Chardonnay: A Novel (3 page)

“What’s wrong?” he asked again.

I couldn’t tell him. He looked and smelled so damn good.

“Nothing is wrong,
My
.” I said

“Baby you sure? Whatever it is.... you know I can fix
it
.” he said sounding so sure of himself.

But I wasn’t so sure about
us.
 
I could remember each and every one of our
confrontations of his infidelity. Some were small infractions while others
completely parted his acquiescence of our union put in place by our parents. In
a defeated garden filled with weeds, my parents had allowed Myron to wrap each and
every prickled, thorn limb around me, holding me to get to the level of
ascension most wept roses had long aspired to. One moment of pain stuck with me
the most from Myron. I had just arrived at my final week of the semester last
fall when big things started happening for Myron. I had just been nominated for
a NACCP award for my level of achievement of holding stellar grades through

most
of my college career. The same night of the event Myron was to go
to a function that would probably assemble his football career. The coach of
the New England Patriots had invited Myron to an annual charity function, and
he wanted me to be there by his side.
 
Even though Myron was not a sure thing for the Super bowl team, he
wanted to make a good impression. The
NFL
was yet so far away. Myron’s
grad-school application was sent off to Yale Law School, albeit he was already
posted on the front cover of
Sports Illustrated
and had endorsement
companies wanting his name on their shoes, clothes, candy, soda, you name it. I
was nervous and excited all at once for him. But I couldn’t help but feel a
slight animosity towards him after I reminded him about my nomination and him
ignoring me, and then blatantly looking at me in the eye asking what time would
I be ready to meet him for the charity banquet. However, it didn’t last too
long. My mother called me and told me what I wanted didn’t matter anymore. I
had to do what I had to do in order to make Myron happy.

I listened, got on that jet with him and went with him to that
function, even after being ridiculed. I could feel it when we arrived in the
ballroom. The snickers, giggles, and eyes. My back burned so bad from the
stares. And my eyes weren’t far from it. Bold women ready to jump on a
successful multicultural young man. Then I swallowed harder when Myron told me
he saw some people he needed to talk to and that he would be right back. I
watched him walk over to a well-dressed African-American man who was in sure
sight not to let Myron’s exact gaze leave his. I went on about my business and
looked for a table that wasn’t occupied. I found a cozy spot in a corner near a
large window with a beautiful sunset view. Although I seated at the table
alone, I sat Myron’s blazer in the seat next to mine. The ballroom was
definitely for the luxurious crowd and any and everything in that room sparkled
from the tall golden swan center pieces on the gloriously designed tables, the
crystal china, to the gold plated mints as party favors. Women were swarming
around Myron until the man he was speaking with snapped his finger in a manner
so distinguishing even Malcolm X would of went “to the left, to the left”. I
was thankful for that once realizing the signal was meant for his body guards
to get into action. I wished my girls were there. A woman walked over to me and
sat at my table like she creatively carved out the unique carvings in it and
had the muthfucka shipped from her privately owned warehouse. Two other women
joined her. One of them sat in Myron’s chair that I had his blazer neatly
folded on. I cleared my throat and smiled to avoid the screaming in my loins to
tell her protruding ass get up and that I had put
enough
creases in my
man’s jacket. The one sitting closets to me touched the tips of my chin length
bob hair style and I moved back and said,

“Excuse you, do we know each other?”

She smiled and gave me her white teeth. I could tell the hair on
her head wasn’t real.
Too rough and itchy.
I knew this
because she got close to my ear and whispered to me.

“Pink?”

“And?”
I said back to her to distinguish her
intention.

“You came up in here with pink hair? Surprised he would still want
you.”

“Um, who are you?”

I looked closer and her memory came into focus. I remembered her
now. The expression on my face told her that. Then the girl across the table
from us said,

“You must be the home town girlfriend. We don’t get to see you
much. You tend to be left behind more often.”

“The hell you talkin’ about?”
I asked defensively.

“The public eye girlfriend
....sitting
right next to you.”

I turned and looked at her. She smiled and shook her head. The
same bitch Myron lost his virginity to at fifteen when I wouldn’t give in. The
furthest thought of the reason he excused himself from me to go greet people
alone came into focus and I was beyond pissed. I was pained and emotionally
unstable. I
Remembered
seeing a woman on TV standing
next to him one time. When I asked him about it, he told me she was his
publicists. Now I knew different.

It was her
and she was just wearing a different kind of wig. I wondered what he saw in
her. Couldn’t believe he was still seeing her.
Taking her out
around people who should have only known me as his girl.
This man and I
were to be married and he was still playing me.
She tisked at
me.
She was beautiful but she was a generic beautiful. The eye lashes,
hazel contacts, weave, nails, all fake.
Had on too much
make-up, yet so beautiful.
It seemed like she was trying to emulate me.

“Just got him to break things off with his college town girlfriend.
What was
her name?”

“Started with a S.” said the other woman who was petite with long
natural hair.

“Yeah.
San-something.” she winked and tisked again.
This woman had to be older, seducing college boys with money.

“Get....the hell...away from me, bitch.” I snapped.

 
She laughed at me. They all
were laughing at me.

“Tell ‘em Lexi said hi. Matter of fact I’ll go tell
our
man
myself
.”

“You bet not go near him!” the outburst of words bellowed from my
belly. She was making me look stupid.

“Tuah!
In three...two months tops, you’ll be history.
This is the big time now, and you can’t even begin to decipher what games are
really played here.”

She blew smoke in my face and stood up. I could have stomped her
down there, but it wasn’t the way I did things.
Was raised better
than that.
Even if my momma was a gold digger, she taught me more than
that weave wearing, groupie on a dick could ever. Momma told me there would be
days like this. She told me to hold head strong and smile in these bitches face
as much as possible, because in the end, I had something they wanted. But I was
getting tired.
Tired of smoke blown in my face, fake
pregnancy cases, calls in the dead of night.
Tired of
it all.
Myron looked away from the conversation he was having and saw
the woman confronting me, glancing my way. He played everything off as if
nothing had ever happened, as if she just came to my table to say, “Hello” and
returned to his conversation.

3

Holding
Loose

I came back to reality when Myron called my name twice.

“Char, Char! You hear me babe?”

“I’m sure Myron. I just been stressing about school and my
parents.”

I couldn’t tell him the truth. I wasn’t ready to give him up yet.

“Cool. I’m wit you. Denim coming over tonight, and we all gonna have
the house to ourselves.” he said looking as if he was perpetuating a lie.

Denim was Konstance’s man, and a bigger hoe than I believed Myron
could ever be.

“What about your sister?”

“She gonna kick it wit her people. She won’t be here. I’m thinking
about us all going to my penthouse downtown.”

“And Mystro and Katura?”

“Naw, he taking her somewhere else.
Out to eat
or some shit.”

“Sounds cool.”

“Plus, there’s something I want to talk to you about anyway.”
Myron let me go gently and finally reached over for a towel to cover him from
the waist down. I watched the fickleness in his eyes gloat over me and then
retrograde somewhere distant. So distant I couldn’t place the emotion I was
seeing in his eyes. Then the slight guess I had scared me as to why I had never
seen this look in his eyes.

Feelings
for another person come from the feedback they give you, the love, trust, and
betrayal that they give you. Having not betrayed him before this look wouldn’t
have
been familiar to me. But was it a look of betrayal? Did he already
know? And that’s when I remembered the original reason I was there. Swallowing
hard I looked away from his stare.

“There is a reason I haven’t been picking up your calls.”

The seriousness in his face told me he was not content with my
actions of not doing so.

“And?”

“I just don’t feel like...you love me enough—”

“Wha-what?
I don’t love you enough? Girl, I love you with
all my heart.” he said flopping down on his made for a kingdom sized bed.

“I just want—”

“Want what,
cause
whatever it is I’ll
give it to you. I love you Chardonnay.” he said as he sat up and pulled me
close
.
I started to hold back tears. I had to tell him the truth.

“Myron I love you too. But I think we should go somewhere private.
Now!”

Myron looked at me again as if he was trying to see what I was
thinking. He looked around the large room nowhere in particular and let out
with a chuckle,

“But we are in private.”

The house was filled with his family, and the last thing I wanted
to do was feel
downsized by them shall he make a scene.

“We need to be completely alone.” I insisted.

He digressed and licked his moist lips standing up and away from
me.

“Alright.
I’ll get dressed. And go see what cakes my mom
is looking at for the wedding.”

“And that too
My
.”

“What?”

“We need to talk about the wedding too.”

“What about it, Char?”

“We just...not here, alright.”

“Okay, you are pissing me off.
You getting
all new on me and shit!” Fury
flooded his eyes and every muscle in his cut
and ripped body tensed. Veins ran down his arms and his volcanic Tech nine
swelled. He looked so damn erotic while he stood there looking hurt and pissed
at me.

“Calm
down Myron, not here.”

From the look in his eyes, I knew he knew what was up now.

“You’re really scaring me. Whatever I’ve done... in the past...
just put that behind us.” his tone became short and affluent of love.

“I’ll be in the car.” I said ignoring him. I walked towards him
and kissed him softly, as if it would be the last time. After I kissed him he
backed up and looked at me up and down. His six foot even frame covered me and
his almond shaped “chinky” light brown eyes devoured me every time I looked
into them. His cropped curly hair was still damp from his shower and his fresh
smelling caramel skin called my name as he opened his mouth to speak, but he
didn’t say anything. I touched his throbbing chest and he moved my hand away.
A first.

“I’ll be down stairs.” he said.

I turned and walked out.

Konstance and Fianna were down stairs talking with Myron’s mother
in the kitchen. I followed the voices down the back steps that lead me there.

“Hi Mrs. Lim-Kent.”
I said as I peered into the
kitchen.

She gave me a wide smile. Today her hair was pinned up; both sides
of her hair swooped up so beautifully, and her baby hair fell around the edges
of her face with no tooth brush, no small comb,
no
effort at all.

“Hi Ms. Soon to be Mrs. Kent.” said Myron’s mother.

Her mixed genetic features of Korean and Kenyan definitely made
her an extraordinary beauty.

“Oh that could only be you. “ I said in
an
matter of fact tone.

“Well I have to share it with you now baby. Check out this cake
with the hazelnut butter cream.”

“Yeah it
taste
really good.” said
Konstance.

Myron’s mother made all types of cakes. She even made my sweet
sixteen
cake
. It looked like a wedding cake, only pink
with a princess crown and the number sixteen at the top.

Mrs. Lim-Kent and I had a mother and daughter relationship too.
She was more of a mother to me than the one that brought me in the world.

“I picked a golden hazelnut butter cream because that’s the color
of your eyes.” said Mrs. Lim-Kent

“Oh, my, goodness.” said Fianna.

“I’m speechless.” I said sadly.

Could I possibly give all this up? Was I ready to plan a wedding?
Ready to be someone’s wife and give up my girlie figure along with
my sanity?
I felt the world on my shoulders. So many things that could
have been positive were going on, yet they were the absolute thing stressing me
out.

“Alright Char, baby, let’s go!” Myron said as he came down the
stairs in his Gap jeans and gray, sea green, and white Missoni muscle tank top.

“Where y’all going?
You tell her the good news?” said
Mrs. Lim-Kent.

Konstance and Fianna looked as if they were watching a soap opera.

“Not yet, Ma.” said Myron.

“What good news?” I said.

“I’ll tell you later. We’ll be back momma.”

“But we will need to get started here and Chardonnay doesn’t look
the least bit ready.” she said walking towards me in an attempt to kidnap me to
go on a quick shopping trip.

“Ma—we will be ready on time, okay?”

“Okay, I get it...the love birds want to be
alone
before
the party.” Myra said with a smirk at Myron, then she winked at me for what I
thought she meant alone as in intimate and dipped her finger in the bowel of
hazelnut butter cream.

“Be careful—wouldn’t want to have to reorder your white dress to
get an ivory one.” she joked.

Mrs. Lim-Kent slapped her hand with the wooden spoon and said, “Uhnt
uhn honey. Mrs. Chardonnay is more
home
trained than
that.
Like I’m teaching you to be.”
Myra
tisked.

“Myron, don’t you be trying to sneak you any nookie before those
sacred vowels!” his mother scolded.

He placed a fake smile on his face and pulled me along towards the
garage door.

“Yeah, sure ma.”
Myron said as we left.

We walked out to the garage. Myron unlocked the doors to his
Escalade then looked at Konstance and Fianna in a homely manner.

“Uhm.
I thought you said you wanted us to be alone?” Myron asked in a
frank tone.

“Konnie, Fi, I’ll meet up with y’all later.” I said.

“Alright.
We’ll be at my parent’s house.” Konstance
said.

Myron and I got in the car and drove to the lake. He was well over
the speed limit and the curves he hit weren’t a joke. I found myself holding
onto the door handle and in a sturdy seat belt snugly and fit. He pushed the
gas harder as he down shifted, just as he had showed me before so many times.
We flew over the hill and if I believe my eye vision was right, Myron ran over
a cat
and
a raccoon back there. As fast as cats react, poor thing never
saw him coming.
Going too damn fast.
Bat out of hell
on Ecstasy and Viagra. He gripped the steering wheel and his hands became
sweaty. Then they slipped off. I saw the anger pouring out of him right before
me on to the road.
 
His insanity was that
real. No hands on the wheel just knees leading the way.

A fast curve.
I jerk.
Then a
hard stop.
As fast as he drove, we got there in no time.

He parked the car and turned the ignition off.

“Alright.
What’s up?” He said.

I almost regretted not telling him at the house. The silence was
deadly and so was what I had to tell him. Myron reclined back in the leather
seat of his Escalade and looked over at me as I prepared for his post reaction.
I sighed and sat up my eyes reverting at the beautiful landscape of willow
trees, flying ducks, and a wooden dock for fishing. I unraveled the waist belt
around my tweed coat and pulled it down off my shoulders, to reveal my silk
camisole and khaki short shorts, since I felt a swift heat swirl from around my
back and to my chest. I could feel his eyes pasted to my face and see his chest
heaving up and down at a rapid pace in my peripheral vision. Pestered by my
lack of words Myron sat back up, took his hand to my chin, and gently pulled my
eyes towards his.

“Tell me,” he began softly

“We can handle whatever it is...we’re stronger than that.”

I hesitated with soundless attempts and then huffed out,

“I—I don’t know if you’re
ready to hear it.”

He took his time before he answered,

“What do you mean?”
 
His
pupils grew and his tone became strained. I swallowed hard and wondered were
his faith in us “handling it” had went.

“What I’m trying to say is that something won’t let me...commit
myself totally to you.”

“Commit, baby what do you mean—that’s what you’ve been doing.” he
chuckled as if what I just said was a minor issue that could be fixed.

“That’s right.
I’ve
been the committed one...until
recently.”

He became silent. Then his breathing became unsteady as his face turned
completely flushed. Myron got out the car and started walking towards the lake.
I jumped out after him.

“Where are you going?” I said.

“To kill myself, because if you talking about what I think you
are, I won’t be able to take it.”

Myron stood on the edge of the rock waiting for me to tell him
something different. I didn’t speak. He stared at his image in the water.
Wanted to become that image in the water of
himself
. I
touched his elbow and pulled him to me.

“I—I know that this is out of character for me, but, there’s so
many things that we haven’t talked about.”

He still stared out at the water and didn’t speak.

“I want a love that treasures can’t be spent.
At
least by anyone else but me.”

“That water,” he began.

“I see you floating in it every day. I—I can’t jump out there and
get you be—because my body is paralyzed.”

I
frowned
my eyebrows and glanced over
his face. A face
so
blank as it looked to the lake
that I didn’t think his soul was present.

“What, what do you mean you see me in water?”

“I know what you’re thinking...I’m crazy right?” he said finally
looking at me in the face.

“No, but from what you say about my dreams, I would think you
wouldn’t have—”

“Have you ever noticed how real dreams can seem? It’s like, when I
wake up the first thing I do is call you...” he said as he leaned on a tree
trunk that limbs and leaves hovered over us like a grandmother’s warm
protective arms.

“You just started doing that. Two months ago.” I said wondering
why I was getting morning calls from Myron now more than ever in the past.

“Yeah.
But mine isn’t a dream while I’m asleep. It’s...
a day dream. I can’t escape you...you floating from me.”

I stood in
front of him. His serious, one raised brow, stark face staring back at me. A
breeze blew around us.
Hugging us.
Pushing
us closer together.
My eyes welled, confirming his fear. Just abruptly
as my tears fall, Myron’s body sluggishly fell to my feet.
His
head nestling between my thighs, and sheer groans and cries of hurt leaving his
lungs.
They then turn to a loud scream.
An aggravated,
horrible scream.
I almost thought he was dying.