Crash Ride (14 page)

“She sure is.” Troy eyes steamrolled over the length of my body and I had to remember to breathe. “Josh, nice to meet you.” He took his turn to do some handshaking.

“Wow, Megan. You know Power Station? How could this have never come up?” Strangely even though this conversation was directed at me, Josh was too busy shaking Troy’s hand and smiling at the guys to actually look at me. “Jason, Troy. I’m a big fan.”

I rolled my eyes. I couldn’t help it. While Josh had been a
fan
, he wasn’t a
big fan.
He didn’t have every album like I did and certainly hadn’t been to the number of shows I had been. But no, put a couple of the band members in front of him and suddenly he becomes star-struck and is instantly their biggest fan.

“It didn’t seem like a big deal.” I lied, not sure what would be an acceptable excuse seeing as we had actually spoken about the band. The time when we compared musical tastes on our first date and their name had come up probably would have been an excellent time to throw in there, oh yeah, I know them. “I didn’t want to name-drop like I was bragging,” I added, figuring it would redeem me slightly.

“Oh, Megs, you’re such a sweetheart not wanting to exploit us like that.” Troy leaned in and gave me a hug, his hands pressed against me making me feel like I was on fire. “This isn’t your usual hang out,
Megan
.” I didn’t miss the emphasis on my name.

To say it was horrible to see Troy was a lie. I had wanted to see him, but I couldn’t trust myself. Being close to him when I didn’t have my emotions in check would be dangerous, with reasonable thought thrown out the window. I would want him— to touch, to taste, to savor. It wasn’t just the instant arousal the minute I’d walked in the room; it was my thumping heartbeat I couldn’t rein in. My inability to be near him without telling him how much I wanted him to hold me.

“No, not my usual hang out.” I suppressed the urge to press my lips against his neck. “I thought I would try something different.” I didn’t just mean the club. Josh was also neatly pigeonholed in the
something different
. Or maybe it was just the same but different. Having a stand-in bad boy for the one I couldn’t have. The one I desperately wanted.

“Wow, so how do you all know each other?” Josh seemed oblivious to the fact I wanted nothing more than to throw Troy across the pool table and kiss him.

I usually had my shit more together than this; we had been talking and seeing each other for weeks without incident and now I was willing to throw away our perfect unblemished record. What the hell was I doing? I was here with another guy. One who had asked a question that I still hadn’t answered.

“My best friend, Ashlyn— the one I told you about who used to work with me at the bar,” I explained turning back my attention to Josh, you know the guy I was considering kissing or perhaps maybe sleeping with tonight. “Well, Ash is engaged to Dan, so I kind of got acquainted with the band through her.”

It felt dirty after I’d said it, like my friendship with Jason and Troy was an incidental after effect of Ash and Dan’s relationship, which wasn’t true. I don’t know why I didn’t say, we’d met in a club one day and all become friends. Maybe I was worried that my real feelings for Troy would be revealed unless I kept it light and uncomplicated. I hated myself for saying it all the same.

“Really?” Jason laughed. I was petrified by what he was going to say next. “I don’t think Ash can take all the credit for it. Megs made a pretty memorable first impression.” Busted! I prayed the walk down memory lane would end there.

“Yeah, that was a great night,” Troy added, his voice tight but his face unreadable. “You might want to keep an eye on her, buddy; she has a tendency to fall down if she has too much to drink.” Okay, that was a cheap shot. He hadn’t reacted this way on our disastrous double date
or
after our numerous sexual encounters. The tension in the air crackled between us.

“Um, did I miss something?” Josh looked awkwardly between us. It was obvious that
something had been missed
. Even Josh in his post-Power-Station-appreciation glow could spot it a mile away.

Troy answered before I had a chance to open my mouth. “Miss something?” He let out a huge laugh. “We’re just messing around. I’m not used to seeing Megs so serious, that’s all.”

While Josh seemed satisfied with Troy’s explanation, I didn’t miss the edge in Troy’s voice. My heart was beating so fast I was positive that any minute it was going to leap out of my chest and land on the pool table. Was Troy trying to prove a point? And did he have to do it so publically or so sarcastically? It seemed I hadn’t been the only person who caught the things-are-getting-strange vibe with Jason studying both Troy and I carefully before stepping in.

“Hey, Josh, why don’t you let me buy you a beer while these two rack up the balls for the next game.” Jase tapped Josh on the shoulder. “They have this awesome microbrew that is off-menu, I’ll get us hooked up.”

If it wouldn’t have attracted too much attention I would have thrown myself at Jason and kissed him, his plan to give me and Troy
a moment,
an answer to my silent prayer that this eyeballing contest we seemed to be playing would come to an end.

Josh looked genuinely pleased that Jason had extended a private invitation. If he’d suspected it was anything more, he wasn’t letting on. “Sure, as long as Megan doesn’t mind. You want another drink, baby?”

“No, I’m fine.” I gave him a polite smile and lifted my mostly full Long Island. “Thanks for asking. Go ahead with Jason. I don’t mind.” Pushing him out the door and telling him not to hurry right back would probably raise alarm bells, so I went with nonchalant.

“Awesome, thanks, baby.” Josh gave me a squeeze before walking off with Jason, his voice trailing off in the distance. “So you guys are releasing a new album soon huh?”

“Your new boyfriend I assume.” It wasn’t a question; Troy tipped his chin toward the direction that Josh and Jase had left. He didn’t smile as he folded his arms in front of his chest.

“He isn’t my boyfriend, just a guy I’m seeing,” I snapped, wondering why he was acting so cagey. “I don’t know why you are being weird about it. I told you I was dating someone.”

I didn’t trust myself to be near him, knowing how twisted he made my emotions.

Troy didn’t have the same concerns about getting closer to me it seemed as he took a step in my direction. His hand tilted my chin to look him in his beautiful eyes. “You might want to clarify that with him. How many more times can he call you baby?” I could feel his breath on my skin as he spoke. “And I’m not the one being weird,
Megan
.”

It was much harder to be strong when I had to look at him, to deny that I wasn’t making a huge mistake by being with someone else. “What do you want me to say? You want me to tell him we slept together? I didn’t think that would help our cause of keeping
that
in the past.”

“Jesus, Megs, there is a lot of room between not knowing me and fucking me.” His hand grazed across his chin. “You didn’t think to pick somewhere in the middle?” His forehead crinkled in confusion.

“I panicked. I wasn’t expecting to see you here. I wasn’t prepared to answer questions about us. I just thought it would be easier…”

“Questions about us? Aren’t we supposed to be friends, I don’t understand why that’s so complicated. You had no problem telling
me
about
him
.” I saw the hurt flicker through his hazel eyes. “You introduce me as your friend, not just some fucking dude you happen to know because of Ash.”

“I don’t know what to say. You were never just some dude. I’m sorry that I said it and more than that, I’m sorry that I implied that you weren’t my friend.”

Sorry didn’t even begin to cut it. I felt horrible, there had been no need to lie about how I’d known Troy and yet, I had. It was the guilt. As ridiculous as it sounded, I felt like I was cheating. Cheating on Troy and cheating on myself by being with someone else. It took seeing them together in the room to put that in perspective. Troy wasn’t some guy I could just forget by dating someone else. He wasn’t someone I could just replace. I had been stupid to assume that I could, and even more stupid for falling in love with him. Yeah, I had avoided the word, danced around infatuation and lust, but what I felt was beyond those.

“Fuck, Megs, when you give those puppy dog eyes, it’s really hard for me to be pissed at you.” Troy rolled his eyes and he gave me a smile I didn’t think I deserved. He moved in closer and rubbed my arm with the tips of his fingers.

I shook my head softly and whispered. “Don’t be pissed at me, I’m already pissed at myself.”

“Yeah?” Troy raised an eyebrow. “And why are you pissed at yourself?”

A slow breath escaped my lips as I closed whatever distance there was between us. “There isn’t enough time to list all the reasons right now, Troy.”

It was instinct. I couldn’t be this so close to him and not touch him. It felt natural, like where I belonged. It wasn’t about sex or lust, it was a comfort I couldn’t describe and it’s what I needed. My head fell against his chest as my arms strained to wrap around him.

“Megs, what are you doing?” Troy chuckled against my hair.

My eyes closed as I absorbed him, savoring the moment. If I could have stopped us both from talking I would have. “I just need you to hold me right now. I know they are going to be back really soon, just hold me for a minute.”

“Megs, if there is something wrong you would tell me, right?” Troy gently ran his hand through my hair; there was a concern in his voice that hadn’t been there before. “This guy isn’t being an asshole is he?”

I signed as I answered honestly. “No, the only asshole here is me.”

He held me close to his body for a while and I let his warmness envelop me. It was selfish and I had no right to the comfort it afforded me, but I wanted it anyway. He wasn’t mine, he had never been mine and there would never be a time he would be. I’d tried to forget him, get over him and even talk myself into the fact that what we’d had was purely a sexual connection. What I had completely ignored was the truth, that I’d fallen for him—God it was so much more than that—and I wanted to have a relationship with him. Any other guy that came into my life was never going to measure up. It hadn’t been fair to anyone, least of all not to Josh.

I reluctantly peeled myself away from Troy’s chest, giving him my best smile to reassure him I was okay. The last thing Josh deserved was to come back and see me in the arms of another guy, especially when he’d held such high hopes for tonight. It was bad enough my heart already belonged to someone else; I wasn’t going to lie about it as well. Maybe Josh didn’t want a relationship, maybe he was looking for a good time; in any case, I wasn’t the girl for either of those things. The only fair thing would be to tell him.

Troy studied me curiously as I moved to the opposite end of the pool table and racked up the balls in the triangle. I had no intention of playing but it gave me something to do, something to take my mind off the mess that I had apparently got myself into.

Troy edged closer to me, his hand resting next to me on the pool table. “Megs, don’t go home with him,” he pleaded, my heart fracturing with the sound. His beautiful eyes were focused and serious. It hurt to look at them.

“Hey, baby. This beer is the
shit.
You want a taste?” Josh waltzed in, a half consumed bottle of beer in his hand and just like that, whatever moment Troy and I had had was over. Josh’s eyes flicked over the racked-up balls on the felt and grinned. “Awesome, you set up. Who’s breaking?”

Never had a more appropriate question been asked.
Who’s breaking?
I was, and I didn’t want to. My feet miraculously took a few steps in front of the other and ended up by Josh’s side. “Would it be okay if we didn’t play. I’m a little tired.”

“Come on, Megs.” Jason looked disappointed as he grabbed a pool cue from the wall. “Stay and play a game.”

Josh put his arms around me and I tried not to flinch. “You sure you don’t want to play for a bit?” He was disappointed. His chance to rub shoulders with the rich-and-famous sabotaged by a moody date.

“You can stay if you want, you don’t have to leave.” Honestly at this point it didn’t matter. I was going home alone, so regardless if I walked out the door by myself or not, our date was coming to a very quick finale.

“Sorry boys, looks like Megan wants to call it a night.” Josh looked hopeful as he waved to the guys. “Maybe some other time?”

Troy leaned against his pool cue and gave us a tight smile. “Sure, anytime.” I was almost positive that offer was not genuine.

“Bye, Jase, Troy. I’ll see you soon.” I gave them both a half-hearted wave and let Josh put his arm around my waist.

He quickly swallowed what was left of his beer and placed the empty bottle on a nearby table. “See you, Troy, Jason. Thanks for the beer.”

Jase nodded and gave us a warm smile. “No problem, enjoy your night.”

I forced my way back though the maze of bodies, just needing to get out of the club. It felt like I couldn’t breathe, a condition made worse by Josh’s hands around my waist. I was almost dizzy by the time we made it to the front door.