Checkmate (34 page)

'Hi, Callie Rose.'

I glanced up. 'Oh hi, Lucas.'

Lucas faked a shiver. 'Brrrr! That greeting came with an Arctic wind!'

'Should I jump up and down and clap my hands with glee instead? Or how about I call you Looooo-cassssss!' I asked, affecting Bliss's pathetic girly tone.

'Please don't,' Lucas said seriously.

I looked around. Already we were the focus of an awful lot of attention. This whole situation was getting beyond a joke. Sammi believed my story about what happened at Bliss's party, but I'm not sure Rafiya and Audra did. The sly or snide comments and hushed asides around me were too many to ignore.

'I've never been so popular,' said Lucas dryly.

'I'm glad one of us is enjoying this,' I said, annoyed.

'I didn't mean it that way,' said Lucas. 'I told all my friends the truth about what really happened but even the ones who were at the party reckon there must've been more to it than what they saw.'

'If you can't believe your own eyes, don't believe your own eyes. And if you don't like the story you're told, make one up,' I said with disgust.

'Something like that,' Lucas agreed. 'I keep telling everyone that we're just good friends but everyone wants a love story.'

'You mean a sex story,' I corrected.

Lucas nodded. I looked at him, slightly puzzled. Just good friends . . . When did that happen? Not that I was about to argue. I liked Lucas and it was kind of cool having him like me. That didn't happen too often.

'What?' Lucas asked.

'I was just thinking about the meal we had after Bliss's party that night,' I said.

'What about it?'

'It was kind of you to bother.'

'No bother. I enjoyed it,' said Lucas. 'And to be honest, I was glad to get away. Bliss calling my name every five seconds was giving me a headache. I hope your boyfriend didn't give you too much grief for having a meal with me.'

'What boyfriend would that be?' I asked, surprised.

'Isn't Tobey your boyfriend?'

'Are you kidding me? Of course not.'

'Oh, I thought he was.'

'I don't have a boyfriend,' I denied.

A smile lit a path across Lucas's face. 'Wanna go out with me then?'

'What? And let everyone think they're right about the two of us?' I asked.

'They're going to think that anyway. Besides, you didn't strike me as the type who cared what other people thought,' said Lucas.

'I don't.'

'Prove it then,' Lucas challenged.

'Yeah, OK,' I replied. 'I'd love to.'

'This weekend? Cinema and a meal?'

Lucas obviously wasn't one to hang about.

'Fine.'

'I'll see what's on and phone you,' said Lucas.

I watched him run off to join his mates further down the corridor. Sammi and Audra came running up to me from nowhere.

'We were watching,' said Audra breathlessly. 'What was that all about?'

'Lucas asked me out on a date,' I said.

'And you're going?' asked Sammi.

'Yeah. Why not?'

Sammi and Audra exchanged a significant glance.

'What?' I asked.

'Nothing,' they both replied at once.

I was about to ask them what that swapped look meant, but decided against it. After all, like Lucas said, I didn't particularly care what anyone thought. Much.

I thought, I
hoped
I'd seen the last of this hospital room. But here I am again and the prognosis isn't promising. I offered to let them do a full mastectomy this time, not just the lumpectomy I'd insisted on before. But apparently that ship has not only sailed but is now on the other side of the world. So I'm to have regular chemotherapy sessions and I have to take a whole pharmacy of pills. What was it Sephy said would be my epitaph?

Here lies Jasmine Hadley,

She died of embarrassment.

And two years ago, she would've been right. When I look back at that time, I can't believe how foolishly I behaved. How ridiculous to be afraid to go to my doctor and ask for help on something personal. Almost ridiculously fatal. But my epitaph now would be far worse. Because apart from my daughters there's not a single thing I've done in my life in which I can take pride. I've never really helped anyone. I've never considered anyone besides myself and my girls. I've never done anything useful, made anyone's life better, brought joy to anyone. A pointless, worthless existence. If it weren't for my daughters I might just as well have never been born for all the good I've done in this world.

Here lies Jasmine Hadley,

She died of vanity.

She died a failure.

I hate the sound of that. I don't want to leave this world having contributed nothing. I couldn't bear that.

I know what the doctors won't tell me.

My cancer is back with a vengeance now. I think I'm dying.

And now that it's a definite prospect, all I can think about is living. Funny how dying concentrates the mind. Too little, too late. I've been such a fool. I lived in my huge house and used it to hide away from the rest of the world for so many years that by the time I was ready to emerge, I didn't know how. I was too afraid.

I don't want to die a failure. That thought haunts me more than any other. I've got to try and help Sephy and Callie Rose find each other again. If I could do that then I'd die a happy woman. But how?

How?

'EQUAL RIGHTS FOR BLACKS AND WHITES! EQUAL RIGHTS FOR BLACKS AND WHITES!'

We were marching towards the Houses of Parliament. Alex Luther, the Nought leader of the Coalition for Rights and Equality, had given an inspirational speech at the beginning of our march and now he was leading the huge crowd of Noughts and Crosses, united in one common chant. Alex's mantra was peaceful disobedience and though he was getting on in years, he was still so vibrant, so motivating.

'EQUAL RIGHTS FOR BLACKS AND WHITES!'

There were entire families on the march. Brothers and sisters, mums and dad, friends and neighbours, even kids being pushed along in buggies. And even though I was by myself, I wasn't alone. The middle-aged Nought couple marching next to me had taken me under their wing. In between chants, we'd been laughing and joking together for the last hour. They were Lara and Paul Butler, both retired, both in their late fifties. Before Lara retired, she had been a teacher in an inner-city Nought school. Paul had worked in the steel industry – when the country still had one. And they'd been fighting for the rights of Noughts since before I was born. They weren't afraid of anything.

'You've both been doing this for so long,' I said over the noise of those around me. 'Don't you ever want to just give up?'

'Never,' said Paul.

'We don't know what the word means,' Lara added, laughing.

'But after all these years you're still having to march to make yourselves heard,' I pointed out.

'Which is how we know we will be heard,' said Paul. 'The authorities would like nothing better than for all of us to stay at home and whine about the way things are and how they'll never change. But that's never going to happen. 'Cause we don't believe that. Only those with no faith and no guts think like that.'

'Or maybe those who can see the world for what it really is?' I suggested.

'You don't really believe that or you wouldn't be taking part in this march. And you're too young to be so pessimistic.' Lara waved a finger at me. 'When friends and family have gone, when all your money and possessions have gone, when even the light has gone, d'you know the one thing that will keep you going?'

I shook my head.

'Hope,' said Lara.

Hope? I wasn't even sure if I knew what the word meant any more. It wasn't something I could touch or hold onto. It felt like something I'd lost quite a while ago.

But maybe I could get it back.

Paul and Lara made me feel that anything was possible.

So we marched in an almost carnival atmosphere, banners flying and us marchers waving at everyone, whether they cheered us or jeered us. It didn't matter. We walked in the road, blocking the traffic so that we couldn't be ignored. I'd never done anything like this before. It was amazing. Of course, I hadn't told Mum or Nana Meggie where I was going or what I was going to do. They'd only have turned the whole thing into an unnecessary drama. So I'd told them I was going out shopping with Sammi and instead Uncle Jude had driven me all the way to the capital so I could be part of the march. As Uncle said, it was my chance to make a difference, the sort of thing the
L.M.
encouraged. I was part of a protest rally that meant something. And it was the most thrilling experience of my life.

Until the hordes of police arrived. And then the whole thing turned into a nightmare. They came on horseback and on foot, in military formation, and charged at us with truncheons and batons and pepper spray and Taser guns. They charged at us for no reason. They were the mob and we marchers just scattered and ran for our lives. We were screaming and crying and trying to ask them why, but none of them would listen. They laid into us like we were nothing, which in their eyes was exactly what we were.

I tried to duck down out of sight behind some bins. I thought I was safe until some instinct had me spinning round, just in time to see a copper charging at me, a Taser in his hand. I tried to run but the huge bins and the copper were blocking my only escape routes. I put my hand up to surrender but it didn't make any difference. The copper wasn't taking any prisoners. He lunged at me with his Taser gun and an electric shock like nothing I'd ever felt before violently shook my body before I dropped like a stone to the ground. Still shaking violently, I involuntarily wet myself. I couldn't help it. My body was still quaking and I had no control over any of it, not my muscles, not my organs, not even my breathing. I really thought I was going to die. Two of the marchers came running up behind the copper, who was trying to drag me along the ground, and they all started fighting. I could see their feet scuffling around, almost dancing. Terrified one or more of them would step on me, I tried to roll out the way, but I still had no control over my body. I tried to curl into a ball, but the links between my brain and the rest of me had been severed. I could feel that the violent spasms racking my body were beginning to lessen, which was just as well because there wasn't a bone in my body which didn't feel like it was about to snap in half.

The copper suddenly hit the floor and was jerking around like a demented puppet in front of me.

'Let's see how you like it,' the Nought protester shouted at him. I could now turn my head enough to see the Nought protester Taser the copper again with his own weapon. The other demonstrator, a young Cross man with locks, helped me to my feet.

'You need to go home,' said the Cross man. 'Things around here are getting really ugly.'

I nodded, not trusting myself to speak. With the aid of the Cross man I managed to limp painfully to the end of the road.

'There's a tube station just down there,' my benefactor said, pointing towards the river. 'Will you be able to make it?'

I nodded.

'Go home,' he ordered.

I nodded again. 'Thank you.'

The protester smiled briefly before heading back the way he came. The copper was still twitching on the ground. The man with the Taser was long gone. I could hear shouts and screams and sirens and the sounds of glass shattering behind me. My helper was heading back into all that. My trousers were wet and I felt sick and mostly I just wanted to go home. Part of me wanted to head back and help the others in the march, especially Paul and Lara, but I was too afraid.

I pulled off my jacket and tied it round my waist to hide the tell-tale stains on my trousers. Heading towards the tube station, I felt the tears streaming down my face at my lack of courage. I didn't have the nerve to stay. Paul and Lara, old as they were, had more guts than me.

I was a coward, wimping out at the first sign of trouble – and that was the bitter, unwelcome truth.