Chasing Butterflies (24 page)

In a daze,
I lay wondering how my life might have just gone to shit in three seconds. In that time, I might have failed my son and his mother. I didn’t want to be my father. If I believed in such things, I would wonder why a curse had been put on my family. And better yet, I prayed that it ended with me and not got passed down to my son.

Muffled sound came from everywhere as a bright light passed over my eyes. I hurt like a motherfucker, but that was to be expected when a three hundred plus defensive linebacker drilled you into the ground so hard they would need a spatula to get me off the turf.

Questions were hurled at me in rapid succession.

“Three,” I said, counting the fingers placed in front of my face. “No, my head doesn’t hurt.” Just every other bone in my body. “No, I don’t feel like vomiting.” I answered to unseen faces.

Finally, I had enough. I pushed up to a sitting position and noise erupted like a lion’s roar from the stadium. Helping hands were there to get me up, but I did it on my own. I prayed I hadn’t scared Mason, so I waved at the crowd in the general area he and Lenny should be sitting.

More noise and I was ushered off the field. It was protocol with the fear of concussions. I had to sit out at least one play to be further evaluated.

“I’m fine.”

Back slaps from my teammates didn’t help the ache. But I endured. The doctor ran a few more tests, and evidently I passed because I was pushed back toward the field. There wasn’t much time left. And if I had any chance in hell in playing in a bowl game, we had to win here. And my future career meant not letting my team down. More importantly not letting my family down.

I glanced at the sideline where the coach looked like he was doing a rain dance with his signals for the next play.

The guys were in the huddle. “Okay, Minnie Mouse swept right.” It was a bootleg play to the weak side of the defense. It had a crazy name, but the guys wouldn’t forget it. It was four down and less than twenty seconds of play left. Despite getting mowed down by the human lawnmower, I trusted our guys to protect me. So when the ball was snapped in my hands, I stayed in the pocket for a second or two. We had two wide receivers, including Ashton, and my right hand tight end, Chance, in the play, getting in position. But since our starting running back got benched, it was Sawyer who was there to help me sell the fake handoff. He ran left, and I ran right after, pretending to give him the ball while I surveyed the field. He sold the play as I had time to find an opening before a defense end came barreling toward me. I let the ball fly.

The clock ran out and the field was soon flooded with parents but mostly students. We won in spectacular fashion, and I was lifted up on shoulders as the hoots and yelling came to a crescendo.

More than anything I wanted down. That moment wasn’t for the crowd. It was for me, my girl, and our son. But when I was finally let on my feet, a microphone was shoved in my face.

“So what’s next for you, Kelley? Will you be entering the draft?”

I gave non-committal answers to every question. I hadn’t had time to think. Pam, my stepmom, should have been at the game and was meeting me at the house. More importantly, I needed to see Lenny and Mason.

So after some polite brush-offs, I jogged off the field, searching every face along the way for them both. When I saw them, I stopped. Mason scrambled out of Lenny’s arms and ran for me. My heart swelled with gratitude that he’d accepted me. And I’d spent every second I could with him, making up for lost time.

“Daddy, you’re okay.”

“I am.”

Then Lenny was there, and I drew her close. When I kissed her, Mason laughed. I didn’t want to leave them, but I wanted out of there after spotting a familiar face in the crowd. I took the fastest shower ever, knowing I’d take another more thorough one later with Lenny.

TV cameras had followed me out of the locker room as I found Lenny safely near the entrance.

“Kelley, can you tell us who this is?”

With my son in one arm and Lenny tucked to my side, I said, “This is my son and my future wife.”

Lenny’s cheeks reddened and it was so damn cute, I kissed her again, giving the reporter a show.

I hadn’t seen Pam at the game. There hadn’t been any messages on my phone.

“What’s your hurry?” Lenny said.

But I’d been spooked. I wasn’t yet ready to talk about it and just got us home. When the doorbell rang, I opened the door. “Hey, Mom.”

Pam would never take the place of my real mom, God rest her soul. But she’d earned that title by being there when my own blooded aunt had kicked me to the curb and my father never looked back when he left me with Pam.

“Now you know,” she said, squeezing me back. “I missed you, boy. Saw your game.”

But then I saw the person standing on the sidewalk behind her and stiffened.

“Kelley, I wanted to tell you—”

Her words drifted over my head when I saw red. I moved outside, shutting the door as if somehow my family would be protected. I vaguely heard Pam say Chance’s name, but didn’t pay attention.

“What are you doing here?” I bellowed, uncaring of what our neighbors heard.

“I wanted to see you play, Son.”

“Son,” I barked. “When was I ever your son?”

“I deserve that.” Dad glanced at the ground as if he understood what eating humble pie tasted like.

“And more,” I yelled. “Like maybe jail time.” He winced, but I didn’t care. “How dare you show up here?”

His words had been calm while mine felt more like a nuclear countdown. He extended his hands palm out, and I almost flinched. He caught that and dropped them.

“You’re right. I shouldn’t have come. It was selfish of me to want to see you play. I’m clean. I’m sober, and I have been for the better part of a year. Part of the program is to apologize to everyone I’ve wronged.”

“Too bad Mom is in a grave. Even dead she’d be more likely to accept your apology than me.”

He closed his eyes, and I got satisfaction my jab had hit its mark.

“If I could go back—”

“But you can’t. I’m not the son you wanted to survive. You wish I’d been the one to die not Sandy. I’m sorry for that.”

“Kelley—”

“Don’t bother. Don’t waste your second chances on me. I don’t want any part of it. I’m that ugly reminder that you had to stay with Mom when Sandy died. If you hadn’t had any other kids, you could have left Mom and started fresh.”

“That’s not true.”

“Isn’t it?” I barked.

He stood there silent until he glanced over my shoulder. I turned around and saw Lenny there with our son in her arms. She walked over to us.

When she reached us, Mason held out his arms to me. I took him, feeling calm come over me.

“Who is he, Daddy?”

I had a moment to make a choice.

“He’s my father, your grandfather.”

Mason waved. “Hi, Grandpa.”

The smile that graced my father’s face was nothing I recognized. It seemed sincere, which only made me angrier.

“Hey, Mase, why don’t you go inside and ask Uncle Chance to get you a cookie?” I cajoled.

He practically jumped to the ground and ran on his tiny legs back to the house. He was just tall enough to get a hold of the knob and that scared me. I added baby proofing to my list of things to do. Then I turned back to my father.

“He looks just like you when you were little.”

I wasn’t moved by his words. “And it’s time for you to go. Don’t think I did that for you. I did that for my son. As much as you are a bad person, he still deserves to know his family tree. But if you ever lay so much as a finger on him, I will consider it an act of violence and kill you.”

He nodded to me, then to Lenny. “I’m sorry for disturbing you all.”

Lenny, the picture of sweetness, said, “That’s okay.”

“I assume you’re my grandson’s mother.” She bobbed her head. “Well, take care of my son. I didn’t do a good job. And I know you’ll take excellent care of my grandson. Just remember that time is precious and there isn’t a whole lot of it. When it’s gone it’s gone and there is no turning back.” He glanced back my way. “I’m sorry again, Kelley. Maybe one day you’ll forgive me.”

Then my father turned and headed toward a beat-up car that didn’t look like it would make it down the street. I wondered what happened to his truck. But I didn’t care enough to ask.

When his taillights somehow made it to the end of the street, I relaxed.

Lenny had her arm around me and her face pressed to my chest. I wrapped her into a full hug.

“Why’d you come out here?”

“I heard the yelling. So did everyone inside.”

“And you thought you’d come out and protect me with our son on your hip?”

She shrugged. “Pam clued me in to who was out there. But I would have come anyway, to protect you.”

I kissed the top of her head. “The only person I need protecting from is you.”

Her head popped off my chest and craned back to glare at me. “What do you mean by that?”

“You stole my heart four years ago. And now you’ve taken my soul. If you leave me, I’ll be left a shell of a man. Because unlike my father, I would never take for granted the gifts you bring into my life.”

The wattage on her smile couldn’t have gotten any brighter, because months after then when we’d settled into a grove, her smile remained just as bright. Even when I’d piss her off. But I would always remember her smile in that moment. Her next words would solidify the memory.

“Do I still give you butterflies?”

I laughed. “When I first saw you that day at school, I thought I had indigestion. I didn’t know then what I know now.”

“What’s that?”

“I’d never had that weird feeling in my gut like I was unsure of myself. When I saw you, I knew you were too good for me. But I couldn’t give up. Even when I didn’t have a name for it, I knew it was unique to you. And no matter what women came into my vision, no matter how attractive they were, none gave me that feeling.”

“Do you like that feeling?”

“I wouldn’t have chased you if I didn’t.”

Nervous, he kept
tugging at the collar of his shirt.

“Stop,” I whispered, hoping no one heard me. “You look great.”

“It’s a suit and every guy here has one on.”

“But you look the best.”

His smile stole my breath. “You trying to say I look good, baby?”

“You know you look good. Now rein in your ego. More people want to come in the room.”

His deep chuckle vibrated through his chest.

“You look even better in that dress. I can’t wait to get you out of it.” I slapped at his hand on my thigh. He grinned at me before planting a quick kiss on my lips.

“I saw Daddy kissing Mommy,” Mason said, pointing at us.

I put a finger to my lips, quieting him as the man came to the podium.

“This is it,” I said softly.

My son put a finger to his lips, admonishing me.

“And for the second pick of this year’s draft…”

I squeezed Kelley’s hand. “It won’t be me, Len. But I’m hoping to be selected in the first round.”

The announcer had gone on and on with words that weren’t that important, until he said, “Kelley Moore.”

We froze together until it sank in. Kelley uprooted himself to standing. I looked so far up from my seat to his six plus feet height as I whispered, “Congratulations.”

Sexy as hell, he made his way down the aisle with my eyes glued on him until his agent whispered to me once my son sat in his father’s vacated spot.

“You know everything will change for him. You should prepare yourself.”

Something about how she said it made me turn to look at the woman with her gorgeous Asian features. I’d hated her on the spot for how poised and beautiful she was. She pushed back her long, glossy hair, making mine feel dull and lifeless.

“Prepare for what?”

“For the enviable. Good-looking and smart women will toss themselves at him in every city he plays in. And he’ll eventually give in. The loneliness and need for release will make him crack. You’ll find out and then you guys will fight. It might even mess up his game. I’m just saying protect yourself. Leave him before he can truly break your heart.”

I gaped at her. Only she’d voiced some of my own insecurities I’d kept at bay. But never let them see you sweat. Wasn’t that what that commercial said?

“You’re wrong. He’s committed to me and our son.”

She huffed out a laugh. “You aren’t the first baby momma. And some other woman will find herself pregnant. These women are scandalous. They’ll do whatever it takes to snag your man. You’re better off leaving now and finding an accountant to settle down with.”

I wanted to claw her eyes out, but Kelley’s voice broke in.

“And most of all, I want to thank my future wife. She was the first woman outside of my mother who believed in me. She made me feel that I was capable of more, and I hung onto that. She gave me the most precious gift, our son.”

But I read between the lines. Although he meant our son with every fiber of his being, I also knew that he was talking about the gift that led to our child, my virginity. He went on to thank his new team for the opportunity. And when he was done and ushered to the back, I did the only thing I could.

In the most undignified way, I stuck my tongue out at his agent and resisted the urge to say nah, nah, nah, nah, nah. Clearly spending half the night in the hotel room making love with Kelley had left me sleep deprived, and I was acting like a three-year-old.

She rolled her eyes, but her point clawed at me. I didn’t like to have doubts, but how could I deny all the stories of men who gained fame and left their wives and girlfriends for better, shinier models?

I pulled the letter from my purse to remind me why I didn’t have to be insecure. Mom had finally found it and sent it to me. She claimed she’d lost it. I opened it and read it for the tenth time.

Lenny,

I’m not a poet or anything. I’m not sure I even have the right words. Other than to say, I haven’t been with anyone else or had the need to be. You’re my butterfly, with wings that give me that feeling whenever I think of you.

Shit, I sound stupid, especially since your parents have made it clear you’re done with me. But I thought maybe if you knew I’d be willing to wait forever, you’d wait for me too.

I picture you in my head when I remember how alone I am in this world. With Mom and my brother gone, and my dad is gone too, not dead unfortunately, I have no one but you.

Right now, I live with a woman named Pam. She’s good people. She wants nothing from me, which seems strange. I think she’s making up for the son she lost custody of. But you probably don’t want to know about that. All I know is I can’t imagine anyone not wanting her for a mom.

I’m getting my shit together so one day I can come for you. I’m playing football again.
Girls are everywhere.
Scratch that. Just know they don’t hold a candle to you. I’m focusing on school, keeping my grades up and staying out of trouble.

I feel like I’m bugging you, or begging you. But call me. I’ve left my number below. If I don’t hear from you, I’ll guess this is goodbye. And I hope you have the world. You deserve it.

Kelley

Folding it again, my trust shouldn’t waver. Kelley could have any girl he wanted. He’d never given me any reason not to trust him. Would so much money be our game changer?

After waiting forever, we made it back to the hotel. It had been a long day for Mason, so I let Kelley take him and tuck him into bed like he did every night.

“Man, he fell asleep as soon as he hit the pillow.”

“Is the monitor on?”

He nodded. “Now I have you all to myself.”

“I think I’m tired.”

I got up to leave, but he tugged me to fall in his lap.

“What’s going on? You haven’t been yourself since they announced me being picked.”

“It’s nothing,” I said.

“Remember, we promised no lies.”

I exhaled, knowing he was right. “Everything’s going to change. You’ll be gone. I’ll be at school.”

His eyes narrowed. “Are you letting what my former agent said get to you?”

“Former?”

His head moved slowly up and down. “Yes, I gave her credit for being honest with me about what she told you. I still fired her. She doesn’t know me or what I’ve been through. She hasn’t walked in my shoes. I’ve seen the good, bad, and ugly that life has to offer. I’ve lived in a home, in a room, in a car and wherever my father could get for us for the night. I’ve had a full belly and an empty one. I’ve been beaten and I’ve kicked a number of asses. And I’ve had plenty of women. So I know what I want. I may be young, but I’ve lived two lifetimes.”

He shifted his hip up and reached in his pocket before he continued on.

“I know how you feel about your father. So I couldn’t ask him. I wanted to do this in the morning, so Mason could be a part of it because I asked him instead.”

“Asked him what?” I was mystified by his mini speech.

“I asked him if I could marry his mom because I’m so in love with her.”

Tears clogged my throat. I cleared it and said, “God, I love you too. But what did he say?”

“He said as long as I was good to you and didn’t make you cry, he was okay with it. So all I need to know is if you’ll be my wife.”

He pulled out a ring that made my eyes dazzle.

“If you don’t like it, the guy assured me we could exchange it for something else. It’s not huge. I didn’t think you would want a ring that would require you to have a bodyguard with you when you left the house.”

“No, it’s perfect. But, how could you afford it?”

He brushed my hair over my shoulder, making me unable to hide under a curtain of it.

“I told you I’m a saver. And apparently I have good credit.”

“What about my school?”

“They’re bound to have a university nearby where I’m going. I’ll pay for your school or whatever you want.”

“You can’t waste your money. Football contracts aren’t guaranteed.”

He kissed my lips. “You’re cute when you’re trying to argue with me. I know better than you that contracts aren’t guaranteed. But my new agent—”

“You have one already?”

“Yes, and if you’d let me finish...”

“Sorry,” I said.

“Some of the money is guaranteed. I don’t have a deal yet, but my agent let me know what he’ll fight for. And it’s more guaranteed money up-front. If we’re not crazy and buy a decent house in a nice neighborhood.”

“But you’ll be famous.”

“And if the house is sitting on a couple of acres of land, our neighbors can’t be nosy. I don’t need more than my truck, but I’ll get you a car. We’ll put most of the money away so we can live off of it for years.”

“Or until you get tired of me.”

“Tired. I’ll never tire of you and my two sons.”

His hand landed on my belly. “How do you know it’s a boy?” Because Kelley was apparently potent. It hadn’t taken long for me to get pregnant. And with summer looming, I would pop soon.

“Because if God gives a shit about me, he’ll give me a son so I don’t murder any boys for looking at my daughter if she looks anything like you.”

He was everything to me. I loved him more than life itself with the exception of Mason and my growing peanut.

“I bet you say that to all the girls,” and that time I was truly teasing.

He cupped my cheek. “There’s only ever been one girl I’ve chased. And if she’ll say yes, I would have caught the most beautiful butterfly of them all. What do you say?”

“I say…yes.”

His kiss was long and lingering. When he pulled back, he said, “It’s a good thing you said yes.”

“Why?”

He smiled and my stomach did backflips. “Because it’s only ever been you. And I wouldn’t have given up. Because you got me chasing butterflies.”

A Thank You

I’d like to thank you for taking the time out of your busy life to read our novel. Above all I hope you loved it. If you did, I would love it if you could spare just a few more minutes to leave a review on your favorite e-tailer. If you do, could you be so kind and
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