CHASING LIFE (23 page)

‘You’ll do fine without learning French,’ she winked at him
and gave him a peck on the cheek. They exchanged numbers, said goodbye and she stepped outside with a chime of the doorbell. He watched Erin run across the wet street, cowering from the rain and jumping over puddles. A protective instinct urged him to follow her until she was home and safe, but his better judgement advised against it. He missed her already.

He
exhaled deeply as if he’d been holding his breath from the moment he saw her. The rain was coming down hard. He finished his coffee, rugged up his tired body and went for the door. The bell chime announced his departure from the romantic little patisserie, and he waved an
au revoir
to the ladies that made it such a delightful place. He bolted down the footpath, dodged through umbrellas and didn’t stop running until he reached the door to his apartment. He was soaked and water dripped all over the floor. This was a familiar routine by now: a warm shower with the BBC news in the background. Once done, he switched the television off and slipped into bed with Erin on his mind. No way could he sleep. The whole night was replayed multiple times in his mind.

At last
, he had something real. Erin was a woman he had a genuine interest in, and he’d pursued her because of it. Twice before he got close and that made it so much sweeter. His imagination filled his head with scenarios of both of them leaving their mark all over Paris. There were so many places to take her, so many things to do with a partner, things he’d never gotten to do with Julia. He twisted and turned with excitement. The future was promising. He was finally getting on with his life and felt normal—better than normal.

And that was it
—the prospect of having a partner again and falling in love warmed his chest. It was happiness, a feeling he’d grown alienated from and one he’d nearly forgotten. This woman he’d chased from one end of the world to the other held a promise of hope. The idea of being happy again choked him up with joy. He hardly knew her—that was true—but so far she’d shown herself to be exactly what he wanted. The woman was beautiful, exciting, funny, intelligent, and him? He was just Dave. The jobless accountant from Melbourne.

The one thing that bothered him was her departure.
Erin had told him she was going home once her dissertation was completed. The thought of her leaving sullied his mood. He was sure they could find a solution, even if it meant him going with her to America. And why not? He wasn’t planning prematurely. It was realistic. He wasn’t bound to anything, and he had no permanent home. This is what the trip is about, he said to himself. If I can’t convince her to stay in Paris or come back with me to Melbourne, I’ll go with her. He was excited at the prospect of such an adventure. He could easily find another office job to start off, and she would be a full-time anaesthesiologist.

The foot-
traffic outside his apartment increased as school and office hours started. The rain eased up a little, but the wind picked up. Whizzing noises whistled through the cracks of the door and rattled the outdoor blinds. Dave was snuggled up in his warm bed with a roaming imagination that was slowly being taken into the realm of dreams. His eyes took a one last glimpse of the clock—nearly nine in the morning. Amy—damn it, he’d forgotten to call her. Must remember to call Amy, he repeated to himself and drifted off.

Chapter 26

The
ringing of the phone vibrated in his head like a landmine exploding deep underneath the earth. Dave swung his arms wildly to grab it without opening his eyes, but he’d forgotten to place his mobile within an arm’s reach. He knew who it was. His mum was the only one who’d let it ring out and then try another three or four times. He half-got up and lunged for the phone on the kitchen bench.

             
‘Hi, Mum.’

‘Why haven’t you called? Are you
all right?’ her voice came shrilly over the line.

‘Yep, I’m good
,’ he said, lying back down in bed.

‘Are you sure? You haven’t been sick or anything? You sound croaky.’

‘Everything is okay. It’s a little rainy and cold here at the moment, but I’m fine. I’m not sick. I’ve just woken up.’

‘Is it early over there? Sorry to wake you. Your dad said to wait, but I hadn’t heard from you, so I thought I’d make a quick call.’

‘It’s okay. It’s not too early.’

‘Dad says hello and sends his love. Make sure you call,
all right?’

‘Thanks,
Mum. I’ll call more often, I promise.’

‘When are you coming back?’

‘I’m still here for another month, but I’ll keep you posted if I change my mind.’

‘
All right then. Make it sooner if you can. Bye for now, and take good care of yourself.’

‘Okay. You take care
, too.’

‘Bye, Dave.’

‘Bye, Mum.’ Dave hung up the phone, again leaving out the information that he was in Paris—and had been for some time.

There was no point in telling her where he was. He’d have to explain why he left Hong Kong
, and all his mother was concerned about was his state of health anyway. Dave rolled out of bed and sat on the edge with his hair sticking out in all directions. ‘I need a haircut,’ he mumbled and lazily tried to flatten it.

He went
to the bathroom, then rushed back to his mobile, checking for messages. It was 2:00 in the afternoon; she’d be at work. I should send her a message, he thought. She’s probably dead tired. He typed away with a smile on his face at the thought of the previous night. ‘I hope you’re having an easy day at work,’ he wrote. ‘I just got up.’

It was short, open-ended
, allowing for further messaging while rubbing it in a little. He could joke with Erin. Dave then made himself breakfast and watched the news, occasionally glancing at the phone. He wasn’t up for venturing outside because the weather was still miserable. Perhaps he’d ask Erin out for dinner later, though she hadn’t told him when she was off from work. Why, Dave wondered idly, did she have to work on a Sunday? He sat on the couch in his sweats and munched on junk food until 5:00 in the afternoon. Although he was bored, he didn’t feel like doing anything.

Then he remembered Amy. He dialled her number from the landline in case
Erin called on the mobile.

‘Amy speaking.’

‘Hi. It’s me, Dave.’

‘Hey, how are you?’ The flatness in her voice was evident, like the tone of a sick person trying hard to be her normal self.

‘I spoke to Mike last night. He told me what happened.’ Dave spared Amy any specific mention of the break-up.

‘Yeah, it’s true.’

‘How do you feel?’ he asked and waited for her to find the right words. He could imagine her eyes welling up. As hard as Amy liked to appear on the outside, she was emotionally a real softie. He wished that he could reach out and give her a hug.

‘Like the biggest bitch in the world. I ended a five-year relationship and hurt a nice guy.’ Amy sounded nasal
, as though she was on the verge of tears.

‘You’re not a bitch. What happened? Why didn’t you say anything? I had no idea you two had problems.’

‘We didn’t. And it wouldn’t have been fair to tell you,’ she said. Dave was confused—why wouldn’t it have been fair? Perhaps she worried that he had enough problems of his own.

‘You can tell me anything
,’ Dave said softly. ‘You know that.’

‘Yeah, I know, but not this time. This break-up was in the works for a while. I just didn’t have the guts to follow through with it earlier.’

‘But why?’

‘I didn’t love him, Dave.
Not him. I cared very much for him and he’s a great man, but he deserves a woman who can give him what he needs. And he didn’t have what I needed. It was better to go our separate ways.’ Previously Amy had confided to Dave that her boyfriend had talked to her a number of times about getting married and having a family, but she’d always told him that she wasn’t ready.

‘As much as it hurts now
, Amy, it does get better. Take it from someone who knows something about it,’ Dave said reassuringly. ‘You’ll be okay, trust me. I have no doubt you’ll be just fine. We’re all behind you in whatever you do. You’re a very sexy woman, Amy. And you have this intense personality that deserves to be with someone who can appreciate it. I feel lucky to be your friend, and I don’t doubt you’ll come across another lucky man.’

‘
Thanks, Dave. I’ve never heard you say that to me before.’ She had a half-hearted go at a chuckle.

‘Hey, guess what? I found her.
’ There was a long sigh on the other side of the line.

Dave couldn’t help
but share the news. Amy’s situation had brought up memories of his own crisis, and he couldn’t help but share happier news.

‘Who?’

‘I found that girl I was telling you about, Erin.’

‘The one from Hong Kong? Where did you find her?’
Amy’s voice was incredulous.

‘In a tiny bar off a side street. It was luck. She lives a few streets away from my apartment
, and I hadn’t come across her all this time.’ He spoke fast, not realising how excited he sounded.

‘That’s amazing. What is she like?’ Amy’s voice told him that she didn’t share his enthusiasm. He realised that
he was being a bit insensitive.

‘She’s a nice girl,’ he replied, playing down what he felt
. He knew he sounded condescending. ‘I’m still getting to know her, but she’s keeping me interested so far.’ It was a huge understatement: Erin was all he thought about. ‘Actually, she’s great!’ he blurted out, unable to contain it anymore. ‘She’s everything you can ask for, and, we bounce off each other. You know?’

‘Be ca
reful Dave, you hardly know her,’ Amy responded with unimpressed tone.

‘
I know what I’m doing,’ he bit back.

‘You’re falling in love with the idea of having another partner. She may not even feel
…’

‘Amy, worry about your own problems,’ Dave barked.
He was fed up. The days of other people giving him unsolicited advice about his life were over. When a message alert beeped on his mobile he flung himself at it. His heart skipped a beat when he saw Erin’s name.

‘
Just be careful. I don’t want you to—’

‘Amy, stop right there,
’ Dave interrupted. ‘I’m a big boy. I can handle myself.’

‘When are you coming back?’

‘I don’t know yet. Things are just starting to work out for me.’ He was expecting a positive remark from her—he deserved it.

‘What will you do for money? You have to work, you know. Are you getting a job in Paris? You d
on’t even know the language.’ Words rushed out so quickly Amy couldn’t contain her anger.

‘I’ll be fine.’

‘Don’t forget what happened to you. Sort yourself out first. Have a good time, but don’t rush into anything!’ she snapped.

‘What the hell’s gotten into you?’

‘Me? Are you serious? Let me tell you about you!’ Amy let loose. ‘Your life changed, and you suffered for a long time. All of a sudden, you quit your job, sold everything and left the country. Then you chased some girl across the world after you had just met her once; you got robbed and are lucky to be alive; you told me about a one-night stand as though you’re still in your twenties. Does that sound normal? If you have problems, don’t run away—deal with them!’

‘
I’ve had my fair share of dealing with problems, thank you, or have you forgotten?’ It was Dave’s turn to unload. He could feel the veins in his neck bulge.

Amy sighed and lowered her voice. ‘You have to start moving on from that. You can’t feel sorry for yourself for the rest of your life and expect everyone else to pity you. It’s harsh, but someone has to say it to you.’

How could Amy reduce what he’d gone through to feeling sorry for himself? How dare she? ‘Thanks for the advice, but I don’t fucking need it any more!’ he yelled into the phone and hung up before Amy had a chance to respond. He was furious, and he was done with the nagging.

Why had she been so negative when he spoke of meeting women? Her advice was irritating. W
ho was she to give advice when her own relationship had fallen apart? She had pushed him too far. He’d never spoken to anyone like that, but she had a way of jabbing him where it hurt.

Since he’d met
Erin, his mind had ceased to gnaw at the festering wound of his past. He
was
dealing with it. His depression was in check, and the image of Julia was sinking into the depths of his memory every day. It angered him that his best friend just couldn’t be happy for him. Envy was the only reason he could imagine. He had found someone new, while she was miserable in a now-defunct relationship. That was the only conclusion that made sense to him.

Dave read his phone message: ‘
I’m sooo tired! I just got home.’

The clock
said it was 7:30 in the evening—a perfect time for dinner. He typed a return message and re-checked it before sending: ‘How about dinner? Then I’ll give you a massage you’ll never forget.’ He added a smiley face at the end so it wouldn’t seem too ‘pervy’ and sent it off. Springing up from the couch, he started changing into going-out clothes, humming some top-forty song that he didn’t even like but that stuck in his mind for some reason.

His mobile beeped again: ‘
Sorry, babe. I’m too tired. Thank you, though, for last night. It was fantastic! I’m flat out at work for the whole week, but I’ll be in touch.’

She’d given him the smiley face too, but it was no consolation. He
was halfway into putting on a shirt, but stopped and slumped on the couch with his mouth drooping. He read the message a few times over. It was sweet being called ‘babe’ at 35, but he couldn’t understand why Erin wasn’t as excited to get together as he was. For some reason her message seemed like a backhanded compliment: ‘Thanks for a great time, but I’ll be in touch.’ Was he reading too much into it? Erin did have to work and study, whereas he had nothing to do. He tried to put himself in her shoes but found it difficult. If he were in her place, he would have made the effort. She was, after all, only a few streets away.

She could have stayed the night and gone to work the next day. He should have mentioned that in the message
—he immediately regretted that he hadn’t thought of that. Too late now; she’d made it clear what her decision was. She hadn’t even given him a specific day. ‘I’ll be in touch.’ Was that what someone says to a man she likes? To Dave it sounded like a brush-off. Was she letting him know nicely that he wasn’t on her priority list? He couldn’t stop dwelling on it now.

‘What’s wrong with me?’ he scoffed.
He was definitely reading too much into Erin’s text message. Better stop this nonsense, he reflected, before it goes round and round in my head and gets out of control. Dave got back into his still-warm T-shirt and sweats while flicking mindlessly through the TV channels. He had no energy reserves nor the will to go out on his own. She deserved to be given time, and he needed to be patient.

The following day
, Dave resumed his exercise routine. He’d put his gear on and walked out to greet a sunny morning. He waved to the superintendent at the other end of the complex and took off.

He
did his usual run around the Jardin des Plantes, down the banks of the Seine and did a lap around the Notre Dame. He’d resisted on going down the streets of the Sorbonne or anywhere near where Erin might live. She’d said she would call, and he would wait. Invading her personal space without an invite wasn’t his intention, although nothing would give him more pleasure. He was thinking about her constantly. If it wasn’t Julia he was thinking of, it was Erin.

A whole week went by with no word from Erin. Dave kept himself busy discovering new cafés, galleries and restaurants. The experience was only half fun—each time he found a delightful little restaurant, he wished she was there to share it with. Each time he’d found a new patisserie and tasted the desserts, he wished to watch her close her eyes as she bit into the delicious textures of food. He finally went back to the Louvre to see the
Mona Lisa
.

She hadn’t impressed him as much as he thought it would. The
portrait was certainly amazing but somewhat small and ordinary, as far as a masterpiece was concerned. He put it down to the hype—it usually spoils one’s experience if it’s overdone. It was such a well-known piece of art, and yet it didn’t leave him in awe. It was disappointing. Or maybe it’s just me, he thought.