Coveted (13 page)

Brrrrrrrrrrring!

I jump up in surprise. The sound of the phone ringing startled me out of my sleep. Damn I was dreaming. Naima felt so good, and too real. I could still feel her heartbeat pulsating under my tongue as I caressed her…

Brrring! Brrring!

I slowly let the daydream vanish as I leap for the telephone; I really have to start focusing more on my surroundings and less on my fantasies.

“Hello?” I say to a dead receiver, as whoever was on the other end of the line hung up.

Damn, so now, I have been awakened from my dream, and I missed the phone. I guess I could go and check the caller ID. It is just that I feel that if the call was that important, whoever it was would leave a message. On second thought, it could be Naima, and missing all of that lusciousness would be a crime. I make my way over to the caller ID. I scroll through my missed calls and realize that Amber was the missed call. I wonder what she was calling for. We have not spoken since dinner that night several weeks ago. I am also a little ticked that she interrupted my dream about Naima. I sit and think for a minute and decide to call her back.

“Amber.” Once again like so many times before, I find myself trying to keep the impatience out of my voice. “Will you please just tell me what is on your mind?”

“Damir, I’m pregnant…and it’s yours”

I drop the phone. She cannot be pregnant. This is a nightmare, and I know that I will be waking up soon. I have to. I hear her saying my name and I feel as if I am in a trance. I bend down to retrieve the phone.

“Damir are you there?”

“Yes Amber, I am here. I am trying to figure if I am dreaming or not. How can the baby be mine? We haven’t been intimate in over two months.”

“I know but I didn’t want to tell you until I knew that I wouldn’t miscarry. I am exactly 15 weeks.”

“How did this happen? You were the one that did not want children. You told me you were on birth control pills. I am confused. So you’re telling me that the last time I saw you at the restaurant you were pregnant, and you didn’t even tell me. What type of games are you playing? You must take me for a fool.”

“Damir it’s not like that. I was listening every time that you said you wanted children, and somewhere along the line I decided to stop taking my birth control and let fate take its course.”

“Woman you must be crazy. I wore a condom every time that I was with you.”

“I know,” she stops and clears her throat. “I guess one of those times it didn’t work,” she says so softly I could barely hear her. “You want children and I want you. So if I have to have a baby to keep you then so be it.”

I run my hand down my face. My head is beginning to throb. I cannot believe this. I have always been one of the good guys. I never lead women on. I am always honest about my feelings towards them and yet I still get caught up in drama. What the hell?

“Amber this is crazy. As much as I want children, did it ever occur to you that maybe, just maybe, I did not want them with you. That is why I took the necessary steps to protect myself. You don’t even like kids. Do you think that having one for me will make you instantly gain motherly instincts?” Damn, I wish I were anyone other than myself at the moment.

“Damir, I did this for you - for us.” I could hear her sobbing on the other end of the phone.

“Amber I’m not buying the crying crap, so cut it out. You not wanting children was not the only problem in our relationship. I told you that.”

“I know, but I figured if I gave you what you wanted, then you would give me what I want…you.”

“You’re psycho. I cannot deal with this right now. I never took you for the conniving, devious type. Why did you do this? Then you conveniently wait three months to tell me. This is foul. I can’t believe that you would stoop so low.”

“Damir, I love you. Please love me enough to forgive me. We can make this work. I’ll try to love the baby.”

“See that’s exactly what I’m talking about. I do not want a woman that has to try to love my baby, her baby. I want a woman who does not think like that, and loves our baby automatically and unconditionally with no equivocations. Amber you are not the woman for me. I will be there for my child, but it does not change what has transpired between us. I have moved on with a life, and that does not include you. You should not have played these games.”

“Damir…I’m giving you one last chance.”

“Amber, it’s over. It has been over. I have tried to be nice to you, but obviously, that does not work. As of right now, I am done. I want to be there for my child, so please call me when you go on doctors visits. Other than that, we have nothing to talk about.”

“You told me that you loved me.”

“I did love and respect you as a friend, but you have lost my respect now. Congratulations on
our
baby. I have to go.”

“You’ll be sorry Damir, I promise you that.” With that, the line went dead.

What in the hell had gone wrong in my world? One minute I am sitting here dreaming about Naima, and the next, I find out I am going to be a father. Amber is psychotic.

I sit on my chaise lounge and drop my head into my hands. Why me? Why now? Don’t get me wrong, of course I want children, but I always took the necessary precautions to prevent a pregnancy with Amber. I wanted all my children to be by the same woman, my wife, and in the blink of an eye, Amber has turned my whole world upside down.

Haven 12

“
She won’t accept my phone calls, petty heifer. The least she could do, out of common courtesy,
is
call me
back and let me explain. I mean really. It is not that deep. Plus we need to decide how to tell the children about what is going on. Kaven keeps asking about his god brother and god sister and why we haven’t seen them.”

I was actually at work today. I had to stop being trifling and calling in sick every other day, before they up and fire my ass. I work as a sales consultant; a majority of my salary comes from commission sales, and if I do not come to work, I’m not making any sales - not that I’m hurting for money, mind you. Kaden pays me more than enough to take care of Kaven.

“
Haven I really don’t know what to tell you. You made your bed now you have to lay in it.”

Amber, my direct manager, had the audacity to try to give me advice. I look at her out the corner of my eye. Shoot, her man just dropped her less than two months ago and here she is about four months pregnant. She has some nerve. She is pretty much in the same boat I am. She obviously did not have what it took to make that relationship work, so how is she going to stand there and try to school me on my friendship with
my
best friend?

“
Uh, excuse me? Aren’t you the same person that stopped taking your birth control pills, and started poking holes in condoms? Now look at you walking around here carrying a baby that you do not want by a man that does not want you. Let ye without sin, cast the first stone. Since that obviously ain’t you, I advise you to shut it.”

“
Could you lower your voice and stop putting my business in the street? I am still your immediate supervisor, and this is a work environment. I am tired of hearing about your problems. You are not the only one going through something.”

“
Yeah honey but the difference is you brought your problems on yourself.”

“
Last time I checked, so did you. Do not let this pregnancy fool you Haven; I am not in the mood for your shit, okay? I am not your friend Naima. I will do more than slap you. I will drop you on your ass.”

“Why such vulgar language Amber? How ever did you manage to fool your high and mighty baby daddy into thinking you had class?” I ask with a look of exaggerated surprise.

“
Haven please, I didn’t have to act. No man has ever told me that I did not have class, unlike
your
nasty ass baby daddy.”

“
Okay you took it there,” I say looking at her through squinted eyes. “You know what? Let’s end this conversation before I say ‘fuck you and your pregnancy’ and slam your head into the wall, and get brought up on assault charges for attacking a pregnant woman.”

“
What does it matter anyway?” Amber said as she hung her head down and a tear escaped her eyes. “He doesn’t want me. Hold me so, point blank.”

“
I know. You know what? I’m tired of our no-good baby daddies getting away with treating us this way. I mean the least they can do is be courteous. They owe us that much.”

“
I’m just so mad,” Amber says as she stares right through her glass of water. “He told me he wanted kids. I cannot stand kids. I never wanted to have kids. All I ever wanted was him, and this is the thanks I get. I am so pissed at myself for thinking he would come around. What am I supposed to do with a baby? I damn sure do not want to have to raise it. I have already gained 20 pounds. I cannot believe that women actually enjoy this. I can’t wait to get this baby out of me so I can move on with my life.”

“
What do you mean move on with your life?” I look at her incredulously. “Kids are forever, Amber. You don’t just have them and they go away. I swear you are stupid.”

“
Well, what am I supposed to do with it? I don’t want it.”

“
Then give it to your baby daddy. He is the one that wants the kid anyway. Let him raise it. Or you can keep it, and have him pay you child support out the ass to raise his child. Then you can send it to boarding school or something. Shoot, either way you look at it, it’s a win-win situation.”

“
I never thought about it like that. Is that what you do to deal with being a mom?”

“
No honey, I don’t deal with being a mom. I love being a mom and I love my son. I don’t see how you can carry a child and not love it. I may be many things, and Kaden has called me quite a few, but I’m a damn good mother, and I know it.”

She looks over at me then as if a thought has just crossed her mind

“
Does it upset you when I say I don’t want my baby?”

I shrug my shoulders with indifference “No, why should it? It is your body and your baby. You are inclined to feel however you want. Unlike you, I am not casting any stones. Live your life however you want to live it.”

“
I guess I can respect that.” she takes a hesitant pause. “What are you going to do about your friend?”

“
I don’t know. I keep trying to imagine if I were her, how I would feel, but I just cannot seem to do it. Naima has always had everything handed to her. It seems so unfair that she got Kaden too”

“
Did you ever stop to think that maybe you were being a little selfish in this whole ordeal? I mean she was your best friend, and you have been screwing around with her husband pretty much as long as she has. Then you had the nerve to have a baby by him, and continue the affair to present day. Shoot, that’s a lot to swallow. If I were her, I would have put your ass six feet under. No doubt about it.”

“
Yeah, but Naima is soft. She does not have the heart. We’ll be friends again. I guarantee it.”

“
You know what I have learned in life?”

I turn and glance at her “No. What?”

“
You should never underestimate anyone, and always expect the unexpected. That is what Damir did wrong. He thought I was an angel, and totally underestimated what I am capable of, and still does. He’ll see. I will have the last laugh.”

I give Amber a look and cannot help thinking that this chick is psycho. I mean
really
psycho. Her eyes look like a crazed lunatic.

She sees me starring at her.

“
What? Why you looking at me like that?”

“
Because I’m thinking about how psychotic you sound. It almost gives me chills. You’re not thinking of doing something stupid are you?”

“
Stupid? Like what?” She says with a twisted laugh, “I was just talking out loud and messing around. I would never do anything to Damir. Never.”

It sounded more as if she was trying to convince herself than me. I give her one last look, then turn and walk back to my cubicle.

Emeri 13

I can barely contain the hurt that I am feeling. I buried my mom a week ago. I have a variety of emotions consuming me. I knew that my mama’s time was limited, but no matter how prepared you think you are for the death of your parent, the truth is, that you never really are. It is like the SATs. Nothing truly prepares you, except for experience. The sad part is my grandparents actually had the audacity to show up. They have not cared two cents about my mother since she got pregnant with me, but they decided to come to the funeral and actually try to forge some form of relationship with me out of thin air. They must have really bumped their heads, the bastards. I will not have anything to do with them. I have wondered about them my whole life. They have never tried to contact with me - not even once. No birthday cards or phone calls to say hi, nothing. So trying to reach out to me at my mothers’ funeral is disrespectful and rude. They can kiss my ass for all I care.