Chasing Shadows (15 page)

Simon grinned, pulling me back towards him. "I'm okay with that."

I slapped his hands away and rolled my eyes, although I wasn't really annoyed. "Behave. Or else I'll have second thoughts about coming over tonight."

Simon immediately put his hands up, looking innocent. I had promised to come over and spend the night at his apartment after my shift at Colette's and he didn't seem to want to take a chance on me backing out. He didn't need to know that there was nothing he could do to make me not show up.

"I'll be the perfect gentleman."

"I'm talking about now, not tonight." Simon's eyebrows shot up at my words, and I wanted to kick myself. I didn't want Simon to get the wrong idea. We had gotten much closer physically these past few weeks, but I wasn't ready to have sex. I hadn't told Simon yet that I was a virgin and I was hesitant about broaching the subject, but it was more than my lack of experience that made me hesitate. So much had happened recently that I felt a little overwhelmed by how quickly things had changed and I needed to process it before I took such a big step. And for the first time in my life, I felt like I had plenty of time to explore my relationship with Simon. I was hoping that we had a long future together, so there was no hurry to rush things.

"I didn't mean..." I trailed off, feeling gauche and inexperienced. A flush started from my cheeks all the way down to my toes. Simon tenderly tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, smiling gently.

"I didn't think you meant anything by it. I know you want to go slow."

"Are you okay with that?" I hated this feeling of insecurity, but I wasn't blind to how female eyes seem to follow him everywhere we went. The scandal of what had happened with Claudia only seemed to add to his notoriety. The fans were at a fever pitch last Saturday at the East End when the Henchmen performed, and I had been dismayed by the number of women who had pressed scraps of paper with their phone numbers scribbled on them into his hand when he got offstage. It's not that I didn't trust Simon, but a girl could only take so much before she got jealous and just a tiny bit insecure.

"Are you asking if I'm okay with waiting until you're ready?"

I nodded, the flush deepening. Simon cradled the sides of my head with gentle hands, his eyes shimmering with emotion. "Caitlin, I'd spend the rest of my life waiting for you. Don't you know that by now? I can't lie and say that I'm not wildly attracted to you and don't want to take our physical relationship to a deeper level. I spend most nights thinking about what it would feel like to have you under me, to be inside you. But I want you to be ready when that happens. I don't want you to have any doubts when I worship your body with mine." Simon's eyes darkened, his gaze piercing me. "Don't ever doubt that you have me...mind, body and soul. And don't ever forget that the same applies to you. You belong to me, mind, body and soul."

I gulped, utterly speechless as I gazed at Simon. A confusing mixture of emotions was going through me, but the most notable one was desire. "How am I supposed to go to work
now
?" I squeaked. All I could think about was making progress on the physical aspect of our relationship.

Simon laughed, shaking off his seriousness and kissing me lightly on the forehead. "C'mon, I'll walk you to work."

Even though the biting wind of November whipped around us, I felt warm as a result of Simon's words and his arm around my shoulders.

"What time is Kendra arriving tomorrow?" I asked, glancing up at the bare branches shuddering from the strong wind as we made our way to Colette's. Even with everything that had happened, his sister was still determined to make use of Simon's plane ticket that he had given to her as a birthday present, and was flying in tomorrow.

"In the afternoon. Will you come with me to pick her up?"

"Of course."

It was a quick walk to Colette's and I was reluctant to let Simon go. "Thanks for walking me to work. I'll see you later."

I leaned up, intending to give him a chaste kiss goodbye, but he had other ideas. He ran his tongue along the seam of my closed lips, groaning when I opened them to grant him entrance. I knew we were in clear view of everyone inside Colette's since the front of the diner was all glass, but I couldn't seem to care as I wrapped my arms around Simon's neck, giving myself fully to him. His lips gently pulled at my lower lip, returning to claim my mouth fully, making a sound of approval when I pushed my tongue into his mouth.

I had no idea how long we were standing there, our desire making us oblivious to the cold. I finally had the sense to pull back from our kiss that had quickly spiraled out of control, although the only reason I did so was because I knew I was going to be late for work. I couldn't really give a believable excuse since I was sure Colleen, the owner, was watching Simon and I devour each other from just a few yards away.

Simon's face was harsh with desire and I reached up, stroking his jaw with my fingers. His expression gentled at my touch, turning towards my hand and kissing my palm.

"I have to go," I whispered, not surprised that I sounded so breathless.

Simon nodded, but he didn't release me. Instead, he said in a low voice, "I love you."

I smiled at him, my heart bursting with emotion. "I love you too."

My shift at Colette's was sheer torture. My desire to be with Simon, coupled with Marnie's endless questions about my relationship status, made the night seem go on forever. Even though I usually loved working with Marnie, a fellow waitress, her fervent curiosity was a little too much to take tonight. Colleen's amused looks didn't help either.

I wasn't surprised when I saw Simon waiting for me when I stepped outside of Colette's. He had made it a habit to walk me home after work, and I had stopped protesting.

He grinned when he saw me, lifting me into a bear hug. "How was work?"

"Long." I gave Simon a quick kiss and he wrapped his arm around me as we walked back to his place. "What have you been up to?"

"I was at Grant's and Marcus' apartment. We're trying to organize a new song lineup for tomorrow night, but Grant keeps changing his mind."

"Typical Grant. He's never happy unless he's obsessing about the Henchmen. Or Sarah."

One of the best things to have come out of this mess was the relationship between Sarah and Grant. Grant couldn't seem to bear having Sarah out of his sight, and it was funny to see such a role reversal. Not that Sarah wasn't just as enamored of Grant.

"That reminds me—are you going to Sarah's for Thanksgiving?"

"That's the plan." I had been going home with Sarah for all the major holidays since freshman year, ever since she had witnessed my father's cruelty firsthand. Her family welcomed me with open arms and made me realize how loving a real family could be.

"Will you consider coming home with me for Thanksgiving?" I didn't answer as I watched Simon unlock his front door. The warmth of his apartment after the frigid night air made my cheeks hot, although I think his question had something to do with the flush as well.

"Well?" Simon asked when I didn't answer. He threw both of our coats on the back of a chair and pulled me down onto the couch, cuddling me next to his side as he stretched out his legs.

"I appreciate the offer," I started slowly, "but do you think that's a good idea? The last time I was at your house, it was after I nearly got you killed. I think your family needs a break from me."

"That wasn't your fault. Besides, my family likes you. But more importantly, I want you there. Grant's not the only one who obsesses about his girlfriend." Simon's tone was light but I could hear the intensity behind it. I wanted to believe him when he said it wasn't my fault, but it didn't help that we never talked about what had happened in Connecticut. Simon never mentioned killing Claudia or the fabricated story we fed the police, so I never brought it up either. It still didn't feel right that we had lied about something so monumental, but there was nothing to be done about it now. I just had to accept it and move on.

I wrapped my arm around Simon's waist, leaning my head against his shoulder. "Okay, then. I would love to go home with you for Thanksgiving. Thanks for the invitation."

Simon tightened his arms around me and I lifted my head to look at him. He had an unreadable expression on his face but he simply smiled at me. "Great. We can leave on Wednesday, although you'll have to put up with Kendra talking your ear off the whole way down, since she'll be driving home with us instead of flying back."

"I like Kendra. Besides, I can use the time to weasel some stories out of her about your misguided youth."

Simon gave me a pained look. "I don't think you'll have to weasel anything out of her. She'll be more than happy to give you all the details of every stupid thing I did as a kid."

"Perfect." I gave Simon a quick kiss and straightened. "Are you hungry?"

"Nah, we ordered a pizza earlier. Are you hungry? I can go pick something up."

"I ate at Colette's, but I hear a bag of M&M's calling my name." Unfortunately, instead of my healthier eating habits rubbing off on Simon, his junk food addiction had slowly crept into my diet. I had spent a lot of nights at Simon's apartment these past few weeks, and I found myself eating a lot of things with ingredients that were hard to pronounce.

"Luckily for you, I didn't finish off the bag earlier." Simon went to grab the bag from the kitchen and handed it to me, along with a can of soda.

"Great," I sighed despondently. "My teeth are going to rot and I'm going to gain twenty pounds hanging around you." That didn't stop me from taking the soda and chocolate eagerly.

"It's okay," Simon said, nuzzling my neck with his lips. "I'll still love you when you're toothless and forced to wear mumus."

I gasped at the ticklish sensation of Simon's teeth scraping against my neck, laughing while trying to push him away.

"Never! I'll never wear mumus!"

Simon laughingly pushed me back so that I was lying on the couch, his body partly covering mine. I caught my breath when he suddenly turned serious, an enigmatic expression on his face.

"Are you happy?"

Simon's question took me by surprise and I didn't know how to answer. Even though I was deliriously happy in some respects, it didn't completely push away the darkness. It was more than the fact that my aunt and her inner circle were nowhere to be found. It was because I had finally accepted my calling only to have the visions stop. I couldn't stop obsessing about all those innocent people being overtaken by their vardogers, yet I couldn't do anything to help them.

"I'm happy when I'm with you," I said honestly. Simon watched me for a few beats and then leaned down, kissing me quickly.

"I'll accept that answer." Simon pulled me back up so I was sitting and we dug into the chocolate, flicking on the TV although we weren't really watching it. We were too focused on each other and soon everything was forgotten except the way we made each other feel.

Chapter Fourteen

Because we had spent the morning in bed, we barely had enough time to eat a bagel the next day before we had to leave to pick up Kendra. Even though I was waiting to take our physical relationship to the next level, it was still too tempting to spend hours cuddling and talking, interspersed with bouts of restrained passion. That is, until Simon got a pained look on his face and said he had to take a cold shower.

Luckily, we didn't have to stop by my apartment before going to the airport because I had toiletries and a few changes of clothes at Simon's place, which he had insisted on once I started staying over frequently.

We walked outside to his car and Simon opened the door for me, but before I could climb inside he pulled me back and gave me a long kiss.

"What was that for?" I asked, my breath visible in the cold air, but I wasn't feeling the chill.

"You're wearing my favorite shirt." Simon gripped my hips and looked down at my shirt that was visible since I hadn't bothered to zip up my coat.

I raised an eyebrow. "Your favorite shirt is my Oscar the Grouch t-shirt? I didn't know you were such a Sesame Street fanatic."

Simon grinned, his hands slipping underneath my t-shirt, his thumbs brushing the sensitized skin at my waist. "It was the shirt you were wearing the first time I saw you. I never knew a muppet in a trashcan could be so sexy."

"Stop being so charming," I said, trying to hide a smile. I leaned up and kissed him despite my words. "It's not fair to other mere mortal men that you're so effortlessly irresistible."

Simon grabbed my wrist as I turned away to get into the car, his jaw tightening. "What do you mean by that?"

I blinked at Simon, taken aback by his sudden mood change. He went from happy and carefree to painfully grim, as if I had done something to anger him. His grip on my wrist tightened when I just stared at him in shock. "Simon, you're hurting me!"

Simon's grip on my wrist loosened fractionally, but he pulled me closer to him, his expression foreboding. "What did you mean by that comment?"

"What is
wrong
with you? I was just joking!"

I saw a muscle twitching in his jaw, as if he was trying to control his emotions. I pulled my wrist out of his grasp and got into the car, slamming the door closed. I contemplated stalking off and going home but I was too confused by what had happened to do anything but sit there. Simon stood frozen outside my window but I refused to look at him.

A few moments passed, then he walked around the car and slid into the driver's seat. I didn't turn to look at him, feeling both angry and awkward with the whole situation. Was Simon some sort of jealous boyfriend that I would eventually have to get a restraining order against? I had just made an offhand joke about other men in general, and Simon had taken it as me being interested in someone else. As much as I loved him, rationally I knew that I hadn't known him for very long. I couldn't help thinking about how calm and unaffected he had been after he had pierced Claudia's heart with a knife.