Change of Heart (14 page)

“I'm fine.”

“You know,” he said after a minute, settling more comfortably into his seat, “when Katie was born, I was a mess.”

I didn't reply.

“I was shaking and sweating like you would not believe. One of the nurses finally had to give me one of those scrubs tops because my T-shirt was soaked all the way through,” he chuckled.

I stayed silent.

“Normal to be nervous.”

Still nothing.

“It's going to be all right, Abraham,” Dad said gently, making my throat tighten.

“If something happens, it'll destroy Ani,” I finally choked out, still staring out the windshield.

“Nothing's going to happen.”

“You don't know that,” I said so quietly that I wasn't sure if he heard me.

“Okay, say it does,” he mused, making my head snap toward him. “You wanna be out here when it does, or you wanna be inside with her?”

I fumbled with my seat belt and threw open the door, barely hearing his “That's what I thought,” before slamming the door behind me.

“Where do I go?” I asked in confusion, looking around the garage.

“Come on, elevators are over here.” I followed him to the elevators and then through the hospital and to another elevator, finally ending up on the maternity floor where everyone was already waiting.

I searched the room for Ani, but she wasn't there.

“Ani went back to the room to be with her sister,” my mom informed us as she came to give my dad a kiss. “No baby yet.”

I didn't say a word but moved toward the far wall, dropping into an empty seat and clenching my shaking hands in front of me as I tried to block out the room.

It was hours before we heard any news. According to my mom, first babies usually took a while.

At some point, another family came into the waiting room and sat down in a little cluster. It looked like it was a mom, a dad, and their teenage son. They didn't ask the nurse to see anyone, just sat down silently and seemed to be waiting.

Then finally, Ani came walking down the hallway, looking at the floor.

Everyone in our family surged to their feet.

She was almost on top of us when she finally lifted her face, and the expression she was wearing made me want to drop to my knees.

“It's a girl,” she announced, tears falling down her smiling face. “And she's beautiful.”

My mom stepped forward and wrapped Ani in a tight hug, whispering something as Ani nodded against her shoulder. Then Mom let go, and the rest of the family swarmed in, hugging and laughing.

Ani glowed.

Finally, when everyone else had gotten their hugs, she turned to me.

“Thanks for coming—”

She didn't get another word out before I'd pulled her into my arms, lifting her off the floor as she hugged me back.

“Congratulations, Mama,” I choked out, inhaling the scent of her neck.

“Thanks, Abraham,” she replied, running her hand over my hair.

“Everything's okay?” I still wasn't letting her go.

“Everything's perfect.” She continued to run her fingers through my hair, settling me. “You're shaking.”

“No I'm not,” I lied, setting her back on her feet.

“Can you call Alex? I think Mom's calling Katie, and Trev texted Hen.”

“Sure,” I said with a completely awkward nod.

She laughed a little as she took a step back and ran her hand over her face before giving me a wide smile. Then she turned away and looked around the waiting room, finally coming to a stop when she found the family that had come in an hour after we had.

“Marcus?” she asked, taking a step forward.

“Yeah,” the kid replied, his eyes wide as he and his parents came to their feet.

“Hey, I'm Bethy's sister, Anita.”

“O-oh,” he stuttered, standing up straighter.

“Everything went really well,” she told him gently as he fidgeted. “Bethy's asking for you now.”

The kid swallowed, then looked at his parents. At their nod, he raced away.

“Room 422!” Anita called out as he practically ran down the hallway.

“You're Anita?” the boy's mother asked quietly, looking intently at Ani.

I took a step forward, but my mom's hand on my arm stopped me.

“Hi,” Ani said, lifting her hand to shake the mom's.

“I'm Sue, and this is my husband Richard,” the woman replied, making no move to take Ani's hand.

“It's nice to meet you,” Ani replied, dropping her hand back to her side.

“Thank you so much,” the mom whispered, her eyes welling up with tears. “We just—I'm a professor and Richard owns his own IT company. We're just—we're too old to take care of another baby.”

The dad wrapped his arm around the mom's shoulders as she sniffled.

“I understand,” Ani said quietly.

My mom passed me and went to Ani's side. “Hi, I'm Liz, Ani's mom.”

“Hello,” Sue said. “But I thought—” Her eyes went to Ani.

“My foster mom,” Ani clarified.

“Oh,” Sue breathed.

“We're big believers in adoption,” my mom said, her implication clear. “It's really nice to meet you, Sue.”

Sue watched my mom for a long moment, then looked around the room, her eyes stopping on me and then Trevor. When her eyes went back to my mom and Ani, she gave them a tentative smile. That's when Richard's shoulders dropped a fraction, and he reached out his hand. “Nice to meet you, Liz and Anita. I'm Richard.”

A few minutes later, I pulled my phone out of my pocket and called my brother as I watched Ani and my mom get to know the baby's grandparents.

“Hello?” Alex answered gruffly.

“Hey, Ani wanted me to call you—”

“Baby?”

“A girl. Healthy and beautiful,” I answered distractedly as Sue gave Ani a hug.

I pulled the phone away as Alex whooped in my ear.

“Congratulations,” he said happily.

“I'll tell Ani.”

“Nah, man. That was for you.”

“What?” I asked, irritated that I was talking to him when it looked like Ani was going to head back into her sister's room.

“I'm telling you congratulations.”

“Shut the fuck up.”

“Nah, man. A little boy? You might have been able to hold out. But a little girl? You're toast.”

“Do you think we'll get to see the baby soon?” Trevor asked over an hour later as he dropped into the seat next to me.

“Don't know,” I answered, messing with a loose thread on the inseam of my jeans.

“I need to head out soon.”

I nodded. I wasn't really up for conversation.

Ani seemed happy. She'd been flitting in and out of her sister's hospital room, coming out to talk to my mom and Aunt Ellie before skipping back in to be with her sister and the baby. I wasn't sure what was taking so long, why we hadn't been able to see the baby yet, and the longer it went the more nervous I became.

Trevor elbowed me hard in the side, and my head snapped up to see him nodding toward a woman who was walking down the hallway toward us.

“Holy shit,” I muttered as she came closer. Her hair was long and curled, and she had on a pair of the tightest jeans I'd ever seen, but that wasn't what made my stomach clench.

She looked just like Ani.

She was doing something on her phone, but when she made it to the waiting room, her head came up, and she glanced around. Her face screwed up like she'd smelled something foul, then moved toward where my mom was still sitting with Sue and Richard.

“I'll knock the bitch out,” Trev said under his breath, scooting forward in his seat.

My stomach rolled as I realized that she wasn't just getting to the hospital. She had come from Bethy's room, which meant Ani had been locked away with the woman for hours.

“Hi, I'm Anita and Bethy's mom, Carol,” Ani's mom said cheerfully as she got to Sue. “You must be Marcus's parents.”

“Hello,” Sue said flatly.

“So I think Marcus wants to stay with Bethy, but you guys can head on home if you want,” Carol said, oblivious to Sue's pinched mouth. “It's not like he can get her into any more trouble!” Carol laughed, and I saw my mom put a warning hand on Sue's forearm.

“I think we'll stay,” Sue said, making Richard nod. He didn't say a word, but his nostrils were flared as he looked down his nose at Carol.

“Okay, well, I'm going to head home!” She completely ignored my mom as she spun on her heel.

“Cunt,” I murmured as she walked out the door.

“No way is she that oblivious,” Trevor scoffed.

“She knew exactly who we were.”

“Can you believe how much she looked like Ani? Her dad must have had some weak genes.”

“No shit.” I leaned back in my seat and gave my mom a small smile as she met my eyes across the room.

“Well, at least you know what Ani will look like in twenty years. Not bad.”

“Shut the fuck up.” I closed my eyes and rested my head against the wall.

Fifteen minutes later, I was on my feet, my palms once again sweaty as Ani came walking carefully down the corridor, a little wrapped bundle in her arms. If I hadn't already known that she was a girl, the baby's gender would have been a complete mystery in the unisex blanket and hat she was wrapped in.

She needed something pink. Pronto.

“This is Arielle Elizabeth Martin,” Ani announced as she reached us.

“Oh,” my mom breathed, “look at her.”

“Seven pounds even and twenty-and-a-half inches long,” Ani said, meeting Sue's eyes. “Do you want to hold her?”

“Can I?” Sue asked nervously.

Ani nodded, then kissed the top of little Arielle's head before handing her to her grandmother.

Everyone was staring at the baby as Sue held her, but I watched Ani. Her hands were loose down at her sides, but her fingers fidgeted against her thighs. I moved in beside her and laid my hand gently at the base of her spine, trying to calm her down.

She'd just handed her daughter to a person who could take Arielle away forever, and I knew she must be so scared.

“Arielle?” Sue asked.

“Yeah.” Ani nodded.

“I like it.” Sue leaned down and kissed Arielle's head, pressing her nose softly against the baby's skin for a long moment as she sniffled. She looked up at her husband in question, and he shook his head just a little.

I didn't blame him. The idea of holding the sweet little girl and then giving her away made me nauseous.

“Thank you,” Sue said to Ani, handing Arielle back to her. “Thank you for everything.” Her breath hitched. “We're going to head home, let your family celebrate.”

Ani started to protest but Sue shook her head. “Could you let Marcus know that we left and tell him to call us in a couple hours? I know—” She swallowed hard. “He's going to need us, but I think he wants to be with Bethy right now.”

“Of course we will,” my mom said, pulling Sue into a hug.

They said good-bye to the rest of us, and then Richard ushered a crying Sue out of the room.

Ani's distraught gaze met mine.

“Hard decision to make,” I told her quietly.

“Do you think they'll—”

“No,” I told her resolutely, knowing what she was going to ask. “They won't change their minds.”

Ani smiled tremulously, then looked around at the group. “Who wants to hold her?”

“Bram first,” Trevor said, his mouth tipping up. Asshole.

“Yeah?” Ani asked, turning to me.

“Uh.” I glanced at my mom, my eyes widening.

I'd held a lot of babies. I'd carried around Shane and Kate's kids from the time they were just hours old. It wasn't hard—hell, as long as you kept a good grip and made sure their head wasn't wobbling around, you were golden. But I knew, I fucking
knew,
that the moment I held Arielle, everything would change.

“Sure,” I finally choked out. “Let me sit down.”

My dad snickered, but I ignored it as I took a couple steps backward and landed in a hard chair.

“Here you go,” Ani said quietly as the rest of our family moved to the far side of the room.

She laid the baby in my hands.

I couldn't breathe.

This was insane.

I'd held babies before.

Why was I—

Arielle shifted in her blankets, and I inhaled sharply, watching her tiny face.

She was gorgeous. Like no baby I'd ever seen before. Her skin was darker than mine, but not as red as my niece Iris's had been. And her eyes were almond shaped, which made sense because Sue was obviously of Asian descent. Her lips were puckered, but had a definite Cupid's bow shape.

I pulled off her hat and smiled a little at the full head of short, black hair.

“Bethy's half African American,” Ani said, crouching down in front of me to run a fingertip over Arielle's head.

“She needs some pink,” I blurted out softly, glaring at the ugly hospital blanket Arielle was wrapped in.

“Yeah. Maybe Liz can get her some stuff. Bethy's in with the social worker right now, and I don't really want to leave the hospital.”

I nodded. I wanted to meet her eyes, tell her congratulations and all that bullshit, but I couldn't look away from Arielle's face.

I pressed my knees together, making Ani scoot back a little, and laid the baby down on my legs so I could unwrap her.

“It's cold in here, Bram,” Ani murmured as I unwrapped Arielle.

“I'll hurry,” I breathed.

She wasn't wearing anything but a diaper, and her little umbilical cord stump was still gnarly looking, but that wasn't what I was interested in anyway.

I lifted one foot and then the other, startling Arielle as I ran one finger over the soles and then counted the toes. Then I counted her fingers, letting the long digits wrap around my index finger.