Casa Parisi (21 page)

Lucia could only nod. She was sitting bolt upright, her eyes wide, her arms wrapped around her chest. "Help me," she sobbed as she rocked back and forth.

Without wasting a second Juliet climbed into bed with Lucia and held her. "Shhh, it's all right. We're in the hotel room, in Atlanta. Everything's all right."

Lucia lay back down taking Juliet with her. She stretched her body against the length of Juliet's and rested her head on her shoulder. "Please stay here. Don't leave me."

"I won't. I'm right here." Juliet stroked Lucia's hair. "Tell me about your dream."

"It was awful."

"Talking about it might help," Juliet suggested.

"Devin. She was--" Lucia had a hard time getting words out. She sounded as if she couldn't breathe let alone speak. "I can't breathe."

"Yes you can. Breathe with me." Juliet held her closer. "Take a deep breath in and blow it out. Now, let's do it again." Juliet repeated the same sequence a few more times until Lucia was calmer.

"It's my fault--all my fault."

"What's your fault? Tell me."

"That she died. It happened because of me."

Juliet shifted so they were lying on their sides facing each other. Her eyes never left Lucia's. "It was an accident. You weren't even there. How could it be your fault?"

"I should have refused to go into work and I should have picked up the cake like I said I would. I was supposed to die, not her." Lucia's eyes held all the anguish they could possibly contain.

"No one was
supposed
to die. How do you know you would have been in that exact place at that exact moment? How do you know it would even have occurred?"

"I don't."

"Well then?"

"I was too busy, always too busy." Lucia sounded frantic. "I had my secretary call her and tell her she had to get the cake. I didn't even talk to her. I didn't tell her--"

Juliet rubbed Lucia's back. "What? What didn't you tell her?"

"I didn't tell her I loved her. When she called me back I was abrupt with her. I was mean. I was stupid. I hung up on her!" Lucia's sentences shot into the darkness like short bursts of machine gun fire. Finally she paused and sucked in a huge breath. "How could I have done that to her?"

"You did your best at the--"

"No I didn't! I should have been nice to her. I should have told her how much I loved her. I should have treated her right. We were having a commitment ceremony that day." Once the door to Lucia's buried feelings had been flung open, everything came pouring out as if it had been held inside under pressure. "She was safe. She was alive. And I was so damn self-centered I sent her to her death."

Juliet gripped Lucia's shoulder. "Listen to me. Sometimes we're all selfish. It still doesn't mean you caused her death. There was no way you could have known she would have an accident."

"I know, but--"

"But it was an accident." Juliet gently emphasized her point. "Terrible things happen in this life. You can't blame yourself. Tell me you know that."

"I guess I know that."

"Of course you do." Juliet touched Lucia's cheek. It was wet.

"Why did such a beautiful young woman have to die? I loved her so much and in a split second she was gone forever. I never thought I'd be called into work. I was angry about it, but there was a problem with a contract and we would have lost a major account if I had refused to go in. I could have lost my job."

"You did what you had to do."

"That sounds so trivial now, so self-serving. I would have chosen to lose my job if I had known that I was going to lose her instead."

Juliet held Lucia and just let her talk.

"I was irritable that morning. I fussed about some of the things we had to do to get ready for the party as if she could have done anything to make it easier. As usual, she was the one who'd done most of the preparations without any help from me. I didn't kiss her or touch her or say goodbye when I left to go to the office. I never thought--"

"Keep going," Juliet urged. "You need to get this out."

"I never thought I wouldn't see her again."

"It wasn't so bad to say that out loud, was it?"

"No," Lucia whispered. "You know what bothers me even more?"

Juliet didn't feel an answer was required. She waited for Lucia to tell her.

"Her death gave me a brand new life, the life we used to dream of having, the life I now have to live without her." Lucia's body shook as she began to sob. She cried all the tears that she had stuffed away, released all the sorrow she had stored up inside.

"Let it go," Juliet whispered.

Eventually Lucia stopped crying. She sat up long enough to grab a few tissues from the table, blow her nose, and dry her eyes before returning to Juliet's embrace. "I should have told her I loved her, on that day of all days."

"Tell her now."

"I loved you, Devin, so much. I'll always love you."

"What else do you want to tell her?"

"I want to tell her how sorry I am." Lucia lifted her eyes. "I can't do this. It hurts too much and I'm not strong enough."

"You're the strongest woman I know."

Lucia's eyes were filled with anguish. "I miss her so much. I dream about her all the time. Tonight I dreamt her face was bloody and mangled. It was--it was awful."

"It was only a dream. It wasn't real." Juliet rolled onto her back taking Lucia with her. She continued to hold her and when she was quiet and calm she disentangled herself so she could go to her own bed. "Try to sleep. I'll be right over there."

Lucia grabbed Juliet's shirt. "Please don't leave. It comforts me to be next to you."

Juliet lay down and secured her arms around Lucia. "Okay. I'll stay."

Gradually their breathing fell into a pattern and as far as Juliet could tell, Lucia had fallen asleep. As she held her, Juliet's thoughts were consumed by the softness of Lucia's breasts against her side and how incredible it felt to be so close to her. Desire, quite out of place under the circumstances, had made its burning presence known again. She'd have to deal with it somehow, because she believed, based on the events of the evening, that Lucia's sexual advances had been due to excessive drinking and a precarious emotional state. More than likely, they would not be renewed when a new day dawned.

WHEN JULIET'S EYES opened the room was bathed in mellow light and Lucia was still soundly asleep in her arms. Juliet had wanted to comfort Lucia and she had, but for her something else, something more significant, had taken place. For the first time in her life she'd experienced physical intimacy that felt both natural and right.

"Good morning," she said when Lucia stirred. "How do you feel?"

"I'm hung over." Lucia did not move from Juliet's arms. "But I feel better and I'm strangely relieved at the same time."

"I'm not surprised. You let go of a lot."

Lucia tilted her head. "Thanks for being here and for holding me. If it hadn't have been for you I might have shattered into a million pieces."

"I wouldn't let you fall apart."

"I can't believe I cried like that. At the memorial service, everyone cried and I just sat there like a block of stone. I didn't feel anything. I was dead inside."

"You were in shock."

"That's true, but I've never cried for her after that, not even when I was alone."

"Then it's good that you did." Juliet shifted onto her side and faced Lucia. She held her hand cupped against Lucia's cheek. Her heart ran away as she saw Lucia studying her face before letting her eyes drift down to her lips. There was no doubt as to what she had in mind.

"I'm sober and I still want to kiss you."

"I want you to."

Lucia slowly leaned forward until her lips joined Juliet's in a feather-light caress. Gently, she kissed her as if to feel her lips and get to know them and soon afterward her kisses changed, becoming more passionate, more demanding.

The moan Juliet released as Lucia's tongue entered her mouth mingled with Lucia's sharp intake of air. A fire had been ignited in Juliet and each successive kiss added more fuel to the blaze. She no longer had to imagine how it would be to kiss Lucia because this was real and it far surpassed anything her imagination could have conceived of.

Again and again they kissed. As Juliet's passion mounted she molded her body to Lucia's in search of the increased contact she instinctively sought. Her feelings had been bottled up for so long they were running wild and she could not rein them in.

Lucia slid her hand under Juliet's shirt the same way she had on the dance floor only this time she allowed her fingertips to trace the silky swell on the underside of Juliet's breasts. Her hand stilled as if to give Juliet a chance to protest before moving up to cover her breast.

Juliet moaned as Lucia rubbed her nipple. Both of her nipples had become hard and they ached with such intensity she couldn't hold still. Whatever Lucia wanted, whatever she asked for, she would willingly give. She could not say no or stop.

Lucia lifted Juliet's top and exposed her breasts. "You're beautiful," she whispered as she leaned to take one of Juliet's nipples into her mouth. She sucked it and circled it with her tongue and then went back to kissing Juliet's mouth.

Having lost all ability to think rationally, Juliet threw her leg over Lucia's hip. She was wet and her panties were soaked. She longed for Lucia's touch, ached to be relieved of the need Lucia had awakened within her. Any control Juliet still might have had left abandoned her when Lucia wedged her thigh between her legs.

"I want you so much," Lucia said as her mouth returned to Juliet's breast.

Juliet pressed her center against Lucia's thigh and moved against it once, twice, then a third time before she cried out, shaking all over as she climaxed.

Lucia lifted her head. "Did you just--?"

"I couldn't help it." Stunned and self-conscious, Juliet turned away from Lucia and sat up on the edge of the bed. A few heated kisses, some touching, and she had behaved like a hormone ravaged teenager in heat. "We have to stop this. I mean I have to."

Lucia placed her hand on Juliet's back. "I wasn't planning for that to happen."

Juliet turned. "I could have told you to stop."

"Why didn't you?"

"I didn't want to." Juliet went over to her own bed. "It felt so damn good."

Lucia ran her fingers through her hair. "You've got that right."

"I got swept up in the moment. I don't know what came over me."

"We both got swept up in something, that's for sure." Lucia left her bed and grabbed her underwear from her suitcase. "I'm going to take a shower--a long, cold one."

Juliet sat on the bed rubbing her forehead. She had no words to describe how Lucia had made her feel, no parameters to measure the desire Lucia's hands had sparked in her, no way to explain what had taken place between them. Her prior sexual experiences had not prepared her for this and she had never reached orgasm that easily.

In her heart she knew she hadn't lost herself in the heat of the moment. They both came up with that explanation to justify their behavior, but Juliet knew it wasn't true for her. She hadn't been swept away. She'd known exactly what she was doing. Lucia had wanted her and she had wanted Lucia. She still did.

Ten minutes later, Lucia emerged from the bathroom in her underwear. She grabbed a pair of jeans out of her suitcase and quickly pulled them on. As she got to the last two buttons on her shirt she turned to Juliet and made a valiant effort to smile. "God, please tell me you're all right."

Juliet mirrored the smile. "I'm fine."

"You know what I think we should do?"

"I'm afraid to ask," Juliet said, a hint of laughter in her voice. She was glad to see that Lucia appeared neither angry nor upset. In addition, she was acutely aware of how sweet Lucia smelled and how her hair hung in damp curls around her adorable face.

Lucia's laugh was subdued. "Don't worry, you're safe."

"I'm not worried. Now, tell me what you think we should do."

"I think we should get ready to leave and put our things in the car. Then we should go to the restaurant in the lobby and have breakfast. I don't know about you, but I'm hungry and I seriously need some coffee. After we eat we'll have plenty of time to get to the airport and return our rental car before our flight leaves."

"That sounds like a good plan. We had quite a night."

"And quite a morning." Lucia came over and sat on the bed next to Juliet. She held out her hand. "I need to tell you something."

Juliet took Lucia's hand. "What is it?"

Lucia stared at the floor as she spoke. "I feel so much better today and I know why. I want to thank you for being there, for caring about me. I don't know why you do."

"Because you're special," Juliet said quietly.

"So are you and I would never take advantage of you or hurt you in any way. You're important to me and now you know how attracted I am to you." Lucia took a deep breath. "Your friendship means more to me than anything and I swear I would never do anything to jeopardize it."

"I wouldn't either," Juliet said.

"I guess I need to know if you're upset about this morning."

"I'm not upset. I just don't know what to make of it. I do know I wanted to be there for you and I still do. Our friendship means as much to me as it does to you."

Relief washed over Lucia's face. "You mean it?"

Juliet nodded. "Nothing you could ever do would change that."

"Thank God."

"You need to forgive yourself." Juliet brushed her fingers across Lucia's forehead wishing she could brush away every worry line, every trace of sorrow in her eyes. She'd been trying not to touch her for fear of losing herself again, but she had to.

"For what I did last night?"

"No, for what you believe you did to Devin."

Lucia appeared stricken. "I'm afraid if I do forgive myself, I'll be saying that what happened to her doesn't matter, that how I treated her was okay and--"

"And?" Juliet put her arm around Lucia.

"And I'd be letting her go. I'd be saying goodbye."

"Maybe that's what you need to do."