Cat Haus - The Complete Story (25 page)

"It's different."

"It's not. It's the same. You have sex with me and then not even an hour later, you're downstairs having sex with him or another guy. I thought I could handle it, but today, seeing you with him, I lost my mind."

"So you decided to fuck Sahara."

"I didn't."

That stopped my anger dead in its track. I wanted clarification. "You didn't what?"

"I didn't fuck her."

"Why not?"

He let out a bitter sounding laugh. "Because as much as I wanted to understand you, to try and see how you do what you do to separate these two parts of your life, I couldn't go through with it. Even as angry as I was, even though I wanted to show you what it felt like for me when you're with other men, I couldn't do it."

I bit my lip, hating myself for believing him, but I truly did. I didn't think he had it in him to lie.

"Cate. I have never felt so out of control in my life."

That I believed. If nothing else, John liked to be in charge . . . I was something he couldn’t control. But none of this solved anything. I wasn't sure where to go from here. So he couldn't do it. Big deal. He'd wanted to. But he'd wanted to because he was jealous. That was an emotion I could understand, especially when it came to John.

"Come back with me."

"Why?"

John took my question in stride. He even smiled sadly. "Because I can't lose you too."

Too?
Who had John lost that caused the pain I heard in his voice?

This was probably the most revealing, honest conversation John and I had ever had, but I wasn't willing to give in and go back yet. Questions bounced around in my head like balls in a pinball machine. How far had he gone with Sahara before he decided he couldn't do it? Had he kissed her? Had she been naked in that bed where I'd made love to John? She'd tell me if I asked . . . and I knew even if the answers hurt, I would ask. I'm a glutton for punishment that way. Why live with a mystery when I could have the truth, even if that truth would haunt me forever.

"I need some time."

His eyes searched mine, looking for answers, I suppose, before he nodded. "I understand. Will you call me, or at least call Henry? Let him know what you're doing."

"Of course."

"Cate, I do care. If you take nothing else away from this, at least know that."

He cared. I'd finally accepted that I'd moved on to love when it came to John and all he had for me was that he
cared
.

"I know what you're thinking, Cate, but I can't give you what you want to hear. I'm not ready. Not yet." John always did have the uncanny ability to read my thoughts in my expression.

And what did his words mean? He did love me but couldn’t say it? I moved through my dozenth emotion of the day and into pure frustration. This man made me want to tear my hair out and at the same time I was completely intrigued. Why couldn't he say the words? What was stopping him? Something in that past I knew nothing about? Hell, I knew nothing about his present either, and I sure as hell couldn’t predict our future. It could be someone or something from his other life preventing him from saying what I needed to hear.

I eyed him, fighting back the questions that threatened to spill out. "Okay." That's all I had, but considering he'd held back on me, I wasn't too broken up about not giving him more.

John nodded and after one last look, which lasted so long I'd really expected him to say something more, he turned. He opened the door and Ty was in the doorway immediately, his gaze finding me before it cut back to John. "Leaving so soon?"

To his credit, John didn't rise to Ty's goading. He looked Ty right in the eye and said, "Sorry to have intruded."

That had Ty's brows rising as he closed the door behind John. Ty turned to me. "It didn’t go well, I take it?"

I shrugged. "I'm sure not how it went."

"Wanna talk?" Ty sat, leaning back against the cushions and looking relaxed. I was envious. When would I ever feel relaxed again?

"You don't pay me to talk."

"I pay you to do whatever I want you to do, and now I want you to talk."

I couldn't help but smile. "All right."

I launched into a recap of what had been said. My intent had been to keep it short, but somehow it ended up long as I relayed everything, from the fact John had called Sahara up to his room, but claimed nothing happened, to the way he'd confessed he had feelings while at the same time never saying what those feelings were out loud.

Ty was a good listener. He sat next to me on the sofa, my ice cold hand held in his big warm one, through every detail of my whole sordid tale. I ended it with a shrug. "That's it."

"So what are you going to do?"

"I don't know." I cringed. "I know I made you a promise, said I'd go with you—"

"Don't you worry about me." He dismissed my concern. "If you do go back to the Cat Haus, how are things going to be?"

"I'd go back to work."

"And back to him?"

"I guess." Could I do that, go back to the way things were with John before? Or would thoughts of Sahara haunt me in his apartment along with everything else?

"Why don't you quit working? Accept Richie Rich's money and retire from that life."

"First of all, he never offered me himself or his money. He never asked me to quit. He basically just told me he didn't want me to leave." I knew John didn't want me to go with Ty, but he'd never said he wanted me to be with him. I cocked a brow at Ty. "And secondly, you're not lacking in the money department yourself, so enough with the Richie Rich comments."

He grinned. "Sorry, but when a man's suit costs as much as some people pay for six month's rent, I can't help myself."

I knew John dressed well, but not knowing menswear as well as women's clothing, I hadn't realized how much it cost him to do so. Or how much money he must have. If John was as wealthy as Ty thought, it was just one more thing to stand between us. "Anyway, I know this sounds like bullshit given what I do, but my work, it's not just about the money. Yeah, I earn a good living working at the Cat Haus—"

"Having matched what you make in a week, that I know." Ty laughed.

I sighed. "It's more than just that."

"Okay, tell what more it is."

"There are guys who need me. Who need what I provide." My mind turned to a few of my regular clients. The ones who came to me for things they desperately needed to make them feel whole. I didn't feel right mentioning specifics about them to Ty, so instead I said, "Take you, for example. Without me, what would you do?"

His brows rose above his striking eyes. "Beautiful, I'm not saying this to hurt you but because it's true and you need to hear it. If I couldn’t be with you, there are other girls who will do what you do."

He was right, and that scared the shit out of me. I was nothing special. One of a dozen at the Cat Haus alone.

"I know." A tear escaped and I hated myself even more for crying. "Fuck."

"Aw, baby. Come here." Ty wrapped his arms around me. "I'm sorry I made you cry."

"You didn't. I made myself cry." What the hell, things were about as out in the open right now as they could be. I let Ty hold me and spilled the truth that had brought this deluge of tears to the surface. The truth I'd had buried so deep I hadn't known it existed. "If I'm not this, I don't know who I am."

"Cate, you think I don't feel the exact same way? One injury. One shitty season and I'm in the same boat."

"You can go into sports massage. Or broadcasting. Or hell, modeling, you're so frigging gorgeous."

He smiled. "Thank you, but after leading the league in touch downs for the past two years, I don't think any of those things would be as satisfying. I'm only a few away from breaking the record."

I frowned and stared at him through my tears, seeing him in a new light. "Wow. You're really that good?"

Shaking his head, Ty laughed. "You really don't know who I am, do you?"

"No. I'm sorry." I cringed.

"It's okay. I like it that way. At least I know you weren't after me for my fame."

"I was never after you. You came to me, remember?"

"Yes, Cate. I remember, because the moment I saw you standing there with the other girls, I knew you were the one I wanted." Ty let out a breath. "I don't wanna convince you to retire and lose you, but you need to listen to me. You can do whatever you want. Be whoever you want. You've got one hell of a list of things going for you. You're beautiful. You're fun and kind and giving. More than all that, you're smart—book smart and street smart. I can tell that just from being around you. Not to mention you fuck like no woman I've ever been with, which is saying something."

"Quite the list of qualifications there." I let out a bitter laugh. "Sounds like the perfect resume for a hooker to me."

"Or an agent. Or a reporter. Or, I don't know . . . what do you wanna do? What did you go to school for?"

"I was an English major in college." That seemed like another life. Another universe.

"There you go. You can quit, be with Richie Rich and become a writer."

"Just like that." I snapped my fingers. "Bam! Be a writer?" I'd thought of trying to write a book once, jokingly as a passing fancy, but never as a valid career option.

"It's not like you don't have a whole shitload of stories after the life you've lived."

He was right. I did have plenty of tales to tell from my years at the Cat Haus. But trying to be something else and failing would devastate me. Besides the fear of failure, the question also remained would I be quitting for me or for John? I hadn't thought about leaving the Cat Haus before him. Okay, yeah, after the poker table incident with Gus I might have left, but I would have quit and gone to the competition. Not left the profession completely. Now, I was seriously considering leaving the only world I'd lived in for the past two years and because of a man who'd outright admitted he couldn't say out loud how he felt about me.

I shook my head. "I never thought I'd change my entire life for a man."

Ty let out a snort. "Sweetheart, women do it every damn day. It's called marriage. And motherhood."

He was smart . . . and right. I squeezed Ty's hand. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"For being so understanding. And listening. And giving such good advice."

"You're welcome." He pulled me to him and hugged me hard, then let me go. "Come on. I'll drive you back."

I hesitated long enough Ty shook his head. "Oh, no. You're not hiding out here."

"You're kicking me out?"

"No, but you need to face this. Face him. You have to go back and talk this out. If afterward you decide you're done with him, then you can come with me."

"What if you've left already?" It was horrible of me to make Ty my safety net, but I needed the assurance I had a place to go. This was all too hard already as it was.

"I'll fly you to me where ever I am. I promise."

When he looked at me like that, I believed him, even if the fact remained Ty was one good date away from having a girlfriend and not needing or wanting me anymore. One more reason I needed to build a life for myself independent of any man. Even John.

Hooking. Writing. A combination of the two. Whatever I chose for my future, I had to do it while standing on my own two feet, financially and emotionally. But first, before I could work on my future, I had to face my past.

CHAPTER 21

Sahara attacked me the moment I walked through the front door, pulling me toward the hallway outside the office so the girls in the parlor couldn't listen in. When we were in moderate privacy, she let loose. "Oh my God, Cate. I’m so, so sorry. When Henry called me out of the room I thought he just had to talk to me. I had no idea—"

"Sahara, it's okay. I don't blame you." The blame rested on John, on me even, but not on her. She was an innocent in all this.

"Cate, we didn't . . . he couldn't."

My brow rose. Didn't and couldn't were two different things. Interesting. Sahara was most men's wet dream and John
couldn't.
Did that mean he couldn't go through with it, or couldn't get it up? That last option didn't make me feel any better, because if he could have, would he have? The point was he'd called her up there in the first place, and that still hit me like a punch to the gut.

"Forgive me?" she asked.

I shook my head. "There's nothing to forgive, Sahara. I don't blame you. I never did. But dammit of all the girls here, he picked you? My friend."

"Better me than Tiffany, no? At least you know I wouldn't have enjoyed it, or rubbed it in your face."

Wasn't that the damn truth. The only thing harder to handle than John wanting to be with another girl, would have been Tiffany gloating over it for the rest of her life. "You're right."

"I love you. I'd never hurt you. You know that."

"I know. Thank you." I let her hug me.

"Seriously, Cate, he looked miserable. Sad, angry, upset. I've never seen him like that. I was almost afraid of him. Something had to have happened to set him off. I really think that's the only reason he called for me. Something made him absolutely crazy."