Christian (The Beck Brothers Series) (11 page)

Shea
kissed Christian
’
s back,
between his shoulder blades.
“
I...I can
’
t,
not yet,
”
he
whispered.

Christian
pushed up, forcing Shea to back up. They both grunted as their bodies separated.

“
It
’
s
fine, Shea. I didn
’
t expect to
hear it back,
”
Christian
replied, his voice void of emotion.

Christian
gathered up his clothes and headed out of the kitchen.

“
Where
are you going?
”
Shea
called after him.

“
I
need a shower,
”
he
muttered in response and ran up the stairs.

Shea
heard the bathroom door slam shut. He closed his eyes and hung his head.
 

“
Fuck,
”
Shea bit out and scrubbed a hand over his short hair.

Shea
pulled his jeans back on and headed upstairs. He went to open the bathroom door
but it was locked for the first time ever.
Motherfuckinggoddammit!
They just had mind-blowing sex and now it was ruined because of three little
words.

“
Chris?
Hey, are you alright?
”
Shea asked
after knocking a couple of times.

“
Fine,
”
Christian croaked.

Shea
sighed and dropped his forehead to the door.
“
Christian,
please, let me in.
”

“
No,
”
Christian said then coughed hard.

Oh fuck me!
Christian
was in the bathroom having a panic attack and throwing up.

“
Christian...
”
Shea pleaded. He hated that he was upset and suffering.

“
Please
Shea...just let me...be alone...
”
Christian said between coughing and gagging.

“
Dammit,
Chris. I can
’
t just
leave you when you
’
re like
this. You have to know that I do love you, and I am falling for you. I just don
’
t
want to say something that means so much to you unless I
’
m
absolutely certain that it is how I feel.
 
But you have to know how much I care about you, Christian, otherwise we
wouldn
’
t be
together, and we most definitely would not have just had sex.
”

“
I
know you care about me, Shea. I just feel like a complete idiot for blurting
that out like I did. I set myself up to be let down. I know you
’
re
not in love with me, and I shouldn
’
t
have put you in that position,
”
Christian
said, his voice muffled by the door between them.

“
Can
you please open the door?
 
I hate
not seeing your face while we
’
re talking
about something like this,
”
Shea
murmured.

“
I
’
m
going to hop in the shower.
 
I
’
ll
be down in a minute, okay?
”
was
Christian
’
s reply.

Shea
blew out a frustrated breath and raked a hand down his face.
“
Alright,
”
he answered, giving Christian his obviously needed space.

Christian
didn
’
t talk much more to Shea
before he left for work, not all that much he
could
say. He loved Shea, he blurted it out after phenomenal sex, and
Shea wasn
’
t able to
say it back.
 
Now Christian was
nursing his shattered heart. He felt bad for Shea because the guy didn
’
t
know what to do or how to fix it. He couldn
’
t,
though.
 
Nothing was going to fix
what had happened, all they could do was move on, and all Christian could do
was pray that he never did it again.

He
got home that night around 7:00 pm because he got caught talking to one of his
students who never shut the hell up. Christian really hadn
’
t
been in the mood to chat, but he didn
’
t
want to be rude either. When he finally walked in the front door, the house was
quiet and dark. Christian frowned. This was the first time in over a month that
Shea was not there when he got home.

Christian
walked into the living room and flipped on the lamp. After turning on a few
more lights, he moved into the kitchen to get something to eat. He was
absolutely starving. He really wasn
’
t
in the mood to cook anything, so he just popped the leftovers from last night
into the microwave.

Christian
had just finished washing dishes when he heard the front door open. He dried
his hands and went to make sure that it was Shea. When he walked into the
living room, Shea was setting a suitcase by the stairs, the front door still
open.

“
Hey,
wanna help me grab some of my stuff out of my truck?
”
asked Shea, eyebrow raised in question.

Christian
blinked stupidly at him.
“
Huh?
”

Shea
frowned.
“
I went by
my house to grab some of my stuff.
 
I
’
m
moving in remember?
”

Christian
shook his head to clear it. Shit, he forgot all about that.
“
Oh,
yeah, right...sorry, I
’
m still
kinda out of it,
”
he
muttered and started for the door.

Shea
looped an arm around his waist, preventing him from walking out the door.
“
Tell
me we
’
re okay, Chris,
”
he rasped, his brown eyes hopeful but uncertain.

Christian
nodded.
“
We
’
re
okay,
”
he said quietly.

“
Promise?
”

“
I
promise,
”
Christian
replied sincerely and gave Shea a kiss.

Christian
then helped Shea bring in some bags and boxes full of his stuff. Shea also told
Christian his plan for his house; he was going to sell it and some of the
furniture, pay off some bills, and then put the rest into savings, which will
work out well since he won
’
t be
working for a couple more months. What savings he did have was slowly dwindling
due to him being out of commission, so selling the house will give him a chance
to replenish his savings. As soon as the house sold, he will contribute to
Christian
’
s mortgage
and utilities, along with putting money toward the grocery bill. For the first
time in years, Christian actually felt his hopes rising - this just might work
out.

“
Did
you dickheads know that Christian could sing?
”
Sebastian asked as he sat on Henry
’
s
back patio with him and Quinn, drinking beer and relaxing.

“
What
do you mean he can sing?
”
asks
Henry, cocking one eyebrow.

“
I
mean that he
’
s got a set
of pipes and should be performing on stage,
”
Sebastian said seriously.

“
No
shit?
”
Quinn asked before sipping
his beer.

Henry
had called him a few nights ago asking Sebastian and him to come over so they
could talk about Christian behind his back. Quinn wasn
’
t
really fond of the idea, but Henry said he had something serious to talk about.
So there they were, sitting in Henry
’
s
back yard, drinking and talking about their little brother.

“
I
’
m
telling ya, he
’
s
incredible. I kinda snuck up on him and he didn
’
t
know I was there the first time, and then I got him to sing for me again...
”
Sebastian trailed off, shaking his head.

“
Why
didn
’
t he ever tell us?
”
Henry frowned.

“
Because
he thought we would make him perform in front of people.
”
Sebastian smirked.

Quinn
chuckled, Christian was probably right. The three of them made him do all sorts
of shit when they were younger. Quinn could understand why Christian didn
’
t
tell them. With his anxiety issues, there was no way he could get up on a stage
and sing in front of a large group.

Henry
nodded.
“
Most
likely.
”
He grinned.

“
What
did you want to talk about, Henry?
”
Quinn asked, curious as to what it was that he had called them over.

Henry
sighed.
“
Alright, I
guess it was a couple of weeks ago when I went to Christian
’
s
gallery to pick out a painting for Claire. While I was there, I noticed a
picture that Christian painted. It was a painting of a nude man in bed, tangled
in the sheets. The face was turned away, but I
’
m
certain it was Shea.
”

Quinn
’
s
eyebrows lifted. That was interesting.

“
So
what are you saying?
”
Sebastian
asked slowly, his eyes narrowing.

Henry
grimaced.
“
I don
’
t
know. It just seemed odd to me. Have either of you ever thought that Christian
might be gay?
”

Sebastian
started sputtering and choking on his beer.
“
Wha...what?
Why would you think that?
”

Henry
shrugged.
“
There have
just been some things lately that point in that direction
…
like the painting. And remember at your wedding when he was fixing Shea
’
s
tie? There was something very intimate about it.
”

“
You
think that Christian and Shea are together?
”
Quinn asked curiously.

“
I
don
’
t know what to think.
”
Henry huffed.
“
I want to
say yes, but I can
’
t see Shea
being gay. I
’
ve seen him
with women before.
”

“
Maybe
he
’
s bi,
”
Quinn pointed out.
“
Those two
are always together.
”

“
Wait,
hold on, don
’
t you think
he would have told us if he was gay?
”
Sebastian asked.

“
Like
how he told us he can sing?
”
Quinn
replied dryly.

“
Point
taken,
”
Sebastian
muttered.

“
Think
about it. He
’
s never
brought a girl around, and I mean never,
”
Henry said.

They
all sat there in silence thinking about their younger brother. Quinn could see
it - Christian being gay, that is. Like Henry said, he has never brought a
woman around the family, never even talked about liking a woman even. Now that
Quinn thought back on it, he guessed there were clues throughout the years that
could lead to Christian being gay. Quinn did catch him one time jerking off to
gay porn, but he was nineteen, and Quinn just chalked it up to being young and
curious.

“
Shea
is moving in with him,
”
Quinn
murmured.

Both
Henry and Sebastian
’
s heads
whipped around to look at him.
“
What? How
do you know that?
”
Sebastian
asked.

“
I
talked to Christian yesterday; he called to see if Margot and I were interested
in buying Shea
’
s house.
When I asked why Shea was moving in with him and selling his house, he said it
was because Shea was already having trouble affording the place. And now that
he was out of work, it was nearly impossible, so he was going to move in with
Christian and sell his house.
”

Henry
scoffed.
“
That sounds
like a load of shit to me.
”

“
I
agree.
”
Quinn
nodded.

“
Would
it bother either of you if Christian did turn out to be gay?
”
Sebastian asked quietly.

Henry
rolled his eyes.
“
Of course
not. What the hell do I care who he fucks? I just want him to be happy.
 
What does piss me off is that, if he is,
he doesn
’
t trust us
enough to tell us.
”

Quinn
sighed.
“
I can
’
t
be mad at him for that; I mean, look how long it took me to tell you guys about
what happened to me? If Johnny had never shown up, you still might not have
known.
”

Sebastian
grunted.
“
Fucking
bastard, I still want to seriously hurt that guy.
”

“
Me,
too,
”
Henry chimed in.

“
Would
you care, Sebastian?
”
Quinn
asked, curious about his answer since he was the one who brought it up.

“
No,
I agree with Henry. I just want him to be happy, and if that
’
s
with a dude, then so be it. Now, that being said, I hope like hell that if he
is, he doesn
’
t make out
with whomever he
’
s with in
front of me.
”
Sebastian
shivered.
“
That
’
s
kinda...too much for me.
”

Quinn
and Henry chuckled.

“
You
mean you wouldn
’
t want to
see Christian and Shea sticking their tongues down each other
’
s
throats?
”
Henry
teased.

Sebastian
made a gagging noise.
“
No, stop
it! And there is no way in hell that Shea is gay. I have seen him with women
many, many times,
”
he said
adamantly.

“
Like
I said, maybe he is bi,
”
said Quinn
then sipped his beer.

Sebastian
shook his head.
“
I can
’
t
see it. Shea is too...I don
’
t
know...manly, maybe?
”

“
Are
you saying that Christian is feminine?
”
Henry laughed.

“
No!
”
Sebastian exclaimed.
“
Not feminine,
but not as butch as the rest of us.
”

Quinn
shook his head.
“
You
’
re
an idiot.
”