Authors: Shana Burton
Catt Chasing (17 page)
“Is there anything else you want to say?”
She nodded. “I'm sorry that I couldn't save you.” Catt stopped to recant her apology. “No, I'm sorry that I didn't
do
anything to save you. Truth be told, at the moment, I wanted you dead. I didn't care that you had a mother and an older sister who loved you, that our grandmother adored you, or that you had a life and destiny to fulfill. I didn't care about all the people who would be hurt and affected if something happened to you. I wanted you to hurt the way I was hurting. I wanted you to suffer. I was so selfish. I know I was young, but that's no excuse.
do
anything to save you. Truth be told, at the moment, I wanted you dead. I didn't care that you had a mother and an older sister who loved you, that our grandmother adored you, or that you had a life and destiny to fulfill. I didn't care about all the people who would be hurt and affected if something happened to you. I wanted you to hurt the way I was hurting. I wanted you to suffer. I was so selfish. I know I was young, but that's no excuse.
“I want you to know how much I loved you, and there's not a day that goes by that I don't think about you and regret what happened that day. When I think about you down in that ditch in the dark, scared and cold, my heart breaks for you. I would do anything to take it back, but I can't. All I can do is hope that you've forgiven me.
“I want you to know that your death was not in vain,” she proclaimed. “It was the catalyst for getting my mother clean and bringing us all closer to the Lord. My mother went on to be a powerful woman of God, and my father's church is growing every day. So many souls and lives have been saved as a result of his ministry. It in no way makes up for you losing your life, but you can take comfort in knowing that your life made a lasting impact on so many others. I just hope that, in spite of everything, you found it in your heart to forgive me.”
“There's one thing you can still do,” broke in Jamal. “You can forgive yourself.”
“I'm trying to. It's hard. I can still see him going down that creek. I still hear him begging me to get help. I can still see his hand reaching for somebody or something to grab and grasping nothing but air.”
“Do you remember what you told me about Kennedy? You said that she probably knows more about God now than she ever would have on earth. Believe it or not, that is a comfort to me. I know I don't have to feel bad or guilty about her not being here because I know she's in a better place. Why can't it be like that for Jimmy?”
“It's not the same. You did all you could to save your little girl. I practically did nothing to save my cousin.”
“Don't you think I've gone over it in my head a thousand times? I've asked myself, âWhat if I'd done something differently that day?' âWhat if I'd taken another street and gotten her to the hospital faster?' âWhat if I'd been more religious?' You can drive yourself crazy thinking about everything you did or didn't do right. I've just had to accept that some things are out of my control.” He paused before going on. “That's why you have to have faith that God knows what He's doing.”
Catt was stunned. “Did I hear you correctly, O ye of little faith?”
“I guess you're rubbing off on me,” he admitted. “I look at you, and you're so strong in your faith and convictions. I can't help but think if you're this serious about it, there must be some truth to it.”
Catt reached over and threw her arms around his neck. “Hearing you say that makes all the difference, Jamal.”
He pulled away from her. “Now, I didn't say I'm ready to jump into the pulpit or nothing like that,” he clarified.
“I know. I'm just glad to hear you say that you want to put more faith in God than you do yourself. That's what it's all about.”
“What about you? Did you say everything that needed to be said to Jimmy?”
Catt nodded. “I think so. I don't feel like I'm carrying as much of the weight around anymore. Talking about it helped. I'd been keeping a lot of that bottled up since I was a little girl.”
“I'm just glad I could be there for you.” Jamal's smile lightened the mood. “So let's see . . . you told me about losing your virginity, I told you about losing my daughter. You saved my soul; I helped you make peace with your dead cousin. We've got less than a week left on this journey. Have all our skeletons exposed all there is to know about each other, or are there still a few surprises left to come to the surface?”
They looked warily at each other, but neither of them answered. They hit the road again in silence, wondering how many more secrets lay dormant, waiting to be revealed between Connecticut and North Carolina.
Chapter 26
“Do you know that this is the first Easter I can remember that I haven't been in church?” announced Catt over breakfast in the hotel's lobby Easter morning.
“Well, you've got a good excuse for not being there. It's not like you passed up church to spend the day in bed.”
“There is no excuse!” contended Catt. “Resurrection Sunday is the most important day in the life of a Christian. It's the basis for our entire faith.”
“Won't it still be the basis whether you're sitting on somebody's pew this morning?”
Catt tossed her half-eaten biscuit on the plate. “I still feel like I should be in church today. Correctionâthat
we
should be in church today.”
we
should be in church today.”
Jamal shook his head. “Catt, we've got at least eight hours of driving ahead of us today. My plan is to check out of here by eleven, fill up the car, and be checking into our new hotel before 8:00 tonight. We've got a hectic schedule tomorrow, and I want to be well-rested for an early start.”
“I don't think a couple of hours will make that much of a difference.”
“That's because you're not the one doing the driving,” he countered. “I hate driving at night. If we leave on time, we'll almost be there before nightfall.”
“I think the Lord will bless us if we make the sacrifice and go to church.”
“Have you noticed that you always throw in the Lord when you want to get your way?”
She exhaled. “Okay, I'll admit I have played the Christ card once or twice, but it's not like that this time.” Jamal wasn't convinced. “I'll make a deal with you. If we go to church, I'll take the wheel once it gets dark.”
“And how many times have you promised to help drive, then conveniently dozed off when it's your turn? No!”
“All right, so I've dropped the ball a few times when it comes to driving, but what I lack in driving assistance, I make up for with witty dialogue and thought-provoking conversation.”
“That's debatable,” he deadpanned.
“How about I promise to cook you the best meal you've ever had the second we get back to Charlotte?” she bargained.
“The meal I want the second we get back does not come on a plate.”
She rolled her eyes. “Can you not be crass today of all days?”
“Sorry . . . old habits.”
“Jamal, I'm not going to beg you. I'm perfectly capable of calling a cab to pick me up and take me to the nearest church.”
“Be sure to let the cabbie take you on to St. Louis too, because I plan to be long gone by the time you get back.”
She flung down her napkin. “Fine, I'll meet you in St. Louis.”
Jamal rose from the table. “Do
you
, Catt. I'm going to go back to the room, pack, take a shower, and hit the road. I'm taking off at eleven with or without you.”
you
, Catt. I'm going to go back to the room, pack, take a shower, and hit the road. I'm taking off at eleven with or without you.”
She sulked but stood her ground. “I'm not afraid. The Lord will make a way.”
“You better pray He does!”
Jamal returned to the lobby an hour and a half later to begin loading the truck. He spotted Catt talking to the front-desk clerk. “You packed?” he asked her.
“Actually, this very nice woman was just giving me the name of a church not too far from here,” she replied, refusing to look at him. “A cab is on the way to get me.”
Jamal let out a coarse chuckle. “Bullheaded 'til the end, I see. If you're doing this for theatrics, you can save it. Your time would be better spent bringing your bags down and putting them into the SUV. Checkout is in thirty minutes.”
“I've arranged for a late checkout. I'm not leaving until after church, but thank you for the suggestion.”
Jamal shook his head and started for the door. He dropped his suitcase and turned around. “Catt, this is ridiculous! Get your stuff and let's go!”
“I already told you, Jamal; I'm going to church today. You don't have to wait for me. I'll be just fine.”
Jamal muttered something to himself and rubbed his temples. “I really will leave you. You do know that, don't you?”
“Yes.”
“And no cab is going to drive you from here to St. Louis.”
“I can book a flight if necessary.”
“You don't even know how to get to the hotel we're registered at,” he pointed out.
“That's what directions are for.” She turned away from the desk. “Besides, Oni is supposed to be meeting us in St. Louis. If need be, I'll try to hitch a ride with her. You're going to be late. Better leave now if you want to make it there before dusk.”
Jamal huffed, annoyed at how stubborn she was, and secured his luggage inside of the trunk. He returned to the front desk to check out and give back the room key. Catt was seated in a chair reading her Bible.
He strolled over to her. “Cab on the way?”
She didn't look up from reading. “It should be here any second now.”
“Did you decide how you're getting to St. Louis?”
“I'll think of something. I'm very resourceful.”
“It's not too late for you to change your mind. I'll even go up and get your bags if you want.”
“No, thank you.”
Jamal breathed out. “So you're really going to go through with this?”
“You're making it sound like I'm plotting to take over the world! I'm just going to church. It's Easter. I need to be there.”
“You won't even know anyone there.”
“I know the one I need to know.” A horn honked outside. Catt peered through the glass doors and spied a taxi waiting out front. She tucked her Bible into her purse and stood up. “There's my ride. Guess I'll see you in St. Louis.”
“I guess so.” Jamal grabbed her and pulled her into a hug. “Get there safely.”
“I will.” She smoothed out her dress and walked out.
Jamal quietly counted to ten. He'd wagered in his mind that Catt was going to come back before he got to five. He had to hand it to herâshe was nothing if not dramatic.
By the time five came and went, Jamal rushed to the door just in time to see the cab peeling off with Catt inside.
“She actually left!” he muttered in astonishment. Before the shock wore off, Jamal raced to the door to see in which direction the cab went, but he'd lost sight of it.
“Shoot!” he cried, then remembered the woman at the front desk. He dashed to the counter. “Excuse me,” he said, vying for the woman's attention. “Can you tell me where she went?”
The clerk looked confused. “Who, sir?”
“The woman who was here a few minutes ago. She said you told her about a church . . .”
The clerk smiled in remembrance. “Yes, she was bound and determined to get to somebody's Easter service.”
“Right . . . what's the name of the church?”
“I'm not sure which one she went to. I gave her the names of three.”
Jamal cursed in frustration. “Did she seem more interested in one than the others?”
The clerk shook her head. “Not really. I just told her about the ones our guests frequent most often.” Jamal pounded the desk lightly with his fist. “Have you tried calling her, sir?”
Jamal wondered why he hadn't thought of that. He whipped out his phone and dialed Catt's number. It went straight to voice mail.
“I should just leave her here,” he muttered to himself, but he knew he couldn't. He wouldn't make it past the state line before guilt would lead him back to her. “Can you give me directions to the three churches?” he asked.
“Sure.” The clerk drew out a map for him to follow. “The closest is Zion's Hope. I'd try that one first.”
Jamal thanked her profusely and tore through the front doors.
“God, let me find her,” he prayed quickly and uncertainly. He wasn't sure if God had taken to listening to him yet.
He strapped on the seat belt and pointed his car in the direction of Zion's Hope.
Twenty minutes later, Jamal discovered that the Lord does, in fact, answer prayers. He found Catt on the last wooden pew of the antiquated chapel. The church was little more than four walls, twenty rows of seating, and a small pulpit, but the congregation packed into the church appeared high in the Spirit. Even Jamal couldn't deny feeling the Lord's presence there.
He brushed past a couple to squeeze in next to Catt. She was so engrossed in the choir's jubilant singing that it took her a minute to notice he was there.
“What are you doing here?” she asked him in a loud whisper.
“Why do you think I'm here?”
“I don't know. You seemed quite adamant about getting to St. Louis on time.”
He narrowed his eyes at her. “You knew all along that I wasn't going to leave you here, didn't you? We're in a church, you can be honest now.”
She smiled a little. “I'll only say that I said a little prayer and asked God to soften your heart on the matter.”
“Uh-huh,” he grunted.
“But I am glad you're here,” she gushed.
The more he listened to the choir minister to the congregation through song and felt the anointing of the pastor's words during his sermon, the more Jamal felt something move in his spirit. The pastor spoke of the glorious gift of salvation that Christians had received from the Lord and how it demonstrated God's deep love for His children. He reminded them that the blood of Jesus was strong enough to cover any sin.
Jamal became overwhelmed when he thought about the power in the name of Jesus and the tremendous sacrifice He made to save a sinner like him. It was truly a sensation he'd never had before. It was as if he were one with the presence of the Lord. The feeling of peace and love that enveloped him defied description. He concluded that this must be what Catt meant when she talked about having joy that could only come from the Lord.
At the end of the service, the pastor reminded the congregation that they were having an old-fashioned baptism in the lake behind the church and encouraged everyone to come out and support the candidates for baptism.
“Are you ready to go?” asked Catt once the benediction had been given.
“I don't know. I kinda want to stay for the baptism.”
Catt was floored. “Really?”
“Yeah. Hey, you think you have to be a member of this church to get baptized?”
“Are you thinking about doing it?”
“I'm not sure yet. I mean, I remember what you said about it being symbolic of Jesus dying for us and dying to your old self. It just feels like something I ought to do.”
“You can always get baptized when we get back,” optioned Catt.
Jamal pondered it some more and shook his head. “I don't think I should wait.”
Catt beamed. “If you're serious, I'll ask an usher or a hospitality member or somebody about getting you dressed and ready for baptism!”
She flitted about with a sense of urgency and excitement that Jamal had never seen before. He figured it must have been infectious because the church officials agreed to allow Jamal to be baptized despite his not being a member of the church once Catt explain their situation.
After being led to a small changing room and draped in white with the other candidates, Jamal hiked down to the creek to be baptized. As they approached the congregation, he could hear them singing, welcoming them.
“Let's go down, let's go down by the river,” they sang. “Let's go down, let's go down by the river!”
Catt was among them, clapping and singing as loudly as anyone else. She kept a close eye on Jamal. Seeing her quelled the nervousness in the pit of his stomach.
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