Chelsea (The Club Girl Diaries Book 2) (7 page)

“Hey Chel,” Harmony chimed.

“Did you know?” I cried, attempting to hold my cell between my ear and my shoulder as I threw clothes into a bag.

There was silence for a minute. “Oh, Chelsea,” she whispered softly.

“You knew!” I gasped, feeling tears begin to burn once again.

Did everyone know but me?

“Kit only told me yesterday. He wanted to warn me.”

I scoffed. “He wanted to warn you that your best friend might be about to lose the plot.” I let loose a sarcastic laugh. “Thanks, Kit!”

“You need to talk to him, Chelsea. Let him explain.” I heard him call from in the background. I knew he’d be there.

“I’ve saved a room for you,” Harmony said softly.

“Harmony! Tell her to talk to him,” Kit growled.

I swallowed. Harmony knew me well. She’d been the only one I’d really talked to about what it was like for me growing up. She knew I wasn’t going to stop to talk to him, she knew I was going to run.

“I need to find Blizzard and ask if it’s okay that I leave.”

Club girls weren’t allowed to go away overnight without getting permission from Optimus or Blizzard first. It was important that they knew where we were at all times, just in case something happened and they needed to get a hold of us in a hurry.

“Do you want me to call him?” she offered.

I shook my head, stupid even though I knew she couldn’t see me. “I’m a big girl. I’ll do it.”

“Okay, I love you, Chel. Just hang in there and I’ll see you in a few hours.”

I sniffed. I missed Harmony more than I thought I did. She’d joined the club just before me, the attraction to the men and the parties and the lifestyle just too perfect to give up. We bonded straight away and never looked back. We both came from backgrounds, where relying on others to be there for you and care for you was just too much to ask. We’d learned to never expect anything from anyone. We were independent and while I had dreams of one day being swept off my feet, I didn’t need a man to run my life. I did just fine by myself.

I finished packing my bag and went in search of Blizzard. When he wasn’t in his room, I knew I would have to venture back out to the main room and risk seeing Optimus on the way. I took a deep breath as I stepped into the main room, blowing it back out slowly when I realized it was basically empty bar Wrench and Ham.

“Blizzard around?” I called over to them as they sat huddled at a table. Wrench looked up and gestured with his head to the opposite hall.

“Op’s office.”

Walking through avoiding eye contact, I knocked on the office door. But when it opened it wasn’t Blizzard.

Wrench that bastard.

I took a step back, but Optimus growled, “Stop it, Chelsea. Get in here.”

“I want to talk to Blizzard.”

“Well, he ain’t fucking here.” He stepped to the side, holding the door open and giving me space to walk past. My body shook. Every part of me was screaming run, go, run. Every part of me except my heart. My heart desperately wanted him to explain and had hopes that things were not what they seemed.
“Now.”

I jumped but fell quickly into line. I’d let him say his piece, then I’d go. I stood awkwardly in the middle of his office as he closed the door behind me.

“What did you need Blizzard for?” he asked as he circled around in front of me.

“I want to go visit Harmony. I’m leaving now,” I said sharply.

“No.”

My head shot up in surprise. “What?”

“I said no,” he repeated calmly as he walked around his desk. He placed a hand on the back of his chair but didn’t sit down. I clenched my fists, trying to remind myself that I needed to keep my emotions in check. “I know you, Chelsea. You’re scared. Your mind is telling you to get the fuck outta here. That’s what you do. Well, stop. Stop and talk to me.”

I hated that he knew me so well, and with the events of this morning it was evident that I didn’t know who he was at all. My mind wouldn’t work and my mouth felt dry. “She’s yours.”

He nodded. “She’s mine.”

“How old is she?”

I saw a smile tug in the corner of his mouth. I could tell just by that simple gesture that his love for his daughter was strong. “Harlyn is five.”

I swallowed, trying to wet my dry throat. “And her mom?”

His eyes met mine. “That would be Sugar.”

I coughed out a laugh and gripped a hold of the office chair that sat in front of me. “Awesome. Well, I wish you both the best.” I turned for the door.

“Sugar and I haven’t been together for a very long time,” he tried to explain. “My brothers are the only ones that knew about them, and they were never allowed to speak a word of it to anyone.”

I sighed but refused to turn around. “And you never thought that this was something that I deserved to know?”

“I don’t make a point of letting club whores know my business.”

I laughed and spun around to face him, pointing my finger accusingly. “And there it is.”

“That’s not what I—”

“No, don’t take it back now. Let’s just get it out there!” I beamed with fake enthusiasm. “You’re an MC President and I’m just a whore.”

He swung his fist and it slammed into the wall to his left. “Stop putting words in my fucking mouth, Chelsea!”

I flinched, but I powered through. There was no stopping now. I knew I was disrespecting him, I knew I was disrespecting the club, but the pain that this had caused was like a stab to the heart with a venomous knife, and slowly but surely the darkness was taking over my body. The logic in my brain told me that he really hadn’t done anything wrong.

He was right—I was just a club whore, and club whores had no business making demands or expecting information they weren’t entitled to.

But the pain in my heart wouldn’t stop. What had begun as a dull ache was now completely destroying me.

I was angry.

I was hurt.

I felt like I’d been deceived.

“Why can’t you just grow some balls and admit it?” I yelled at him across the room.

“You’re walking a fine line, Chelsea,” he growled over my outburst. He was furious.

“Just admit it. I’m not good enough for you!” Now the tears had started. They filled my eyes and quickly burst the small dam. I scowled through the tears, trying to hide the pain in my heart, behind the anger in my soul. “All I am to you is another piece of ass.”

Fake it till you make it.

Hide the pain.

Run.

I saw his face soften only slightly, and he moved around his desk toward me. “Chelsea, that’s not it.”

“Bullshit. I’m convenient, nothing more than that.” I shook my head. “I guess I’m not surprised. Three years we’ve been doing this ridiculous dance.”

“What do you want? You want me to make you an Old Lady?” he snapped.

“Have I ever asked you to make me anything? Have I ever asked for more than what you give me?”

He frowned at me. “You aren’t like the other club girls, I know that.”

“Exactly,” I said, my legs shaking and tears sliding down my cheeks. “I’ve never asked you for anything, Optimus. I’ve never asked you to give a shit about me. I’ve never asked you to show me a side of you that I know your brothers don’t see, and I’ve never asked you to spend every night holding me and telling me how beautiful I am, even though you could have just fucked me and left. Yet, you still can’t admit that you have actual feelings for me because falling in love with a whore is just so God damn beneath you.”

He reached out to me, wrapping his large hand around my slim wrist and pulling me close. The fire in me calmed as soon as I felt his body against mine. My thick hoodie and denim jeans did nothing to protect me from the warmth I always felt when his body was against mine. With one hand holding me close, the other gripped my jaw—almost too tightly—and lifted my face up so I had no choice but to look into his eyes.

“You mean more to me than any fucking woman I’ve ever met,” he whispered softly. I opened my mouth to speak, but he cut me off. “No. You’ve had your say, now you’re going to shut that pretty little mouth and listen.” His hand moved from my wrist to my hip and his finger kneaded at the muscles there. “Yes, I am the president of this MC, which means people would do crazy things in order to hurt me. That’s the reason Sugar and Harlyn live so far away, and that’s the reason why it’s better for us to be this way. But that does not mean that I don’t care about you or think of you as some lowly whore. Because Blackbird, you’re so much more than that.” His tone was soft and his words hit me hard.

It was at that point that I knew, even with all the shit I’d been through in my life, Optimus was going to be the one to break me.

The office door swung open and I quickly turned away, brushing at the wetness on my cheeks and trying to hide my face.

“Dad! This place is awesome! Did you know you had a playground? Do you play on the playground? You should come play on it with me.” The little voice talked so fast I wondered where she found the time to breathe.

I didn’t even have to look at Optimus to know that he had the most stunning smile on his face. It’s like his mood could change the whole feel of a room, that’s just how powerful his energy was.

“Maybe soon, Harlyn. Daddy’s just talking to Chelsea.”

After a few minutes of silence, I felt a tug on my shirt and turned to find the most beautiful little girl standing at my side. Auburn colored hair framed her heart-shaped face that shone brightly up at me like I was her favorite cartoon character. “Are you, Chelsea?”

I couldn’t help but smile as Harlyn’s baby blues glittered. I shot a questioning glance at Optimus. A smile pulled at the corner of his mouth as he nodded, giving me permission to speak with his daughter.

I dropped myself to the floor on my knees and sat back, placing my hands on my lap. “I am. What’s your name?”

A grinned flashed across her face, her smile stunning even with a tooth missing. “My name is Harlyn! That’s my dad, did you know that?” She pointed over her shoulder, but her eyes stayed fixed on me.

I gasped and covered my mouth. “No, I didn’t! That’s kind of cool.”

She nodded enthusiastically and moved a little closer to me and whispered, “He’s the president.”

“What does that mean?” I whispered back.

“It means he gets to boss people around and they have to do what he says.” She rolled her eyes and I held in a laugh. “But not me. Because I’m his daughter. Mommy says I have him wrapped around my little finger, but he’s quite big.”

“He is, isn’t he,” I agreed.

“Will you come and play with us on the playground?”

I smiled at the young girl. “I wish I could, but I’m just saying goodbye. I’m going away to visit a friend for a few days. Maybe we can play when I get back?” I avoided looking up at Op, knowing I would get my escape now.

Harlyn held up her hand. It was in a fist all except for her pinkie finger. “Do you pinkie promise?” I tilted my head at the little girl curiously. “Daddy says you can’t break a pinkie promise. When he visits me he always pinkie promises me that he will come back and he always does.” Harlyn turned her head and grinned up at her dad. She looked at him like he was her hero—I couldn’t blame her, at one point I’d felt the same way.