Chasing a Dream (28 page)

Tess gulped then nodded.

Morelli shoved the ring in his pocket. “Now remember, if I find out you’ve blown your cover or if I can’t get you on that phone, I’ll come after you. And Tony Morelli can find anyone.”

He walked back to the sliding door and cracked it open. “So get outta here.”

Justin needed no further invitation. He watched Morelli leave then wrenched his wrists free from the tape, gritting his teeth against the needles of pain. After ripping the tape off his mouth, he pulled Tess to her feet. “Let’s go.”

Retrieving the small gun from the waist of his jeans, he tugged Tess toward the back door of the warehouse. “Now I know Rebecca is with us,” he murmured to Tess as they hurried to the door. “We just got handed a miracle.”

No sooner had he said those words than the doorknob he reached for rattled, and the door creaked as it opened. Yanking Tess behind the door with him, Justin pressed himself against the wall. Peering through the crack between the door and wall, he watched as the stocky man returned from his scouting expedition.

When the door swung shut, Justin cracked the butt of the gun on the back of the man’s head and sent him down on the floor. “Sleep tight.” Without hesitating, he stepped over Dominic’s sprawling form and pulled Tess out the door with him into the inky blackness of the late night.

***

“Now what do we do?” Tess asked, panting, after they’d run for several blocks. She cast an uneasy gaze around the dark alley where they’d stopped to catch their breath. The stench of garbage from a nearby Dumpster mingled with the smell of exhaust and the scent of her own fear. Her stomach pitched as she gulped the foul odors into her lungs along with oxygen.

“We need more clothes for starters.” Justin rubbed his hand over his bare chest as if to prove his point.

Tess wrapped her arms around her middle, trying to calm the tremors that shook her body. She had only the thin nightgown Hallie had loaned her, and Justin had only his jeans. Shoes were a priority, as well.

“How do we get more clothes? We have no money. We have nothing, Justin.” She sighed miserably at the thought. Shaking her head, she gave him a short, humorless laugh. “How ironic would it be if, after all this, we died of starvation or exposure or—”

“Hey!” Justin said with an edge in his voice. He aimed a finger at Tess, and his expression bore his trademark determination. “We’ve come this far and survived. I, for one, have no intention of dying on the streets from starvation. We’ll survive. Trust me to take care of you, okay?”

A chill slithered down her back. She realized what he’d lost in their bargain with the devil, and she forgave his chastising tone. Because she had no one but Justin, she’d had nothing to lose by playing dead. Justin, on the other hand, had sacrificed everything, everyone he loved. Because of her. Because he’d had no choice. Because of the mess she’d made of his life.

Remorse clutched her chest, squeezing painfully. She didn’t want to cry, knowing it would solve nothing. But her emotions had been on such a roller coaster for days, and knowing the pain Justin had to be suffering from his losses made holding her tears at bay impossible. “I’m sorry. I trust you. I’m just so scared.”

Justin pulled her into his arms. The warmth of his skin and the security of his arms made a haven where Tess gladly would have spent the rest of her days.

He pressed a kiss to her head. “We can either steal the clothes, or we can try to find some kind of Goodwill place and hope we can get something there.”

“I’m not a thief, and don’t intend to become one if I can help it.” Tipping her head back, she peered up at Justin.

A gentle smile found his lips, and he rewarded her with a soft kiss. “Then let’s start looking for a charity where we can score some clothes and maybe a little traveling food. If anyone asks, we were burned out of our house last night and got away with only these clothes. Agreed?”

She nodded. When he started to back away, she tightened her hold on him. “I know how much you gave up for me, and that means everything to me.”

Justin’s eyes grew sad. “Forget it.”

Clutching at the hard muscles of his back, she shook her head. “I can’t forget it, Justin. I know what your family and your music mean to you. I’ve robbed you of them.”

He grasped her chin, and his blue gaze penetrated hers. “This is not your fault. That guy gave me no real choice, now did he?”

Swallowing past the lump in her throat, she formed the question that sliced at her heart. “But if he had given you a choice . . . if he’d given you the option of giving me up while I played dead . . . if you’d had to choose between going into hiding with me and the chance to go to Nashville, to keep your family . . .” Her throat closed, and she couldn’t finish the question.

Justin’s eyes grew dark with emotion, and he sighed. “Life is funny, huh? Three weeks ago, I’d have sworn nothing could keep me from Nashville and that I’d never do anything that would hurt my family. Suddenly I’m scraping in the streets to survive with a beautiful woman who means more to me than my next heartbeat.” He slid a crooked finger along the bridge of her nose. “I could never give you up, Tess. You’re far more important to me than Nashville.”

She caught her breath, and her heart twisted with a bittersweet tenderness. “I don’t deserve you.”

He closed his eyes and rested his head against her forehead. “You deserve better than me, but for now it looks like you’re stuck with this poor cowboy.”

“What about your family?”

Pain crumpled his face, and she bled inside for him, her empathy a gaping wound that filled her with a searing sorrow.

“You’re my family now,” he said.

When he kissed her, Tess’s tears came faster, wetting his cheeks and hers. She returned his kiss, praying that he felt the depth of her love. He’d given her life hope, joy and meaning. He’d renewed her spirit, giving her the fullness inside her that made it necessary for her to share her soul with him.

Now it was her turn to give something back to him. Her liberation from Randall had cost Justin his dream. Compensating him with her heart, her soul, and her devotion was the sweetest debt she’d ever had to pay.

***

Justin held Tess’s hand as they walked the streets until sunrise. As dawn broke, turning the sky a misty gray and pink, they found an old, regal church where they camped on the front steps, waiting for someone to come and open the doors for the morning service. Waiting gave Justin time to think, to remember.

“I saw Rebecca,” he said without preamble as they huddled in silence on the concrete steps.

“What?”

Tess’s voice sounded drowsy, confused, and he realized his comment had roused her from a light sleep. She raised her head from his shoulder and blinked groggily at him.

“Last week, after I was stabbed, I saw Rebecca. I almost died. Maybe I did die, and she sent me back. Maybe to help you. Maybe for some other reason. I don’t know. But I saw her. I’m sure of that much.” Even to his own ears, he sounded tired and rambling. He stared at the cracks in the sidewalk, while the changes in his life tumbled in his mind like clothes in a dryer.

“I believe you.”

He turned his face toward Tess, letting her see the dampness that crept to his eyes. “I miss her so much sometimes.”

Tess caressed his cheek gently. “I know you do.” Her lips curved into a weak semblance of a smile. “And I miss Angie, but I know she’s in a better place. Knowing that helps me. She’s not hurting or afraid now.”

Justin closed his eyes with a sigh. “If only I’d insisted that she—”

“Stop it, Justin.” Tess touched his lips with her fingertips. “Enough is enough. Hindsight is always clearer, but there’s nothing you can do to change the past. And you can’t keep punishing yourself for what happened to her.”

He tried to turn away, but she caught his chin and held his face toward hers, not letting him avoid her gaze. “Mac killed Becca. Not you. You did your best to make her leave him, but the decision to stay was hers. It’s not your fault she died.”

Her admonition made sense, logically, but he’d heard and rejected the same sentiments before. From counselors, from his family, from his own mouth when he tried to justify his lack of action. Logic didn’t heal his broken heart or ease the burden of his guilt.

But Tess’s eyes shimmered with tears, affection, and pleading that echoed in the black vortex that had swirled inside him since Becca’s death.

And he listened. He let the wisdom of the words seep in for the first time.

She wet her lips before she continued. “I know that when you met me, you saw a chance to make amends for what happened to your sister.”

He started to deny her claim, but her hazel eyes stripped away his pretenses, leaving his soul naked and exposed. Her fingers traced the lines of his face as she spoke, hypnotizing him with her caress, her soothing voice. “But I can’t absolve you of your guilt, Justin. Only you can do that. You have to forgive yourself. No one blames you but you. Don’t let your guilt mar your memories of her anymore. It’s not what she would have wanted. I know it’s not.”

His throat ached as he struggled to suppress the grief that wanted to swallow him. He mourned not just for Becca but for a lost dream that had started when she placed a guitar in his hands and told him to go the distance. In his quest to right the wrong he’d done her, he’d dropped the baton and lost the race. “I wanted to succeed with my music for her. I wanted to make her proud. But I failed again.”

“Oh, Justin,” Tess whispered, capturing his face between her palms. “How could she not be proud of who you are? You have a beautiful, loving spirit, a rare compassion and humanity. You’re not a failure. You’re a treasure, Justin, and even if Nashville never knows it, Rebecca did. And I do.”

“Then why do I keep letting people down? I try to help, try to make a difference, but it seems like I always come up short.”

“You haven’t let me down. And I don’t think Rebecca would feel you let her down, either. You kept your promise to her, even though it was the wrong choice. You both made mistakes. But mistakes don’t make you a failure. They make you human.”

Tess’s reassurances tangled around his heart, weaving through the fabric of his memories, his hopes and his guilt, unraveling the threads that had bound him. Yet some fiber of misgiving held fast.

Covering her hand with his own, he pressed her soft palm to his cheek. “I hear what you’re saying. I appreciate what you’re trying to do, but writing off my mistakes as being human isn’t enough for me. There’s still a void inside me. I have this restless yearning in me that—”

“I know. You absolutely hum with restless energy.” She smiled, and her eyes glowed as she gazed back at him. “You’re like a hot air balloon with a fire inside that makes you strain against the ropes, waiting to break free and soar into the blue.”

“Are you saying I’m full of hot air?” He managed a half smile.

“Well—”

“Don’t answer that.”

The humor left her expression. “But your guilt is a sandbag, Justin. It’s holding you back. You’re clinging to a weight that limits your freedom to fly. You’ve spent enough time and energy punishing yourself. It’s time to let go, to rechannel that wonderful fire inside toward something more positive, more productive.”

He lifted his chin and narrowed his gaze on her. A strange tingling prickled the back of his neck. “Like what?”

“Like . . . I don’t know. Only you can decide that. Whatever it is, I bet it’s the thing that will fill that void for you. When all is said and done, when people look at your life, what do you want them to see? What do you want them to say?”

She’d given him a lot to think about, and he knew he would spend hours mulling over what she’d said. But as the sun rose higher and spread its golden fingers over her face, he focused on only one thing. Tess.

He flashed her a lazy smile. “I know one thing they’ll say about me when I’m gone.”

“Oh?” She hesitated, eyeing his grin curiously. “What’s that?”

“That I was the luckiest damn man in the world to find you.”

She ducked her head to stare at her toes. “I don’t know about that. I’ve been nothing but a burden so far.”

“Tess,” he said sternly, and she looked up. “I’ll make a deal with you.”

She groaned. “What?”

“I’ll
rechannel that wonderful fire toward something more positive
—” he wiggled two fingers of each hand as if drawing quotation marks, and she gave him a lopsided grin “—if you’ll promise to work on rebuilding your self-esteem.”

Her expression shifted abruptly to one of incredulity and incomprehension, but he didn’t have a chance to pursue his meaning.

An elderly man arrived at the foot of the steps to the church. “Can I help you folks?”

Tess turned her attention to the gray-haired man. “We . . . we were burned out of our house last night.” The lie bothered her, but wasn’t a lie better than stealing? “We need clothes and something to eat. Is there an emergency shelter around here or some kind of Goodwill center?”

“Well, let’s see.” The man rubbed his chin. “Yes and no. There’s a place a couple blocks from here, but they’re closed on Sunday. I think we might have something to tide you over until Monday. The youth group has been collecting things for a rummage sale, and there’s always coffee, juice and doughnuts for the Sunday school classes. You can help yourself to whatever you can use.”

Justin took a deep breath. “Thank you, sir. You’re a godsend.”

***

An hour later, after they’d scrounged clothes and a backpack full of other items from the rummage sale collection, Justin and Tess flagged down an eighteen-wheeler along the interstate, hitching a ride out of town. Justin grabbed Tess’s arm as she started to climb into the cab.

“You sit by the door,” he murmured in her ear.

“Why?”

Justin shifted his gaze to the man behind the steering wheel. “I’m sure he’d love to have you squished up against him, but I’d prefer you weren’t.”

A tiny grin tugged the corner of her mouth as Justin climbed into the truck and shook the trucker’s hand. She struggled up to the ripped seat and closed the door. The stale odor of cigarettes filled the truck, and country music twanged over the radio.