CHASING LIFE (24 page)

What
really blew Dave away was his visit to the Musée d’Orsay. The great works in that museum were equally as impressive and important as those in the Louvre. It held a collection of Monets, Picassos and Renoirs. They were all great, but it was something else that caught his eye. Dave was shocked when he came across a highly detailed painting by Gustave Courbet called
The Origin of the World
. It was simply a painting of a woman’s crotch.

Dave
blinked a few times at the realisation that this nicely framed painting that was so beautifully presented was so lurid. It was absurd and borderline voyeurism. It was like a hundred-year-old
Candid Camera
trick that someone had forgotten to pack away. He stared at it before he averted his eyes and looked around to see if anyone was watching. What a laugh he’d have if Erin was there. He suddenly realised something: he normally had Julia on his mind in such moments.

He stood back and watched p
eople’s reactions to the painting as they saw it for the first time. Young girls giggled and covered their mouths, older women laughed and made a joke, while men gawked, smiled and blushed, then walked away, in that order. A Japanese couple skimmed over it as if it didn’t exist at all. Their cultural sensitivity hadn’t allowed it to cause any reaction, and they’d walked away from it like professional actors. Good thing this painting is in France, or it wouldn’t see the light of day, he thought to himself.

By the end of the week on Friday afternoon, Dave had had enough. He couldn’t handle not seeing her. Surely Erin wouldn’t object to getting together, even for a few minutes. No one could be that busy. He sent her a text message, a friendly and carefree one that he hoped wouldn’t betray his desperation: ‘How are you? How about getting together tonight? Promise not to keep you up late.’
He
again added a smiley face at the end.

He sat
fiddling with his remote. The wait for a response was frustrating. Bugger it, he thought and dialled her number. His heart rate picked up, shoulders tensed and his palms became sweaty. It was a sensation Dave hadn’t experienced since his first job interview.

‘Hello?’

‘Hey, it’s me, Dave.’

‘Hey, babe. How are you?’ Her voice over the phone was even sweeter.

‘I’m great!’ Dave was conscious of sounding too enthusiastic and toned it down. ‘I sent you a message. Did you get it?’ he went straight to the point without thinking.

‘
Yeah, I did. Sorry I haven’t had a chance to respond.’

‘That’s okay. Thought I’d call anyway. Are you free to get together today?’ he asked, bracing himself.

‘I’m working late again. So sorry,’ she said. Dave’s shoulders slumped, his chest heaved, and he felt like a deflated balloon.

‘I can come by your place later tonight, though, around 12:00 if you’re still awake. Is that too late?’

‘No! That’s fine. I wasn’t planning much anyway. Come over. I’ll have the drinks on ice.’

‘Cool. See you tonight.’

‘Great! I’ll send you my address. Bye-bye.’ He hung up, texted his address to her and gave the air a victory punch. Dave’s energy levels jumped in an instant, and he was floating again.

He grabbed his jacket, put his shoes on and went out in search for snacks and a bottle shop. It was late in the afternoon
, and he thought of the large
supermarché
where he’d seen the homeless previously. They’d made remarks toward him the last time he was there. It had made him feel uncomfortable, but today he didn’t mind having his boundaries pushed. He walked toward the spot.

Sure enough, the same bunch hung around at the front
, and the same little boy lay curled up and shaking on a bench. They ignored him this time. Dave walked in the shop and stocked up on alcohol for the night as well as food. He bought a bag of baguettes, cheese, soft drinks, salami, jam and cooking oil. When he walked outside, the group of about five adults stared at the bulging bags he was carrying. He could feel their eyes; their hunger was written all over their gaunt faces. A couple of them were fixated on the bags of alcohol, others on the bags of food.

Dave walked straight
toward the homeless people and stopped. They obviously were in desperate straits. Bundled in layer upon layer of T-shirts and jackets to keep themselves warm, they looked as gray and grim as the weather. He detected the smell of old clothes, which reminded him of his grandparents. A couple of trolleys were stuffed with cooking utensils, shoes and blankets; another trolley contained mattresses, newspapers and empty bottles.

Dave looked at the boy that lay on the bench and met his gaze. He hadn’t known any gypsies
, but he thought the boy might be one, going by the Mediterranean features and dark complexion. But he had blue eyes, so deep Dave felt penetrated by them. The boy smiled, and Dave was taken by surprise. He smiled back without thinking. What kind of a future does he have? he wondered.

The men confronted him
, wondering what this stranger was up to. Dave was still looking at the little boy when he realised the others were closing in on him. An older man with drooping eyes, rivers of creases across his face and thick eyebrows took a protective stance. He stood in front of him, face-to-face. The sad expression of his features portrayed a picture of a man full of disappointments and heartache. Dave figured it was the boy’s father.

He
lifted the bag of food and handed it to him. The homeless man’s eyes widened. He took the bag, and Dave walked away without uttering a word or waiting for a reaction. He didn’t want to be praised or thanked. There was no need for conversation, nor did he want to explain why he’d done it. As he made it further down the road he turned and saw the boy standing. He was watching Dave as he was leaving. The boy’s father was distributing the food. A jolly chatter had ignited the group, there was the sound of plates being pulled out of the trolley. The boy waved at him. Dave waved back and went on walking back to his apartment with a smile on his face. The moment had filled his chest with warmth. The boy’s eyes stuck in his mind.

Chapter 27

Waiting for
Erin was becoming a painful experience. After handing over his food supply to the homeless, he’d stopped by a fast-food restaurant and gotten something quick and easy. He filled himself a glass of wine and tried to relax. He thought about Julia and how far he’d come since that horrid day he last held her. Dave was able to think about the past now without the stabbing pain that usually wrenched his chest. Was it possible? He’d battled his past on a daily basis and, at times, he’d broken down into a quivering mess. He’d endured mundane routines, never showed emotion openly and never dreamt of possibilities beyond his job at the factory. Now he was in Paris and falling in love again.

His uncle
had once told him that most people changed gradually over the years, but some changed overnight after suffering a great trauma. Julia’s death had left him devastated. Another man had emerged since then, one who wanted answers about his existence and why it had all happened. He’d been like an orphaned infant, learning to deal with overwhelming emotions on his own.

Not until his
decision to travel had he really started to learn more about himself. The surges of anger, the sudden change of emotions, the need for physical pleasure; it was all so overwhelming. Back at home, there had always been a pill, a stiff drink or his friends to comfort him—an escape route. The external option was always there to distract him and pull him out of a mess—he never had to deal with things on his own. But those moments of depression would eventually return when he was alone. He’d learned while alone and travelling that he had to find a way of breaking the cycle on his own, he had to try harder and find a balance. The biggest lesson he’d learned so far was knowing this truth.

A cou
ple of wine glasses later, Dave started dozing off. The remote control slipped from his hand and clattered on the tiles. Startled, he cocked his head, yawed and stretched his arms. On checking the clock he saw that it was well past midnight. The click-clack of heels outside his door had died down. Each time someone approached, he waited for a knock, but the footsteps continued on past his apartment. Then it came. He jumped to his feet and opened the door.

‘
Well, about time. Welcome to my chateau.’ Dave bowed like a butler and directed Erin inside. He smelled shampoo. Erin must have just come out of the shower—her hair was still wet and her skin glowed. She was wearing the same jeans as in Hong Kong, a T-shirt and a warm-looking jacket.

‘Thank you. It’s a cosy little place
,’ she said, looking around.

‘Please make yourself comfortable,’
Dave replied, in parody of high-society sophisticates.

‘Thanks, I will.’
Erin took her jacket and runners off and sat cross-legged on the couch.

‘Would you like a drink?’

‘Yes. White wine, dear,’ she said, picking up the game.

‘A glass of wine for the madam.’ Dave poured her a glass and sat next to her. ‘So how was your week, darling?’

‘It sucked,’ she said, laughing and dropping the act. ‘I’m so tired. I’m trying to finish the damn dissertation, and this job is taking up most of my day. How was your week?’

‘Well, I think I’ve seen most of the galleries in Paris
and God knows there’s a lot of them. I saw a painting of a woman’s crotch at the Musée d’Orsay. That was fun.’

‘I love that one, but it’s pretty tame. You should see what else is on display at the contemporary museums
,’ Erin said, laughing.

‘I can imagine,’ Dave replied.

‘I’ll take you to one. Niko and Katerina can come with us for a laugh,’ she said.

‘
Good idea. How are they anyway?’

‘The same as always. They fight like cats and dogs one minute and they’re all over each other the next.’ As she sipped her wine, their eyes met.
Erin gave him a warm smile.

‘You’re a hard person to get hold of, you
know.’ Dave was curious to find out what filled up her days so much. He was getting anxious to know if she was feeling the same way about him. He needed to know if Erin missed him like he missed her.

‘I’m so sorry about that. I’m really flat out at the moment
, and I don’t know where my head is at. I’m totally exhausted,’ Erin rubbed her forehead. That was good enough for him. He didn’t need much, just a little reassurance. He had to admit he was being impatient.

‘I have to ask you
Erin, it’s been playing on my mind. And I’m sorry if I’m being intrusive.’ Dave was about to ask something personal, and he had no idea which way it would go. He hesitated for a moment and watched her reaction.

‘What? What is it?’

‘Vincant. He said you went to one of those parties. The one he took me to,’ Dave said. He was embarrassed for asking, but he felt he just had to know what happened there.

             
Erin straightened up and her mood changed—she suddenly looked serious and defensive. ‘You want to know what happened there, don’t you? With Vincant.’

‘Look, it’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it. I mean, if you and Vincant had a thing, it’s none of my business
…’

‘You’re right. It’s none of your business Dave,’
Erin interrupted. The tension in the air suddenly rose and his face reddened.

‘
I, uh … you’re absolutely right! I shouldn’t have said anything.’

Mumbling apologies, Dave tried to defuse what was looking like a disaster
.

             
Erin stared at him. Her lips suddenly curved, and she burst out laughing. Dave didn’t understand, but he felt a wave of relief.

‘
You should have seen your face,’ she chortled. ‘Are you serious, Dave? Vincant? I’ll tell you what happened. Carla, Sam, Vincant and I went to one of those parties. Vincant always insisted, and so one night we agreed. It was the weirdest party I have ever been to. What a bizarre trip! Did you see what went on in the rooms upstairs? Oh. My. God!’ Erin held her hand over her mouth in disgust.

‘
Yeah, it was nuts,’ Dave said, now sorry he had brought up the subject and hoping she wouldn’t ask what had happened to him there.

‘Vincant was hitting on me all night
, and I kept knocking him back. That guy just doesn’t get it. You know what I said to him? I told him, “You’ll never understand why women prefer Sam over you.”’ she took a gulp of her wine, folded her arms and sighed in satisfaction.

‘You really said that?
To his face?’ Dave was impressed. That comment would have devastated an egocentric like Vincant.

‘I did. He’d be a really nice gu
y if he wasn’t such a sleazebag.’ Erin smiled. She looked even sexier to him now.

‘What did he say?’

‘He was too shit-faced and coked up to understand what I’d said. He just laughed like an idiot and kept doing the same thing.’

Dave
reached over to her and gently drew her chin in line with his. He kissed her and tasted the wine on her lips, licking them and playing with her. The kissing was slow and continuous at first. Erin’s breathing quickened. Her chest rose, she arched her back with a moan, and they got right into it. She turned and jumped on his lap, wrapped her arms around him and ran her hands through his hair.

Dave still held his glass. He reached for the floor to find a resting place for it without breaking the momentum.
Erin’s hair covered his body, and he liked her scent. She started moving her hips back and forth, driving him crazy. He stood up and picked her up with him. She wrapped her legs around his waist, and the kissing went wild. He leaned her back against a wall, and she tilted her head up with a moan. Dave ran his hands over her breasts and underneath her clothes. Her skin was smooth, her body muscular and toned.

‘Let me turn the lights off,’ h
e said.

‘O
kay,’ she whispered.

He flicked the switch and unrolled the bed. When he turned around,
Erin was disrobing. She looked like a flawless creature from a fantasy novel. Her hair cascaded over her shoulders and covered her breasts. Dave had only his jeans on when Erin placed a hand on his chest and shoved him down on the bed. As she started kissing him on the neck and making her way down, the belt and jeans soon came off. She pulled at them like a wild animal.

‘Do you have?
’

‘Wha
t? Yes!’ He got up and put on a condom. Erin lowered herself down on him. She moved her hips rhythmically, with her eyes closed and her head tilted up. She was in a world of her own, like the night she danced with him in Hong Kong. He held her by the hips while her motion quickened. Faster and faster she rose and fell on him. Dave’s eyes were fixated on her and followed her movements with amazement. Her moans grew louder until her breaths shortened, and she held it at the moment of climax. He too was climaxing and pushed on until they came at the same time.

She slowed to a halt and lay
down next to him. He hadn’t realised how much they were sweating. Condensation formed on the glass door again, and he was wet from the waist down.

‘Sorry about that.’ S
he looked at him shyly.

‘Don’t be. I
t’s a turn-on.’ Dave smiled. He got up to get rid of the condom and wipe himself down, then went back to bed, and they wrapped themselves around each other under the sheets. Erin’s hand made its way down south.

‘
Want to do it again?’ she asked.

H
e didn’t have to answer.

When the sex was out of their systems, they lay on the bed exhausted and satisfied.

‘I’
d love a cigarette right now,’ Erin broke the silence. ‘I’m so exhausted I can hardly move.’

‘
Me too.’ Dave was staring at the ceiling, blissfully content with not a thought in his mind. The air inside was warm and stuffy. The television had been left running on mute, its images projecting shadows on the walls and creating a light show.

‘
Why did you leave Melbourne?’ Erin asked, rolling over and hugging him around the waist, while he put his arm around her and pulled her closer.

‘Holiday.’

‘Have you travelled before?’

‘Nope.’

‘What about your job?’

‘I used to be an accountant, but I quit.’

‘Your house?’

‘Sold it.’ Dave wondered how long it would take
for her to start digging deeper.

‘So you have an open itinerary, have never travelled before and have nothing to tie you down?’
Erin summarised.

‘Yep.’

‘Are you a murderer?’

‘
Nope. Too squeamish. I faint at the sight of blood. Very cliché I know but it’s true.’

‘That’s funny.’ There was another pause. Dave could tell that she wasn’t done with her questions. ‘So what are you running from, then?’

‘Must I be running?’

‘You’re an accountant who drops everything, sells his house and goes on an indefinite holiday. That’s not normal, even by my standards. What are your plans for the future? What will you do?’

‘I don’t know yet,’ Dave answered. The question made him wonder. He hadn’t thought about the future much. As far as he was concerned, his future was in his arms, and it felt good.

‘There’s more to it, I bet.’ She looked at him. ‘It’s okay. You don’t have to tell me.’
Erin was a clever person; he couldn’t hold her off for long. What she really meant was: “Come out with it already!”

‘Maybe
.’ He could tell she was hanging to know more, and he liked playing with her.

‘
Why aren’t you married?’

‘I was,’ he replied. Then after a pause he added, ‘My wife passed away.’ Dave spoke
in a detached way, as if he were talking about a scene he’d watched in a movie. He waited for Erin to process the information before he continued.

‘It wasn’t long ago, was it?’
Erin raised her head and looked at him.

‘It depends on how long three years is,’ Dave replied. He could feel her body tense against his as her eyes widened.

‘What happened?’

‘She got sick, a nasty illness.’ He wasn’t about to say more; he couldn’t. He turned his head, looking up at the ceiling.

‘I can see you still miss her.’ Erin had given him a different look, one he hadn’t seen before. It was a look of compassion and care, one that gave him her full attention. He’d seen this response before in Amy and his mother. Maybe it was something that only women could convey, reflecting the maternal instinct to protect and nurture. ‘How did you cope?’ Erin asked. ‘I don’t know what I’d do if I lost my partner.’

‘
I lost my head for a while. You just try your best, I guess. It brought my whole life down,’ Dave went on, ‘but I’ve learned to live with it. Had you asked about it a few months ago, I would have curled up in a foetal position and sat rocking back and forth.’

‘That’s horrible. I couldn’t imagine
…’ Erin choked up and couldn’t finish. She just shook her head, her eyes drilling deep inside him.