Casa Parisi (25 page)

"I've been attracted to you all along and as much as I've tried to fight it, it's a fight I'm not winning. Ever since Atlanta, I haven't been able to get you out of my head or out of my heart."

"I have the same problem," Juliet said. "All I can think about is kissing you."

Lucia lifted Juliet's hand and pressed the palm to her lips. "What about Andre?"

"I've been deceiving myself for so many years. I never felt this way about any of the men I went out with. I tried to convince myself that I hadn't met the right one or the time wasn't right, anything to avoid dealing with the truth."

"And do you know what the truth is?"

"I'm beginning to. All along it was me and I should have known it. It wasn't right for me. I went through the motions, pretending to be someone I wasn't. I worked and studied and kept busy, too busy to date, too busy to make a commitment, too busy to face who I really was."

"That doesn't work well, does it?"

Juliet shook her head. "There had to be more. I always knew it, but I wasn't prepared for what kissing you did to me. Being with you in the hotel made me realize what's been missing in my life. Every proper feeling I believed myself incapable of came to life the instant your lips touched mine. I never knew it could be like that."

"It can be so much more." Lucia kissed Juliet's fingers.

"Believe me I've imagined how it would be to make love with you."

"Then what's holding you back?"

"I don't know. I've wanted to kiss you again ever since that night. I look at your mouth and I think about how warm it was, how soft your lips were."

"You can't know how much I've wanted to kiss you." Lucia pulled Juliet into her arms, content to hold her and let their shared confessions sink in.

Juliet rested her cheek against Lucia's. "What I'm feeling is so--"

"It's all right." Lucia pressed her lips against Juliet's forehead.

Juliet drew back. "Please kiss me."

Lucia cupped Juliet's cheek and pressed her lips to Juliet's. They were soft and even though she wanted to be gentle her restraint was soon overruled by the wild desire that had been building up inside of her for the past week.

Juliet's tongue entered Lucia's mouth and she kissed her as if she were starving for the taste and feel of her. Several kisses later, she tore her mouth away gasping for breath. "I've been waiting for this all my life."

Lucia held Juliet until her breathing returned to normal. "I didn't come to see you in the cellars the last few days because I found it too hard to be near you and not kiss you or touch you like this. I knew I wouldn't be able to stand it."

"I wondered why you didn't come."

"I thought if I stayed away, this would go away."

"That hasn't worked for me," Juliet said. "The feelings just get stronger."

Lucia sighed. "I couldn't bear the thought that I'd never kiss you again. I told myself that I shouldn't kiss you and I knew if I were anywhere near you, I'd want to."

Juliet pressed Lucia's hand to her chest over her heart. "This is all so new to me. I'm surprised my heart is still beating and amazed that I can still breathe."

"I love that I do that to you." Lucia kissed her. "I'd love to do so much more."

They kissed again and again, each kiss becoming more urgent than the one before. Lucia ran her hand up between them and unbuttoned the top button of Juliet's shirt. She was dying to touch her. With her eyes on Juliet's, she undid the second button, opened the shirt and gently kissed the swell of Juliet's breasts.

Juliet's soft moans only intensified Lucia's desire. Her lips returned to Juliet's and her hand found its way to Juliet's thigh. She stroked the smooth skin while she kissed her, reaching higher and higher for the place she needed to touch. With her fingertips nestled under the hem of Juliet's shorts, she whispered, "Stay with me tonight, please. Let me make love to you."

"I--I can't, Lucia." Juliet sat up and straightened her clothing. "I want to, more than I can say, but I think I should go home." Without warning, she stood up, walked into the house, and proceeded directly to the front door.

Lucia followed her and leaned against the door frame. She held Juliet's arm hoping to keep her from running out. "Please don't go. We don't have to do anything."

Juliet fished for her keys. "I can't think when I'm near you and I need to think about who I am and what I really want. It's too soon for me and I'm--"

"You're what? Come on, Juliet, talk to me about this."

"
Je suis trop nerveux
!"

Lucia let go of Juliet's arm. She was leaving and there was nothing she could do or say that would change her mind. "I don't know what you said, but you're probably right. You should leave. Clearly, I don't know what I'm doing and I don't want to push you into anything you're not ready for."

"I said I was too nervous and you're right, I'm not ready."

"I'm sorry," Lucia said. "I didn't mean to pressure you."

"No, I'm the one who's sorry. I hope you can forgive me." Juliet touched Lucia's cheek as she escaped through the doorway.

IT WAS CLOSE to midnight when Juliet opened the door to her apartment. She felt horrible the whole way home, wondering how Lucia felt, wondering why she'd run out on her, and most of all, wondering why she couldn't handle what had almost taken place. She had wanted to make love with her, more than anything. Why hadn't she?

Sabrina Star was waiting for her, squeaking her cat complaints about Juliet's absence or a lack of food or water or whatever. A little rubbing of her ears and some petting soon calmed her down and converted her squeaks into trills and purrs.

"What's the matter little puss? Food bowl empty?" Juliet picked Sabrina up and carried her into the kitchen. After setting her down, she filled her food bowl and changed her water.

"How was your evening?" she asked as the cat crunched on her food.

"Meeeooow."

"Same old boring stuff? Well, my evening, since you asked, was quite memorable. An amazing opportunity came my way and I blew it, as you Americans are so fond of saying. Seems I'm not mature enough to have sex with a sexy woman who offered herself to me. Oh, Sabrina, she wanted me and I wanted her and what did I do? I ran to the safety of my home instead."

"Meeeooow."

"Why did I do that, you ask? I wish I knew. I asked myself that very question all the way home and all I could come up with was that I got nervous, too nervous to go through with it. Have you ever heard of such a thing?"

"Meeeoow."

"I'm an idiot. Glad you said it. I don't want to be afraid. I don't want to be cautious. I don't want to ignore my desires and never act on them. I don't want to be one of those people. I want to know what I want and not be afraid to go after it."

Disgusted with herself, Juliet went into the living room, fished her cell phone out of her bag and collapsed on the sofa. During dinner, she had turned her cell phone off and now she saw she had several messages, all from Andre, each one more demanding than the one before it. In the last one, he insisted she call him no matter how late it was.

"Just what I need," she said to Sabrina who jumped on the sofa beside her, her tail puffed up to three times its normal size. "I'd better call him or he'll never give up."

Andre answered on the second ring.

"It's me."

"Hi, me. Where have you been?" he asked, yawning.

"Out, Andre. I was having dinner with friends. Remember?"

"Oh, yeah, yeah I remember. How was it?"

"I'm tired, Andre. What was so important it couldn't wait until tomorrow?"

"Hey, don't be mad. I know you don't like me springing things on you, so I thought I'd better let you know I'll be in Ithaca tomorrow. I'd like to see you and I need to talk to you about something."

"About what?"

"I'd rather not discuss it on the phone," Andre said.

"Can't it wait? I have a lot to do tomorrow."

"Like what?"

"Personal things and I don't feel like company."

"I'm not company and I miss you. Besides, I won't be able to stay long, just a few hours. I have to see a couple of customers before I come to see you and I have a dinner meeting in Rochester. I'll be staying overnight up there because I have another meeting early on Monday morning and then I have to get back home."

Juliet shut her eyes and took a deep breath. He wasn't going to go away on his own and she knew she had to end their relationship as soon as possible. It was over for her the last time she saw him, the time he forced her to cancel her dinner plans with Lucia. The way she felt about Lucia had changed everything and in a moment of clarity, she realized that Andre was unfinished business and that unfinished business was one of the reasons she didn't stay with Lucia.

"Juliet? I'm waiting for an answer."

"All right. Come here and we'll talk."

"Good. I'll be there around four. Things will be fine, you'll see."

No doubt he wouldn't think so tomorrow, Juliet thought as she pushed the end button to terminate the call. She stared at the phone wanting to call Lucia, but deciding in the end that it might be better to let things settle for now. What would she say to her, that she was a coward, a fool? It was all true. She'd wanted Lucia more than she'd ever wanted anyone. More to the point, she had never really wanted anyone, not if this was the way it felt. Even now she ached all over with desire.

Fear wasn't the only reason she'd run out on Lucia. Andre wasn't either. Before she met Lucia, she'd coasted along without her sexuality being an issue. It never entered her mind that she had the capacity to feel this way about anyone let alone a woman. She'd had neither the time nor the need for matters of the heart. Due to the nature of her work, she had associated mainly with men and once in a while, she dated one of them, usually someone who traveled a lot or lived far away. It occurred to her that she'd made sure it was someone she didn't have to see that often.

Lisa and Carolyn were her closest female friends, the only lesbians she knew and she prided herself in thinking she had lesbians for friends because she was open-minded and accepting. Now she wondered if she had been drawn to them for other reasons.

She got ready for bed and crawled between the sheets, aware that her unsettled mind was not going to let her fall sleep for a while. Burying her head in the cool pillow, she tried to relax and empty her mind of troubling thoughts. Nothing about making love with Lucia seemed unnatural to her, quite the contrary, but she thought that maybe after she'd finally confessed her attraction, her jealousy, her secret desires, she was not prepared to take the next step. Maybe she was just making excuses. Or maybe she was an idiot like she'd told Sabrina. As soon as her head was clear and she was rested, she would talk to Lucia and explain. Lucia would understand.

LUCIA HAD BEEN awake for hours last night trying to figure out why Juliet had made such a hasty departure. She couldn't help but question whether Juliet's attraction for her was real or if it had arisen out of curiosity and confusion. When Juliet got home and away from the heat of the moment, Lucia speculated, she may have realized she had come close to making a terrible mistake. If so, would they go on as though nothing ever happened, as though they'd never kissed or touched each other? Could either of them be satisfied with friendship and nothing more? Lucia knew she couldn't.

Lucia's fervent invitation to spend the night and all that it implied had sent Juliet on a mad dash to get away from her. No doubt she had rushed things, had pushed too hard and as a result she had probably damaged their relationship beyond repair.

On Sunday morning, she debated whether or not to call Juliet. If she didn't call her today she would have to wait until Monday to talk to her and she wasn't sure she could stand that. Several times she picked up her cell phone, stared at it, even pushed the first few numbers once only to end up terminating the call.

As for the day ahead, she had two choices. She could stay home alone and go crazy thinking about everything or she could go to work and keep her mind busy. She chose to go to work. Natalie would be there with the children and spending the day with them was a far better option than making herself nuts waiting for Juliet to come around.

Kim and Dennis were at the crowded tasting bar when Lucia got to the barn. Natalie was in the gift shop arranging a display of brightly colored napkins and new wine glasses that had been delivered the week before. She stopped what she was doing and turned to acknowledge Lucia. "Hi there, sister-in-law."

"Hi to you, sister-in-law. I like what you're doing with that display."

"Aunt Lucia!" Carly burst on the scene out of nowhere and flung herself at Lucia's waist. She attached her left ear to Lucia's stomach. "Did you eat breakfast?"

Lucia looked down and laughed. "Yes, I did. Why?"

"Cuz I hear it."

"You do?" Coming here to be with her family had been the right choice.

"My teacher says breakfast is the most important meal of the day."

"Your teacher is right." Lucia patted Carly's curly blond hair.

"I know." She was gone as fast as she had come.

"How do kids come up with those things?" Lucia asked.

Natalie shrugged. "Every day, after school, they tell me their teacher said this and their teacher said that. She's the first and last word in their little world. If she told them blue was red, they'd believe her. I'm a teacher and they don't listen to me."

"You don't count," Lucia said. "We weren't like that, were we?"

"I wasn't. I was a perfect little darling." Natalie winked.

"Naturally, and so was I. Where are Luke and Jaden?"

"Out in the vineyards, where else? Jaden is totally obsessed with those grapes. He's like a little sponge, soaking up everything his father teaches him. That's pretty much all he talks about, that and Juliet."

"Luke told me Jaden has a crush on her."

"A major one. You have no idea," Natalie said.