Chasing a Dream (12 page)

He’d earned her trust, groomed her to be his “wife,” and staked his claim as soon as she turned eighteen. In thirteen years, after he’d set her straight about who would be in charge, she’d never disappointed him. He’d never seen the need to make her position as his wife official. Until three days ago.

She’d confronted him about Fannin with an impertinence that surprised him. He should have taken stronger action right then. He should have realized how knowledge of his side business would chafe Tess’s rigid sense of morality.

He drummed his fingers on the desk and scowled. His silly, naive Tess, who returned change if a cashier overpaid her, had clearly been appalled at the idea that he controlled the fate of another man’s life. And death.

Watching her face grow white as he described having her sister killed had been comical. The woman had been so clueless.

Randall slid open the top drawer of the desk and removed the .357 Magnum stashed there for security purposes. With a flick, he opened the cylinder. He kept the revolver ready with one cartridge. His aim had been honed at the firing range, and he felt confident he could take out an intruder with one shot. The empty chambers ensured the revolver held no threat for him after being fired once, should his one shot fail to stop his opponent.

Tonight, one cartridge didn’t give him peace of mind. Shuffling through the drawer, he wrapped his fingers around five more bullets and slid them in the waiting chambers. The cylinder made a satisfying click as he snapped it back in place. Now he was ready.

Randall stroked the grip like a lover fondling his mate. He couldn’t pinpoint the source of his intuition, but something about Tess’s disappearance left him on edge. He didn’t intend to be caught unprepared.

CHAPTER
EIGHT

Tess backed away from Justin. She kept her eyes cast down, and her throat closed as tears swelled. She heard him rezip his jeans, and the rasping sound chafed her nerves. With a horrifying clarity, she saw her advances through Justin’s eyes. Revulsion twisted inside her. Sweet, honorable Justin. She’d used him to hurt Randall.

Nausea, mortification and fear washed over her like a tidal wave, and a shudder shook her body.

He panted, drawing in deep gulps of air, while she wished for the power to disappear, to dissolve into nothingness and not have to face his incrimination, his disgust.

“Tess?” His voice held some of its normal calm but not nearly all of it. “What was that about?”

Several seconds ticked by with only the lonely hum of the inefficient motel air conditioner filling the quiet.

“I know it wasn’t about sex, and it wasn’t about you and me . . .” He paused. “Was it?” But his tone said he knew the answer. “You don’t have to prove anything, honey. Not to me. Not to him.”

Honey
. The endearment resounded like a bittersweet melody and left her with a hollow ache.

He cupped her chin and tipped her face up. Still she dodged his gaze. She couldn’t bear to let him see the regret and humiliation in her eyes.

“If it was for you, there are better ways. Talk to me, sweetheart. I want to help.”

“It was nothing, Justin. Just go away. I’m sorry.” A shiver raced through her.

“Tess.”

She hated the sympathy lacing his voice. She didn’t deserve his sympathy, only his contempt. His hand stroked her hair with a tenderness she couldn’t comprehend.

“Tess? I’m not saying no, but I only—”

“Please,” she croaked, “just go.”

Sighing heavily, he moved away. “All right. I can’t make you open up to me if you don’t want to.” He headed to the sink, where he splashed water on his face, and Tess curled into the fetal position on the bed.

Whore!
Randall’s voice screamed at her, and she tucked her knees tighter against her chest.
Slut!
Tears of shame rushed to her eyes, and she choked on a sob that wrenched from her throat.

“Tess?”

She heard the concern in Justin’s voice and regretted the guilt she knew he’d feel, the responsibility for her tears, though none of it belonged to him. Randall had done this to her. He’d robbed her of her dignity, turned her into a vengeful, hate-driven slut.

A warm hand brushed her back. “Tess, honey, what’s wrong? Please tell me. I want to help, if I can.”

“Randall was right,” she muttered through her tears. “I hated him for calling me a whore, but I just proved he was right. Despite everything I did to avoid becoming one, that’s what I am. Oh, God!”

“Randall called you that?”

“And I am, too. I just proved it. Only a hooker would do what I just did to you. I’m so sorry.”

She buried her face in the musty bedspread and sobbed.

The bed sank as Justin sat down beside her. “Come on, Tess. Don’t cry, sweetheart. Please.” He stroked her head and back, and his voice reflected his discomfort and uncertainty. “Tell me what he did to you, Tess. Tell me why you believe what just happened was so bad. What made you do it?”

“Revenge,” Tess cried. “I hate him.”

Justin deserved answers. After what she’d put him through, after all the patience and kind understanding he’d shown her, he deserved some answers. But talking about it hurt. Dredging up what she’d buried so deep frightened her.

Yet like a lanced wound, the poison bubbled up and poured from her. “I hated what he made me do. But every time he wanted sex,
any
time he wanted it, I gave it to him. To keep the peace. Like the whore he said I was.” She trembled and felt him slide an arm under her to pull her up and into his embrace. He folded her in his arms, and she covered her face with her hands, mortified.

“I was afraid to say no to him. So I always . . . I sold my soul to him . . . because I needed . . . because I—”

“Ssh. Easy. You’re okay now. He can’t hurt you anymore.” Justin’s hold on her tightened. “Don’t cry, Tess. Please. If I were a gentleman, I would have stopped you sooner. Hell, I knew something didn’t add up, but I didn’t stop you sooner. I wanted to believe it meant more than . . . revenge.”

She peeked up at him timidly, bewildered by what Justin was telling her. “You did?”

He nodded.

Drawing a shaky breath, she opened her mouth to speak, but Justin placed his finger across her lips.

“You are not a whore for having sex with your husband, no matter how badly he treated you or how selfish he was about taking it from you.” He leaned her back and nailed her with a hard gaze. A fierce conviction burned in his eyes. “And you are not a whore for what just happened between us. Do you hear me? I didn’t pay you anything, nor will I. A woman isn’t a whore because she kisses a man she cares about. You hear me, Tess?”

“But—”

“But nothing. Call what you just did foreplay. Call it a mistake if you must, but do not call yourself a whore. Your husband was wrong, Tess. Wrong to hurt you, wrong to make you think so little of yourself, wrong to make sex something other than beautiful for you.” Justin sighed with frustration. “Please, Tess. Please believe that much is true.”

She held his gaze for a moment, trembling. “He wasn’t my husband.”

Justin knitted his brow in confusion. “I thought you said—”

“He always called me his wife. Probably believed I was somehow, but we were never legally married. He took me in at a time when I had nowhere else to go.”

Justin’s expression mellowed. He brushed a hand along her cheek, while he squeezed his eyes shut. “Tess . . .”

She held her breath, knowing somehow what he was about to say and uncertain how to respond.

“I want to make love to you,” he whispered, confirming her instinct.

Her chest tightened, making it hard to breathe, impossible to speak. As he opened his eyes to look at her again, the tenderness and understanding in his gaze made her soul cry with longing. She needed what he was offering. She wanted him to fill the void Randall had left inside her, wished with every fiber of her being that she could feel whole just once. But what would it cost her in the long run if she opened herself to Justin’s affection?

“I’m scared, Justin.”

“Of what? Not of me? Please, Tess. Don’t be ever scared of me.” He sank his fingers into her hair and cradled her head between his palms.

She shook her head in denial. “No. Not of you.”

“Tell me to go to hell, Tess, and I’ll walk away right now. I won’t touch you.”

What went unspoken was the promise that if she said nothing, if she didn’t send him away, he would make good his desire. That possibility captivated Tess. The sound of her own heartbeat drummed in her ears when she thought of making love to this man. For the past two days, she’d laughed with him, shared confidences with him, found inspiration from him. In some ways, she’d already been more intimate with Justin than she’d ever been with Randall.

“Justin, I . . .” She searched for a way to tell him what was in her heart, a way to understand it herself, but what she felt defied explanation.

He waited a beat, then another, for her objection before lowering his lips to hers. His kiss whispered across her lips, soft, patient, tentative. Sparks shot through her veins. When he withdrew, no more than a fraction of an inch, she gasped at her body’s dramatic reaction.

“Tess?”

“I’m all right. I . . .” She met his gaze, and the rest of her sentence lodged in her throat. Eyes that she thought she’d memorized looked into hers, smoky with desire, dark with passion.

When he kissed her again, his mouth conducted a seductive exploration, testing, searching for just the right angle to fit more fully on hers. She moved her lips against his in return, matching the gentle suction and caress of his mouth with her own. A flutter stirred deep inside her.

Justin didn’t rush her. The taut muscles in his arms, his shallow, uneven breathing, and the heavy thumping of his heart under her hand gave evidence to his restraint.

Finding the throbbing pulse in his neck with her lips, she trailed soft kisses across his jaw until she found his lips again. A rumble of pleasure vibrated from his throat as he lowered her to the mattress, following her down. He raked fingers through her hair while he nipped and teased her lips. He deepened his kiss with a possessiveness that stole her breath. A foreign thrill spiraled through her, leaving her dizzy in its wake.

He broke the kiss briefly, finding her eyes with a piecing blue gaze. “Tess, honey, you are a lady in the truest sense of the word. Please believe that. Don’t ever doubt it. And don’t be scared anymore. Not tonight. Not ever. Not with me.”

She searched the pleading, earnest appeal in his eyes and lost herself in the promise of sweet comfort he offered. He caressed her cheek and pressed his warm lips to the side of her throat.

“You have two freckles.” He nuzzled her skin. “Right here. I’ve wanted to taste them since the first moment I saw them, for what feels like forever.” He kissed her neck with a hot, wet, open-mouthed fervor, and a long-forgotten ardor unfurled in her and raced through her blood.

Slowly he released one then another button on her blouse. His lips followed his fingers down the valley between her breasts as he parted the fabric. The scratch of his stubbled cheeks on the swell of her breasts and the sweep of his thumbs across her nipples electrified her every nerve ending. He opened her blouse and trailed soft kisses and feathered strokes across her belly. Losing herself in his tender touch involved no more than closing her eyes and letting the sound of his voice lull her.

“So lovely,” he murmured.

She trembled when he pushed the lacy demicup of her bra away. He bared the rosy bud of her nipple then grazed it with his tongue.

Everything Justin did stood in stark contrast to the way Randall had treated her. Where Randall grabbed, Justin caressed. Where Randall ripped, Justin showed care. Where Randall ravaged, Justin soothed. Justin was loving, tender, coaxing. Randall had been thoughtless, rough, demanding.

The sweetness of Justin’s careful, gentle ministrations made her body hum with bliss and gratitude. He made her feel wanted, cherished, feminine in a way she’d never felt in her life. He made her happy. Arching her back, she allowed him access to unhook her bra, then helped him slide it off with her blouse. Discarding her clothes on the floor, he raked his gaze over her with an open appreciation, his pupils dilating with desire. Tess gave him the same scrutiny and felt her blood heat.

Reaching for him, drawing her hand down the wide, firm plane of his chest, she savored the tickle of the crisp, dark hair and the heat of his skin, which she’d disregarded earlier. Justin sighed his satisfaction when she added her kisses to the wandering of her hands.

Twisting his leg around hers and sliding his arm around her waist, he rolled to his back and pulled her on top of his long, hard body. Cupping the back of her head with one hand and a breast with the other, he took her mouth again with a hungry, heated kiss. His lips claimed and plundered then slowed and soothed, building a need in her for his total possession.

The sensations that he brought alive in her were new. Never before had she imagined her body could respond to a man’s touch and kisses with the powerful surges of craving and emotion that swirled in her, leaving her head swimming. An escalating longing for release coiled in her womb.

He moved his hands to pull her hips down against his groin and rubbed the steely length of himself along the juncture of her thighs. Her breathing grew quick and choppy. She heard Justin’s answering moan when he rolled on top of her again. He tugged on her shorts and panties until she could kick them off. Then turning on his back at her side, he freed his legs of his jeans and briefs in one swift, efficient motion. He gathered her against his nakedness and pulled the sheet over them.

Her curves molded to his contours. His rigid, muscled body absorbed her yielding softness as if they were made to fit together.

“You feel wonderful,” he mumbled as he nuzzled her neck, her ear, her hair.

She slid her fingers up the curve of his spine and across his broad shoulders. His hands skimmed over her skin, arousing, adoring, and she reveled in the heavenly tenderness. The warmth from his body enveloped her in their cocoon under the sheet, and Tess savored the security in his nearness. Yearning numbed her mind to everything except the sweet sensations Justin elicited with his touch. Need replaced logic. Hunger obliterated reality. When he wedged a leg between her thighs, she opened herself to him, and he nudged her with his erection.