Counting Stars (A Donnelley Brother's Novel) (31 page)

Opening my door, I
pulled myself out of my car. My body was stiff and my gas tank was
running on empty, but I didn’t care. I moved, like a zombie, to
Kat’s front door. I didn’t bother knocking—we never knocked.
Kicking off my shoes, I wandered into her kitchen only to see her
creeping down the stairs with her baseball bat.

As soon as she saw me
standing there, all bloodshot eyes and tearstained cheeks, she
dropped the bat and ran down the stairs. Pulling me into her arms,
she said. “You scared the shit outta me! Macie’s hiding in the
closet!”

I laughed, feeling her
heart pounding against my chest. “We never knock.”

“You’re the last person
on earth I thought was walking through my door.” She pulled back to
catch my face in her hands. “What happened, honey?”

“He broke my heart.” I
croaked. “I broke his, too, I think.”

“You think?” She
frowned, her eyes searching desperately. “What happened?”

“I woke up and there was
this girl, his ex, confessing her love to him. She wants him back,”
I hiccupped, wiping at my runny nose.

“And what did Logan
say?” Kat demanded.

“He,” I sobbed. “He
didn’t say anything.”

“Sweetie, is that all
that happened?”

“No.” I shook my head.
“We argued. Like I mean really argued.”

“I’ve seen your arguing.
It’s more like talking and hand holding.”

I shook my head while
frantically swatting at my tears. “That’s how Derek and I
argued—sensibly—but there was no sense in this, Kat. I was crying
and screaming at him and he was yelling back at me.” Her brows
raised and I continued, feeling ashamed. “I even dove at him,
hitting him in the chest with my fists.” At Kat’s Cheshire
expression, I dropped my face into my hands. “What did I do?”

Kat squeezed my
shoulder. “You felt, Reese. You felt with your heart and your
emotions and sometimes there’s no controlling them. You obviously
love him. You should talk to him.”

“Can you not say that
for tonight? Please.” I asked. “Can we just go buy ice cream, gummy
bears, chips, and cupcakes?”

Kat smirked. “Oh, Macie
is going to love that her Aunty Reese’s Pieces is home.”

“Oh, we’ll get some
chocolate bars too.” I announced and Kat laughed.

“Deal.”

I’d been at Kat’s for a
week, trying desperately, without success, to nurture my broken
heart. Logan called every day, what felt like a thousand times a
day, but I didn’t answer. I couldn’t find it within me to answer
his calls despite Kat’s constant state of prompting—the woman
didn’t have an off button.

Glaring down at the
spitting coffee machine as it ended its brewing cycle, I poured the
black liquid into the pastel green mug. Walking across Kat’s
kitchen to sit myself at the breakfast bar, I wrapped my hands
around the warm mug and sighed heavily, audibly. The house was
quiet and everyone was still asleep. The morning air would soon be
chilly as October turns the leaves from green to shades of reds,
browns, and oranges. Tugging my cardigan tighter around myself, I
lift one foot onto the stool, tucking it against my thigh.

Throughout this life
I’ve lived, I’ve been through so much more than I ever thought my
little heart could take, and yet, it’s still beating.

Closing my hands around
my mug for a second time, I catch a glimmer and glance down to find
my wedding rings shimmering in the early morning sunrise. I can’t
say for sure what makes me look to the long window beside the door,
but I do, and my heart stops beating.

A brilliant orb of light
hovers in the window beside the door—so similar to that light I’d
seen the day I’d lost my husband—my best friend and protector. The
day I lost Derek.

For long moments, I
simply stare into the light. To my surprise, it doesn’t move.
Looking into the impossible, I feel myself feeling so very safe,
loved, cherished, and accepted. All are feelings I experienced when
I’d been in Derek’s gentle presence. Before I know it, I’m crying.
But for once, my tears are not tears of pain or heartache. They are
tears of happiness.

Blinking, I wipe away my
tears, and when I look back up to the window, the orb of light is
gone.

Derek is gone.

A flash of light catches
my eyes and I glance back down to my rings. Staring at the
shimmering rock, I know that it’s time I let go of my hurt. It’s
time I absolve myself my guilt.

Twisting the bands
around my finger, I whisper aloud, “Goodbye, Derek. I love you.
I’ll always love you.”

Shaking fingers pull my
rings from my finger and I place them gently onto the granite of
the countertop. I feel arms circle around my chest as Kat hugs me
tight from behind. Kissing the top of my head, she announces
softly. “I’m so proud of you, Reese.”

I pat her hand before
linking my fingers with hers. “Thanks, Kat.” I say and I’m
surprised to find that I feel strong. “It was time.”

She nods and her chin
moves against my head. “It was, honey.”

A few days had passed
since I’d taken off my rings. Things were getting better on the
Derek front, but I was still aching for Logan. The loss of Logan
from my life was different from losing Derek, because I knew Logan
was still alive, still attainable. But something was holding me
back. I was terrified of finding out that he was, in fact, in love
with another woman. I was so bloody terrified of facing that
possibility—that pain.

Kat came rushing down
the stairs with Macie on her hip. “I’ll be back in a few
hours.”

“I can come with you.” I
offered for the billionth time.

For the billionth time,
she replied. “It’s okay. I’ve got my mom meeting me at the grocery
store.”

Kat hated shopping for
groceries alone and I typically went with her whenever I could. Why
she didn’t want me joining her now was beyond me. I huffed, “Are
you sure?”

“Yup.” She leaned in to
press her lips to my cheek. “Go get yourself cleaned up, sweetie,
you’re starting to look like a hermit.”

“Pardon me?” I raised my
brows. “Is that why you’re not letting me come? Because I look
bad?”

She shrugged. “We could
go with that.”

My eyes widened.
“Kat!”

She waved, closing the door behind her as I stood
blankly watching from the kitchen. I seriously could not believe
she thought I looked that bad. We’d gone shopping in our pajamas
without doing our makeup or hair. I’d had a shower this morning!
I
so
did not look that bad!

“Brat!” I mumbled under
my breath as I stomped up the stairs. When I got to the guest
bedroom, I pulled my spandex pants off before tugging on a nice
pair of boot cut, dark blue jeans and long sleeved white sweater.
Glancing in the mirror, I spoke aloud. “That better be good enough
because I’m not doing my makeup!”

Turning away from the
mirror, I heard the doorbell ring and I frowned. Grumbling under my
breath I trotted down the stairs. Pulling the door open, I tried to
remember if I had cash in my wallet for girl guide cookies when all
thought simply froze at the sight of Logan standing
there—looking—so good.

“Logan,” I squeaked.

His deep voice sounded,
vibrating right through me, bringing what had felt dead for too
long back to life. “Reese,” he ran his hand through his hair. It
hadn’t been all that long since I’d seen him, but his hair looked
longer and messy. He typically kept his hair cut short to his head
in an almost buzz-cut. He spoke again, halting my assessment of his
hair. “I had to come. You weren’t answering my calls or texts or
anything.”

“How,” I paused to
gather my wayward thoughts. “How did you even know I was here?”

“I called Kat.”

I stiffened as my brain
put the pieces of her frantic getaway together with Logan’s
unexpected appearance. “That,” I sputtered. “She’s a little,” I
crossed a finger over my lips to keep from spitting out a
profanity. “I’ll have a talk with her.”

Logan shoved his hands
deep into the pockets of his jeans, looking disgruntled by my
frustration. “I couldn’t just move on and forget you, Reese. You’ve
got to know I feel more for you than that.”

I was still stuck on how
Logan had contacted Kat. “How did you even get a hold of her? I
never gave you her number.” My eyes widened and I was certain I
looked like a crazy person. “Oh! Did you go through my phone?”

Logan rocked on his
heels. “Of course not. I’ve never invaded your privacy like that,
Reese. If you would have answered your phone, I wouldn’t have had
to take the measures I took to find you again.”

“What measures were
those?”

His eyes darkened. “Will
you let me in so we can discuss this over a coffee or
something?”

“Answer me first.” I
planted my hands on my hips. “What measures?”

“I went to my Mom.” He
shrugged. “Your file had Kat listed as your emergency contact. I
called her yesterday and asked how you were. She thought it would
be a good idea for me to come out here and,”

I interrupted him. “Oh,
Kat thought it would be a good idea to drive all the way out here?
So, it wasn’t your idea?”

“I didn’t know if you
would even see me, Reese.” Logan clenched his jaw tight and my
heart quickened. “Fuck, I didn’t come here to fight with you. I
came because I can’t fucking live without you and I’m not going
back home unless you’re sitting in the passenger seat next to
me.”

As odd and emotional as
it was, his words melted the hardness in my heart. Slowly, I opened
the door. “Come in. It’s cold outside.”

His eyes softened as he
moved forward, not saying a word. I waited for him to lift his eyes
from my face to take in his surroundings, but he didn’t. He studied
me as though he thought I’d bolt. It made me both uncertain and
warm—to have his ebony eyes on me again so intently.

Finally, after what felt
like ages, Logan spoke. “You took off your rings.”

My heart fluttered at
the deep, emotion filled statement and I nodded. Flashing him the
back of my left hand, I sighed. “Yeah. I realized it was time.”

“What made you
realize?”

My heart gave a little
flip and the muscles in my stomach clenched in nervousness. There
were so many contributions to removing my rings I didn’t know which
to tell him. Finally, I said. “I found peace with his absence. I
said my goodbyes and although he will forever have a place in my
heart,” my voice trembled. “I’m in love with someone else.”

Logan’s breath caught
and he took another small step toward me. “You’re in love with
someone?”

Smiling, I tried to keep
my tears from falling. “I’m in love with you, Logan.”

The sigh that fell from
Logan’s lips was one of absolute relief. Not a moment passed, not
even time for a solid heartbeat, before I found myself in his arms
pressed against his chest. His lips found mine before he kissed my
jaw, my closed eyes, my cheeks and the skin beneath my ear.
Nibbling my lobe, he encouraged huskily. “Open your eyes,
baby.”

My eyes fluttered open
and I looked up at him, hoping he could feel the love I held inside
for him. When he spoke, his voice was steady and decided. He caught
my face in his big hands, his thumbs wiping away the tears of
happiness as he looked deep into my eyes. “I love you, Reese. I
want all of you, always. I knew from the minute I saw you arrive in
your little white SUV that you were the one for me. There was just
something about you, something I longed to love and protect and I
vow to you, Reese, that until the end of my days I will love you. I
will protect you and I will never allow you to leave me again.” He
pressed his lips against mine, whispering. “You’re mine—now and
forever, baby. I’m in love with you.”

I kissed him back, my
entire soul ached to connect my body with his, to become one, if
only for a few hours, but I said instead. “We have to talk,
Logan.”