Clarity (2 page)

“I’ll get rid of the girl. I want revenge. I need to repay her,”
Willow
cried.

Ryan swore inwardly. Pushing a person in such a weakened mental state was beyond unfair. Why couldn’t Vin do it himself? Of course, he would never say that. At least not smack-bang in the middle of Vin’s territory.

Vin beckoned
Willow
over to him. She hesitated, but Vin’s mate shoved her forward with a hardened look in her eye. Vin twisted a lock of
Willow
’s hair around his finger. Distaste crossed his face, but
Willow
’s expression was blank, perhaps from fear. She wouldn’t say anything to bring more trouble on herself, Ryan realised with some relief. With her father gone, he felt some responsibility toward her. He couldn’t protect his own girls, so he was taking care of someone else’s.

“Fine. Take your vengeance,” Vin said in a soft voice that still sounded like a hacking dog. “You can run along with Ryan. If you do well, I’ll buy you something pretty. Maybe you’ll earn your father’s place in the pack.” He turned back to Ryan. “The plans have changed. I’ve been thinking about the youngest one. She’s the only one left. The key must be in her blood. We need to take her. The others are on their way. Get better soon because you’ll be heading in first to stir up some distractions.”

Before Vin left the room, he wrapped his fingers around Ryan’s neck and squeezed. Ryan tried not to struggle, tried to ignore the way his entire body felt as if it were floating, tried hard to look as if he didn’t need to breathe. But most importantly, he didn’t look Vin in the eye, and before any permanent damage was caused, Vin let go.

“Good boy,” Vin whispered. As he passed
Willow
, he slammed his closed fist against her face and kept moving without missing a beat.
Willow
fell to the ground, whimpering, but even she knew better than to lift her head again.

Ryan closed his eyes and sucked in deep breaths of air that hurt his lungs. He couldn’t see a way out—not for him, not for his children, not even for
Willow
. She made little howling sounds, refusing to get up off the ground.

Feeling all hope seep away from his body, Ryan wondered who the others were and how he could manage to stop them from hurting the young girls he had already risked his life to protect. If he’d been grouped with any wolves other than
Willow
and her impulsive father, he might have succeeded. He only had one chance left, but the Evans family was gunning to kill him.

Dublin
,
Ireland

Late May

Perdita

I heard his footsteps behind me and felt that usual surge of happiness whenever he was around. It wouldn’t last. As soon as he left my side, the natural boost of endorphins caused by the curse would disappear all over again, as would the way I held in my guilt and grief around him so he couldn’t feel it.

He plonked himself on the step next to me and kissed my cheek. I gave him a sideways glance. The dark circles under Nathan’s eyes were becoming more pronounced, the stress more apparent in his expression. I resisted the urge to ask if he was okay. Stupid question.

He took my hand, and we waited together in silence, letting the effects of the werewolf curse soothe us both. A centuries-old gypsy curse inflicted Nathan’s male family members with the compulsion to find their soul mate and experience bliss. That sounded good until you remembered the bit about them also having to mourn their soul mate. Being Nathan’s soul mate meant that I would die before my time unless his sister discovered her role in the curse and figured out a way to end it. I leaned closer to him at that thought because I needed him more than ever.

School had just ended, but I couldn’t remember learning a thing all day. Even my favourite class had become dull and pointless. I hadn’t painted in weeks; I kept staring at blank pages, hoping something would spill onto paper. Sometimes I sketched wolves, erasing them whenever I realised what I was doing. Nathan had watched me once, but he never said a word about it.

Groups of teenagers passed, most of them waving at Nathan, nearly all of them sunburned by the unexpected week-long heat wave. I had made sure to stay in the shade, religiously reapplying sun cream, but even my pale skin had managed to catch some rays, turning it a disgustingly glowing shade of red.

I wondered if our future children would tan or burn, then dropped Nathan’s hand as though stung.

“What’s wrong?”

“Think he’ll come back today?” I covered as I rubbed my palms on my knees, unwilling to share the weirdly random thought that had rattled me.

Nathan shook his head. “He’ll call first. Probably.” His disappointment weighed heavy in his voice. He thought his grandfather would have called already.

As far as I was concerned, he should have called. Or rather, he should have stayed in the first place. “Maybe it’ll be today. He has to come back for the memorial, right?” But I didn’t know if
Jakob
Evans was ever going to return to his family, not even for the memorial service to mark his wife’s death. I had no idea where he was or what exactly he was doing, but he wasn’t the
Jakob
I had first met. That much was clear.

He had ditched his family after his wife’s funeral, sneaking off in the dead of night like someone with something to hide, leaving behind a two-line note. Brief and cold. That was his legacy.

His departure had been a whirlwind of cold sorrow for the rest of his family, setting the tone for the following weeks. It had been a double loss, and they weren’t exactly coping well without the grandparents,
Jakob
and
Lia
.

Being around Nathan and his sister Amelia had become almost painful. I was sure the same could have been said about me, but none of us knew how to fix it, so we didn’t talk about it much. At first, we had been united in grief, but by the time
Lia’s
funeral came around,
Jakob’s
rage had infected us all, leaving a chilling sense of unease and distrust.

Nathan wrapped his arm around me, his fingers gently stroking my ribcage. Even though my injury had pretty much healed, he still touched me extra carefully. We had come up with big lies to explain my cracked rib and
Lia’s
death all those weeks ago.

I would never forget that awful night. None of us would. When
Jakob
witnessed his soul mate’s death, something in him had changed. His desperation for revenge had led to him leaving his son and grandchildren. They hadn’t heard from him since.

Nathan needed him badly. They all did, and I harboured a serious amount of anger toward
Jakob
, as much as I sympathised with him for his loss. Losing
Lia
had left the family fragmented. They barely held on without her.

I leaned against Nathan for support as my cousin, Joey, and my ex-best friend, Tammie, sauntered by. Joey nodded at us, but Tammie acted as if we didn’t exist. She had taken to speaking to me only when I was alone. If Nathan or his sister was around, she blanked me completely. Part of me was relieved. If we were still friends, I would have to constantly lie to her. It was bad enough lying to my own family. Still, it hurt because I hadn’t begun to understand why she acted the way she did.

I checked my watch, groaning inwardly. “If Amelia doesn’t hurry up, I’ll have to go.”

“I know. I’ll text and tell her to get a move on,” Nathan said.

I realised I was holding my ribcage and dropped my hand before he noticed. Nobody had seen the mysterious pack of rabid dogs since they attacked me, knocked me down, and left me with a cracked rib. That was because they didn’t exist, at least, not in the way we told it.

People were still on alert, and my dad wasn’t taking any chances.
Cúchulainn
had even been allowed to stay with us, but due to his size and particular interest in Joey’s female dog, Dolly, he was rapidly outstaying his welcome. Poor Dolly was heading for a spaying since the wild dog situation had persuaded Aunt Stella that the world didn’t need any more puppies.

I glanced around, trying to control the shiver that ran through me by focusing on taking deep, calming breaths. Luckily Nathan was using his phone, so there was less chance of him seeing one of my minor panic attacks. He really didn’t need something else to worry about. The curse might help us bring a certain amount of happiness to each other, but it also increased our awareness of each other’s pain.

Even though it had been weeks since I had last seen them, I couldn’t help looking around for the two werewolves. I tried not to think about the third one, but I couldn’t help it. After all, I had been the one who had ended his life to save Nathan’s grandfather.

I couldn’t see straight for the conflict in my head. I had taken a life... I hadn’t taken a life quickly enough, not soon enough to help
Lia
Evans. That was the problem. That was why
Jakob
stayed away. If I hadn’t acted at all, the battle would have continued, and there was no way of knowing who might have gotten hurt. That was what Nathan kept telling me. It didn’t lighten the weight of the guilt on my shoulders. It didn’t make what I did okay, and we both knew it.

I pointed and waved, seeing Amelia’s anxious face amongst the fresh crowd of students leaving the school building. “There she is.”

“Sorry, he wouldn’t dismiss the class on time,” she said breathlessly.

“History?” I guessed.

“You know it. Someone should remind him school’s over for us in a fortnight. Any news?” She sounded hopeful, as if she wouldn’t be the first to know if her grandfather returned home.

Nathan shook his head, and all of the light left Amelia’s expression. Most of my guilt stemmed from her. The connection between the three of us had only strengthened, and I could feel her hurt at what she perceived as a rejection from
Jakob
. I felt her loss every second I was around her. It was too heart-breaking to bear some days.

Amelia and I had never discussed exactly what happened that day, but we both knew it could have been prevented. We both knew it could have happened differently. Everyone blamed each other, but nobody came out and said it. The tension was palpable.

Nathan stared at Amelia, concern in his eyes. “You look wrecked. Bad day?”

“Migraine.”

“Since when do you get migraines?”

“Since now,” she snapped.

He shrugged and fell in with some of his friends, while Amelia and I followed him to the bus stop in silence. Talking led to bad memories and constant speculation about the future. Sometimes, I was glad of the peace; other times, I couldn’t resist talking about the biggest secret I would ever have in my life.

I hated to admit how exciting the curse had once sounded. Part of me had enjoyed the mystery and danger; the air of constant anticipation had become addictive. Then I realised the true danger, how insane the curse really made us, how out of control, and how it always, without fail, led to one lonely, mourning werewolf. Too bad it took a couple of deaths to figure that out.

Despite how much better I naturally felt around Nathan and Amelia, I was glad to say goodbye and get off the bus alone. I couldn’t let myself truly
feel
around them. I didn’t want them to feel my pain as well as their own. The only time I could be myself was when I was alone in my room, and even that was getting harder.

Nobody was home. I guessed that meant
Erin
was coming over with Dad when he finished work. Gran had made a point of avoiding them. I was so tired of their pointless drama. It meant nothing to me anymore. Sometimes I could barely believe how serious things had seemed before, back when my biggest concern was if Nathan liked me or not.

Sitting on the living room floor, I hugged
Cúchulainn
, burying my face against his coarse hair. Wiping my eyes, I looked the dog straight in the eye. He was the only one I could be myself around. He nuzzled my cheek as if to tell me everything would be okay. I needed to cling to that lie. I could barely face myself in the mirror anymore, and my dreams were full of the exact things I wanted to forget. All I wanted to do was talk to someone about everything in my head, but there was nobody, and I didn’t have a clue what to do to get past it all.

I sat there, my arm wrapped around
Cúchulainn
, until the front door opened, and both my dad and Erin stepped in. I gave a half-hearted wave.

Dad stared at me as though I had two heads. “What are you doing on the floor?”

“Loving
Cú
.” I pushed myself to my feet.

“Where’s your grandmother?”

“Out. Somewhere.” I didn’t want to say Gran was avoiding
Erin
, even if we all knew it was the truth.

I patted
Cú
and turned to head to my room. He wasn’t allowed upstairs, but whenever I woke up whimpering from a bad dream, he was always there.