Carter (The Harlow Brothers Book 1) (13 page)

I watch as his eyes take in my scar on my upper lip, and I look away. I silently beg him not to ask about it. “How long are you staying?”

I sigh in relief and turn back to him as I reply with, “I’m honestly not sure.” When he clenches his jaw again, I add, “I just … I needed to come back and start over. Things are slowly getting better for me, and right now there’s no reason for me to leave.”

“I assume you’re staying with Annie and William?”

“Yeah. They’ve been wonderful and welcomed me back with open arms.”

He nods, knowing firsthand how amazing they are. “I’ve got to say, I didn’t think you’d ever come back. And I can tell you’ve been through some shit. I won’t ask, but I do want you to know Carter is going to fucking flip when he figures out your back, and you didn’t go see him.”

I cringe at his words, but everything he’s saying is true. I’m such a coward, but who could blame me? “Look, I don’t expect you to understand why I want to stay away from him. It’s just not the right time.”

“Yeah, I get it, I really do. There’s a lot you’ve missed, not just with Carter. But, let me ask you this. If not now, when, Shelby? When is it going to be a good time for you? Carter is my brother, and I still think of you as my sister, but you weren’t here, and you didn’t have to see what I did. Or see the shit we all went through.”

“I know I’ve missed a lot. I didn’t want the world to suddenly stop when I left, but what choice did I have? And I don’t know when I’ll be ready. I just … I don’t know how to face him, Cason.” I’m trying not to get angry with him. I don’t want to think he’s trying to make me feel guilty of how things were left, but what does he know? I honestly don’t know if he knows the whole story. I have no idea what Carter told him, or his family when I decided to leave. Not to mention, I feel as though he’s not only pissed because I left Carter, but he seems angry I left him too. We once were all close. We used to share everything, and I just left them without saying goodbye. Okay, I do feel guilty about that.

“I don’t want to push you into anything, but dammit, Shel. You need to see him. Even if it’s just for closure for the both of you, but you need to at least talk to him. And I will not lie about seeing you either.”

I figured as much since Caden said the same thing to me the day I got back. “I’ll think about it, okay?” I hope he lets it go because this is all I can give him. The queasy feeling is back in the pit of my stomach, and I really don’t want to talk about this anymore.

“Yeah, you think about it. And while you’re at it, think about coming to see Mama. I know she’ll be happy to see you again.” He taps his knuckles on the table before standing. I watch him walk away, but before he leaves he turns back and says, “I may not know exactly what happened between you and Carter, but it’s not fair to punish the rest of us for what happened. We used to be family, Shel. And family doesn’t turn their back on each other.”

I sit back in my chair shocked and even more confused than I was before. Is that what I’m doing? Am I punishing everyone that’s cared about me because of Carter breaking my heart? I honestly don’t think I am, but at the same time, it would be awkward and hard seeing them knowing Carter and I aren’t together. I can’t help, but feel the regret for running away all those years ago. And once again, I’m back to feeling lost and heavyhearted by the decisions I’ve made in my life.

A couple of weeks has passed since seeing the mysterious woman at the Waffle House. It’s strange all I can think of is her, of who she is, and if I’ll see her again. A nagging thought has plagued me since that day, but damn if I know why. Shaking off the feeling, I pull up at Mom and Dad’s house just like every other weekday. Parking my truck, I quickly make my way inside my childhood home. Just like any other time once inside I feel instantly at home and at times, I wonder why I ever left. I smile hearing Caden laughing and see everyone’s crowded around the kitchen island in the middle. Mom busies herself with finishing up breakfast as Cason sits on the stool with a cup of coffee in front of him. Dad stands by Caden, and everyone looks up when I walk in.

“Well look what the cat drug in,” Caden says and I roll my eyes at him. I’m tempted to flip him the bird, but Mom turns around. I walk over to hug her, then place a kiss her on her forehead. “It’s about time you got here. Why are you always late?”

“What’s with the third degree, Caden?”

He shrugs and says, “I don’t know. I like busting your balls.”

“Caden Michael Harlow, you know better than to talk like that in my house,” Mom scolds him and Cason and I snicker.

“Sorry, Mama.” It never ceases to amaze me. No matter how old we are, if Mom gets on to us, we still feel as though we’re kids again. Mom goes back to finishing up our breakfast, and I make myself some coffee. Standing by Cason, I listen to Dad and Caden talk about his job and his upcoming work schedule. I sip on my coffee as he tells us about some of the people he’s pulled over, and some of his stories are hilarious.

“I wish I’d videotaped it. It was fuc – freaking hilarious how the guy I pulled over reacted.” I don’t miss his almost slip up in front of Mom again. “Anyway, he just had a busted taillight. The way his eyes almost popped out of his head, I thought he was trying to hide drugs or something.”

“How old was he,” I ask.

“Seventeen. I think he might have pissed himself too.”

“Caden, don’t make me get my spoon out,” Mom scolds him again. Cason, Dad, and I slowly back away. We all fear that damn wooden spoon. Mom has beat our asses more than once with it.

“What did I say now?”

“I don’t like that language in my house.”

“I can’t say pissed? That’s not a cuss word.” I chuckle listening to Caden trying to get out of trouble. Some things never change.

“Caden, I’d shut up now if I were you,” Dad warns. Caden throws up his hands in defeat, muttering to himself as he walks to the kitchen table.

“That boy will never learn,” Dad says to no one in particular. He’s partially right. Caden has grown up a lot over the years, but he still has that stubborn attitude he’s always had.

Cason and I follow behind Dad when Mom tells us to go sit down at the table. We take our usual places as we wait for Mom to finish with whatever she’s doing. None of us try to help her. After years of her telling us no, we know what to do now. “Has anyone heard from Clark lately?” I ask them. I haven’t heard from him in a few weeks, and it worries me with him being on deployment again.

“I got an email from him about a week ago, but nothing since,” Cason says.

“He called your mother and me last week. Should be getting another call soon,” Dad responds and I nod.

“Well, I’m jealous. That dick hasn’t spoken to me in a month.” As soon as the words leave his mouth, Mom comes up behind him and whacks him with her whoopin’ spoon. “Ow, Mama! What was that for?”

“Boy, I’ve told you about that mouth of yours.”

Caden rubs his shoulder where she hit him as he says, “That hurt. I’m going to burn that stupid spoon one day.” Cason and I do nothing but laugh. Dad just shakes his head, knowing Caden is just going to keep digging that hole deeper and deeper.

“If you would just shut your mouth, you wouldn’t get smacked,” Cason says to Caden.

“You stay out of this, little brother.” I lean my head back, and groan, knowing what’s about to happen.

“Seriously? That again, huh. You were born three minutes before me.”

“Here we go,” Dad says. Mom and I say nothing as they bicker back and forth. Mom sets the food down on the table, and I tune out Cason and Caden’s arguing. They do this so much it’s just another normal day at the Harlow’s for us. They were horrible as kids, but surprisingly they’re still close. I have a feeling that’s why they always argue. They’re pretty much attached at the hip, and they even live together.

I load my plate down with Mom’s fantastic cooking and finally, Caden and Cason shut up long enough to do the same. I start chowing down on Mom’s cooking, and the table goes quiet while everyone else does the same. The silence doesn’t last long, and I’m not surprised. It never does when you have Caden and Cason in the same room. “Are you going to train that chick at the gym, Cason?”

“Probably not. And no, I’m not banging her.” Cason looks up to Mom and adds, “Sorry, Mama.”

“You boys and your mouths are going to be the death of me. I know I raised you better than that.” Mom shakes her head, and Dad places his hand on hers. They smile at each other and I look away, feeling as though I’m intruding on their moment.

“You should bang her. She’s smokin’ hot.” And Caden ruins it.

“Dude, can you stop it already?” I tell him.

“Okay, Dad.”

“You’re such an a – pain.” Caden smirks at my almost slip up in front of Mom. I think that’s his plan.

Cason leans over and says, “I think we should take him outside, and teach him a lesson.” I nod, actually considering it.

“Hey! Don’t take his side. You’re my twin, it’s unnatural for you not to have my back.”

“Where do you come up with this stuff, Caden?” It blows my mind at the shit that comes out of his mouth. His eyes narrow, then he gives Cason a knowing look. I glance at them both, wondering what that’s about.

“Hey, Mama? Didn’t you say you needed to drop off some sewing stuff to Mrs. Barrett?” Caden asks. Cason shakes his head, but has a cheeky grin.

“I did, but I can’t go over there today.” She and Dad both stare at me and I look around, thinking something’s up.

“Carter, would you be a dear and take it by there for me?”

“Uh sure, Mama.” Why is everyone staring at me?

“Yeah, I think that would be a great idea,” Cason says and Caden grins, agreeing with him. Okay, now I really feel like I’m missing something here.

“Alright, what’s going on?”

“Not a thing,” Caden says a little too quickly for my liking.

“Whatever,” I say as I look at my watch. “If I’m going, I need to head out now so I’m not late opening today.”

I start to slide my chair back, but Dad speaks before I get up. “I’ll open today. You take your time and visit with Annie and William. It’s been a while since you’ve been over there.”

I frown, having the feeling of uneasiness in the pit of my stomach. Dad hasn’t opened the firm in, well shit, I can’t remember it’s been so long. “Why do I get the feeling y’all are setting me up for something?”

“Oh, honey. Just do as I asked.” I concede, knowing I can’t say no to my Mom.

I drive to Annie and William’s house slower than I normally would. They don’t live far from my parents, but it has been a long time since I’ve visited them. I always smile and talk to them when I see them in town, but as far as going to their home, it’s been months. Possibly longer. I hate trying to avoid it, but shit it’s a reminder of what I’ve lost. That was Shelby’s home, no matter if she had a mother and a home of her own. So many of our memories were made at the Barrett’s. But I can’t say no to Mama, and even if I really don’t want to do this, I will anyway since she asked me to.

Far from Home by Five Finger Death Punch plays softly on the radio as I pull up, and it suddenly takes me to the past. As I park, I stare at the front porch, remembering so vividly of the first time I kissed Shelby.

I opened Shelby’s door for her, and held out my hand. She smiled at me sweetly, as she placed hers in mine. I couldn’t deny the tingling sensation that ran through me. It’s amazing how much she made me feel and while with her, I felt so alive. I felt as though I was the luckiest sixteen year old ever. I realized, I never wanted this feeling to stop. My heart pounded in my chest as she slowly got out of my old Ford Ranger, and I lead her to the porch of Annie and William’s home. She insisted I bring her back here after our time at the movies, and I didn’t question it. I knew how much the Barrett’s meant to her, and I’ll gladly take her anywhere she wanted to go.

As we reached the top of the steps, I had to remind myself to breathe. My heart pounded in my chest thinking of what I wanted to do, and I could only hope Shelby felt the same way. Our relationship had grown more the older we got, and I knew she was afraid to ruin the close friendship between us. But I wanted her. I needed her, and I knew it a long time ago. Getting Shelby to realize this too, well that was an entirely different thing. I was putting everything on the line tonight. I knew I’d been pushing her more with each day to show her how amazing we were together, not just as friends. I’d been waiting for months it seemed, for this moment, and all the small touches, hand holding, and sweet words spoken over the years had paid off in my opinion. She didn’t flinch or move away from my advances anymore. I could only hope making another bold move would make her finally realize I loved her.