Clover (20 page)

One Year Ago

“I appreciate the ride, man.” R.J. met Jake in the driveway and shook his hand. Jake didn’t know where R.J. picked up that particular habit, but he’d greeted him that way every time they’d seen each other this summer.

“No problem.”

They climbed into the truck. R.J. put two twenties in the ashtray. “For gas. This thing must be a beast for mileage.”

Jake wanted to give it back, but his gas gauge was low enough that he wouldn’t make into town and back without getting gas. He’d planned to wait three more days before going. He hated budgeting his money like that, but he had enough work to keep him busy that he didn’t think about messing around most of the time anyway.

“Thanks.” Jake started the truck and headed toward the highway.

“Brandon was going to take me, but he had some sort of crisis with the bees.”

Jake’s aunt focused on meat, so he didn’t understand most of what went into farming. He’d seen beehives in some of the fields, but he had no idea why they were there. “Bees?”

“Yeah, one of the hives swarmed. I offered to help him with it, but one of our suits has a rip in the sleeve.”

“Huh?”

“Huh, what?”

“I don’t know anything about bees.”

R.J. did a mild double take. “Really?”

“Aunt Tammy does animals, not crops.”

“Oh, right. Brandon added the bees a few years ago as an experiment. The fields that have them produce more. Cross pollination and shit.”

“Okay, so what happened today?”

“One of the hives got too full, so it swarmed.”

“What does that
mean
?” Jake hated not understanding what R.J. was talking about. He tried to learn as much as he could about everything. He figured at some point he’d stumble across something that appealed to him for a career. He was scheduled to start classes at Chemeketa that fall, but he had no idea what he wanted to study.

“Basically half the hive flies out en masse and goes looking for a new home. It’s like a buzzing black cloud. I watched a couple of videos on YouTube. Want to see?” R.J. pulled out his phone.

“Dude, I’m driving.”

“Right.” R.J. stuffed his phone back into his pocket. “Anyway, Brandon is setting up another hive for the split off colony and he’s going to harvest some honey today. It’s the first time he’s done it and I really wanted to watch. But without a suit, it’s not safe.”

“Sorry.”

“Nah, it’s okay. Vonnie would have killed me anyway.” R.J. had mentioned Vonnie a few other times that summer, but Jake still wasn’t sure whom he was talking about.

“Vonnie’s your girlfriend?”

“Yep.”

“Is that where we’re going?”

“No. Her parents are at work. They would kill her if they found out she had me over while they weren’t home. That’s why we’re meeting at the ball field.”

Jake smiled and raised his hand for a high-five. R.J. met him at the top. There were plenty of things a couple of fourteen-year-olds could get up to in an empty baseball field. He wondered just how far R.J. had gone with Vonnie. “Nice, man.”

“What about you? You have a girlfriend?” R.J. asked the question that Jake hated answering. He dated plenty, but he hadn’t met a girl he liked enough to call his girlfriend.

He shrugged. “Not right now.”

“Why not?”

“Haven’t met the right one, I guess.”

“I can understand that.” R.J. nodded knowingly and Jake had to suppress a laugh. What could R.J. possibly understand? He was so young that he still needed someone to give him a ride to meet up with his girlfriend.

“What about Clover? I haven’t seen her at all this summer.” Jake tried to keep his voice casual, bordering on disinterested, but he wasn’t sure it worked. Every time he said her name, his heart flipped and his whole chest felt tight.

“She has an internship in Seattle. She’ll be home for a couple of weeks at the end of August.”

“She still seeing that guy? What’s his name? Teddy?” When Jake had first learned about Teddy, he’d flat out cried. He knew it was an unrealistic dream to think that Clover might be waiting for him, but he still always hoped. Teddy stripped that hope away. He hated how much he still cared about the answer.

“Oh, shit. Are you serious?” R.J. turned until he was sitting sideways on the bench seat. He stared at Jake and shook his head. “You’re still hung up on her? You need to get over it, man. Clover is…” R.J. let the sentence fall off. Jake really wanted to hear the end of it.

“Clover is what?”

“I’m right, aren’t I? You’re still crushing on her.”

Jake stared straight ahead. His heart ached with R.J.’s question. He didn’t want to answer, but he did. R.J. was his friend. He tried to be honest with his friends, even when it was hard to be honest with himself. “I can’t help it.”

“What do you mean you can’t help it?” R.J. punched him in the arm. “What a dumbass.”

“Knock it off.” Jake rubbed his arm. R.J. wasn’t a total lightweight even if he was only fourteen. “If I could change the way I feel about her, I would. God knows I’ve tried.”

“She’s the reason you don’t have a girlfriend, huh?”

“I date.”

“Not the same thing.”

Jake couldn’t argue that point. “No, it’s not.”

“Dude, you have got to let it go. For real. She finishes school this next year. After that, you’ll probably never see her again.”

Jake closed his eyes for a second to hold back the sting of emotion threatening to overflow. He had barely seen her at all since she’d left for school. Even then, there was no indication that
she’d
seen
him
. The worst had been the day he’d pulled into her driveway only to see her driving away with another guy. Teddy.

“I know.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it.”

Jake wished, not for the first time, that changing his heart was as simple as turning a corner in his truck. Then all he’d have to do would be to put on his signal and turn the wheel. Instead, he barely managed to hold on. His emotions took him where they wanted and he had no say in the matter.

Present Day

Clover sat on the front deck with a book in her hands. She stared at the words, but for the first time, their meaning failed her. She couldn’t focus long enough to get the letters to form words or the words to form sentences. It was just a complex pattern of shapes that didn’t speak to her at all.

She pulled her sweater tighter around her shoulders. It was too hot for the extra layer, but she felt exposed without it. Damn Vince. She’d called the pool to let them know she wouldn’t be back, but she was already scheduled to leave in a week. He would have to replace her shifts for a few days, then he’d forget all about her. How long would it be before she could forget about him?

“Hey.” Brandon sat down next to her and put his arm around her. It reminded her of when she was a kid. He used to sit on the deck and read to her. At that point she was really too big to sit on his lap, but he let her anyway. “You okay?”

She nodded. “Sure.” She really didn’t know why she was so upset. Vince hadn’t actually
done
anything. He’d said some scary things and grabbed her elbow. But it wasn’t the first time she’d been called a name or had some guy touch her when she didn’t want him to. Some guys were dicks like that. With Vince, it wasn’t what he said, though. It was the look in his eyes when he said it. He looked at her like he hated her, like he wanted nothing more than to hurt her and then make her disappear. It left her feeling chilled and yet hollow at the same time.

“It’s okay to be upset.” Brandon squeezed her shoulder and she snuggled into him. She always felt just a little safer with him around. That was even more true today. “I’m really glad Jake was there.”

“Me, too.”

They sat together quietly, long enough for Clover to lose track of the time. Brandon had always been able to do this with her, to simply sit without talking or doing something. Her dad was too wound up. He needed to move. Staying still made him stir crazy. Brandon said that would change if he spent one day working in the fields with him, but her dad never took Brandon up on the offer.

“They fired him.”

“Vince?” This was news to Clover. She knew her dad had made several phone calls, but she didn’t know what the results were.

“Your dad wasn’t about to stop until they did. Frankly, I’m a little afraid for Vince right now. Randy can hold a grudge.”

Brandon was privy to things with her dad that she never saw. She had no idea that he had a temper, let alone the capacity to hold onto anger.

“Really?”

“It doesn’t happen often. In this case, he’s completely justified.”

Clover didn’t respond. She couldn’t help but think that she could have handled it differently. She felt guilty that a man, even Vince, lost his job because of her.

“Look who’s here.” Brandon pointed toward the road. Jake’s truck was turning into the driveway. “I’m going to head inside. I’ll let your dad know you’re leaving.”

“Okay.” Clover wasn’t sure she was leaving. She and Jake didn’t really have plans and she didn’t feel like going anywhere, but it was easier to agree than to explain herself. Besides, maybe Jake had something in mind that she wasn’t aware of.

The door closed behind Brandon as Jake pulled to a stop in the driveway. He parked next to her car, his raggedy pickup next to her sleek roadster. She wondered if that’s how other people, like her dad, saw her with Jake. All she saw when she looked at Jake was her future, but perspective made an interesting difference in the appearance of things.

She met Jake at the front of his truck and he pulled her into a hug without speaking. The weight of all the crappy things that had happened that day, along with the things she’d learned about Jake’s family, slid away with his embrace. She’d felt better when Brandon had sat with her on the porch, but the comfort he provided was nothing compared to this. With Jake, she felt whole.

“Hi,” she whispered into his ear and then kissed his neck. She couldn’t hold on tight enough.

“How are you?”

“Better now.”

“Me, too.” Jake tightened his hold and she swayed in his arms.

“I didn’t know you were coming over.”

“I wasn’t sure I was. I thought you might want some time alone with your family.”

“No, this is better.” Clover knew Jake didn’t count as family yet, but he soothed her in a way they never could. The way she felt about him went beyond friendship, and was deeper than the few weeks they’d spent together should afford.

“Want to go for a drive?”

Clover smiled. That didn’t sound like Jake had a plan beyond being with her, and that suited her very well.

“Sure. Your car or mine?”

Jake laughed, but it sounded more tired than joyous. “Mine.”

Clover led him to the driver’s side door. She almost had him get in first, just to remind him how the summer had started. They’d come so far in such a short period of time, but she finally realized that she’d been building a foundation for loving Jake since she was ten years old. “Can we go to the pond?”

“Absolutely.” Jake helped her into the cab. Not that she needed it, but his hand felt nice against her waist as he held her steady.

She rode with his hand clasped between hers and her head on his shoulder. Her car was definitely nicer, but the way they fit together in his truck suited her better.

When they got to the pond, Jake turned off the truck, but made no move to get out. They sat like that and watched the sun go down. They hadn’t brought anything to start a fire and, this time of year, the mosquitoes were thick by the water. When Jake reached to start the truck to leave, Clover put her hand over his to get him to stop. She wasn’t ready to head back yet.

“I want you to come to Portland with me.” She hadn’t realized she was going to say it until the words were already out. Like the first time he’d said he loved her, the words felt right. She knew before he answered that he would say yes.

Jake squeezed her hand and said, “What about your roommate?”

“At this point, I’m pretty sure she’s going to bring a scuba instructor home with her.”

Jake turned until he could look into her eyes. “Seriously?”

Clover shrugged. Lexy would understand. “It’ll be okay with her. We’ll work it out.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah.” Clover searched for the words to explain that the only way she could go was with him. All her thoughts about hating herself if she didn’t finish what she started just didn’t matter anymore. She needed Jake more than she needed her Master’s. But she also didn’t see why she had to choose. He could easily switch schools. Portland had a community college, too.

“You know I’m going to be in school for a while, at least three more years to finish my Bachelor’s.”

Clover kissed Jake because she couldn’t wait another minute. He was trying to talk her out of it because he didn’t want to hold her back and she thought it was adorable. But she didn’t need him to make her decisions for her. She wanted him with her. If he didn’t want the same thing, then she’d have to accept it. That wasn’t the case here. He wanted her just as badly as she wanted him. She was certain of it.

“Why are you trying to change my mind?”

“I just want to make sure you know what you’re asking for.”

“I’m asking for
you
, Jake. I’m asking for the way you make me feel, like I really matter. You
see
me. Not my dad’s money. Not my test scores. Me. And I don’t ever want to give that up.”

“But what will that look like? You finish your Master’s and you get some important job. How do you explain your boyfriend who is still struggling to pay his way through community college?”

Clover laughed. Jake was so sincere, so beautifully concerned about appearances. She didn’t care about any of that.

“First, you’d have moved on to a university at that point. Second, there’s a really good chance that I’ll go to law school. That means I have at least four more years of school in front of me. That’s one more than you.” Clover would finish her Master’s at the same time that Jake finished his Associate’s. They could figure out their next move from there. There were plenty of options that would allow him to finish his Bachelor’s while she worked on her law degree. They probably wouldn’t be at the same school, but they would be in the same city. That was enough.

“Really? Law school?” Jake shook his head. “You really are smart, aren’t you?”

“Yeah, I really am.” She held his face in her hands. “Smart enough to know we belong together.”

“I guess I can’t argue with that.”

“You really can’t.”

“Okay, Portland it is.”

All the fear that Clover had been fighting down, combined with the sadness she felt every time she looked at the calendar, fell away with Jake’s words. She no longer had to count the days until she left because now Jake would be going with her.

“Promise?” she asked, just because she wanted to hear him say it again, not because she didn’t believe it.

“I’d go anywhere to be with you. Portland isn’t very far at all.” Jake regarded Clover, his eyes full of hope and love. “You and me, Clover. I promise.”