Cimarron, Denver Cereal Volume 4 (14 page)

She turned her face away from him.

“
Think about it Jill,”
Jacob said. “Have I ever said the kinds of things that are in those
texts? Have I ever sent you texts like that?”

“
Clearly you’re more
passionate about that whore!”

“
No, Jill, no,” he said.
“I’m more passionate about you than I’ve been with anyone, ever, in
my whole life.”

“
Then why don’t you send me
texts like that?”

“
Because my mother would
chop my hands off!” Jacob said. “Even now, she would wash my mouth
out if I ever was so crude.”

Jill scowled at him.

“
And anyway, that’s not
love. It’s disgusting.”

“
I don’t know you very
well,” she said.

“
Think Jill, think! I have
all these powers. Why would I leave something secret on my phone
for you to find?”

“
You thought I wouldn’t
look,” she said.

“
We trade phones all the
time. Why would I let you have my phone for a week if I was sexting
some girl?”

“
You have powers…” she
said.

“
Jill…”

“
And Katy’s not a bastard,”
Jill said.

Jacob held his breath. Jill seemed to be
calming down. But every time he’d thought that tonight, she got
angry again.

“
And you are
my
husband,” she
said.

Jacob nodded.

“
And why did you keep
her?”

“
Katy?”

“
Evette, the secretary, you
moron!”

“
I didn’t,” Jacob said. “I
needed help. She’s only worked for me since all this crap with
Johansen. Aden’s been in prison. Blane’s home with Mack. With
Delphie crazed, Dad’s been home. It’s just me running the whole
company. AND I ASKED YOU…”

He bit his lip to keep from screaming in
frustration.

“
You asked me
what?”

“
If you wanted me to get
rid of her,” he said. “I asked you on Tuesday. You didn’t mind her
then. Now that she’s made up lies about me, suddenly I should have
done something or known something.”

“
YOU’RE A
PSYCHIC!”

“
I CAN’T SEE MY OWN
FUTURE!”

Breathing hard, they stood nose to nose.

“
God, how many times do I
have to say that?? Delphie can’t either. You think she would have
sent the dogs to the groomer if she knew Johansen would come that
day? Do you honestly think she knew what was going to happen and
just risked everyone she loves? Katy? Do you think I did?? I had no
idea. None. I cannot see my own future. And Katy won’t be able to
see hers either.”

“
Can you erase texts from
your phone?”

“
Watch me,” he
said.

He looked at the phone. The Blackberry
blinked.

“
Check it now,” he
said.

The texts were gone. In his rage, the
Blackberry went from cool to hot in an instant. Jill dropped
it.

“
Ow,” she said. She sucked
on her singed fingers.

The Blackberry began to smoke. Flames burst
from the phone. Jill poured water from her glass onto the fire. He
picked up the phone and threw it in the trashcan.

“
I’m never carrying one of
those again,” Jacob said.

Jill gave him a steely, unbelieving look.
She went to refill her glass. At the sink, he watched her shoulders
slump forward and her head bow with sorrow. But when she turned
around, she was all rage again. Hoping to stem more of her wrath,
he began talking.

“
This happened to us,”
Jacob said. “Not to you. Or to me even. To us. I’ve been working my
ass off to keep everything going while everyone else has needed
some personal time. I’ve just worked. And fuck me for asking for
some help.”

Jill raised her eyebrows and scowled at
him.

“
You don’t get it,” he
said. “There are people in the world who steal happiness. They’ve
been doing it to Valerie for years. They will trick, cheat, steal
and manipulate to make sure they steal your happiness. That’s what
this woman has done.”

Jill crossed her arms and shook her
head.

“
And you? You are letting
her,” he said. “What about standing by your man? What about
trusting me? What about being on
my
side? How do you think I feel that she said awful
things to
my
daughter? I was ready to kill her when she hurt
Katy.”

Jill gasped. He shut his mouth.

“
She what?” Jill asked.
“What did she do to Katy?”

“
She slapped her,” Jacob
said.

Jill’s mouth dropped open in rage and
shock.

“
She blocked Katy from
going into my office. Katy did one of her marital arts moves. She
slapped Katy.”

Jill shook her head at Jacob and walked back
to the couch. Feeling like a puppy dog, he followed her but his
pride wouldn’t allow him to sit down. She rubbed her face.

“
What?” he asked. “What
now?”

“
I believe you.”

“
What?”

He was so shocked he tripped over his feet
and landed on the couch. Jill laughed. For a moment, her laughter
was like a gift from the gods. He wanted to weep with joy.

“
This is going to get
really, really messy,” Jill said. “You must build a fortress around
your love.”

She turned to look at him.

“
Your mother told me that,”
Jill said. “I thought she was talking about Trevor and me. I didn’t
remember until you said the woman slapped Katy. Your Mom must be
here, right?”

“
She came in about fifteen
minutes ago.... When you were ready to give up on me.”

“
Well, Celia, I’ll do my
best,” Jill said. “But the doubt is…”

Jill shivered and collapsed into herself.
Jacob risked putting a hand on her shoulder. She threw her arms
around his neck.

“
We’ll do it together. You
and me. We’ll stand together,” he said.

“
People will laugh at me
again,” she whispered. “Everyone made fun of me because of Trevor.
I was the butt of every joke. I always thought they were just
jealous but… they were right. I was a fool.”

“
Sandy didn’t make fun of
you or Heather or Tanesha. No one who matters to you would ever
make fun of you,” he said. “And I’ll never make fun of you.
Never.”

“
I feel so stupid, so
ashamed.”

“
For trusting
me?”

“
For being in this
situation again,” she said.

“
I wish I could make it go
away,” he said. “Can you trust me?”

“
No,” she said. “But I can
try.”

“
Try works. We’ll learn
together.”

Her eyes caressed his face. Slowly, she
began to nod. Their eyes connected and she whispered.

“
I’ll try.”

~~~~~~~~

Friday early morning — 4:15 A.M.

“
Dead.” Valerie whispered.
“He’s dead.”

Mike rolled onto his side to look at her.
With her back to him, Valerie was tucked up into a tight ball,
sound asleep and weeping.

They had spoken only once about losing their
son. Valerie had said she didn’t have anything more to say. Yet,
every night, she cried for her son in her sleep.

“
My baby’s
dead.”

Mike wrapped himself around her. He had no
idea how to help. The first couple of nights, he’d awakened her.
But awake, she had little memory of her sorrow. Even confronted by
her tear stained face, Valerie denied being upset. She insisted
that she was excited to be pregnant. Her due date was international
pirate’s day and she’d been researching girl pirate names.

Awake, Valerie was all spice. She wanted to
make love, workout, play with the kids and gossip with the girls.
They’d been skiing, sledding and hiking. When she was awake, he
could hardly keep up with her.

Asleep, she sobbed her heart out.

“
Mike.”

“
I’m here,” he
said.

He leaned around her head to see if she was
awake. Her eyes were closed.

“
I love you,” he
said.

“
Baby… Mike, our
baby…”

He rested his head on his pillow. Her crying
brought up his own sorrow too. He kissed her neck.

“
I was going to call him
Jack…” the rest of her words were lost in her sobs.

He held his breath. She was almost done.

“
Jack’s dead… Mike, Jack’s
dead… Mike?”

“
I’m here,” he
said.

“
Mommy says Jack’s in
heaven.”

He looked to see if she was awake. Her eyes
were closed. As if something had been resolved, there was a sweet
smile on her face. He leaned back on his pillow.

“
I love you,” he
whispered.

When she didn’t respond, he settled in to
sleep. Every night it was the same. She wept over the loss of her
child. She would eventually tell him that she’d named him Jack and
finally that Jack was in heaven. In the morning, she would remember
none of this. He waited for her last words.

“
Jack’s in
heaven.”

He couldn’t possibly love her more than he
did right now. His son was in heaven, placed there by the biggest
hearted, most amazing person he’d ever know, Valerie. He fell
asleep with a smile on his face.

~~~~~~~~

Friday mid-day — 12:10 P.M.

“
Sorry I’m late,” Blane
said in Spanish.

Enrique stood to greet him. It was a warm
day. He’d been sitting on the patio at Lime XS on Sixth Avenue.
Unsure of whether to shake his hand or hug him, Blane nodded then
sat down at the chair across from Enrique. Enrique followed Blane’s
lead.

“
How is everything?”
Enrique asked in Spanish.

“
Great,” Blane
said.

“
You’re
working?”

“
Jake asked me to come back
to work after some psycho chick messed everything up. I’ll work
half days for a while,” Blane said. “Boy, it was hard to leave Mack
and Heather this morning.”

“
Thanks for meeting me for
lunch,” Enrique said.

“
I wanted to hear how you
were doing,” Blane said.

The waiter came to take their order. When
Blane ordered the shrimp fajitas, Enrique laughed.

“
What?” Blane asked as the
waiter walked away.

“
You’re just very
different,” Enrique said. “You used to be all steak all the
time.”

“
I don’t eat that much meat
anymore,” Blane said. “We’re trying to eat a little better. Lose
the baby weight.”

“
Did you gain weight
too?”

“
Of course,” Blane laughed.
“Our last couple months of being pregnant, I was just off the
Ribavirin. Any food was good food.”

“
You look good, healthy,”
Enrique said.

They leaned back so that the waiter could
set down their iced tea.

“
You wanted to see me?”
Blane asked.

“
I did,” Enrique said. “I’m
going to stay at my brother’s home. Not because I’m still with
Calvin. Calvin has moved out. We’re over and done with.”

“
Then why not move
home?”

“
Tres is helping me with my
sobriety,” Enrique said. “He’s going to meetings with me. Just
knowing he’s going to be around helps me stay on the straight and
narrow.”

“
He’s your codependent
now?”

“
Good of you to ask,”
Enrique laughed. “No, Tres doesn’t put up with my bullshit. He’s
much saner than I am, more grounded. He started at AlAnon when I
moved in. It’s only been a few weeks, but it’s going
well.”

“
Did you get a
sponsor?”

“
Yes,” Enrique said. “And a
therapist. I don’t like therapy much, but it’s good for me. And
before you ask, I’m going to sell our old home.”

“
Our home?”

“
The one you made for me,”
Enrique said. “The doctor says I have one year left at the most.
I’m going to sell the house and use the money to get happy. I
figure…”

The men leaned back to let the waiter set
their meals down. The men chatted back and forth with the waiter
before he left.

“
He’s cute,” Enrique
said.

“
I didn’t notice,” Blane
said.

“
Marriage has changed
you?”

“
No, Enrique, you changed
me,” Blane said. “Being a father changed me. Being around someone
as loving and kind as Heather has changed me. Getting my Chinese
Medicine doctorate changed me.”

Enrique flushed.

“
I don’t look at people for
what I can get anymore. I look at people for what I can do for
them,” Blane said. “I appreciate my life more and I understand how
precious life is. What’s changed you?”

“
I don’t feel changed,”
Enrique said. “I feel… desperate.”

“
Why are you desperate?”
Blane raised an eyebrow.

“
Little time left, sick… I
don’t know, I feel out of time,” Enrique said.

“
When you threw me out, you
told me that you didn’t care if I lived one more day,” Blane said.
“And for a long time, if you didn’t care whether I lived, I didn’t
care whether I lived. Then I realized that all I really have is
this day. One day became two. One year became four and… here I
am.”