Cherishing You (3 page)

“Dad, you know I was only coming in for around a week to a week and a half. Plus, I have to give myself a couple days to prepare for my new job. The last thing I need is to go in on my first day exhausted with bags under my eyes.” Again, the familiar pang of guilt hits me briefly. No, that’s not fair; I shouldn’t feel bad for making a life for myself. As much as I try to remind myself of this, I know I’ll probably always feel a little guilty; after all, they’re getting older, and they won’t be here forever.

“I know, honey, but you can’t blame your old dad for trying now, can you:” He chuckles.

Jumping into his old Chevy pickup, we head home. Even though he’s had this truck for as long as I can remember, it still rides as smooth as a car and is tough as a mule. I can’t imagine he’ll ever part with this thing—it’s a part of him. I smile, remembering how he taught me to drive in it and how Ethan and I would take off and go fishing. We would drive to the back pond on our property and set up our fishing poles. Then we would stretch out on a blanket and just talk and talk. Some days, when it was really hot, we would strip down to our bathing suits, run off the dock hand in hand, and jump straight into the water together. Oh we used to have so much fun together.

“So, does that smile on your face have anything to do with Ethan picking you up today?” Dad asked while looking straight ahead, as if he were just talking about the weather.

“About that,
Dad
. Since when is he working for you at the shop towing cars? I didn’t know you’d even bought a tow truck. And why
him
? Are there not plenty of other buddies around who could drive for you instead? For the record, my smile was
not
about Ethan. I was about remembering all the fun times I’ve had in this old truck of yours.”

He’s smiling at that, but he doesn’t say anything. Probably figures he has me stirred up enough. Besides, in a way, he was right; I was smiling about the memories with Ethan playing through my mind like an old-time movie. I was
not
, however, smiling about seeing him today. My plan was to try to avoid him by staying home and spending time with Mom, or at the shop with Dad. I figured if Dad was open to it that I might have a few ideas for the business. Looks like he’s already expanding on his own though. I
have
mentioned a few things in the past, but he never seemed interested before. Guess he was paying more attention than I thought.

Either way, he knew Ethan and I were no longer on speaking terms and haven’t been for four long years. Forcing us to be around each other is not going to change that. I hate how my body betrayed me today just by seeing him. As soon as I saw him, I was filled with an ache, just begging for relief. I was able to ignore it for the most part, but I know if I don’t stay clear of him I won’t be able to stand it much more.

Damn it! I throw a wrench down on top of my toolbox. Every day, my mind wanders to Andi. Every fucking day. What is she doing? How is she doing? Who is she doing it with? I hope she’s enjoying college. Blah, blah blah. It’s the same old story, ever since we had our falling out. I’ve missed her so damn bad, yet there she was right in front of me today and I once again didn’t tell her any of the feelings I have for her. Yes, I will admit, feelings I
still
have for her. There’s not one ounce of me that doesn’t love her, even after all this time. I don’t think she has anyone significant in her life right now—at least Ron doesn’t let on that she does. I seriously don’t think I could handle it if she fell in love with someone else.

Seeing her today, leaning against her car, she looked like an angel. The sun blazing in the background only highlighted how beautiful she is. Her smooth hair hanging down on one side had a magical shine to it. I’m so glad to see she still wears it long. I think it’s actually longer than I ever remember it before; I figured she would have chopped it off as soon as she left just to piss me off. She always used to tease me that she was going to because she knew how much I liked her long hair.

She’s really blossomed while she’s been away. Not that she wasn’t in shape before, but she is definitely not slacking. It looks like I’m not the only one who’s taking to working out. I was so awestruck that she actually took my breath away for a minute. That Texas sun sure looks good on her.

I picture that sexy face of hers trying to show how mad she was.
That pissed-off look hasn’t changed much though.
Even mad at me, she’s still the sexiest girl I have ever known. I would love to have a taste of those hot lips she pouted at me.

Of course, I had to remind myself that she didn’t want me to be a part of her life anymore. That just pissed me off all over again. I hated being an ass to her, but I’m mad. I’m mad that she could take off for a different college than what we planned and not even tell me about it until the day of our fight. She didn’t even tell me she’d applied there. I know we weren’t together as in boyfriend/girlfriend together, but damn it, I thought we told each other everything. I thought we’d be going to school together. She had other plans though, and I had a baby on the way.

Or so I thought.

I hang my head and let that day wash through me like the bad dream it was. I was standing in the middle of Dad’s garage. Even though Dad has been gone for some time now, I still think of it as if he were still here. It will probably never be
just
Mom’s place.

Kelly walked into my dad’s garage with a smile on her face and said she needed to talk. So we went to the deck of Mom and Dad’s house and sat at the picnic table. She looked me straight in the eye and said we were having a baby, due in February. Of course, I was shocked because we’d only been together that night I woke up with her on my lap; plus, she was supposed to be on the pill. All I could think about was how I was going to be a dad when I didn’t even have the guts to tell Andi I loved her, that I had for as long as I could remember. How was I going to tell her that Kelly was pregnant with my child?

I thought that the day Andi took off and moved to Texas was the worst day of my life. I was heartbroken. I lost weight because I couldn’t eat. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t sleep. I lost all motivation for life, period. I tried to hide it from Kelly, but she wasn’t dumb. She knew I didn’t love her, which was why she’d concocted the entire story about being pregnant with my baby. As I quickly found out, not only was she lying about there being a baby but she was also telling stories about us and our future. I wouldn’t be surprised if she’d been telling Andi lies before she left. For all I know, that’s what had fueled our argument to begin with.

The day I found out Kelly was indeed
not
pregnant, I went straight to Ron’s shop to see him. I was planning on asking about Andi and how she was; I was
not
planning on him asking me to work for him full time. He stated that he was looking to expand and, after everything he’d taught me through the years, he would love for me to be the man to help him make that happen.

There was no way I would even think about turning him down. After my dad had passed when I was about eleven years old, Ron kind of took me under his wing. Andi and I were already best friends, always at one house or the other. When we were at her house, we would often go to the shop with Ron. We both loved working on cars, and Ron would teach us how things came apart then let us put them back together again. I always loved it, so naturally I worked in the garage more and more as I got older.

I have work to do, and I need to get it done. I promised Ron I would have this car done before I left; I need to get out of here fast so I can clear my mind.
Okay, Ethan, pull yourself together and get it done.
I find the wrench to tighten the bolt.

I finish in record time, leaving a note for Ron with a list of everything I did. Then I jump on my bike and peel out of the lot. This is what I need, some fresh, open air with the wind hitting me in the face. I focus on the road and keep my mind clear of everything. Riding is my escape from the world, so to speak; I tune out everything and just focus on the bike. Besides, the last thing I want is to wreck on this thing. My dad always used to say, “There are two types of motorcycle riders out there, the ones who
have
wrecked and the ones who are going to. Make sure you’re always on the ‘going to’ side and stay extra cautious. Whenever you get comfortable, that’s when you should worry, son.”

I don’t ever plan to be either one of them, so I try to keep my head clear of any distractions, thus creating my escape time.

As I ride around for a while, I realize where I find myself heading. Even though I tell myself to turn around, I know I can’t do it; I keep going like a moth to the flame. I remind myself this isn’t a good way to stay away from her, or to keep her from seeing how much she hurt me by leaving me behind, yet I’m still going.

She never even called to apologize. Hell, it wasn’t like I could call her; every time I did try she sent it straight to voicemail. She made it clear when she took off that she didn’t want to talk to me anymore. I’m sure I hurt her probably as much as she hurt me, and I knew how I was feeling so I can imagine how she was. I know she doesn’t love me the same way I love her, but I also know she cared about me. She always seemed to love me more like she would a brother. And I . . . well, I was
in
love with her. Who am I kidding; I’m just as in love with her now as I was then. There’s no mistaking the way my heart started pounding as I climbed out of the truck and saw her standing there today. Ron never said a word about who I was going to pick up, he just hollered for me in the shop and told me to go. I don’t know what his game is, but hopefully it’s a good thing.

I park my bike on the back side of the property and hop the fence into the thin mesh of trees there. Just as I’m through, I spot her lying on the dock, staring straight at me. I’d just turn and run back for my bike, but she’s already seen me. Hell, maybe I should anyway, considering this is her family property. Then again, since she’s seen me, I may as well say hi. I really want to move past our fight and at least stop avoiding each other. I need to tell her how I feel this time and if she doesn’t feel the same then I’ll know and can move on. No more ‘what ifs.’ I need her in my life either way.

As I head towards her, she doesn’t say a word. She’s lying back, propped up on her elbows, legs dangling off the dock, feet barely touching the water. It takes me back to a time where I would have normally run up to her and pushed her in the pond or at least laid down beside her and we would have started up a conversation wherever we’d left off. Instead, we have all this tension in the air and it hurts so damn much.

I walk onto the dock, standing there for a few seconds before deciding I should probably apologize for trespassing on her family’s property. Even though I’ve been doing it for as long as I can remember. Ron and Bev know about it, although they’ve never said anything to me before about it.

“I didn’t know you were here. I’m sorry to have bothered you. I figured you would be down at the house with your parents.”

“Since when did you have the right to worry about where I would be, Ethan? I’m a big girl, last time I checked, and I also didn’t know I needed to check in with you before I sat on the dock of my own family’s pond.” She stands, slamming each foot into her sandals. She’s in such a huff about it she starts to lose her balance; on instinct, I swing my arms out and catch her by the hips, pulling her tight against me.

All at once, I’m super-aware of her beautiful breasts pushing against me and how soft yet firm her backside feels in my hands. Her face is upturned and all I can see are her luscious lips just as she darts her tongue out and wets them. It’s like a magnet is pulling me towards those lips. My heart is beating so fast it might very well explode right there in my chest. Before I know it, my mouth is just a breath away from hers. I lick my lips in anticipation and then I see it in her eyes—the desire I’m feeling is reflected there. She wants me just as much as I want her.