Chosen Heart (15 page)

“I really don’t know,” she
blushes, avoiding eye contact.  “I normally buy my underwear from Wal-Mart
and they usually come six to a pack,” she chuckles, nervously.

As we approach Victoria’s Secret,
Janice grabs my arm, stopping us in our tracks.  Too ashamed to speak up,
she whispers, “I don’t think I’m ready to purchase anything like garter belts
or anything too extreme,” she hesitates.  Her innocence is refreshing.

“Janice, you will be fine. 
Let’s find something subtle.  We’re aiming for comfortable yet
alluring.”  Draping my arm over her shoulder, I smile as I lead her into
the store.

Browsing for only thirty seconds,
Janice grabs the closest thing off the rack, asking for my opinion.  The
pale blue flannel boxer shorts in her hands are tempting, but not what I had in
mind.

“They’re cute, but…do you want to
be cute, or desirable?”  She puts the item back with a little pout, and we
continue our search.  Eventually, we find a happy medium in the form of a
pastel pink satin romper. 

Walking out of the store, she
acts like she just ran a marathon, pretending to wipe the sweat off her
forehead with the back of her hand.  “Thank goodness that’s over
with.  I really appreciate your help, Elyssa.  If you hadn’t been
with me, I would not have been able to go in that store.  So,
thanks.  Hopefully, Kevin will like it.” 

“Janice, he’ll love it. 
It’s subtle, and yet still sexy.”  And, as much as I want to take credit
for helping her, she is the one that initiated the outing and was okay with my
suggestion on where to go.  I’m slightly more than proud of her, and again
glad we’re spending time together. 

“Okay, now that the hard part is
over, where do you want to eat?  My treat!”

“Are you up for sushi, because
there’s a to-die-for restaurant here?  I’ve been a couple times with my
sister and love it.”  Janice nods, but says she’s never been.  “It’s
so much fun with the loud music and cool designs.  Always full of such an
eclectic bunch of people!”

In agreement, we head over to the
restaurant and are seated almost immediately.  Just as we get situated, I
feel the vibration of my phone coming from my purse.  Seeing that it’s
Alex and desperately wanting to hear his voice, I ask Janice if it’s okay that
I take the call.  She waves her hand, dismissing the thought. 

“Hello?”  A grin reaches
across my lips, lighting up my face.

“How’s your birthday going,
Hart?”

“It has been the best day!” 
I beam over at Janice, hoping that she knows how much I appreciate her
celebrating with me.  “I’m out to dinner right now with my friend from
work.”

“You’re with Janice, huh?” Slight
disappointment showing in his tone.

“Yes,” I smile nervously at
Janice as she skims over the menu.

”Well, can I say that thinking of
you today, has been the only thing that has made me smile.”

“You know what made me smile?”

“Thoughts of our first
kiss?” 

“That will always make me
smile.  But, also the outrageous display of strawberries.”

“Second smile of the day.”

“I haven’t been able to stop
thinking about you.  You did that on purpose didn’t you?”

His voice drops, “Guilty, but I
figured that if I couldn’t concentrate, then neither should you.  I would
have called you earlier, but this was the first break I’ve gotten.  All
I’ve wanted was to hear your voice all day.”

“I miss you….too much I
think.”  My thoughts are consumed by him.  It’s an effort just to
work and function.   

“How did shopping go?  Did you
buy anything that I’ll like?”

“I bought a lil something white
and lacey, from Victoria’s Secret.” 
Take that!
  He may have
distracted me at work with his lavish gift, but I’m sure that will distract him
all through the night. 

Startled, I look up to find the
waiter standing above me.  “Excuse me, ma’am.  The gentleman at the
table over there bought you a cocktail.”  I glance in the direction he’s
pointing and give a small grin. 
He’s cute, but he’s no Alex.
 Politely,
I ask the waiter to tell him thanks for the drink, but then hear Alex’s raised
voice on the receiver.

“You realize you’re on the phone
right?  Who’s the douche bag that sent you a drink?”

“Just some guy a few tables away
from us.  It’s not a big deal.”  Obviously Janice heard his rant, because
she’s avoiding eye contact at all costs, silently sipping her water, waiting
patiently.  “How was work today?”  I try to change the subject, and
fail, as I hear his huffing and puffing. 

“Return the fucking drink,
Elyssa!” 
Good lord, it’s just a drink.

“Wha….why?  It’s
harmless.”  Obviously, his reaction is overboard; jealousy really doesn’t
suit him. 

“Are you interested in him?”

“He is cute but….” Doesn’t he
know I’m completely infatuated with him?  I can’t see anything except him.

“But?”

I sigh, hoping it’s loud enough
to hear my teasing.  “He’s not you.” 

“Then return the drink or give it
to Janice.  I don’t care either way, but don’t let him think he’s going to
buy you a drink and get it in.  I have to go into another meeting; I’ll
call you later.” 
Click.
  Dang, I was just joking.  Here
we are again.  What is it with men and thinking that accepting a drink
equates to an invitation for sex?

A little flustered, I apologize
for taking the call.  “Was that your boyfriend?” she asks, genuinely
interested.

One could only wish. 
Knowing our predicament, I doubt that I will ever get to call him my
boyfriend.  The thought makes me a little sad, but I can’t let Janice
see.  She might start asking questions, questions I can’t answer.  “I
just started seeing him.  It’s still new, so I wouldn’t call him my
boyfriend.” 

“Are you going to bring him to
the Alzheimer’s fundraiser next weekend?”

Of course he will be there, but I
don’t know how to respond to her without giving anything away.  Besides,
I’m going and he’s going, so technically my answer should be yes.  But,
what can I say.  “I completely forgot about it.  I’ll be sure to ask
him, but he might not be able to make it.  He has family obligations on the
weekends.”

“It’ll be fun.  There will
be a lot of vendors and booths, and yummy food.  Last year we raised a ton
of money.  All of management will be there and we’re kinda required to
bring people, so make sure you ask him.  Plus, I want to meet him.  Maybe
we can double date?” 
If she only knew.

“I’ll definitely talk to
him.”  I smile and nod even though I know there’s no chance in hell that
will ever happen. 

“Here you go, Janice.”  I
slide the drink over, knowing full well that Mr. James will be asking if I
participated in the seduction of a total stranger.

~~~~~

The moment I walk in the door of
my apartment, my new favorite feeling is once again vibrating from the small
corner of my purse.  With my sweetest voice, I answer, “Hello, Mr. James.”

“I’m guessing you’re not with Janice
anymore?”

“She’s right here; do you want to
talk to her?”  I giggle, imagining him rolling his eyes.  I toss my
keys on the side table before crouching down on the floor, resting my back
against the foot of the couch. 

“How was dinner?”  He avoids
my teasing, getting down to business.  Always so serious.

“Better than I expected. 
The food was good and Janice is fun to hang out with.”  I pause, knowing
my next topic is a sticky one, and contemplating if I should even bring it
up.  But, all I can do is ask.  “Janice brought up the company
fundraiser and said I needed to bring someone with me.  I assume you’ll be
there, right?”

“Yes, of course.” 

“So, can we go together?” 
Please,
please, please?
  I feel like a little girl begging.  It’s
probably a good thing he can’t hear my inner dilemmas. 

“Elyssa, you know I can’t…” 

He sounds pained and I can’t bear
the thought of him troubled because of me, and interrupt him.  “I
know.  Just a hopeful thought,” I sigh, thinking back to my birthday
wish.  Blowing out the single candle on the chocolate cupcake at dinner, I
wished to be with him; a relationship without restrictions.  And, even
though I know it will never happen, a girl can wish, right?

“But, you should bring
someone.  What about your sister?”

“I’ll ask her.  I want to
bring as many people, seeing as it’s such a worthy cause.  Who are you
inviting?” 
God if the rumors are true…can you imagine the flurry of
women that will be there.

“I have some friends coming, but
I have no problem going by myself because I know you’ll be there.”  I
melt.  He always knows what to say just when I’m starting to question his
intentions.

“Speaking of my sister…she’s
starting to pry.  I don’t normally keep things from her, but I also know
the risk we are taking.  I need to know what I can tell her…about
us.  I mean, I know there isn’t an us, but you know…whatever this is we’re
doing.”  I know men try to avoid relationship conversations and I hope he
doesn’t think I’m the type of girl that needs a label to feel secure. 
Because I’m not. 

“As long as you trust her, which
I’m sure you do, I don’t care what you tell her.  She’s your sister and
you should be able to talk to her about us.”  Throwing my head back
against the couch, I almost leap to my feet and do my happy dance. 
He
said “us.”

In an effort to silence my smile,
I cover my mouth, before speaking.  “Thank you, Alex.” 

“So did you return the drink to
the douche bag?”  On to a new topic, I guess.  He’s extremely blunt
when he’s jealous.

“Have you been waiting in
anticipation all night to find out the aftermath of the cocktail?” I tease.

“Just answer the question,
Elyssa.”  He doesn’t play games and I can appreciate that, but I also like
getting a rise out of him.  It’s almost too easy.  But, tonight
doesn’t seem like a good time, and I know for sure there’s not a recall button
on my mouth.

“Don’t worry, I gave it to
Janice.  I told you it was innocent, Alex.  He didn’t even come up
and try and talk to me.” 

“Trust me, he wanted to.  If
you would have taken the drink, it would have given him an open invitation.”

“An open invitation to what?”

“I think you know what I’m
talking about.  Plus, you said he was cute, so I’m sure he thought he had
a chance.  He was just waiting for the opportunity.”

“I also said he wasn’t you. 
You have a bad case of selective hearing.”

“That pissed me off.  You
might as well get used to this now, unless you plan on driving me crazy.”

“What pissed you off?  That
I said he wasn’t you?”

“No, the fact that you even
noticed him.  I’m so fucking attracted to you right now, I can’t see
anyone besides you.  A woman could literally be standing in front of me
butt naked right now and I wouldn’t give her a second of my time.”  Now he
is just pushing it, exaggerating beyond belief. 

“Alex…”  I’m at a loss for
words.  He can’t be serious. 
Can he?

“So, we’re on for Saturday,
right?  Because I still want my time with you.”  He’s very demanding
and I desperately want to spend more time with him.  But, will he think
I’ve surrendered to him if I agree to go? 
Oh well!  I’m along for
the ride.

“I’d like that,” I yawn, trying
to let him calm down.

“Tired?  You’ve had a long
day.”  He sounds tired himself. 

Making my way to my room, I curl
up on my bed.  Still in my work clothes, I don’t even bother to pull open
my blue down comforter.  “Doesn’t matter, I don’t want to let you
go.” 

“Go to bed birthday girl. 
I’ll see you Saturday.”

“Saturday,” I breathe, not
wanting to be the one to let go first.  There is so much I want to say to
him, but I can’t.  Instead, silence.  All breathing and no words, as
I wait for him to respond. 

“You are going to get me in
trouble.  Good night, Elyssa.”

“Night, Alex.”  I hang up
and take a deep breath.  I have never felt this way for someone, not even
in the two years I dated Cole.  The flutter of butterflies is such a new
and exciting feeling. 
What is he doing to me
? 

Closing my eyes, I remember our
first kiss and long for him to touch me again.  I’m on cloud nine. 
He makes me happy and alive.  I’ve been fortunate; first, meeting him at
the gas station, and then being given a second chance at work.  I’m
hopeful; hopeful that love does exist.

But, on the other hand, my
birthday wish haunts me.  How can we continue this…this wonderfully
exhilarating, electrifying, forbidden relationship?  He’ll have to keep me
his dirty little secret, but for how long?  Where does that lead me? 
You don’t marry your dirty little secret; you keep her in the closet.  As
self-assured as I am, my insecurities are starting to show.  What will
happen to me when he finds someone who he doesn’t have to hide? 
He
will leave you, Ely.  Just like that.  Easy. 
 Feeling
defeated, my mood darkens as I fall asleep.