Crash Ride (19 page)

“Besides, I know you aren’t going to hurt me and you already said this was for the long haul and I believe you, truly I do.” My mouth refused to be still, the look on his face putting the fear of God into me. Please don’t think this is all too much work, please don’t regret being with me. “And as soon as the wedding is over, we’ll go public and it will all be fine and this will be just—”

“Megs, shut up.” He placed his hands over my mouth as I sat down on the bed beside him. Probably for the best, it didn’t show any signs of letting up. “I need you to tell you something and I need you to listen to me.”

My head nodded being my mouth was still covered, not that I think words would have been able to come out right now, I was so afraid of him ending us, I couldn’t talk.

Troy took a deep breath but kept his hand over my mouth. “I love you. I know we have only been together officially for a week but those feelings have been coming at me for a while. Nod if you are on the same page with me.” I nodded wondering if it was declarations of love we were sharing, why I couldn’t be free to declare mine.

My heartbeat starting thumping wildly as I waited for the “but” that was inevitably coming, the look in his eyes too intense, too serious to be simply wanting to tell me he loved me. Perhaps my self-assurances that he wouldn’t break my heart had been premature.

“So there is something else you need to know.”

I braced myself, wondering if he was going to go the this-isn’t-going-to-work-out or love-doesn’t-conquer-all route, either would hurt just as badly.

“We’re pregnant.”

“What?” My mouth mumbled against his palm as my brain screamed what the fuck. How the fuck can I be pregnant? I’m on the pill for fuck’s sake. We’ve been using condoms. We haven’t had unprotected sexy time yet. I don’t feel any different. When was my last period? Oh my God, I’m going to pass out. The garbled noises continued from underneath his hand.

“Megs, I’m going to take my hand away. Don’t freak out on me.” He slowly unpeeled his hand from around my mouth.

“What! What? How can I be pregnant?” My head shook in disbelief, I was no virgin so divine intervention was out. Not that I thought I was a suitable mother for the second coming but… “How?”

“I have no idea, but this file.” He picked up my blood work and opened it to the second page. “Says that you are.”

And there it was a
pregnant
followed by the letters hCG and a bunch of numbers I didn’t understand.

“I—I…” I had no idea what to say, my brain went into free fall.

“No, no I.” Troy took my chin in his hands. “
We
, do you understand me? Us— together. This is our baby.”

“I got pathology to take the blood but submitted the samples to the lab anonymously.” Words had started to come out but the voice didn’t sound like mine. “I said it was a patient of mine, a minor. They didn’t ask questions. My brother works in the ER and my dad… I didn’t want my name on the sample and people asking questions.” It seemed so harmless. It wasn’t the first time I requested an anonymous sample. It happens a lot when a minor is scared they might have an STD or knocked up (trust me the irony was not lost on me) and didn’t want their parents to know. Patient, doctor privilege meant it could happen. We used a coding system instead.

“You didn’t read it all the way through I take it?” Troy pulled the file from my hands, the papers scrunched at the edges underneath my death grip.

“I wasn’t looking for that. It’s on the second page. It wasn’t even a possibility, I just wanted to prove I didn’t have gonorrhea.”

“Well, good news — you don’t have gonorrhea.” He smiled like it was no big deal.

“This isn’t funny.” His calm or his smile didn’t reassure me this
wasn’t
a big deal. “How can I be pregnant when we have used condoms and I’ve been on the pill? That’s like zero chance. Do you have like super sperm or something?”

“Megs, we need to get you to a doctor. I don’t know what these numbers mean and we don’t know how long junior’s been cooking in there. You’re also going to need stuff, vitamins and shit.” He put his arms around me, pulling my body closer to his. “We are going to work this out, you’re not in this alone.”

“Do you want to keep the baby? This is a big decision, Troy, like a
life long
decision. We can’t just decide we’re done— we’ll be parents.” My fingers wrapped around his forearms tightly like I could some how extract the definitive reassurance I needed. This wasn’t playtime, this was real life.

“What part of we’re not breaking up did you not understand? You think even without the baby, I could just be done with you?” He took my face in his hands. “I said I loved you and I meant it. Marriage, kids, that was always in our future. Someone just hit the fast forward button.”

“You are too calm, why aren’t you freaking out? I’m freaking the fuck out. You know how crazy I can be, I’m going to be someone’s mom. That’s insanity of the highest level.” Holy shit, there is a baby inside of me. Puking right now would not be out of the question.

“You’re not going to be someone’s mom, you’re going to be our baby’s mom. And I’m calm ’cause life throws you a curve ball every once in a while, big deal. It’s not like we’re sixteen with no futures ahead of us. Money isn’t an issue, we’re both healthy and we love each other. So maybe the timing sucks a little, we’ve got to roll with it.”

He was so sure, not even the slightest hesitation. Part of me was mad that I was the only one about to hyperventilate, granted he had a few more minutes to adjust to the news before I did, and
he
wasn’t the one who was going to be blowing up to the size of Shamu.

“I love you.” I realized Troy had been the only one who’d said it, my wordless nod not really qualifying. “I want to have this baby—
our
baby.” It sounded so weird saying it but he was right, this wasn’t mine or his— it was ours.

To think my plans for the evening were a night of unrestrained sex, without a condom and then boom, I’m knocked up.

“Good, let’s get some sleep and see if we can’t get you an appointment tomorrow. I need to hold you.” He turned and pulled off his boots. The socks came next and then the shirt.

Woah. Sleep hadn’t been the plan, who was going to be able to sleep?

“Wait, sleep? But we were supposed to have sex. The whole getting pregnant is a non issue so there’s no concerns there.” Look at that, a silver lining. Let’s concentrate on that and stop with the no sex talk.

“As much as I want to, and trust me— I really want to— we need to wait until a doctor checks you out.” He stood and unbuttoned his jeans. They dropped to the floor, as did my hope for action tonight.

“People who are pregnant have sex all the time.” Valid argument, thank you brain for stepping in. Was good of you to finally show up.

“Yeah, but they knew they were pregnant and were taking care of it. We can wait. As soon as we’re given the all clear, I promise I’ll make it worth the wait.” Troy moved back on to the bed and pulled the covers aside and waited for me to crawl in.

“But I’m going to get fat and moody and then you won’t want me.” It was childish but I pouted, shoving myself into bed like an errant child. The moodiness had already started; we were in for a treat in the next nine months or so.

“You’re not going to get fat, you’re going to be carrying our baby and it doesn’t get sexier than that. Trust me, it’s going to be you who turns me down, not the other way around.” Troy crawled in and rolled me onto my side. We laid face to face, his arms around me, and his hard-on pressing against my leg. The danger of hyperventilation was back.

“I was wrong, you’re the one who’s crazy.” Or maybe we were both crazy. This poor kid didn’t stand a chance.

“We’ll see. Now shhhh, I need to love on my woman.” His hands moved up and down my back as he kissed my neck.

“Troy, I want our baby to have your last name.”

He stopped kissing me. “I was kinda hoping you both would.”

“Do you mean?” Tonight was not the night for misunderstandings.

His eyes said it loud and clear even before he opened his mouth. “Yeah.”

“Just so we’re clear, you’re talking about getting married, right?” Again, clarification was needed.

“That’s exactly what I’m talking about, but we’re not doing anymore talking tonight. Go to sleep, Megs, I promise you this will all be okay.”

He kissed me and with that kiss I believed him. Believed that it would all be okay.

The only thing more
ridiculous than hiding in Megs’s bedroom, had been sitting around with nothing to do but listen to her stumble over herself like an amateur. I loved my girl but she couldn’t lie for shit. So it was either crack open the file and find out what blood type she was, or walk out there and put her out of her misery. I never found out what blood type she was. The word pregnant had put the brakes on my future reading.

Wow. A dad. Mind blown. There you go, my life was about to change.

“Megs, I think you should probably lay down. The pacing is making me edgy, and I can totally see your ass from the split in your gown. Don’t think the doc is going to appreciate my hard-on if you catch my drift.” Nervous? Megs was about as close to a breakdown as I’d ever seen her.

“I can’t sit down. Sitting down does nothing.” She continued wearing a hole into the floor, her gown flapping open with each stride. We’d been here for a couple of hours, running tests and trying to find out answers, she’d been done with the sit still routine after thirty minutes. “What’s taking so long? I’m losing my mind.” The statement wasn’t necessary, I’d kind of guessed that on my own.

“You need to calm down. All the stress isn’t helping either of you.” Now she was making me nervous. The look on her face was not one I wanted to be seeing. I tried to coax her back to the bed and lay down. Yeah, that wasn’t going to happen.

“On top of everything else I’ve done? Troy, I’ve been drinking. I’ve taken birth control pills. I’ve been in smoked-filled rooms. I think the stress is the least of the baby’s problems. God, I’m a horrible mother and he or she isn’t even born yet.” She threw her hands up in the air as her feet kept moving. Nothing I said stuck, her head hell bent on thinking up worst-case scenarios.

“For fuck’s sake, you didn’t know.” It was an effort not to drag her to the bed and make her lie down. The guilt she was putting on herself was enough for me to want to toss the chair I was sitting on through a wall. “It’s not like you went out and did crack. It will be fine, let’s just wait and see what the doctor says before we go off the deep end.”

The sooner they gave us the all clear and we got out of here, the better. Seeing Megs like that did something to me I didn’t like. Like chest-thumping-macho-caveman shit that demanded I made it right.

“Good morning, Miss Winters.” The doctor strolled in the room with no fucking urgency and placed her files down on the desk. Wonder how long I can be polite before I tell her to hurry the fuck up and reassure my girl.

“Yes. That’s me, but you can’t tell anyone I’ve been here.” Megs’s feet had stopped moving but now her hands were getting the attention. Her fingers twitched as they locked and unlocked with each other. If a baby hadn’t been involved, I’d have suggested a double dose of Xanax.

“Miss Winters, I assure you, your confidentiality is safe.” Dr. sorry-missed-her-name-the-first-time-and-didn’t-care-enough-to-ask-again sat down. Once again, no fucking urgency. “You know that I couldn’t talk about anything that goes on here without your written consent.”

“She’s freaking out, Doc. Safe to assume anything you think she knows might need to be reiterated.” Figured I needed to light that fire under her ass and maybe get some intel on what we were dealing with.

“You’re the father I assume?” Wow, the woman was a genius, was her first clue me putting my hand around my girl and trying to get her to calm down?

“Yep, Troy Harris. I’m the father.”

“Megan, can I call you Megan?” She waited for a go ahead before she continued. “You need to relax and let us get all the facts before you start getting too excited okay? The unnecessary stress isn’t healthy for you or the baby.”

And where had I heard those words before? Oh, I know. They’d come out of my mouth not five minutes earlier.

“I just… I don’t understand. How could it have happened? I didn’t know. I didn’t suspect. Were the tests wrong, there can be false positives right?” Megs pushed her hands through her hair, still hanging on to the thread of denial.

It had been a fucking ordeal to convince her to call in a favor and get an appointment on a Saturday, but waiting till Monday wasn’t an option. The private clinic was happy to accommodate us for the right amount of green. It was a no brainer.

“Megan, I looked over your initial blood results and compared that with the blood samples we took this morning.” The doc looked at the paper work almost as if to prove her point. “Your hCG levels are consistent with you being five weeks pregnant.”

Any hope I had of calming Megs went out the window. “Five weeks? I’ve been pregnant for five weeks. I haven’t been sick. I had a period. I’ve been on birth control.”

“Let’s start with addressing the birth control issue. Have you taken it uninterrupted? Been on any other medication? Been sick? Any one of those factors would reduce the efficiency of that method of contraception.” The doc eased back into her chair as we played the how-did-it-happen game.

“I take it….” Megs swallowed before continuing, “…when I remember. I mean, I mostly remember. Sure there was some missed day here or there but only a few.”

“Megan, missing one pill is enough to start your cycle. Ovulation can happen at anytime. As far as condoms, yes they are reliable but accidents happen. Heat can damage the latex or it can break, and there can be leakage. Penetrative contact with no ejaculation can also result in pregnancy.”

Well that took care of my hard-on. Talk of penetrative contact with no ejaculation. Don’t even get me started on the condom leakage. Still not that it fucking made a difference, what mattered was it was official. There was a baby. Ours.

“Looks like we were that one in a million chance, Megs, lucky us.” I hoped the squeeze I gave her was enough to offset the dry heave that looked like was about to happen.

“What about the fact I kept taking the pill? What about my period?” Megs refused to sit down; instead we played the twenty questions while we stood up.

“Obviously it’s not ideal that you continued to take them but these things can happen and in most cases have no long term effects. As far as your period, some women menstruate right through to deliver. It might have also been an implant bleed. We’ll know more as you progress.”

“Are you sure I haven’t screwed up my baby? Tell me he or she is okay!” Megs demanded, her voice tight.

“Doc, put us out of our misery here. I’m not good with seeing her like this.” That was the watered down version of what was pumping through my head, but this didn’t seem like the kind of place that I could slam my fist on her desk and demand answers. It wasn’t the rent-a-cops that worried me; it was that they’d refuse to help us.

“Megan, what you are experiencing is normal. Even a woman who is fully prepared and who has been actively trying to conceive will have moments of fear. But your results look great and no sign of any complications. We’re going to do an internal ultrasound to get a better look, is that okay?” She moved from behind her desk and pointed us to the bed I’d been trying to get Megs on since the start of this conversation.

“Okay.” Megs shuffled up onto the bed, her eyes no less scared than when this visit started. “Will you hold my hand?”

“Never going to stop, Megs, never going to stop.” One of the easiest promises I’d ever had to make.

She laid back and squeezed my hand so tightly I was sure she was going to crack a bone or two. Did I give a fuck? Not even one. My girl and my baby would be worth a broken hand.

A tiny blip showed up on the screen, small and blurry but there was definitely something there. The little dude or dudette who hadn’t cared that his or her parents were behaving like a bunch of loony tunes. Seems to me like junior was already smarter than the both of us, knowing what we should have fucking known from the start.

“That’s our baby, Troy.” Megs started to cry and I had to swallow hard a few times myself.

“Yeah, sure is.” Damn if my eyes didn’t get wetter the longer I looked.

There were more questions and answers but for the most part, there was a bunch of wait-and-see shit that needed to happen. We grabbed a script for some vitamins that Megs needed and left with a grainy picture of what looked like a whole lot of nothing but meant everything to us.

“Can we go get a milkshake? I really want a coffee but it’s on the bad list. ” We’d barely made it out the door as Megs reread over her lists of dos and don’ts.

“She said you can have it moderation.” The way Megs sucked down her coffee, the avoid was going to be a hard ask. “Maybe down grade to a small or switch to decaf.”

“Decaf? I’m going to assume it’s the shock of impending parenthood that has made you say such horrible things to me. Yuck, no way. It’s the real deal or nothing, and a small one is just going to make me want more. I have poor impulse control.”

“Yes, I’ve noticed.”

We rounded the corner to where my Lambo was parked. The car didn’t seem like such a good idea now and would probably be gathering dust after a few months. Guess I would be Escalading like James and Alex. There were worse cars I could be driving.

“Oh and you are so much better. I don’t recall a lot of times you said no.” She folded her arms in front of her chest which happened to give me a superb view of her tits. The distraction causing my car key to almost hit the paint as I tried to open her door.

“Probably because I loved your lack of impulse control, made my job a hell of a lot easier.” I braced my arms on the roof of the car, her body in the middle as I leaned in for a kiss.

“You.” She mumbled against my mouth, not having the chance to finish her sentence.

My body cursed me as I pulled away and popped open the door, watching her slither into the seat. That erection that had sailed away earlier was back and it meant business. I jogged to the driver’s side of the car and jumped in and tried to concentrate on the more important things we needed to deal with, other than getting me inside her.

“So you want to go tell your folks? I think that should probably happen soon.” We eased into the flow of traffic, the road doing its best impression of a Manhattan parking lot.

“I think we should wait a little bit longer. There’s no reason why we have to tell anyone.” Her hands got busy doing that wringing action again. My brain flew into overdrive.

“Megs, come on. You’re pregnant. You don’t honestly think we were going to keep pretending like we weren’t together did you?” I’d assumed the baby would have put the final nail in the sneaking around BS we had going on. Surely, that was done and dusted.

“Well, yeah. I did.”

“No. No more.”

“Troy, but…”

“No, Megs, this is bullshit.” My hand slamming on the steering wheel made her jump and my regret was immediate. She was scared enough as it was without adding my frustration to the mix.

“People are going to say shit I don’t need to hear right now. Some are going to say I’ll be too emotional to do my job, some might even say I trapped you. Why does anyone have to know?”

“Who gives a fuck what they say. I know different and that should be the only opinion that matters.” That thought had never been given any airtime.

“No, I love you, but it isn’t the only opinion that matters. Do you know how hard I’ve worked to establish myself? It’s hard enough being Mitchell Winters’s daughter, everyone thinking that you only got where you did because of your last name. Add in pregnancy and it will kill any professional respect I’ve earned. They will think I’ll be checking out soon, off to go shack-up with my
rock star
boyfriend and have little
rock star
babies.”

“That’s bullshit, they can’t judge you ’cause you’re having a baby or because you are dating me.” The car inched forward before having to stop again, the break in the flow giving me the opportunity to look at her.

“It’s bullshit, but it’s what will happen.” Her eyes convinced of what she was saying. “Trust me. We will tell people when the time is right. Now is not that time.”

“Fine but you’re killing me, you know that right?” Me letting go would only be carried so far. But the minute she looked like she was in the family way, I would be making it clear that I was the man responsible for that.

“Looks like we both have something that will be worth waiting for.” She smiled; no doubt pleased she’d gotten her way.

“So you going to shack up with your rock star boyfriend and have rock star babies?” My grin got wider than the one she was wearing, the idea of us being a family rocking my fucking world.