Christian (The Beck Brothers Series) (13 page)

Shea
’
s
heart ached for him, but he wasn
’
t
going to let him run and possibly ruin what they have together.

“
Baby,
I am never letting you go. I can
’
t.
I may not know exactly how to label myself, and I really don
’
t
give a fuck. But I do know one thing, and that is that I am in love with you,
Christian.
 
And we have something
special together that I refuse to let you walk away from,
”
Shea said softly against Christian
’
s
ear.

“
You
’
re
just saying that so I won
’
t break up
with you,
”
Christian
rasped.

“
No,
dammit! I
’
m saying it
because I fucking mean it.
”

“
I
don
’
t believe you,
”
Christian whispered.

Shea
turned him around, grabbed fistfuls of his shirt and slammed his back up
against the door. Christian
’
s brown
eyes were shimmering with unshed tears. The hurt and betrayal in them tore at
Shea
’
s heart.
 

“
Get
off of me, Shea, I mean it,
”
Christian
said, his voice hollow. He pushed Shea hard, forcing him to back away and
opened the door.
“
We
’
re
done,
”
he snapped before walking out
and slamming the door behind him.

Shea
blinked at the door. What the fuck just happened? A sharp ache took root in his
chest and he swore he could literally feel his heart breaking. Christian just
broke up with him. Holy fucking shit! It was over, their relationship and
friendship was over. That wasn
’
t possible!
Shea was in love with him! He lunged for the door and tore it open but
Christian was already gone. No! This couldn
’
t
be happening!

Shea
stared up at the ceiling as he lay on his sheet-less mattress in his bedroom
later that night. He had tried to call Christian multiple times but his phone
was off. He didn
’
t want to
go over there just yet, Christian needed some space and time to calm down. He
had worked himself up over nothing - at least, Shea thought it was nothing - but,
obviously, Christian thought it was a huge thing. There was no way in hell Shea
was going to let Christian go without a fight. Right?

Was
he really positive that this relationship was what he wanted? Could he really
go on without being with a woman ever again? He was completely satisfied with
Christian, he hadn
’
t even once
thought about a woman while he was with Christian. Maybe he should go be with
one just to make sure. No, no, that was a bad idea. Christian would never
forgive him if he went out and slept with a chick right after they broke up,
that was just a dumb idea. Plus, he wasn
’
t
sure if he could do a woman now, not after being with Christian.

What
he did know was that he needed Christian in his life. But could Christian be
right? Was he in this relationship for the wrong reasons? Yes, he didn
’
t
want to lose Christian as a friend, but they had been having fun being together
over the last couple of months. He could picture himself with Christian long
term and he was honestly in love with him. Shea knew Christian well enough to
know that he had left because he always thought that the relationship was doomed,
and he was going to end it before it went on any longer. Well, guess fucking
what? This was not the end, and Shea would be damned if he let Christian throw
away what they had together because he was scared.

Shea
couldn
’
t sleep at
all that night. He was useless at work the next day, too. He was so exhausted
from not sleeping and completely distracted by thoughts of Christian and what
he was going to do if he wouldn
’
t take him
back. The possibility that Christian wouldn
’
t
take him back scared the ever-living shit out of him. Shea didn
’
t
know what he would do without Christian in his life.

After
work, Shea dragged his ass home and collapsed on his couch. Fuck taking a
shower, he didn
’
t have the
energy. His heart hurt so badly. This was the longest he
’
s
gone without talking to Christian in
…
shit
…
years.
He
’
s never had a break up effect
him so horribly, but this wasn
’
t just
anyone who broke up with him, this was Christian - his best friend, the man he
loved with his whole heart and soul.

Shea
closed his eyes as he lay on his couch. Maybe he should call Quinn, tell him
what
’
s going on, and see if he
could help? Shea covered his face with his hands. Shit! No, he couldn
’
t
do that to Christian.
 
He couldn
’
t
tell Quinn that they were together. Christian would hate him for that. He was
going to have to deal with this on his own.

Shea
gave Christian a few days before he went over there. Shea had tried again to
call but Christian was not answering his phone. Shea walked up the steps to
Christian
’
s front
door and tried to use his key, but it wouldn
’
t
work. Christian changed the fucking locks!
 
Jesus, he wasn
’
t fucking
around when he said that they were done. Shea pounded his fist on the door,
knowing Christian was home because his car was in the driveway.

“
Chris!
Open the damn door!
”
Shea
called and pounded on the door some more.

A
minute later, the door opened. Shea sucked in a sharp breath at the sight of
Christian
’
s
disheveled appearance. His hair was a mess, he had about three days worth of
stubble on his face, his eyes were bloodshot and puffy, and he was in a ratty
T-shirt and pajama pants. Shea has never ever seen Christian look like this, he
was obviously suffering as much as he was.

“
Your
shit is in the garage,
”
Christian
muttered and went to shut the door, but Shea stopped it with his shoulder.

“
Whoa,
hold the fuck up, I
’
m not here
to get my stuff, I
’
m here to
talk,
”
Shea said firmly.

“
I
don
’
t want to talk to you.
”
Christian snarled and tried to push the door closed, but Shea held it open.

“
I
love you, Christian.
 
I don
’
t
want to be without you. I
’
m sorry I
didn
’
t tell Tara, I chickened out,
okay, I
’
m sorry,
”
Shea said.

“
You
’
re
nothing but a liar and I don
’
t believe
anything you say,
”
Christian
snapped.
“
Now, go
away.
”

“
Dammit,
Christian! You
’
ve known me
for over twenty years! You know I am not a liar!
”
Shea yelled and shoved at the door, making Christian stumble back. Shea walked
into the house and slammed the door shut behind him.

“
You
just want me to suck your dick and let you fuck me.
 
I don
’
t
mean anything else to you, you don
’
t
love me, you were just trying to keep me around so you wouldn
’
t
lose me as a friend.
”
Christian
sneered.

“
Of
course I don
’
t want to
lose you as a friend, I fucking love you! I love you and I
’
m
in love with you. What the hell can I do to make you understand that? What can
I do to prove to you that I am in love with you? Do you need to fuck me? Will
that make you believe me? Well let
’
s
fucking do it,
”
Shea
snapped, holding his arms out.

Christian
sucked in a sharp breath and his eyes widened.
“
You
’
re
not serious.
”

“
I
am very serious. I want you to make love to me right now. I want to prove to
you that I am in this relationship because I love you, and I will do anything
to be your boyfriend again,
”
Shea said,
hoping Christian heard the certainty in his voice.

Christian
swallowed hard.
“
Shea
…
I
swear to god, if you are fucking with me, I will never speak to you again.
”

“
Dammit,
Christian! Do I look like I
’
m fucking
with you?
”
Shea
snapped. What the hell more could he do to get through to this guy?

Shea
grabbed Christian
’
s scruffy
face and kissed him like never before. He poured all of the love and adoration
that he felt for his best friend into the kiss. His arms snaked around
Christian
’
s neck, and
his fingers tangled into the hair at the back of his head. Christian moaned and
wrapped his arms around Shea
’
s waist,
crushing him to him. Their tongues intertwined and their teeth bumped. Shea
could feel Christian
’
s heart
pounding against his chest.

They
stumbled up the stairs still wrapped in each other
’
s
arms. After bumping into a couple of walls, they found their way into Christian
’
s
bedroom, where they fell into his bed. Shea landed on his back with Christian
falling on top of him. Christian immediately pushed to his knees and started
tearing off Shea
’
s clothes.
Within seconds, Shea was naked and screaming as Christian deep throated him.
Holy fucking shit!

Christian
sucked him hard and fast, making him come within minutes. While he lay there
sucking in air, Christian undressed and grabbed the lube. Shea watched him as
he opened the lube and poured some in his hand.
 
He smoothed it over himself as he put
the bottle on the nightstand. Christian slowly stroked himself, while standing
next to the bed, looking down at Shea through heavy lidded eyes.

“
I
’
m
giving you one last chance here, Shea. If you don
’
t
want this, say so now,
”
Christian
murmured quietly.

Shea
shook his head.
“
I want it.
I want you
…
all of you,
always.
”

Christian
closed his eyes and swallowed hard as he nodded. He then climbed onto the
mattress and between Shea
’
s legs.
Shea
’
s heart was ready to pound out
of his chest. He was actually seriously afraid of the pain, but he was doing
his best to hide it. What if it hurt so badly that he couldn
’
t
take it? Would Christian leave him because of that? God, he hoped not.

Christian
leaned over him, planting one hand next to his head.
“
I
’
m
going to use my fingers first to open you up a bit,
”
he whispered.

Shea
’
s
gut clenched and all he could do was nod. He has never had anything up his ass
before, not even a doctor
’
s finger.
Christian spread his legs farther apart and lifted one up higher. Shea just let
him do what he wanted, this was all for him. He closed his eyes and took a couple
of deep breaths.
 
Next, he felt
Christian
’
s lubed
finger run around his hole before he slowly pushed inside. Shea sucked in a
sharp breath and grabbed the edge of the mattress behind his head.

“
You
okay?
”
Christian asked quietly as he
started to move his finger in and out.