Crash Ride (17 page)

It was probably too ambiguous a question but I needed to know what it was we were doing. I would leave the scary
are we dating now?
chat for at least a few minutes, following up with
so does this mean you’re my boyfriend?
And
my pièce di résistance would be
oh and we have to be exclusive.
That would be a fun conversation that would surely send him running out my door. Still, what choice did I have? I couldn’t do the sex and no commitment thing. Even if Troy Harris was the provider of that sex, it just wasn’t enough for my fragile heart to handle.

Troy’s fingers lightly circled my skin, sending chills up my spine. “It leaves us right here. Together.”

“Together
, together or just together and not together?”

There was a lot of gray area that needed to be clarified and now was probably a good time to do that. You know, before we did something stupid like have sex again without discussing it. Sure, like that could happen
again?
Every single time I was around him alone, I swear I ended up naked. If we were going to continue to get naked, we would have to be in some kind of, I don’t know, commitment.

“It’s going to be complicated. You said so yourself.” I expected him to start running any time now. Complicated was usually like mood cyanide. Things going well —here, add some
complicated
to it—boom good feeling gone.

“Turns out, I was wrong. It’s actually really simple.” Troy’s fingers tiptoed down my arm and across my stomach. His voice had no hesitation. “I want to be with you, you want to be with me. No one else needs to come into that equation.”

I took a breath and really had to concentrate not to hold it. “Troy, I know I said we can just have sex and be casual.” I slowly exhaled. “But I don’t think I can do that. Not anymore. I need more.”

Yeah me! There you have it. I finally said it. Who claimed I couldn’t admit when I was wrong, and I was clearly
very
wrong about my earlier judgment.

“Look at me.” Troy stopped toying with my naked body—which I had to admit was slightly distracting in the most delicious sort of way—and positioned himself so he could face me. “You think you are the only one who’s wanted this for the last few months? This isn’t just about sex.”

“I still don’t know what that means?” I whispered quietly as I looked into his eyes. Tell me, I wanted to beg. Tell me exactly what this means. Tell me that you are only mine.

“It means that we do the couple thing. Exclusively. No more talk about dating other people. That was a dumb idea.”

The world’s problems that existed an hour ago still existed. Sickness, hunger, war etc. they were still very real, present. But in my little world—the bubble I was in— there was only a Zen-like bliss I couldn’t have even imagined.

Can a heart actually fill with happiness? Because if it could, mine was about to burst. I would stop short of chasing rainbows and unicorns but to me, this was the best-case scenario multiplied by a hundred. It was my half-time shot at the free throw, and I had nothing but net.

“You know,” I giggled, loving the lighter conversations we were familiar with. “I don’t want to ruin the moment because I like where this conversation is heading—but this is sort of your fault.” I bit my lip and looked up at him under my lashes. Yeah, it was a total cheesy move and I didn’t care.

“Oh yeah? How do you figure?” He raised his eyebrow and grinned. “It kind of feels like a two person mess to me.”

“Well… if you had just dated me in the beginning.” I shrugged innocently.

“What? And missed out on that stellar seduction in between.” He chuckled “Not a chance.”

“Do we need to tell people?” Ok, that was probably a bit sudden and didn’t need to be said at that point, but my mind and mouth had this impulsive thing going on since it had been unleashed a little while back.

“We don’t
need
to do anything.” Troy gave me a pointed look. “It’s up to us, we’re making the rules.”

So maybe it could wait— the telling everyone we were together part. Would our friends even care? It could definitely be left for a day or two. Or not. I pushed the thought to the side to dwell on later.

Sadly the next thought that floated into my cerebral cortex was not pleasant. The trivial
do-we-tell-them
problem that concerned me five seconds ago seemed wonderful in comparison and I desperately wanted to go back that.

The silence ate away at me as it tumbled in my head. Did I want to know? Would it make a difference? I opened my mouth before I was able to answer either of those questions definitively.

“Were there other girls? Like, after me?”

“You really want to have that conversation, now?”

I nodded silently, it would kill me but it would be worse not knowing. Like a Band-Aid, I just had to rip it off.

Troy sighed and I prepared for the worst. “No, I didn’t have sex with anyone else. I was hung up on
someone
and had no interest in fucking around. I’m not a scumbag, Megs. I am more than capable of keeping my dick in my pants.”

I had no right to expect him to
save himself
for
me
, but I’d secretly hoped for it. The relief to hear that he had, flooded me in a rush. My words bubbled out erratically.

“I didn’t either. Sleep with anyone I mean. Obviously I couldn’t keep a dick in my pants because I didn’t have one to keep there. And with vaginas it’s more about whether or not the pants are on them or not…they are so much more tidier.”

“You are so weird.”

“Why thank you, Troy Harris.”

His grin widened and lit up his eyes. “I missed hearing that.”

“I thought you hated it?” I coughed out a laugh.

“Not even close. It was like foreplay.” He smirked.

“Troy Harris.” I whispered as low and seductive as I could manage.

“You know I’m going to have to fuck you again, right? No complaints from you if you can’t walk.”

I brought my mouth up to his neck and parted my lips, my tongue trailing up to his jaw. If he was trying to scare me off with his threat, it didn’t work. There would be no complaints for me and I would say his name, every single syllable of it every opportunity I got. My hand moved leisurely down his chest as I tilted my head to look at him.

“Well then, take me, Troy Harris.”

“So the tattoos.” We
had eventually made it to the bed. Her body laid on mine. “Josh?” The mystery of how she met him, solved.

“Yeah, he did a great job.” She didn’t lift her head. Didn’t need to. I liked feeling the vibrations on my skin as she moved her mouth.

“Not sure I liked the idea of his face being that close to your pussy, but as much as I want to hate the guy, he obviously has skills.” The detail on the feathers so fine, it was obvious one kickass artist was handling the needle.

“You’re cute when you’re jealous.”

“Can we think of something more manly than cute?” In truth, I didn’t fucking care what she called me as long as we were done with the let’s-be-friends shit.

People rarely surprised me and yet with Megs, the surprises didn’t end. I loved the way she felt against me. Her hair fanned out across my chest and her little quirk for hooking an ankle around my calf when we curled up after sex. It was adorable even though my leg would go numb after a while. There wasn’t one thing I didn’t like about her. Not a fucking thing I would change and while I’d I had my hesitations for doing this from the start, none of it made sense to me now.

“This feels like a dream, being here with you. I’m almost expecting to wake up and find out I’m hugging a pillow. It wouldn’t be the first time.” She giggled, not sold on the smooth-sailing-from-here-on-out.

“Just so you know.” I lifted her head so she could look at me. There wasn’t going to be any misunderstandings on this. “There isn’t going to be a break up between the two of us. We’re not going to fuck this up. I’m not being a cocky son of a bitch—both of us are capable of doing stuff that is monumentally stupid—but we’re going to always work it out. There isn’t an alternative. We’d tried being apart. It sucked. So we aren’t going to do that anymore.”

The more time I spent with her, the more I knew it. Nope. Together is where we belonged. Whatever it took, and however fucking difficult it would be. Complicated? Hit me with your best shot, I’m ready.

“Troy, I don’t want to fuck up Ash’s big day.” Megs scooched up the bed, the smile she had before no longer there. “If we are doing this then we have to keep it quiet until after the wedding. I don’t want her worried about us fighting or something happening. It’s only a little while longer. Besides, think of how much fun we’ll have sneaking around.” The smile was back but a little uncertain.

“That sounds like a recipe for trouble, Megs.” She pouted before I had a chance to finish. “But as long as we’re finally seeing eye to eye on the being together part, I’m not going to argue.” Saying no to her wasn’t in my vocabulary. Besides, if it made Megs happy then it was an easy ask.

Leaving Megs’s apartment that afternoon wasn’t easy and not for the reasons you’d think. Sure, I would have loved to have stuck around and worshipped her body— we had lost time we needed to make up— but more than that, I just hated not being with her. Funny how just knowing she was tucked up beside me was enough to put me at ease. Still, she had some patient reports she needed to write and I figured she’d get them done sooner without me trying to pull her into bed.

I wasn’t bound to the ball and chain that was the nine-to-five, but she worked some hella long hours at the hospital and I wasn’t going to be an inconsiderate asshole. So I kissed her goodbye in a way she wouldn’t forget in a hurry, and I booked it back to my place before I could change my mind. Chances were I’d probably be finding myself back there anyway.

We started our old game of phone tag, with me hitting the call button the minute I got back to mine.

“Hello, Troy Harris,” she purred as she answered. Made me want to get back into the car and drive right back.

“Megs.” I did my best to keep it together and not suggest she talk dirty to me while I jack off. Jesus. I was turning into Dan. “I have to say I’m a little disappointed in you.

“Oh, really?” The intonation of her voice clued me in she was digging the role-play. “And why is that? The blowjob I gave you in a shower not deep throat enough?”

The memory alone forced me to swallow,
hard
. That had been one hell of a blowjob. “No, the blowjob was fantastic. It’s your tattoos that’s upset me.”

“I thought you said you liked my tattoos, you liar,” she answered defiantly.

“They’re beautiful.” No way I could lie about that. “But I had already spent money on that gift certificate for you. What’s the chances of getting my name tattooed on your ass?” I cursed the fact I wasn’t able to see her face.

“Oooo can we get matchy ones?” She didn’t miss a beat. “With an arrow going through a heart?”

“I’ll get your name but I’m not getting an arrowed heart. That shit is so fucking cliché it hurts.” No way would I get a fucking heart. Power Station wasn’t a fucking hair band.

“Fine, barb-wire it is.” She sighed. “Make a booking.”

“Bye, Megs.” I hated saying those words to her, but I knew I had to let her go.

“Bye, Troy Harris.”

She was so fucking precious, I hated that she was going to be spending the night alone. Megs wasn’t the only one I was worried about.

That first night alone I didn’t sleep worth a shit. I tossed and turned until I just gave up and turned on the television. Ironically “The Vampire Diaries” was on and my curiosity got the better of me.

Two vampire brothers fight over a human girl who happens to have a vampire doppelgänger. Or maybe the human is the doppelgänger? How can these vampires go out in the sunlight? Is it like “Twilight”? No one is sparkling. Someone needed to draw me a fucking diagram ’cause I didn’t understand any of that shit.

The early morning phone call waking me meant that at some point I had eventually fallen asleep. I reached for the phone and answered it without even bothering to open my eyes.

“Yeah.” I didn’t waste my time with hello. Anyone who was calling me this early would have to deal with me not being Mr. Happy.

“Aw, did I wake you Troy?” Megs giggled into the phone. My mood took a really quick upswing at the sound of her voice.

“Yeah, not everyone has to be up at the ass crack of dawn. You could do me a favor and sound a little bit sympathetic.” She could wake me anytime and I’d never fucking care.

“Poor, Troy Harris.” She didn’t even try and hide how pleased she was. “This should cheer you up though. I watched part of Star Wars last night.”

“Wow, Megs, that’s kind of hot. Was it “A New Hope”?” Not gonna lie, the thought of her watching Star Wars turned me on.

“I didn’t really hold any hope for it, I’m not really into Sci-Fi but it wasn’t all bad.”

“Fuck, you’re adorable.” Her confusion was so cute, I laughed so hard I could barely breathe. “The name of it, was it the episode four, “A New Hope”? The first one of the original trilogy.”

“Okay so you’ve already lost me. How can it be episode four, if it’s the first one? That makes no sense.” She took a breath before continuing. “Anyway, I’m not sure which one this was, but
Luke Skywalker
finds out that his dad is
Darth Vader
. Their reunion wasn’t pretty, his kid didn’t even give him a chance.”

“Oh my God, we need to have some serious words, sweetheart. I think I might actually cry. That was “Return of the Jedi”; you can’t watch them out of order.”

“See this is why I shouldn’t watch these things. Although that light saber thing, tell me that wasn’t some nerdy way of comparing penises.”

“Okay, hanging up now. You’ve crushed my soul and desecrated the force enough for one day.”

“So be it, Jedi.” Megs laughed, her off-the-cuff quote from the movie proved she paid more attention than she led me to believe. If I had any doubts before, they’d just incinerated. This girl was it for me.

“Bye, Megs.”

“Bye, Troy Harris.”

One night alone was enough; I wasn’t willing to do it again. We could go to bed early so she could sleep but it would be with me by her side. Besides, I was scared if she watched any more episodes of
Star Wars
by herself, I wouldn’t be able to undo the damage.

Given that we weren’t advertising being together just yet, it meant I was spending my nights at Megs’s apartment. The chances of being caught less likely when we didn’t have to worry about Dan and Ash living across the hall. I couldn’t give a shit where I slept as long as it was in the same bed as Megs.

So that’s how the week went. Megs would go to work and I would head back to my apartment. Shower, change and then fill my day with shit I needed to get done so I could spend the nights making sure Megs came so hard her voice would echo off the walls.

It wasn’t all sex, though it seemed to take up most of our time. We’d talk for hours. Sometimes it would be just about the stuff we’d filled our hours with, it didn’t matter that it wasn’t important. I just wanted to know about her day or how many times she’d laughed. It was hearing her recount of the hours I wasn’t there that made the time away from her bearable.

Jase knew where I was spending my nights. There was no point hiding it, he hadn’t missed my feelings for her before we started dating so I came clean and told him we were doing the couple thing. He wasn’t surprised and was glad we’d sorted out whatever it was that needed sorting out. It was good thing too, he’d pulled my ass out of the fire a couple of times when Dan wanted to hang out by making up some shit about us going to get laid at clubs. Jase was a fucking team player.

“Hey asshole, are you just getting home now?” Dan had opened his door as I’d stepped into the hall from the elevator.

“Yep, I was busy last night.” Not a lie, my night had been spent getting very busy.

“A skirt?” He strolled over to me obviously wanting to continue the conversation.

“Yep.” I nodded, pulling my keys from pocket. I wasn’t in the mood for show and tell, especially not with Dan.

He grabbed my arm, pulling my hand away from the lock of my front door. Perhaps my one word answer wasn’t satisfactory enough. “You’ve been doing that a lot lately. You haven’t been home all week.”

It was so freaking weird being on this side on the fence. Dan, playing the role of concerned friend, me, the man-whore. “I’m sorry, Mom.” I barked out a laugh. We must have stepped into some parallel universe. “I didn’t realize I missed curfew.”

“Very funny.” He rolled his eyes, the irony of the situation not lost on him. “Is this one girl in particular or you playing the field? Looks like you’re going for some kind of record.”

Dan giving me the third degree was almost touching. He’d changed and I had to say, I liked this version of him a hell of a lot better. It sucked that I couldn’t tell him shit, and that all his worry wasn’t necessary but Megs and I agreed to wait and I’d eat my own hand before I’d break a promise to that girl.

“Just ’cause you’re reformed now don’t pretend like you weren’t out every fucking night for years getting tail.” Deflection. Easier than telling him stuff that wasn’t true and at least I wouldn’t feel like a total asshole.

“Fuck, Troy. I don’t care if you are fucking two girls at once if that’s what you want to do.” Dan let go of my arm and ran his hands through his hair. “I’m just saying it’s not like you. Look, I’m not going to pretend I didn’t screw more than my fair share of women, but I know now that it’s ’cause I had no idea what I was missing. Trust me, all the pussy in the world doesn’t hold a candle to what I have with Ashlyn.”

The heart-to-heart hadn’t been necessary; the reality of
that
had already hit me. His delivery was flawed but the man spoke the truth. There was no other girl that would compare to Megs.

“That’s fucking beautiful, man. Alex and James should really let you write some lyrics on the next album.” My hand cupped the back of his neck and I laughed. “Oh, by the way, don’t ever compare the love you have for your woman to
all the pussy in the world
. Not if you want to keep your balls.” For most guys it was a give-me, but I’d hate to see a domestic dispute arriving ’cause the man could sometimes be an idiot.

Dan backhanded me across the chest. “I meant it in a positive way.”

“Yeah, it will still piss her off. Trust me on this one.”

“Point taken.” Dan shrugged it off, hopefully having learnt his lesson. “So you doing anything today?”

I didn’t have plans, well none than that went beyond the first hour or so. “Just getting a shower and then maybe watching the tube, why? What did you need?”