Chasing Shadows (16 page)

Simon sighed heavily and I felt his hand tentatively touch mine. Despite my reservations, I didn't pull back when he threaded his fingers with mine.

"I'm sorry. I was a jerk."

I turned to him, softening when I saw how remorseful he looked. "What the heck was that all about? I tell one stupid joke and you jump down my throat. I don't even understand why you got angry."

Simon looked straight ahead, although his grip on my hand tightened. His voice was low when he spoke. "I think it's just a combination of everything that's happened. Finding out there's a whole other world out there full of shadows that we knew nothing about. Watching Claudia almost kill you. Knowing that I killed Claudia, regardless of whether her soul was already gone. I know it's only a matter of time until you have another vision. It's only a matter of time until you put yourself in danger again. Sometimes it's all too much. It's so overwhelming that I can barely breathe."

Simon finally turned to me and I could see him struggling with conflicting emotions. I moved closer to him, understanding how he felt because I was feeling the same way. "You can talk to me about it. We can help each other get through this."

Simon frowned. "You already have enough on your plate. I don't want to be another burden."

"Simon, don't be silly. You'll never be a burden. You don't know how much strength you give me, just being by my side."

Simon cradled the back of my head with his hand, pulling me towards him. His kiss was gentle although I could feel the wealth of emotions behind it. "Promise me you'll never leave me," he whispered against my mouth. "No matter what."

"Of course, Simon."

Simon's grip on my scalp tightened. "Say it. I need to hear you say it."

I was flustered by Simon's intensity but I obliged. "I promise to never leave you."

"No matter what."

"No matter what," I repeated, my heart beating fast, disconcerted by Simon's behavior. But when he pulled back and smiled ruefully at me, he seemed like the Simon I knew. I told myself I had to be understanding about his behavior. We had both been through a lot.

We didn't mention the incident again as we drove to the airport, although I couldn't completely push it out of my mind. Kendra's boundless energy and enthusiasm helped to diffuse the situation and soon I was able to not focus on it so much.

Simon was reluctant to drop me off at my apartment after we picked Kendra up, but I needed some space. Everyone was coming over to Sarah's and my apartment for dinner before heading down to the East End, and I used the excuse of having to prepare dinner for not going back to Simon's place.

I was surprised to find Sarah lounging on the couch watching TV and working her way through a bag of potato chips when I got home. I looked around the living room comically, looking shocked.

"I didn't think it was possible. I thought you and Grant were surgically joined at the hip, but he's nowhere to be seen! It's a medical miracle!"

Sarah wrinkled her nose and threw a chip at me, which I easily caught. "You're one to talk. You and Simon are joined at the mouth. I've never seen so much PDA in my life."

I threw my coat over the recliner and sat down heavily on the couch next to Sarah. "I know, right? I'm sure it's nauseating for everyone around us. I would be annoyed too, if some couple was constantly making out in front of me. We just can't seem to keep our hands off each other."

Sarah offered me the bag of chips and I reached in for a handful. She gave me a wry smile. "It's okay, I know the feeling. It feels so weird that Grant and I are a couple now. Weird, but great. It seems like all I want to do is jump his bones all the time. Fortunately, he feels the same way." She put her arm around me. "Besides, it's nice seeing you happy with a guy for once."

I bit my lip as I contemplated Sarah's words. "So...you guys have gone all the way?"

Sarah raised her eyebrows and got up without saying a word, walking into the kitchen. I blinked in confusion but then she came back with a pint of ice cream and two spoons, handing me one. "This isn't a conversation we can have without Ben & Jerry."

I laughed at her but proceeded to scoop up some ice cream onto my spoon.

"Now, back to your question," Sarah said as she dug into the ice cream as well. "The answer is yes, we've had sex." She gave me an assessing look. "Have you?"

I flushed at the topic of conversation, not used to sharing such personal details. I had never before had such personal details to share. But if there was one person I could be honest with, it was Sarah. "Not yet. I...I don't know, it's such a big step. I love Simon, but something's stopping me."

"Does he know you're a virgin?"

I gulped, the ice cream forgotten as I lay my spoon on the coffee table. "No, I haven't gotten around to mentioning it to him. I don't want him to think I'm weird." I paused, thinking over my words. "Well, any weirder than he already thinks I am. Why does it feel like I'm the only virgin I know?"

"First of all, I doubt he thinks you're weird. You're practically a friggin' superhero, casting evil from the world. Secondly, there's nothing wrong with being a virgin. Better to be a virgin than to be like good ole' Samantha who's probably spent so much time on her back that she has trouble seeing straight."

I choked at Sarah's description of Samantha, but Sarah didn't seem to notice as she continued to talk.

"Grant and I have had sex because we're both ready. And it's not the first time for either of us." Sarah frowned. "Although I try to pretend that he's never been with anyone else, especially you-know-who. It's better for my peace of mind." Sarah shook her head, clearing her thoughts. "Anyway, it's different when it's your first time. You should wait until you feel ready. But I think you should tell Simon that you've never been with anyone."

"Why? Does it matter?"

Sarah looked at me like I was dense. "Of course it matters! He has to know that it's a big deal for you. It'll also help him understand why you want to wait. Trust me, it's important that he knows, especially the first time you do it. It can be uncomfortable for you if he doesn't take it slow."

I buried my face in my hands. "I feel like such a dork. I have the sexual maturity of a high schooler."

Sarah laughed, poking me with her spoon. I looked down at the dribble of ice cream she left on my shirt sleeve. "Ew, you got ice cream on me." I grabbed a napkin from the coffee table and wiped it off. "Enough talk about my lack of experience. In all seriousness, I thought you were hanging out with Grant today until dinner."

"He and Marcus were going over the set list for tonight for the millionth time, and it was mind-numbingly boring, so I decided to work on my TV and junk food quota. I thought you were spending the day with Simon."

"We just picked up Kendra from the airport and I told Simon I needed to go home to start cooking dinner."

Sarah checked the clock on the wall. "It's two o'clock and we told everyone to come at seven. What exactly are you planning on making that takes five hours?"

"I just needed some breathing room. As much as I enjoy spending time with Simon, it's hard to deal with the memories of what happened in Connecticut. And sometimes when I'm with him, it all comes rushing back."

Sarah looked concerned as she set the ice cream on the table. She was the only one that I had told the truth to, swearing her to secrecy. If the authorities ever found out that Simon had been the one to kill Claudia, he would have a lot of explaining to do. Sarah had been shocked when she found out that Simon had killed Claudia, though I hadn't told her about his unnerving calmness immediately afterwards, as if stabbing a girl to death and tampering with a crime scene was an everyday occurrence. I didn't want to run the risk of Sarah thinking badly of Simon. Besides, he had saved my life.

"How are you dealing with everything? Have the visions started again?"

"No, and that's the problem. I feel like I'm just waiting to have one, so I can
do
something. I hate just sitting around, helpless."

Sarah bit her lip as she contemplated her next words. "But wouldn't that be a good thing? If you never had visions again?"

"That doesn't make it not real. There are still vardogers out there hurting people. Killing them. My aunt is still missing. And I'm just spending my life going to class and hanging out at a bar, listening to my boyfriend's band."

Sarah sighed sympathetically. "I guess I understand, although if it were up to me, you'd never have to deal with those things again." She shuddered, her expression darkening. "I'll never forget what it felt like to see that...thing on top of you, attacking you. And to not be able to do anything to help you."

"Let's forget it for today." I forced myself to put on a cheerful expression. Sarah shouldn't be burdened with all this. She was finally with Grant, and she should be reveling in it, not worrying about me. "Today, I'm just a girl with a hot boyfriend and the best friend ever, and I'm going to spend the night watching my boyfriend play with his band as other girls drool over him. Then I'm going to grope him until everyone gets sickened by our PDA."

Sarah burst out laughing, picking up the ice cream again. "I like that plan."

"Before I forget, I told Simon I would go home with him for Thanksgiving. I hope you don't mind."

Sarah grinned at me widely. "Why would I mind? Just make sure I catch the bouquet."

I laughed, grateful that Sarah could always make me feel better. We spent the rest of the afternoon like we used to pre-Simon and Grant, watching mindless TV and debating the merits of each
Housewives
reality show franchise. We then cooked dinner together and I felt truly at ease, no longer having to pretend to feel carefree.

Jenny and Marcus were the first to arrive. Although Jenny claimed their relationship was still strictly platonic, they seemed to be spending an inordinate amount of time together, and I saw how Jenny never missed a chance to touch him.

Simon and Kendra arrived shortly after them, and Simon kissed me like he hadn't seen me in days again. I was cognizant of Sarah's earlier mention of our PDA, but I couldn't help leaning into him, our kiss a little too intimate for an audience.

I pulled away, feeling embarrassed as I glanced at Kendra who was standing right next to us, not missing a thing. It was one thing to make out in front of our friends; it was another thing to make out in front of Simon's little sister. But she just grinned at me widely, waggling her eyebrows and reminding me so much of Simon that I couldn't help but grin back.

When Grant arrived, Sarah swooped in on him and gave him a kiss that rivaled my embrace with Simon. When she turned around and winked at me with a mischievous smile, I burst out laughing, shaking my head when everyone inquired about what was so funny.

We settled into the living room after everyone had piled their plates high with meatloaf and mashed potatoes. Kendra's eyes were sparkling as she surveyed the scene.

"I can't wait until I get to go to college and live in an apartment!"

Simon leaned back on the arm of the recliner I was sitting in, his usual spot, and frowned at Kendra.

"You still have a couple of years before college. Don't be in a rush to grow up."

Kendra pouted, but then brightened. "At least I'll get to listen to you guys play tonight! I can't wait!"

"How exactly is Kendra getting into the East End?" Marcus asked.

"I have a fake I.D.!" Kendra was almost bursting with excitement and I heard Simon sigh.

"Kendra, you're only using that I.D. tonight. Grant was able to get that from a girl who looks like you, but it's only a loan." Simon glared at her. "And remember, the only reason I'm letting you come tonight is because you want to hear us play so badly. If I even see you within two feet of an alcoholic beverage I'm dragging you home, even if I have to jump off the stage to do it."

Kendra rolled her eyes. "Okay, okay. You can stop with the big brother act. I won't get within ten feet of a drink."

Simon looked satisfied with her answer and went back to eating, interspersed with absentmindedly massaging the back of my neck. Sarah was right—we were ridiculous with our affectionate touches, especially Simon, but I wouldn't want it any other way.

The rest of dinner was harmonious and the boys left earlier to prepare for the show. Kendra looked at us pleadingly after they left. "Can't I have just one drink? Please? I swear I won't tell my brother." She shifted her gaze, focusing her plea on me.

"Sorry, Kendra," I said, smiling affectionately. "Simon will kill us both if I let you have a drop of alcohol. If it makes you feel any better, I won't drink either."

Kendra's shoulders slumped in defeat. "But I wanted the total college experience."

Jenny patted her shoulder sympathetically. "I didn't even get served at the East End until a month ago when I turned twenty-one. But now I drink there all the time."

Sarah smothered a laugh and I just shook my head, not sure why Jenny thought that would make Kendra feel better.

I distracted Kendra by asking her what she wanted to study in college, and she took the subject and ran with it, forgetting all about her momentary distress. She was so much like Simon with her mercurial mood shifts. I wondered if these mood swings would put a wedge between Simon and me. I couldn't help thinking about how angry he had gotten earlier about a harmless joke, but I pushed the thought aside and focused on Kendra debating whether to become a veterinarian or a zoologist.

Chapter Fifteen

By the time we made it to the East End there was already a line formed outside. I held my breath when Charlie, the bouncer, checked Kendra's I.D. I felt bad lying to him, but I just smiled as he waved her through. We weaved our way to the bar after we checked our coats, snagging a couple of stools we could gather around.

We ordered drinks, and although Kendra and I were reduced to diet soda, that didn't stop her eyes from shining as she looked around the bar. "Is it always this crowded?"