Chasing Paradise (Chasing Series #3) (20 page)

“
Blake.”

I wanted to answer her, but my throat felt too constricted. It was difficult to open my mouth. My chest felt like it would combust from the heavy weight of pain it was being put through. Had I known she was planning to leave me… had I known… I would’ve taken her somewhere far away; a place where no one could reach us, so I could keep her there, keep her with me and not let any other man ever touch her.

When my phone rang, I gathered it on autopilot. My heart shattered with the sight of Kyle Matthews’s number flashing before my very eyes.
Let her go
, the voice in me obliged.
Set her free
. My heart pounded harder.

Without looking her in the eyes, I handed her my mobile. “He’s been worried. I think hearing your voice will make him feel better. I’ll have the pilots on standby in case you want to go to him. Or if you want them to get him in Los Angeles and bring him to you in London, they could do that, too. Just tell them what you want, they’ll give it to you.”

When I heard her take the call, I pulled some pants on and walked out of that room so fast that it made my head spin. I sought the cool darkness in the library. The fireplace barely made a dent in soothing my shattered soul, though. I drowned my sorrows while my ears were tuned to the sound of the door; the sound of her leaving me, my life, for good.

It took an hour until I heard her knock on the door. I knew it was her because her knocks were soft, like a little girl, shy but persistent.

Normally I would’ve called out for her to enter, though for the life of me, I couldn’t move because I knew my life would end in a few minutes—seconds even. I was going to say goodbye to the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. It would end here, in this library, in this home. Hell’s arms were wide open, ready to embrace me the second she walked out of my life.

The door cracked opened. “Blake?” she called out before opening the door wider to let herself in and shutting it behind her. Sienna walked into the library, dressed and with her passport clutched in her hand.

My jaws locked. I held myself down and commanded myself not to move; not to speak or even bat an eyelid. That lasted seconds until she placed the ring on the desk. I launched out of my seat, ready to grab hold of the ring and throw it out the window, yet when she held out her hand, I stopped in my tracks.

“
Make me yours again.” She let her tears slide down her face. “I’m so in love with you, I feel incapacitated. I’m so in love with you that I’m willing to sacrifice my happiness for your own.” She paused, sniffling. “I came here to give the ring back. I was ready to leave, but the thought of saying goodbye and never seeing you again—” she stuttered, pressing a hand over her heart. “You’re in here. How do I extract you when you’re in here?” She gasped and took a couple steps towards my frozen form. “I’ll endure what everyone says. I don’t care if they want to kill me so that they can have you all to themselves. I’ll survive all of that, as long as your heart will only stay true to me.”

“
How could you ask that, Sienna? My heart only
knows
you; one woman. One heart.” My shaky hand reached out to touch the hand over her heart. “This is all I know, cara. Loving you is all I know. From a distance to within reach, it has never stopped.” I caught her hand and then slid her engagement ring back on it. “Men in our family only love once.” I kissed the stone. “We love for a lifetime,” I declared before I kissed the spot over her heart. “Per sempre.
Ti amerò.”
Forever. I will love you.
I whispered against her lips, “Io sono il tuo uomo.”
I’m your man.

Sienna slightly brushed her lips, shivering before making the same vow. “Sono la tua donna.”
I’m your woman.

We fall. We heal. We fall in love all over again. Then it repeats once more.

Twenty-three

Sienna

It was four in the morning and Blake persisted that we wait to make love to each other until we had found our emotional connection again, but I had never felt more complete in my life. We were naked in bed, glued to each other’s arms, kissing though our lips were bruised.

“
What made you want to leave me, poppet?” Blake questioned.

He deserved to know the truth. “At the party tonight, after I requested you fire Adriana and you had rejected it, I felt like you were more in favor of her than with me. I mean, I was jealous of her already since the second I’d heard you on the phone with her. It didn’t help when I saw her with her arm around yours in the office. I felt that you enjoyed her company more than mine. Not only that, but you haven’t touched me in a long time and, when I came to you, you rejected me. You had never done that before; it was your first time.” Rehashing the events of my jealous rage was not an easy thing to do, but I had to deal with it. “I sought her out after I spoke to you and confronted her. I wanted her gone, however she retaliated and her words struck me. It wounded me deeply because there were truths in her words. You’ve been unhappy with me because I wasn’t making life easy for you, that you deserved a woman that could give you everything.” I paused, before I brought out the truth. “I don’t deserve your love.”

“
Adriana said that to you?
Well, she’s definitely fired now. I'll make sure she doesn’t get hired in the business arena. She should have known better than meddle in my private affairs. ” He spat out, half-sitting now, looking over to me.

I nodded. “She’s right, though.” The bitch had been right on target.

“
The hell she is!
How can you believe the pure bull that woman spewed at you?” Blake shook his head. “I was unhappy because I thought Kyle leaving England would make you realize that you wanted to be with him. I was waiting for you to tell me that. The history you had with him, cara… I couldn’t compete with it.”

“
So all that drama was because you were jealous?” I asked him, incredulous.

Blake somewhat looked impish before admitting it. “If you put it like that… I suppose, yeah.”

I made an animalistic groan before I pulled a pillow behind me and smacked him with it. “GOD! You’re crazy!”

“
Christ, I’m sorry, okay? But I do love you.” Blake roared, laughing as he pulled me down next to him. “So, about that engagement party…” Blake started then nipped my neck, his cock hard against the side of my thigh.

My Knightly, how I love you.
“Tell me when and where then we can get it going.”

He laughed, biting into my neck. “Just like that?”

I felt the wetness saturate my thighs. It was getting worse. Heck yes, just like that! I’m a hot mess. “Yeah.” My voice was strangled as I tried to shift on my side, not wanting to dampen the sheets. “Blake? Could you get me a napkin or… um, a towel,
please?
” I asked, squeezing my thighs tighter.

“
Don’t you think it’s a little late for you to be shy being naked around me?” He gingerly pinched my nipple, groaning into my ear.

He wasn’t helping here… “I’m wet.” Beyond belief.

Blake half-sat up with his brow arched and his eyes twinkling, and then slowly traced his gaze south to the apex of my thighs. His hand delicately touched the crevice while his eyes remained glued to my parted lips as he probed deeper. “Oh, Sienna. I turn you on this much?” His eyes sparkled; he loved the feel of me wet and ready for him.

“
Blake.” My breath caught as he went further into me. “No more teasing.” I bit my lip, getting lost in the sensation that vibrated throughout my body. I let my hand travel south and played with my clit. I needed release… like any second now.

Blake pushed my hand away. “Don’t be selfish, cara. We’re coming together.”

“
Make love to me,” I gasped, wanting to simply savor every inch of him. As much as I loved our animalistic mating, the sudden thought of
almost
losing him made me rethink my adamant demands.

I wanted our first time after weeks of abstinence to be somehow special, extraordinary. Magical. Memorable.

Those midnight blue eyes gripped me, connecting with my soul, knowing full well what was going through my mind. “Sienna—”

“
Take me slow. I need to feel this.” I kissed his lips, feeling his heartbeat against mine, needing to revel in this love haze I was high on. “I need to know that this is
real
and I’m not dreaming,” I pleaded, feeling my throat going dry at the magnificent sight of him.

Goodness, he was so arrestingly beautiful. My body and soul ached to be connected to his in an unconditional sense. The gnawing need to experience that immaculate, sublime collision of primitive mating was the ultimate transcendent completion of life’s purpose; like two broken, lost pieces were being put back together, forever to be bound.

Blake Knightly wanted me, in that alone I should have been secure. I wore his ring. I should’ve been confident. The sexy, god-like man was in love with me, that prime fact should have given me the power to flip off whoever wanted to come in between us, but I did none of that because I let other people’s poison seep into my head, letting it run amuck for far too long. Now, I ached to fill the void that used to be marred with countless compounding doubts and endless insecurities.

I had so much to make up for and I was going to apologize one by one, piece by piece, until he finally knew the depth of my love for him.

“
Ti amo.” He pressed his forehead against my own, breathing heavily as he slowly entered me, our hearts beating rhythmically.

Each passing emotion could be read in my eyes as I could easily read his. There were no more veils, no more masks and no more prideful pieces being held back. I had become undone, loving him unconditionally as I opened everything in me—to be viewed through my scared eyes—braving it all for him. What was contained in my frayed heart, obligingly thumped through it for him. The tortured soul within, willingly stepped out of its shadows so the man could fully see
me
. That I had continued to be merely a little girl marred by life’s neglect, scarred by the cowards who’d chosen to hurt a helpless child. The abandoned kid—the orphan—who had been unloved, only truly needing a hug to erase her guarded walls.

My life completely shifted the moment my father died. In some ways, I died with him, too, because I had confined myself in a space where it was hard for people to break through to me.

Now my guards were down. I had finally—fully and unconditionally—let him inside. There was no going back. I simply had to keep pushing forward.

It didn’t matter what the future was about because, for the first time, I wasn’t letting my past hold me back any longer; I was willing to let the sunshine into my life, letting the breeze bring crisp air to wipe all the webs away.

I was free.

I was open. To love and let love in.

No more chasing shadows. I was now ready to chase my paradise.

Blake Knightly, you better be ready for me because I am ready to rock your world. Heaven and Hell got nothing on me.

Twenty-four

Blake

It had been a week since we got back from Marbella and we were scheduled to head back out there tonight because the casino,
Ricco Regale,
would be opening in two day’s time. There would be a celebration party tomorrow night for the people who had helped make this project happen; invited guests and friends.