Chasing Paradise (Chasing Series #3) (19 page)

“
Do you remember the first time I proposed to you?” My voice broke as my throat closed up, thinking about the future and rehashing the one memory I loathed more than anything. When Sienna shrugged, something vicious ignited inside me. “Well, I bloody remember it like it just happened yesterday. I can recall everything about that day. I was at the very end of my desperation, but I held hope.”

“
Blake—”

I swallowed the tightness in my throat, trying to breathe. “Let me hear you say it,” I whispered.

Sienna frowned, confused at what I had said.

With my left hand, I gently held her by the chin and slowly lifted her gaze to mine. “Let me hear you say the words; that you don’t love me.” I penetrated my gaze into her, trapping her head in between my arms. “Look me in the eye and say it!”

“
No, Blake.” Her resolve was undaunted.

So was mine.

If she wanted to end this, then she had to follow through. “Just say the goddamn words and then you’ll be free of me.”

Tears fell down her face while she sobbed and tried to wipe them away. “I don’t love you.”

Feral anger reared, her words rocking into my system. “Fucking look at me when you
say
it. Fucking
make
me understand!” I yelled at her. “Do you
hear
me, Sienna? Fucking PIERCE IT INTO ME!”

She paused, looking at me before she opened her mouth while I burned holes into her. “I… Blake—I” She blinked her tears away, lips quivering. “I don’t.” She bit her bottom lip, drawing blood. “Love you.”

Frozen like a statue, I didn’t know what I was feeling anymore. I snapped out of it when she tried to push my hand away so she could move, however she wasn’t getting off this easy. “Say it again. This time don’t stutter!” I commanded, unyielding.

“
No.”

“
SAY THEM AGAIN!” I thundered out, punching both of my knuckles hard on the marbled wall, making her flinch as if it was her that was being punched. “SAY THE DAMN WORDS, SIENNA!” My voice echoed in the shower area. I felt raw and punctured, gutted to the core while my heart bled out.

She shook her head, sniffing. “Let me go,” she whispered, shaking.

NO… no… no… please…
“Sienna—” I choked out, begging. “Tell me how… I don’t know how.” Obliterated by pain and the feeling of losing her, I held her close, wanting the reality of her against me, afraid to lose it for good. “I’m so sorry… please don’t leave—I love—” I whispered against her ear while she gently shivered in my arms. My nose coaxed against her cheek, trailing towards her lips. “I love you,” I whispered against her lips, feeling heady at the thought of kissing her again.

Her lips hadn’t touched mine for a very long time. Our kisses were once powerful, that’s why I had stayed away from them. It was much more intense than sex.

Inching closer, Sienna made a sharp gasp, gripping my arm before my lips gently brushed against her soft lips. I waited for her to push me away, but when she didn’t, I pressed harder. The feel of her against my lips brought home the truth that this could very well be the last time she would to let me before she walked away forever. I was in the purest form of agony, kissing her with everything in me. I kissed her, wanting to say goodbye, however when she slowly parted her lips, I took the plunge and consumed her on the spot.

Was this our last kiss? The thought was depressing, but I was going to take this chance and cherish this moment with her because I knew I would forever be haunted by the memory of this beautiful, vivacious woman who cared for and loved the people around her without limitations.

She was the only woman I had ever loved—would love—for the rest of my life.

Twenty-two

Blake

Slowly lifting her body, Sienna clung onto me, wrapping her arms around my neck as her legs clutched around my hips. I carried her out of the shower, not caring that it was still running, and took her into the bedroom.

My lips never parted with hers as I slowly placed her on the bed. I pulled the comforter over our wet bodies. We were on our sides, naked; skin to skin, heart to heart, making love without sex.

How had I thought that I could live without her kisses? I simply couldn’t get enough of them. Truly, deeply, I was drowning in them; in her… with her.

“
Sienna…”
Let me keep loving you…

I deepened the kiss when Sienna gripped the side of my hip and urged me to roll atop her body. She immediately parted her thighs and placed her heels behind my hips. The feel of her heat against my constrained cock didn’t help with the raging inferno that was burning within my body, within my soul. I wanted to annihilate both of our senses, take us to the edge of the precipice and exalt in each other, though right now wasn’t the time… However, then she just started to lift her hips, rubbing herself against my length.
Hell
. Fucking.
Hell
!

“
Dio
,” I groaned out as my hand reached around her hip to steady it.

Skin too soft for words… so delicate and unbelievably silky. I wanted to taste and lick her all over, but I didn’t want just sex. I wanted her promises, her vows, her forever.

“
Touch me, caro,” Sienna pleaded, taking the hand on my hip and placing it on her breasts, massaging. “Kiss me.” She rocked her hips gently, her other hand cupping my ass and pressing it against her moistened heat.

Christ! Each breath, touch, kiss; everything that was going on with us in that instant… I felt it all. I was alive. I was on fire. I had wanted this woman for so long and I had her—almost—yet now she wanted to leave, for good. I couldn’t have that because she was the woman fate had chosen for me. Identical to all the other men in my family, once that happened, you lived with it for the rest of your life. Sienna was my destiny. Just like my father with my mother, my grandfather with my grandmother, Luciano with Seraphina and my forefathers, all the men only loved once; it was a proven fact.

That’s why I knew I had fallen for Sienna. There was no other way to go except to submit to it because, either way, I was bound to love her forever.

Pulling out of our kiss, I cupped her face, thumbs wiping the tears that slid from the corners of her eyes as I gazed lovingly at her. “I’m always going to be in love with you.”

She sobbed, more tears welled in her eyes before she tried to look away, but I was unyielding. This was it, the last shot, and I wasn’t going to let her not feel my love for her; she had to feel it. “Sienna, tell me what I can do to make you stay. Give me a list. I’ll do all of it. All the other demands I’d declined before, consider them done.” My eyes flickered back and forth, seeking more from her. “Don’t take my future away, please. You’re the one. You’re my wife. In my heart, you’re my wife.”

“
Blake, don’t—”

“
You’re in love with me, Sienna.” She moaned when I gently rolled my hips on her mound. “You don’t have to lie to keep me away because I’m not going anywhere. Never wish me away.”

Seeking her lips, the kiss consumed us both. She was delirious, heels and hands pulling my boxers off. She gave a delicious purr when my cock sprung free and sat in between her wet folds. “Baby, I need you.” She tried to take hold of my cock to guide it into her, however I wasn’t going to give in—not just yet—not until I got what I wanted.
Her
.
All
of her.

A hungered groan came from within as I teased her wet entrance. “I want to hear the words, cara.”

“
Blake, I want you,” Sienna whispered, opening her legs wider.

Good, but not enough. I pressed half of the head into her channel, feeling the sweet opening stretch with my strength, choking it, before I pulled it out. “Try again.”

She pouted, before relenting. “Please, Blake, make love to me.”

“
Not the right words, either.” I knew she understood what I wanted to hear. She held the key for our happiness. I wasn’t going to give in for a quick shagging in exchange of our future, no matter how mind-numbing, explosive or one of a kind. No. I wanted everything. The wedding. The wife. The house. The children. The dogs and the whole bloody damn picket fence. I wanted everything, but all of that meant nothing without Sienna.

“
I can’t.”

She was being truly difficult. We loved each other. Even though we were going through a tricky situation, I knew, deep down, we still loved one another. I didn’t get why she had to leave me. I’d do anything to keep her. “Apologies, but I can’t give you what you want, either.”

Sienna whimpered. “You’re being cruel.”

“
I’m a desperate man who’s in love with a woman, pleading for her to stay with me, to be with me, love me.” Our eyes met and time stood still. “And I’m staring into her eyes, waiting.”

“
It’s not that easy.”

“
The best things never are, amore.” Trailing kisses over her breasts, a nipple caught my lip. The pebbled rosebud teased the tip of my tongue.

“
Blake, please. I need you inside me.” Sienna shifted her hips so that the tip of my shaft could easily slide into her, yet I moved it to the side.

“
You can have all of me. I’m not settling for anything less. It’s all or nothing. Take your pick.”

Sienna looked frustrated, but the pain in her soul was going through so much more. “I’m hurting you too much. I don’t deserve you.”

“
I hurt more when you’re not with me.” Which was something I didn’t want to go through ever again.

She shook her head, persistent. “People see how unhappy you are.” She bit her bottom lip, cupping my cheek. “I don’t want that. You deserve someone else better; someone like Adriana.”

The rest of the world could go to hell. “Love me, that’s all I ask. I will never want to go away, Sienna. Never fear that. No matter the difficulty, I will always stay. Always. I don’t want anyone else. I want you, Sienna. You. Always and only fucking you. Don’t make me suffer because you don’t think you deserve me. I get to choose who I want to be with and I choose you. I will always fucking choose you, don’t you see that? It was always meant to be
you
.” I paused, uncertain. “Unless your feelings have changed.” My voice shook, trying not to think of Matthews and how he wanted Sienna pregnant. “Unless you want to leave because you’ve fallen for someone else… fallen back into
his
arms again…” I was rotting inside when she didn’t say anything. “Unless you’ve fallen completely out of love with me and promised yourself to someone else.” Fuck, the thought hadn’t entered my mind until now. I felt suddenly numb and completely ill. I rolled off her body and sat on the other side of the bed.

When she didn’t move or say a word, I gathered whatever courage I had and stood up, shaky as I stared at the pouring rain on the balcony, which hadn’t let up, then further out at the sea. “If you plan to be with him. I beg you, please, don’t say anything.” Images of her making love to him, married and pregnant with his child, simply killed me.