Chardonnay: A Novel (7 page)

In the past I would speak to the two hundred and some odd females
Myron had encounters with. He didn’t know this, but I talked to them all and
the first question I asked them during confrontation was: What was he doing
during sex? Most of them looked at me funny. The other few shrugged and told me
without hesitation. They all gave me the same answers.

Position: Doggy style.

Eye contact:
None,
faced down.

Kisses: None.

Conversation: None.

Touching: Just the ass.

Condom: Always.

Every single last one said the same thing. But my search wasn’t
done. I had one more girl to talk with. Not that I cared but I would find out
who
she was,
trust.

6

Operation:
 
Got Him Crying at Midnight

Unfortunately,
for me dealing with my mother head on meant the sheets being pulled off me and
my hair being tugged at for me to sit up. My eyes flew open and I saw the sight
of my distraught mother standing over me. My father stood near.

“What in the world has gotten into you?!” she screamed at me.

I jumped up out my bed and saw Jersey standing in the door way
with a pained look on her face.

“What has gotten into
you
?!”
I
slandered back at the thought of her pulling my tresses. Her hand flew back and
my father caught it and said,

“Now Stacey, you’re not touching my baby. If she doesn’t want to
marry that boy then let it be.”

She snapped her neck back at him and spat out, “She has humiliated
us!”

“She is our child...now come on, we talked about this.” he said
and looked over at me.

Tears strolled down my face and I heaved in and out
uncontrollably. She didn’t know. How could she of known she was forcing me to
marry someone who had hurt me over and over again. Why would any mother allow
her child to be hurt mentally and physically?

Instead of
protecting me she was soliciting me.

“And I’m fine! It’s nice of you to ask since you haven’t seen me
since March-momma!”

“It’s
mother
! I could never get you to talk right...you act
like you were raised in the slums of the ghetto. It’s no wonder I can even
get
 
such a nice, intelligent, and
determined young man like Myron to take your hand in marriage!” she disinclined
in a rage.

Before I knew I had done it, the print mark was left at the right
side of her face. Jersey covered her mouth and my daddy broke us up before any
more hits could be made. He pulled my hysterical mother out my room as she
kicked and hollered slurred remarks at me. I rushed to my closet and started
loading clothes, shoes, purses, panties—whatever I could that would help me
survive for however long it would take me to get on my feet.

Without my parent’s helping me for college tuition along with
letting go of Myron’s money, I would have to learn how the fittest survived.
Jersey walked on into my room and sat on my bed. Although she had given up some
of her innocence she had so much left in her that I envied her for just a
second. After I ran out of breath and leaned on my bed she said to me,

“Where could you possibly go?”

“I don’t know, but I’m not staying here. Not when she treats me
like this...”

Right then my phone rung.
I looked at my screen and
saw that it was Micah. I had four missed calls and didn’t hear one of them ring
while I was asleep. I answered the call coming in from Micah.

“Hey.”

“Baby cakes!
I have got some good news!”

“Any news right now would be good news, Micah.”

“Well, check this out! I’ve been on the phone with a rep for this
top notch mag—and I won’t tell you which one since the deeds aren’t set—but
anyway, They not only like your style of writing but your look.”

I sat down on my bed and listened into Micah’s over eagerness
monotone.

“What do you mean?”

“You’ll see! You will meet them next month.”

“Next month! Micah I have to be back in classes by August. That’s
no time for an intern.”

“You won’t
need
college if we nip this deal, hon! Yes we
must continue education but why when you’re
set
 
for
life! Look, I love you but I have
to make moves, I have some prima business to take care of, okay. Love ya!”

We clicked off the line together having Micah only leave me with
my hopes up high only to be let back down after hearing my mother’s ranting
down stairs. I called Konstance to see if I could post up at her place, she
finally answered on the fifth ring.

“Konnie please don’t say no.”

“About what,” sleep was in her lungs and I could tell I had
interrupted good sleep after hard sex for her.

“I can’t stay at my mom’s place. She
tripping.”

“Of course she is...you broke Myron’s heart,
Nay
.
I mean, I know he’s a dog but you should have
seen
him.”

“So...you were there.”

“Well...yeah. I thought you were going to be there and when I
showed up they said you weren’t anywhere to be found.”

“Hump.
Did Myron tell you he was the last one to see
me?”

“Yes, as a matter of fact he did. He told me you took his money
and ran off somewhere!”

He wasn’t lying yet he made me sound like a deranged gold digger.
I wondered how many people he told that story to.

“More went down than that. And what hurts is that you haven’t
asked me if I was okay or not.”

“Well you haven’t called either. Look, I’m coming by to get you,
but you know all Aunt Stacey has to do is called them and tell them not to let
you stay here.”

“We’ll face it when it comes, alright.”

I packed up my cargo and carried it down the back stairs so I
wouldn’t be seen out. Before I left I went back up stairs and peeked into my
grandfather’s bedroom. He had been staying there since I left for college. He
coughed uncontrollably as I knocked on the door. He sat up in his bed and
leaned over to the night stand to get his glasses. He focused his eyes on me
and smiled.

“Oh chile.
When you get back?” he said, forcing his
sentence through his worn lungs.

“I’ve been back for two days now Pal pal.
You
doing
fine?” I said sitting in the chair next to his bed.

“Well, as fine as I could be. Ya’ old pal pal done hit the dirt
road to heaven.” he coughs again, leaving me speechless.

“All come on. I done had enough men break my heart for the
weekend. Don’t you hurt me
too.
” I said feeling tears
come from the corners of my eyes. My grandfather had been sick for a while now.
I knew he was dying alive, right before my eyes. Every bit of him was
deteriorating. The one thing that may be left when he would take his last
breath, from the look off things, would be his bones.

“Who—who done messed with my sweet Chardonnay? Not my little girl.”

“Oh it’s nothing.”

Creaks in the door cried as someone was opening it. I looked back
to see my mother standing there with her arms crossed and her mouth pressed
tight. She motioned for me to get out. I kissed my grandfather on his cheek and
slowly retreated. I waited for my mother to come out in the hallway after
tucking him back in and refilling his glass with a chilled bottle of water from
the miniature refrigerator in his room. She closed the door lightly and turned
to me.

“What you call yourself doing, disturbing his rest, girl?”
She was
beautiful. But ugly as far as it went to her soul. Dressed and pressed before
sunrise.
Never natural.
Never knew her truly.

“Look, you’re about to get what you’ve been wanting—I’m leaving.”

“Uhn
huh,
and where are you going to go?
You can’t do a damned thing for yourself, Chardonnay.”

“Oh yeah, what makes you think that?”

“Because—you’re-a-little-girl.
You think you know this world but
you don’t. It’s not as easy as it may seem. Why do you think I’ve worked so
damned hard to find you a good husband?!
A man that will walk
this Earth back and forth for you.”

“I’m not a little girl—I’m a grown ass woman! And I can take care
of myself. I don’t need a man to feed me from hand to mouth.”

“Just because your twenty-one doesn’t mean anything!
And
security is everything you need right now with your intellect.”

I started to walk away from her insults. She wouldn’t give me credit
where credit was due. Could never admit I was better than her at some things.
Now she had to find a way for me to fail and prove me wrong. Not paying for my
college would
gravitate
her world.
Would
make her smile when she woke up everyday.
 

“Donnay, don’t you turn your back on me.”

“You have to make every decision about my life in order for yours
to be perfect. You have to choose the schools I go to, the car I drive, the man
I choose to marry. Why?”

“Because you don’t know any better.”

“What! What have I done to make you feel like I’m not well enough
to determine my destiny?”

“Nothing, you’ve done nothing. I just want to make sure you get
it. Discussion over.” she said leaving before I could. She had to have the last
everything.
Even the last shit.
Cause that’s all it
was to me.

Jersey helped me out the back door. When I stepped out the door I
saw Zasmyth’s Cotton Candy Mustang outside instead of Konstance’s BMW.

She was bent over getting something from the back seat.

“Where’s Konnie?!” I asked as I walked up on her.

“She didn’t call you? She told mi she had something come up, but
you can crash at my place. You know my moms don’t care—she’s not dere most de
time in ti way.”

Zasmyth’s house was nice but the hospitality wasn’t so great. I
wasn’t immune to sleeping on floors and that would be the case if slumber came
at Zasmyth’s home. She and her sister only had twin sized beds and they shared
the same room—no guest room and the other room was their mother’s where Zasmyth
frequently fucked Gehvoni, Myron’s cousin, who was still away at Howard. They
were an on and off again situation.

Jersey threw my bags in the back and I slumped in her front seat.
I really didn’t know what I was going to do and if I would stay gone at all.
Zasmyth got in the front seat and started her mustang.

“You
koo
?” she asked looking at me.

“For the first time I don’t want anyone to ask me that...I’m tired
of this shit.
I just want something different.”

“I know what you mean,
Nay
.”

She pulled out the back drive way and speed off. She turned the
radio on and there was a promotional model search tour coming through K.C.

“You hear that? I’m thinking about going.” said Zasmyth.

“That’s stuff isn’t real. I mean if they really wanted models do
you think they would be touring.”

“Well, you know their one of the most prolific agencies don’t you.”

“Who?”

“Superior Elite Models.”

“Oh really...”

“Dag—you don’t listen to shit
do
you?
These
girl
run all the big timers. The music videos,
award shows, runway show. We talking money—honey!”

I tried to picture myself being on the T.V. and dancing. It wasn’t
me. I shrugged, “If it’s good for you then
it’s
good
for me.”

“Girl, you got the look. I bet you could do it if you wanted to.”

We pulled up to her house and just as she turned the ignition off
my cell rung.
Myron once again.
I answered it this
time only to tell him not to call me back anymore. But sometimes our hearts don’t
follow our mind.

“Hello.”

“Where are you? We need to talk.”

“We can talk now.”

“In person.”

“The last time we did that it didn’t go very well.”

“I didn’t mean to...damn baby, please.”

Zasmyth rolled her eyes as she got out the car and I said,

“Over Zas house.” then I hung up.

He was there within seconds. I waited for him outside on her porch
playing with the wind chimes that sung the wind’s song. I didn’t look at him as
he got out his Escalade and briskly walked up the side walk. Myron sat on the
stone ledge of the porch and looked at me. I peered up at him and his mouth
parted as if he wanted to say something. Then I said, “Tell me what it’s like.”

“What’s like?”

“What it’s
like to be left in the dark? That’s how I feel...and I don’t know
why.” I said as I sat down on the stoup. He slowly sat beside me.

“I—I can’t tell you what it’s like, but I can tell you what it’s
like to lose you,” He said softly pulling my hand into his.

“I haven’t ever felt this deserted to where nothing else matters
to me anymore.”

“You’ve said all this before!” I said as I stood to my feet.

“I know—”

“No you don’t. You don’t know what I’m going through at home—or
that I’m fighting for an
education
 
my
mother doesn’t think is worth
getting. Sometimes I think you really don’t care. That or you have no fuckin’
emotional substance.”