Chelsea (The Club Girl Diaries Book 2) (17 page)

“I’m so sorry. I really didn’t know. I was just so desperate to get this study done. I need to pass this before they’ll let me apply for college.” She sucked in air desperately as she tried to calm her tears. They were real tears. Not put on so that she didn’t lose her job or because she was attempting to get herself out of trouble.

I wasn’t heartless. This young girl was trying to make something of herself and she’d simply made a mistake. The Brothers by Blood didn’t just own X-Rated, we gave a fuck about our girls. It was why people wanted to work for us.

Blizzard caught my eye and I nodded.

“Look, Hayley,” he was better at this shit than me, “you fucked up. Now we have to make a plan so that you can move on.”

Her eyes widened in surprise and flicked between the two of us. “You’re not going to fire me?”

Blizzard shook his head. “How ‘bout you take a few days off, get your study done. We will pay you for it, then when your tests are over you can start making up the hours here and there whenever you have time.”

“Oh my gosh, really?” she gasped and looked over at me and I nodded. “Oh wow! Thank you so much. I promise I won’t do it again.” She stood quickly and I stepped aside, pulling the door open for her as she continued to thank us over and over.

When she’d disappeared down the hall, I looked over to Blizzard. “Good kid.”

He ran his fingers through his hair. “I swear, they just keep getting younger and younger.”

I shrugged. “Life, sometimes it throws you a curve ball.”

He nodded, both of us relieved this time that it was a simple fix. I felt my phone vibrate in my front pocket and pulled it out to check the caller.

I groaned. “Harmony.”

Blizzard laughed and headed for the door. “Have fun with that.”

I cringed. I’d flicked Kit a quick message letting him know what was going on so that Harmony could be there for her friend. I’d been expecting her call.

“Harmony.”

“You let her walk out?” She basically screamed at me down the line.

I rolled my eyes. “We don’t keep club whores chained to the walls nowadays, Harm. You should know that.”

“The fact that you are still calling her that is such a testament to your intelligence,” she sneered.

I sat down on the sofa that Hayley had vacated, thinking I’d probably need it for this conversation. “So what, you suddenly find that term offensive?”

“No, I don’t find it offensive. Don’t turn this shit around on me. I find you calling
her
that, offensive. Men don’t call the woman they are
in love with
, whores. Just saying.” Harmony was angry. I’d seen her angry before, the difference was that back then she hadn’t been an Old Lady and she’d contained her shit. I was paying for it now.

“Your Old Man know you’re on the phone blowing up a brother?”

I could practically see her grinning. “You say that like he has a say in the matter.”

“Pussy whipped fucker,” I muttered.

“Go and get her, Optimus.” Her voice suddenly changed, her tone now soft and pleading.

I scrubbed at my face. “Not that simple, Harm.”

She sighed. “I know you think what you’re doing is right. In your head, it seems logical but it’s just not. Chelsea is hurting. When she hurts, she runs. And when she decides to run … What if you never find her?” Her voice broke and I felt a stab in my chest. “I wish I was there to talk sense into her, Op. I know she has Rose, and I’m grateful for that. But she doesn’t want me, she doesn’t want Rose, she wants you. You have to show her that you need her to stay.”

I listened to her go on and on for a good five minutes. I couldn’t deal with the sentimental stuff. I’d rather she yelled and screamed. I know Harmony was protective of her friend, but Chelsea was stronger than people thought. She’d been through some rough shit and come out the other side of it, not quite unscathed. She just tended to take things a lot more to heart than Harm. I wanted to say something, but I couldn’t. My throat was closing up and I couldn’t decide if I wanted to hit something or fucking cry. I hated this emotional bullshit.

I opened my mouth to speak just as a deafening shriek filled the air.

Harmony gasped. “What was that?”

I shot out of the room and headed in the direction I thought it had come from. “Harm, I gotta go. I’ll call you back.” I didn’t wait for her to answer. I stopped abruptly, the supply door to the club was open and Lucy, one of the strippers who’d been with us for years stood in the doorway, staring at me, her eyes as wide as saucers.

“Lucy? Are you all right?” I asked, stepping toward her cautiously.

I heard pounding feet behind me, Blizzard, Camo, and Connor all pulling up in line with me.

“I...I just had to take the garbage out.” She stuttered, her hands visibly shaking. I stepped out the doors and looked to the left where the skip was that held the club’s trash. Falling into a crouching position, my hands going directly to my head. “Fuck.
Fuck!”

Hailey’s hair was still wavy and soft like it had been when I’d seen her less than ten minutes ago. But her eyes, they just stared at me, her body crumpled against the large metal skip. A knife protruded from her heart. There was no way she would have survived.

“Oh man, Hayley.” Connor moved around me as I just balanced there, staring at her. He took her hand in his and held it to his cheek. His voice was raw and angry. “She didn’t deserve this. She wanted a life. She wanted something better for that little girl. She didn’t fucking deserve this.”

I pushed off the ground, turning to my boys. Camo had his arms wrapped around Lucy and she was sobbing into his chest, but he held his shoulders back like he was ready to walk straight into battle. Blizzard looked much the same. Both of us aware that things had just escalated to a whole other level.

This girl was ours. She belonged to the club.

Connor was right.

She didn’t fucking deserve this.

“Send out the word. I want eyes on all the girls at all times, club girls, strippers, old ladies.” Camo and Blizzard nodded. I took one last look at Hayley as she was cradled gently in Connor’s arms.

Our eyes met.

“She gets justice,” he said through his teeth.

“No fucking problem.”

I realized just how lucky I was to have a friend like Rose. Her apartment was two bedrooms and she invited me to stay for as long as I needed. It would make things a lot easier since I wasn’t expecting any more money from the club, and I needed to quickly find a job so I could pay for what was left of my classes at college. I’d had a little put away, but it wouldn’t take me long to go through that.

Luckily Rose already had a spare bed in the other room, so that was one less thing I was going to have to think about.

I looked up as the door to my new room pushed open. I had yet to go to sleep and it was now 9:00 a.m. I just couldn’t turn my brain off. My eyes ached, my head pounded and my heart hurt. There was no more dramatic way to describe how I was feeling. It was just that simple.

My heart hurt.

Rose popped into the room, a soft smile on her face. “Don’t suppose you’re going to come to class today?” She had her backpack thrown over one shoulder and was dressed in a casual pair of jeans and a navy blue T-shirt. I tried to smile back at her, but I’m sure it looked more like a grimace.

“I think I’ll pass today. I went to the bathroom just before and looked in the mirror. I look like I’ve been two rounds with
Muhammad Ali
,” I told her, gesturing to my swollen puffy eyes.

Her smile stayed, but slowly turned into not one of encouragement, but to one of pity. “You look beautiful, Chelsea,” she told me softly.

I huffed out a quiet laugh. “Thanks, Rose. It’s okay. I’ll catch up with you later. I doubt I’ll be leaving the building today.”

She nodded. “I’ll let the biker-bum-boy out the front know.” She winked before turning and strutting out the door.

I had to laugh. Rose was unpredictable. One moment she was sweet and soft and you’d think maybe she had been broken before, it was something I still wondered about. But then she throws out that sass and it’s like she’s a whole different person.

So Optimus still had a man on me.

I tried not to read too much into it.

I know he wanted me safe and it was a prospect’s job to do all the dirty duties. It was no skin off Op’s nose to have one man out all day babysitting. Optimus never denied his feelings for me. In fact, he’d straight up admitted them last night. He said he couldn’t breathe when I wasn’t near.

Good, I hope he suffocates.

The thought made me smile. I was all out of tears. The dam had run dry, but it didn’t mean that there weren’t still thousands of thoughts and memories swirling around my brain. I decided to attempt to get up and do some study. I couldn’t let this feeling consume me because I knew if I let it take me over, I’d end up crawling right back to him, and this whole
me being strong shit
and walking away would’ve been for nothing.

I couldn’t let the pain I was feeling be for nothing.

I threw the blankets off me and went in search of my backpack that had my laptop and school books in it, finding it sitting next to the front door. There was a small window next to the door, I pulled on the curtain subtly and took a peek outside. A bike was parked at the curb outside and a club member sitting at the bottom of our staircase, cigarette hanging from his fingers. As I thought, there was only a prospect patch across the back of his cut, they didn’t get their full patch until they were voted in as a full member.

I couldn’t tell who it was, as they had a hood pulled up over their head and I knew both Ham and Neil smoked. I sighed and let the curtain fall back into place. I knew the ins and outs of the club like I’d been born into the life. Sometimes I’d wonder whether everything in life had its purpose.
Were we actually in control of our destinies, or was that something that was controlled by fate?

I loved my parents and I missed them every single fucking day, but what if they had never died? What if I’d never found the club?

I know I felt as though the club filled the void that I’d missed by not having a stable family while I was growing up, but what if it was more than that? What if the club was where I was meant to be? What if fate had wanted me to find the brothers?

I shook my head.

Fate must be a cruel bitch if she put me through all the shit in my life, killing my mom and dad, throwing me into homes where I had
‘parents’
that only cared about the paycheck I bought them every week, only to lead me here where she knew I was going to have my heart broken.

I felt ill.

I never meant to come here and fall in love. It was the last thing on my mind the night I walked into the Brothers by Blood clubhouse. I was looking for hot men and sex. Plenty of no strings attached, don’t care if I never see you again sex. What I ended up with was a home, a best friend, a man who stole my heart and a clubhouse full of guys who would lay their lives on the line for mine.

My back hit the door as I struggled against the emotions, fighting them, trying so hard not to let them consume me. I slid to the floor with a thump, a jolt of pain shooting up my spine.

It was suddenly hitting me.

Walking away had caused me to lose more than just the man I loved - I’d walked away from a family I never thought I would have again. Once again, I felt like I’d lost everything and that tunnel of darkness was slowly creeping up on me, threatening to pull me inside.

This is why I’d spent my life running.

If I didn’t get attached, then nothing could hurt me.

I ran because I was afraid.

I was scared of being happy—finally being happy—and then having it all ripped away from me all over again.

Run, don’t stop running.

The voice echoed in my head like it had many times before. My hands pulled at my hair in frustration
. I should have run
. I shouldn’t have stayed.
I should have run.
I should have listened.

I’d let Optimus in. I’d let him and the club allow me to feel safe and content. I’d fought the urge to run because I’d found a place where I could feel okay again. I’d found people who took me for me, who supported me, loved me with no expectations or agenda.

Just like a normal family would.

I’d found what I knew was my place in the world.

And now what?
Now, I’d just thrown it all away because I couldn’t keep my feelings in any longer. I grabbed the item nearest to me, a pair of high heels that lay next to the door, and threw them across the room. They hit a lamp next to the sofa and it crashed to the ground.

I scrambled to my feet, my body needed some kind of release. I needed to let everything out and I was done crying. I was done feeling weak, sitting here, waiting for him to admit how he felt.

It wasn’t his fault.

It was mine.

I should have run.

I tossed my backpack across the room, the contents spilling out as it hit the floor. The crash of my computer against the hard wooden floor feeling almost satisfying. I slammed my hand against the wall and screamed, the low vibrations enough to cause my throat to hurt. It felt like sandpaper, but it felt good.

“Chelsea?” There was a banging at the door, but I ignored it, continuing to attack anything I could find.

I’d lost it.

I was breaking.

I tried to scream again, but instead it came out as a sob as I took hold of one of the dining table chairs and threw it to the ground. There was a loud bang and I jumped like I’d been shocked with a cattle prod. Boots pounded against the floor and Ham came into view looking around frantically for the source of all the noise.

“Fuck, Chel. I thought someone was in here beating the shit out of you,” he said finally as his eyes scanned my body checking for any signs that I was hurt.

I gripped the kitchen table with both hands. My legs were threatening to give way, every part of my body was telling me to give up. Everything was hitting me at once and it was almost too much. I stared at Ham, unable to even speak. I placed a hand over my mouth, trying to force down the tears that I thought were done.

Ham eyed me carefully, taking a few small steps toward me. “Hey, it’s okay.”

I took a deep breath and that’s when I felt it.

My heart broke.

I could feel it in my chest, shattering into pieces.

Some might say it was impossible. But I knew.

Ham’s hands flew out and caught me just as my body crashed. He pulled me into his chest and cradled me like a baby, rocking me back and forth and making soothing noises. “Chel, it’s okay. I’ve got you.”

I gave in. I let him comfort me even as every other part of me protested, my mind screaming at me to run.

But I was tired.

I didn’t want to run anymore.

I wanted to be happy.

I could have been happy.

But now, I was just broken.