Authors: Shana Burton

Catt Chasing (23 page)

BOOK: Catt Chasing

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Chapter 36

Catt woke up to find Jamal in her kitchen brewing coffee. She didn't remember when he got there. More important, she couldn't remember
why
he was there.

Jamal noticed that she had stirred. “Good morning.” He brought her a cup of coffee. “How do you feel?”

She sat up. “Confused. What's going on?”

“What do you remember about last night?” He sat down on the edge of the couch.

“It's spotty. I know Eldon was here, and that we had a few drinks.” She stretched her brain to recall more details. “I don't really remember too much after that. When did you get here?”

“Last night while Eldon was here.”

She was still confused. “Why did you come?”

“I had something I wanted to tell you. It's a good thing I got here when I did, though.”

“Why?”

Jamal hesitated, not wanting to upset her. “Things were getting out of hand with Eldon.”

“What do you mean?”

Jamal reached out to her. “When I got here, you were practically passed out and he . . .”

Catt swallowed hard. “He what?”

“Your shirt was undone, and your skirt was pulled all the way up. I think he was trying to . . . It looked like he was about to rape you.”

Catt stopped him. “No, not Eldon. He wouldn't do anything like that! You must be mistaken.”

“I don't think so, Catt. He was trying to take advantage of you. He didn't even deny it.”

“He didn't?”

Jamal shook his head. “If I hadn't come over, I'm truly afraid of what would've happened.”

Catt was thoughtful, quiet. “I trusted him. I thought he was my friend.”

“He talks a good game, but he's a snake, Catt.”

“When I think about all the lives he's been put in charge over . . . he's the
youth
minister, for Christ's sake!”

“I just hope he doesn't have the nerve to show his face around here again.”

“I can't believe this is happening to me again.” Catt was utterly distraught. “How could I be that stupid? After everything that happened before, you'd think I would know better by now.”

“Don't do that, Catt. Don't start blaming yourself! This guy had you so drunk that you would've consented to anything. And it's not like it was before. I got here before he could really do anything.”

“I can't thank you enough for saving me.” She raised her eyes. “I can't thank God enough for sending you when He did.”

“God might not be that pleased with me. When I realized what Eldon was up to, I decked him pretty hard.”

Catt broke into a smile. “I'm sure God'll overlook it under the circumstances.”

“Yeah, let's hope so!”

“You never did tell me what the reason was that you came over.”

Jamal shook his head. “We don't need to get into that right now.”

“But I want to. For you to come across town in the middle of the night, it must've been important.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, did something happen at work?”

“This wasn't about Telegenic. It's about us.”

“What about us?”

He stood up. “I felt very bad yesterday after the way things went down with us.”

She sighed. “Jamal, you don't have to apologize. I realize now that I saw and believed what I wanted to. You were honest with me about who you were and what you wanted from the get-go. I should've listened.”

“I may have been honest with you, but I wasn't honest with myself,” he admitted.

“How so?”

“After you left yesterday, it dawned on me how much our friendship means to me. The thought of you not being a part of my life hit me like a ton of bricks. Catt, I can't imagine waking up and not being about to see you or talk to you again. I can't even think about it.”

“You'll get over it. You managed just fine without me before we met.”

“And that's all it wasâ
managing
. With you, I feel like I'm
living
. I'm not ready to let that go. I'm not ready to let
you
go. Catt, you have no idea what you mean to me.”

She sat upright. She could see the sincerity in his eyes. “You're serious, aren't you?”

“Do you remember asking me if I was happy?” She nodded. “Catt, the only time I can truly remember being happy within the past few years is when I've been with you.” He squeezed her hand. “Maybe it's our time to see what this thing is between the two of us.”

“Geez, Jamal, if I didn't know any better, I'd think you were in love with me,” she joked. Jamal looked solemn and didn't respond. “I was kidding, Jamal. I know that you're not in love with me.” She saw how serious he looked. “Or
are
you?”

“What do you think?”

“I can't tell,” she said slowly, thrown by his intense stare, “especially not with you acting and looking at me the way you are right now.”

“What would you say if I said that I
am
in love with you?”

“I don't know. I guess I'd have to be in that situation.”

He paused. “You
are
in that situation.”

“What situation is that? I need to hear you say it.”

Jamal took a deep breath. “I have to admit it. I think I love you, Catt. I know that this wasn't anything we planned on, but it happened.”

Catt wasn't sure how to respond. “How long have you felt this way? When I came to you yesterday and told you how I felt, you said all you could ever see me as is a friend.”

“I think I felt it all along; I just didn't want to admit to you or to myself.” He touched her face. “In the beginning, I thought that you were just like everyone else. That's why I treated you like that. But as we started getting to know each other, I began to feel things that I thought were dead inside of me. I was hopeful and happy again. I started to trust and feel like I was capable of loving someone other than myself. You did that for me, Catt, and I will always be grateful for it.”

“Gratitude isn't the same thing as love, Jamal.”

“What I feel for you is more than just gratitude. I hope you give me a chance to prove it.”

She looked away from him. “I don't know.”

“You don't know what? Are you going to sit here and try to convince me that you don't feel anything for me?”

She carved her initials into the sofa with her finger. “You know I do, but it's complicated. I'm not trying to get hurt again.”

“Catt, I know men like Eldon and Greg have hurt you, but it won't be like that with me. I'm not them.”

She stared him down. “Jamal, this isn't about them.
You're
the one who hurt me! I thought after all we'd said to each other and been through, that you finally saw the real me, and you accepted me just as I am.” She dropped her head. “But you didn't. Let me tell you something, Jamal. I like myself. I love my body. Yeah, I know I could stand to lose a few pounds, but so could you. And you know what? One of your eyes is higher than the other, and you have an overbite, and you have small little monkey hands, and you can't dance. I could go on about all the things wrong with you, but I didn't care. I saw past all that to the heart.”

“I see that too,” he argued.

“Yeah, now, but you chose Yvette over me. You knew that she wasn't the one, but she was pretty and you wouldn't have to explain to your boys why you were with her. You're shallow, Jamal, and I don't want a man like that.”

“You won't even give us a chance?” he asked.

“You wouldn't give us a chance, Jamal. I'm top choice, not second best.”

Jamal could say nothing.

“For the record, I'll always be grateful for the time we spent getting to know each other crisscrossing the country, and God knows I thank you for coming to my rescue last night. But as far as anything else goes, that ship has sailed.”

He rose, humbled and heartbroken. “I appreciate your honesty, Catt, and I respect your decision. You're right. I should've seen what was right in front of me, but I didn't. It's a mistake that I'll probably regret for the rest of my life.”

She stood up to walk him out the door. “I guess I'll see you at work.”

“Are you going to be okay here by yourself?”

“Yes,” she stated with finality, and she knew in her heart she actually would be.

Chapter 37

Jeremiah was seated at his desk confounded and holding a letter when Catt found him.

“I just don't understand it,” he told her. “When I got here this morning, I found this letter taped to my door. It's from Minister James. He just up and quit with no explanation other than this isn't the church where the Lord wants him to be.”

Catt sat down. “Have you heard from him?”

“No, have you?”

Catt shook her head. “I don't expect to either, not before we get a court date.”

Jeremiah reeled back. “A court date?”

“I'm pressing charges against him. Daddy, last night, Eldon tried to rape me.”

“What?”

“It's true, and if Jamal hadn't showed up when he did, Eldon might have been successful.”

“Oh, baby girl . . .” Jeremiah rose and hugged his daughter. “Why didn't you call me? You know I would've dropped everything to come be with you. I'm so sorry this happened to you.”

She released him. “I'm all right, Daddy.”

“Well, come on. Let's go on down to the police station. I want him found and locked up today!”

“Thank you for offering, but this is something I want to handle on my own. I can't keep depending on you to come to my rescue whenever I get into trouble. That's what the Lord is for.”

“I still wish you had called.” Jeremiah's nostrils flared. “Boy, if I ever get my hands on that impâ” He closed his eyes and recited, “âVengeance is mine,' said the Lord.”

“I have to accept my responsibility in all this too,” confessed Catt. “I never should've been drinking with him. I know my limits, and I allowed myself to go past them. It still doesn't justify what he did, but if I hadn't been so out of it, things never would've gotten that far.” She stood firm. “You've got to accept your part in it too.”

“What do you mean?”

“Daddy, you practically gift wrapped me for Eldon. I told you I wasn't interested, but you insisted on imposing your will over mine and God's. He's a monster, and this is the man you had picked out for me to marry!”

“Catt, if I had any inkling that he was capable of something like this, I never would've allowed him into this church, much less near my only child. I thought he was a good man and that he'd make a good husband for you.”

Catt raised her voice. “Don't you see? That's not your decision to make. It's mine!”

“You're right,” he conceded. “You're going to have to forgive me, sweetheart. As a father, I only want the absolute best for my daughter. I want to know that I'm leaving you in the hands of a man who'll love you as much as I do. Obviously, I went overboard this time.”

“You go overboard
every
time! You don't have to find a husband for me, Daddy. I'm perfectly capable of finding a man on my own.”

“I know that. I just hate to see you all alone.”

“I'm alone by choice, and there's a difference between being alone and being lonely. Yes, I would like to get married someday, but I'll be all right if it doesn't happen.”

“I never want you to underestimate how special you are just because some of these men out here are too fool-headed to recognize it.”

“Why wouldn't they recognize it, Daddy? Come on, just say it.”

“What are you talking about?”

“The reason you don't think I can find a man and why you feel the need to do it for me is because I'm fat, right?”

“Catt, I think you're the most beautiful, smart, virtuous woman I've ever met!”

“But fat, though, correct?” Jeremiah pressed his lips together. “Daddy, the only time I feel bad about my weight is when
you
make me feel bad about it! I see how you look at me if I get an extra helping at dinner or if I skimp on working out. The weight makes you far more uncomfortable than it makes me. I'm not worried about my size keeping me from finding a man. Not all women feel they need a man to validate them. I like myself just fine. If the man comes along, that's icing. If he doesn't, I'm still the whole cake just being me.”

“I just worry about you, baby girl. I'm a parent, it's my job.”

“Your job is to pray for me and put it in the Lord's hands.”

Jeremiah folded his hands together. “Catt, you remember all those years ago, when your mother was on drugs?”

“Yes.”

“A part of me always felt like things got so bad because I didn't do all I could to protect her. I guess that's why I work so hard at protecting you. I'm not worried about you getting into drugs or anything like that, but I see you killing yourself with food and it scares me. I'm not always going to be around to look after you, but I can rest easy knowing that you have someone who will.”

Catt kissed her father on the cheek. “I love you, and I love you for being concerned. But, Daddy, I'm a grown woman. At some point, I've got to start taking care of myself, and you've got to let me do that. I can't be your baby girl forever.”

“If I promise to stop meddling in your life, will you be my baby girl for five more minutes?”

Catt smiled and slid into her father's arm. She was a woman now, but it did feel good to be Daddy's little girl one more time.

BOOK: Catt Chasing

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