Close to Her Heart (12 page)

And they wouldn’t just be suffered by her. But by this poor, innocent baby inside her.

Chapter Three

June

T
hough disaster was approaching on the horizon, in June the days floated by in a pleasant routine of teaching, final exams and interesting developments at the lab. Dani’s body continued to blossom and she found herself craving the bounty of fresh cherries for sale at Pike’s Market.

Miriam and Eliot continued to support her by inventing ever new virgin cocktails recipes for their get-togethers—which were now happening every Friday without fail. Their support kept Dani from doing anything foolish like calling Adrian and begging him to get back together.

She missed him horribly, but what was hardest to let go of, was her dream of making a family with him. She’d never met Ava, but she ached for the little girl who had lost her mother at such a young age. Dani knew she would have loved Ava like her own—if Adrian had given her the chance.

She supposed now was the time to start adjusting to the idea of being a single mother. It seemed so easy on the
Gilmore Girls
. But Dani didn’t have any real life role models to follow. Back in Montana families tended to stick together, even when they weren’t very happy. Her own mother had felt trapped in her marriage, Dani knew. So much so that she’d had an affair. But even that affair hadn’t ended her marriage to Hawksley. They’d stuck together.

Through thick and thin, sickness and health, riches and poverty—

Her sister, Mattie, was probably one of the first in the family to ever get divorced. But at least her children were college-aged when it happened. Portia and Wren had grown up with a mother and father under the same roof—at least most of the time. Though their father had spent a lot of time on the road, a part-time father was better than no father at all.

Which was what her poor child was going to have.

Time and again Dani considered calling Mattie. Of all her sisters, surely she would be most likely to commiserate and to offer the words of wisdom and guidance that Dani’s mother would have given if she were still alive.

But—Dani couldn’t.

All her life she’d been the smart one in the family. And now she’d done so many dumb things. Unprotected sex, an affair with an emotionally unavailable man, refusing her screening tests for Downs—

She couldn’t keep hiding these mistakes from her sisters.

Sticking her head in the sand—yet again—wouldn’t solve anything.

But each day seemed to take everything she had. All her strength, all her courage, all her energy. In the evening when Mattie, Sage and Callan were just a phone call away, Dani made other choices. TV, a book, a slow-paced run to Washington Park Arboretum.

A few times there were phone calls from Adrian. Dani never answered and deleted the messages without listening to them.

Cold turkey was the only way to handle this.

Fortunately her day-to-day work routine had never involved Adrian and she managed to come up with a good excuse to miss the June faculty meeting so she didn’t even see him then.

If he wanted to settle things between them financially with a lawyer, she wouldn’t say no. She’d put his money into an educational fund for their child. In the meantime she couldn’t handle seeing him or talking to him. She was afraid she’d cry.

Or beg him to come back.

Which only proved how low she’d sunk.

Mid-June Portia finished her Spring Quarter, and Dani drove to the Pi Phi sorority house to pick her up and take her to the airport.

Austin was on hand to see her off, looking very much the young cowboy in jeans, boots and a western-styled shirt. All he was missing was the cowboy hat. He lugged Portia’s suitcases out of her room, down to the street, then loaded the biggest into the trunk of the Volvo and jammed the smaller one into the back seat.

Her niece looked totally adorable in a pretty summer dress and wedge sandals, her hair in soft curls around her heart-shaped face. “Thanks, Austin.”

“I’m going to miss you.”

“You better come and visit then.”

“I’ve already got a few rodeos lined up in Montana,” he promised.

Dani turned and got behind the steering wheel, giving the young couple a few moments for a goodbye kiss. Thirty seconds later, Portia got into the car and Austin closed the door.

“Good to go,” Portia said breathlessly.

Dani could see Austin in her rear view mirror, still waving, as she drove away from the sorority house.

“Looking forward to your summer?” she asked once they were on the freeway.

“Sort of. It will be good to see Mom and Wren, and to be home. But it’s going to feel different without Dad.”

There had been times, growing up, when Dani could have done without having her father around. Times when he’d yelled at her—or worse, made her mother cry. But Wes had been a different kind of dad to the twins. When they were little, he’d give them piggy-back rides and shown them his simple—but to them baffling—magic tricks. Wes wasn’t the yelling kind, either, and though he was a tease, never did so with the intention of hurting anyone’s feelings.

“I’m sure it will be an adjustment,” Dani said diplomatically. “But look at the bright side—no textbooks or pop quizzes!”

Portia laughed. “There’s that. I just hope I find a summer job. Mom hasn’t said anything, but with the divorce and everything, I get the feeling money is a little tight.”

As the exit for the airport loomed, Portia changed the subject. “What about your baby, Aunt Dani? Am I allowed to tell Wren and Mom about it now?”

For the past few months Portia had been the one person who was unequivocally happy about Dani’s pregnancy. Dani appreciated that. But she also suspected Portia didn’t understand the challenges that would come with the package. Nor did Portia know about the ultrasound and the possibility of complications.

“I know you’re close to your Mom and sister. If you feel you have to tell them, it’s okay. But I’d really rather keep it quiet a while longer.”

“Won’t the baby be born in September?”

“Yes.”

“So—when are you planning on telling everyone?”

When I know for certain I have a healthy, normal baby.
But she couldn’t say that. “I’ve been thinking it might be fun to surprise them. After the baby is born. What do you think?”

“Oh my God.”

Dani tightened her grip on the steering wheel. Shot an anxious look at her niece. Expecting to see a shocked expression, instead she was met with a beaming smile.

“That is an
awesome
idea. They are going to be so
blown away.
”

The blown away part was sure to be true. Dani wasn’t so sure about the awesome part.

*

For the night of the solstice, Miriam booked the condo’s rooftop patio. “Let’s watch the sunset and enjoy every minute of the longest day of the year.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Dani agreed. They’d never celebrated the solstice before. But this seemed like a good year to start, and they did have an awesome patio on the roof of the condo building, complete with handsome teak furniture, a long, concrete gas fireplace and lots of potted cedars to add a touch of nature. Plus the three-hundred and sixty-degree view was pretty spectacular.

Eliot was in, too. He concocted a special drink for the occasion and ordered a tray of samosas with spicy mango dipping sauce.

Up until this night, Dani’s friends had been in solidarity with her alcohol-free life—at least on the evenings they spent together. Tonight, however, Miriam brought a bottle of vodka up to the patio and insisted on spiking both her and Eliot’s glasses. Within an hour Dani could see the effects of the alcohol on her friends as everything became more relaxed—including their tongues.

“God, this is fun,” Miriam said. “I’m so glad summer is here. It’s been a hell of a long winter.”

Had it, Dani wondered? Compared to what she’d been used to in Montana the rainy days and clouds in Seattle never seemed so intolerable. “Are you taking any holidays?” she asked her friends.

“I’d like to take two weeks. You guys want me to book my family’s cottage again?” Eliot offered.

“Oh, yes.” Dani had been hoping he’d offer. The three of them had gone to his beach house on the Hood Canal last year for a few days and vowed that next year they’d go for longer.

“I’m in. Assuming I still live here. My parents called me today.” Miriam snagged the second to last samosa and dipped one end in the mango sauce. “They’re on my case to move back to Vancouver.”

“Then who would help me with my shopping?” Dani objected.

“And lead me into temptation?” Eliot added another splash of vodka to his drink.

Dani smiled indulgently. She didn’t blame them for kicking back a little tonight. It was amazing, actually, that they’d embraced the whole virgin cocktail thing at all.

“Well. My online career is stagnated. And the whole, marry a rich American plan hasn’t exactly worked out either.” Miriam dipped the second corner of her samosa in the sauce.

“When’s the last time you went on a date?” Dani’s own life had been so full of upheaval, she’d kind of lost track of Miriam’s. She gave herself a mental kick and made a silent pledge to be a better friend.”

“Not since Christmas. I pulled my name out of all the email dating sites. Nothing was working out.” Miriam dipped the third, final corner in the sauce and polished off the samosa. When she was done, she sank gloomily into the corner of the L-shaped sectional.

Looking at her, it was hard to believe she couldn’t have any man she wanted. She was so pretty, with her slender, petite frame. Dani tended to feel like an Amazon woman when she was around Miriam. Now that she was pregnant the differences between them were only magnified.

“I could introduce you to some of my co-workers,” Eliot offered. “And if it doesn’t work out, I’ll handle your divorce for free.”

“Maybe you could handle my marriage, too.”

“How so? I’m not a judge, at least not yet.” Eliot put down his drink.

“But you could be the groom. It’s not as if you’re dating anyone seriously.”

Eliot gaped. “You’re saying
I
should be your Green Card Guy?”

Dani listened to the exchange feeling increasingly uneasy. There was something in the way Miriam was looking at Eliot. Something she’d never noticed before.

Miriam
likes
him.
Really likes him.

But then Miriam laughed and gave a cavalier toss of her hand. “Hey. It was worth a shot.”

And Dani was left wondering if she’d imagined that look of longing in her friend’s eyes.

*

Time, weeks and then months of it, had slipped away since Eliot’s last meeting with Lizbeth Greenway. Nothing made that more obvious, than the size of Liz’s belly when she showed up early for her June twenty-eighth appointment.

Eliot tried to keep his smile in place as he offered her his hand. She didn’t just shake it though. She gripped it tightly, using him as a counterweight as she rose up from the reception room’s sofa.

“Four more weeks to go,” she said. “I can’t tell you how ready I am for all of this to be over.”

All of this being her pregnancy? Or the divorce from Nick?

“Paige has us in the Sequoia Room today.” Eliot held the door for her, then pointed out the directions. His client’s formerly confident stride was now a wide-legged waddle. Would Dani get that big? That ungainly? He couldn’t imagine it.

The efficient Paige had made sure the room was stocked with assorted fruit juices and sparkling waters today. Instead of potato chips and peanuts, there was a veggie tray with hummus and kale chips.

Eliot made sure Lizbeth was comfortable before taking a seat himself. “So how are things going? I take it Nick told you about his—” Eliot hesitated before saying the word—“vasectomy?”

“Yes, he told me. Finally. What kind of man gets himself snipped without first consulting his wife? For years, I thought we were trying to get pregnant. Turns out, it was only me trying. He knew all along it would never happen. Yet, he let me go through all those ups and downs. The hope and the disappointment.”