiccan code. I try to do no harm. This means I leave married men alone. Also
those who show signs of real emotional involvement, those too young to make
responsible choices, and men too old or infirm to afford the loss of what I
would drain from them.

Michael wasn't depleted by his wounds anymore. He was young, but not so young
he had to be protected from his own choices. I stared up at a moon a few bumps
past full, tucked my hair behind my ear, and admitted the truth. I wasn't
worried about the consequences for Michael. I probably should be, but mostly I
was afraid for myself.

I was so tired of leaving. That didn't mean I'd like to be the one left
behind… and this wasn't his world.

Dammit. Dairy farmers don't fall in love with their cows.

The light in the rig came on behind me. I turned and watched Michael step
down, close the door behind him, and restore the semblance of darkness. He
walked towards me and my mouth went dry. "Is your headache better?"

"Almost gone." He spoke low, as if someone might overhear. "Have you finished
your thinking?"

"I haven't accomplished much." I hugged my arms to myself, though the breeze
wasn't cold. "I guess we could steal a license plate, if we get a chance before
the next cop spots us."

He moved closer. "It's the numbers on the license plate that give us away? I
can fix that."

That jolted me. "You can do that? Change the plates?" Transformative magic
was supposed to be impossible for anyone short of an adept—and there hadn't been
any adepts since the Codex Arcanus was lost, long before even I was born. But
Michael wasn't from here, was he?

"It would be easier to throw an illusion over them. I can cast one that will
fool almost anyone here." He put his hands on my arms. "You are chilly?"

"No. Yes."
Step back
, I told myself. And didn't move. "You're
remembering more."

"Pieces." He stroked his hands up and down my arms slowly, looking intently
at my face. "Are you warming?"

Oh, yes. "Could you cast a bigger illusion? Make the design on the Winnebago
beige, for example, instead of blue?"

"Yes. And then we could continue on our way. But I don't want to." His hands
slid up to my shoulders. He moved even closer.

Those iron filings were all lined up, pointing right at him. I suspected my
nipples were, too. My body longed for him. I was firm with it—firm enough, at
least, not to reach for the sweet, serious face so close to mine. "You don't
understand the dangers. We—we need to—Michael? What are you doing?"

"I like looking at your hair. I've been wanting to touch it." And he was,
drawing his hands slowly along the length of it, then tucking his fingers in so
that he cradled my head in his hands. "So cool and soft… you have smiling hair,
Molly."

It was getting hard to remember to breathe. "Smiling?"

"Every little hair smiles itself into curls." Yet he abandoned my hair for my
face, tracing it with the tips of his fingers, leaving tingles in his wake like
the phosphorescence that trails a ship. "Your skin is soft, too. But much
warmer."

"Michael." I tried to sound indignant. It came out husky. "Are you seducing
me?"

"God, I hope so." And he bent his head.

His mouth was a little sweet, a little salty, and wholly inexperienced. With
a sigh, I abandoned all my shoulds and shouldn'ts. Reason floated away with
them, carried off on a warm, gentle tide. I tilted my head, slid my arms around
him, and showed him how well we could fit.

As always, Michael was a fast study. And he adored kissing.

He had no inhibitions, no cultural context for a right way and a wrong way to
touch. So he touched me everywhere. My back, my breasts, my shoulders—every part
of my body fascinated him. He nuzzled my hair and licked the tip of my nose,
making me giggle. Then he kissed me as if he had no thought of doing anything
else, ever again.

If there's anything more seductive than a man who knows how to kiss, it's a
man who puts his whole heart and soul into learning. Finally I pulled my mouth
away. "There's a bed." I whispered that, hoping to hide the way my voice shook.
"Back in the rig."

"Mmm." He was sniffing along my neck, pausing now and then to lick or nibble.
"I don't require a bed. Oh." He raised his head. "Perhaps you do?"

My laugh was breathless. "I'm not sure I could make it there. Here is fine."
I tugged on his hand, urging him to the earth with me. "Here is wonderful."

I have all the arts, every skill a woman can use on a man. I was as giddy and
awkward as a girl being tumbled in the meadow by the young man she's been
walking out with. Together we rediscovered the mysteries of zippers and shoes,
removed socks and t-shirts, and made a nest in the long grass on the side of the
road.

Then we were skin-to-skin, and hunger turned from a sweet tide to a roaring
torrent. His body was a dream and a delight, but I had no patience left to savor
it. Energy rose from his flesh like mist around a waterfall, swirling, tempting,
teasing without filling me. My own skin was hot and desperately sensitive. When
he licked my nipple I arched up, then pulled him fully over me. His weight
pinned me, anchored me. His cock was thick and blunt, uncircumcised. It twitched
against my stomach. "Now," I said. "I need you. I need you inside me, Michael."

"You have me. Take what you need. All that you need." He propped himself up
on his elbows, staring down at me, his face tight with his own need. "Tell me
what to do."

"Like this." I opened my legs, using my hands to urge his hips forward. His
body knew, even if his mind didn't. The swirling energy sucked at me, setting up
answering tremors in my body, as my blood, bones, and flesh answered the call of
an unseen tide. "Come in. Come inside."

He thrust. Came into me. And the currents entered with him, and swallowed me.

Sex is God's way of reminding us not to take ourselves so seriously. There
are a thousand ways to arrange two sweaty, straining bodies. Each has its own
pleasures, and each is as absurd as it is delightful. Passion—real passion—is
different, and rare. It grabs you by the throat and shakes you like a terrier
with a rat. Then it flings you off, across the abyss.

If you're lucky, you don't break when you land. If you're very lucky, you
don't land alone.

I landed sobbing… held safe in Michael's arms.

He was stroking my hair, my side, my hand as I came back to myself. It took a
moment for his quiet murmurs to settle into words. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Please
don't… what is wrong, Molly? Tell me,
querida, mío tesoro, a chuisle mo
chroj
. Let me make it better."

I turned my head, which rested on his shoulder. "It's nothing. I'm all
right."

"I have heard of happy tears, but this…" His thumb rubbed some of the
dampness from my cheek. "… is not happiness."

It wasn't so hard, after all, to smile. I shifted, propping up on one forearm
so I could see his face. "Have you ever been around an overstimulated
two-year-old?"

He shook his head. "I don't know."

"They burst into tears for no reason." I traced his lip gently. "Now you've
seen an overstimulated three hundred-year-old do the same thing."

He considered that. "This is a compliment, I think."

"Oh, yes. And you were wrong. Part of the overload is happiness." I spoke
true. I've lived too long to spurn the good God's gifts—and moments like this
were just that, gifts of grace that fall like sunshine, unsought and unearned.

He smiled slowly. "Good." And he urged my head back onto his shoulder, and
stroked my hair.

How strange
, I thought. Here I was, lying on my side with a stick
digging into my hip and my lover's heart beating beneath my ear. I was sated and
sticky, my muscles lax and warm, my skin cooling. None of the physical
sensations were new to me, yet everything was new, fresh-minted.

How long had it been since I took a lover? Not a sex partner. A lover. I ran
my hand over his ribs, marveling. There would be grief later. I didn't care.
Loving was gift enough.

After awhile I asked, "What do you think of the name Sarah?"

"It means soul in one of the Indian languages, princess in Hebrew. Why?"

I shrugged my free shoulder. "I need a new name."

"I like the one you have."

"So do I. But I can't be Molly Brown anymore. I'm having trouble settling on
a new name, though."

"Names are important. I will give it some thought. Do you want…" His voice
drifted into silence even as his body tensed.