Changing Tunes (27 page)

That’s when I lean back up, kiss her with all I am, and slide myself inside her, wanting to make her come all over again.

I realize this may be the very last time I get to be inside her. I plan to make her come and remember me, and make her feel every ounce of love I have for her. She may feel I deceived her by not telling her. But by God, she will know I love her and she won’t ever question that.

I make love to her until I know she’s been good and loved. 

I hated to leave the confines of the hotel, where I felt safe and loved, but we had to get back. I had to deal with the whole Forrester shit, as well as knowing I was truly on my own with college, but I’m prepared. I will finally get to take the classes I want to take and be who I want to be. It’s exhilarating knowing these choices are now mine to make.

As Zeke drives us back, our fingers intertwined, and what I’m sure is a goofy smile on my face, I glance constantly at him. It’s hard to believe that after everything I’ve been through, I feel like I’ve won. I’m a winner this time, and this hot-as-sin guy, with the dark brown eyes, is mine and wants me, solely me. I can’t help feeling like I’m riding a high I’ll eventually come down from. I’m not aiming for perfect. If there’s anything I’ve learned, there’s no such thing. But he’s perfect for me. He gets me in ways no one else ever has.

He catches me looking and smiles, “What are you thinking about?”

I lean my head back on the seat and state as honestly as I can, “You. I’m thinking about you.” I’m not embarrassed, not with him, not any more. I feel safe to tell him anything.

Instead of a teasing remark, I get a serious look, which takes me aback a bit.

“What about me? He asks.

I trail my other hand up and down his hand and wrist not being able to resist touching him. He’s safe, home.

I look down shyly, which I never, ever would have done before. With him I’m vulnerable, and he holds my heart.

He suddenly pulls over to the side of the road.

“Look at me, sweetheart.”

I glance up and see such a tender look cross his face, and I feel my courage mount.

“I was just thinking you’re ‘it’ for me. You are my home,” I shrug, like it’s no big deal, but he knows different. It’s a huge deal, and these are words I’ve never said out loud, much less thought, about anyone.

He leans over, kissing me long and deep, and when he pulls back a sigh escapes me.

Leaning his forehead on me he says tenderly, “Don’t you realize by now, Ashley Davis, that you’re mine? I’m not letting you go, and never without a fight.

I pull back, just enough so he can see into my eyes, “Promise?”

“Without a doubt.”

The first thing we do when we get back is go directly to the administration building to fill out my formal complaint. I sit down with a couple of the college-board members as well. Everything has to be neat and tidy. They have to have a verbal account, as well as a written one. This takes a couple of hours to finalize, but thankfully it’s not as bad as I first thought it would be. They don’t harass or condemn me. I’m treated respectfully, which doesn’t mean I’m still not nervous. I’m asked if I would like to contact my parent’s. I explain I only have one but that my father has already been notified. Once I explained I’d gone home and spoken to my father regarding the events, I was excused from school with no penalty. Fortunately, they’d also removed me from Forrester’s class pending an investigation.

I was so relieved, knowing I wouldn’t have to see him again. I felt they’d believed me, regarding my complaint. For the first time I felt vindicated; that people were on my side. Zeke wasn’t allowed in the room as I made my statement, which was completely understandable. He was outside waiting for me, though, and that’s all that mattered.

I left the room walking taller, with a lot more confidence. It goes to show not all people are ass hats, and they aren’t all in the Warden’s pockets.

The moment I step out of the room, Zeke stands up. He smiles and puts his hand out for me to take. He looks proud of me; a feeling I’ve never felt. We walk back to my apartment hand in hand, not saying a word. There’s no need.

Once we’re in and the door is closed, I grab his hand, pulling him behind me, thoughts of making Zeke feel good running through my brain. He stops me in mid pull.

“Ashley, stop please, we have to talk.” He disentangles his hand from mine and stays rooted to his spot, confusing me and leaving me stunned.

Something is wrong; I can see it. It’s written all over him.

“What is it?” I ask carefully.

He looks scared, as if whatever he says is going to ruin everything we have. He wouldn’t look scared for no reason.

He takes the deepest breath I’ve ever seen him take and begins. “Please remember I love you.”

I nod my head, thinking everything good that happened to me eventually had to go away. Nothing good ever stays long for me. Why should this be any different?

“You know how I go home every weekend?”

That’s when I feel it. The bottom drops out below me and I’m falling. “Oh my God, you have a girlfriend at home. I knew you were too good to be true. I knew there was something you weren’t telling me, but I ignored it and just let it go. How stupid of me, I’m such an idiot. I swore I would not get involved with someone who had a girlfriend, I would not be the other girl.” My body begins to shake and then I glance back at him horrified.

He vehemently shakes his head, “No, no that’s not it. I swear.” His eyes are wide and fearful. He walks to me, gently placing his hands on my arms. “Ashley, I only love one girl, and that’s you.”

“I don’t believe you!” I holler at him. “Why would you go away every weekend, if not for a girl?”

“I do go home for a girl, but it’s not a girlfriend, Ashley. I go home to my daughter.”

I shake my head, there’s no way he has a daughter. That’s not something you keep from someone, not somebody you love and want to be with.

“Yes, I have a daughter and she’s four years old.”

I back away feeling hurt beyond measure. I test the words on my tongue, “You have a daughter?”

“Yes, I do. I go home every weekend to be with her. My parents take care of her during the week.”

“You have daughter you never told me about?” My voice gets louder, feeling I wasn’t trusted enough to tell his secret to. “I’ve told you everything about me. Do you know how hard that was for me?” Tears leak their way through and finally begin to fall. I wipe them away with my arm.

“Just let me explain,” he pleads.

“Don’t you think that’s something you should have done already? Explained?”

My mind begins to wander and another thought comes to mind. “Are you ashamed of me? Is that it? I’m not good enough to meet your daughter, or your parents?” But then as my mind wanders, other things come to mind. “What about the mother, your ex-girlfriend?”

He quickly spits out, “She’s gone and has never been in the picture where my daughter is concerned. As far as my parents go, or my daughter, no, never! I have no reason to be ashamed of you.”

“What’s her name?” I ask quietly.

“Lara, her name is Lara.”

“It’s a good name, a pretty name,” I stutter out. Hearing her name makes it all the more real.

I sit down in defeat, and throw my head in my hands, rubbing my eyes and willing the tears to quit before finally looking back up at Zeke. “Please, just go. Today’s been a long day, and I just can’t deal with it. I… I think I’m most upset you didn’t feel like you could trust me. You kept your daughter a secret all this time. ”

His eyes are red and sad. “I didn’t mean to hurt you, I never would; not on purpose.” He looks away and I barely hear, “Never on purpose.”

He walks to the door and opens it. Before he leaves he says, “I love you, Ashley Davis, and we aren’t through, not by a long shot.” The door quietly closes behind him.

I curl up on the couch in a fetal position, crying, feeling hurt and confused. I don’t know how long I lay there, I just know when the sun goes down, I haven’t moved. I’m in the same position when Mac finds me.

Being the best friend she is, she sits down beside me, asks if I’m okay, and gently rubs my back, telling me she’s here when I’m ready to talk.