Carrier (6 page)

It was overcast outside, the clouds a near-blinding silver, like a sky of mirrors.

After tucking Jeffery C away, I retrieved Alice's journal. There were several empty pages at the back that she'd never had the chance to fill and I tore one of them out for Patrick's note.

With pen in hand I stared at the blank page for a long time, my pulse throbbing in my ears. My words had to be cryptic in case Mum found it.

I tried several things out inside my head before putting pen to paper.

‘Not tonight,'
was my first thought, but I scrapped it. It might encourage Patrick to return the next night, when he still wouldn't be safe.
‘Don't ever come back,'
was definitely not an option, because it meant not ever seeing him again. So instead I settled on ‘
Danger here. I'll find YOU.
' Because I knew I would. Even though I didn't know how I'd do it. Nothing was going to change my mind about breaking out of this place and breaking free of Mum's rules. He needed me. His brothers needed me. And I had to get my father's glasses to him. I
owed
him that.
Mum
owed him that.

I knocked the end of the pen against the hard cover of the journal, making a tap-tap sound. If only I'd asked Patrick where he lived, at least then I'd know in which direction I needed to walk.

With the note tucked safely in the back pocket of my jeans, I let my head flop against the pillow so I could think.

Now I had to find a way to get outside and place the note without Mum catching me in the act, which was going to be hard considering I was supposed to be sick.

My eyelids fluttered open at a gentle knock against my bedroom door. The sky seemed darker. Had I fallen asleep?

Mum poked her smiling face into the room. ‘I thought you might have been asleep. You looked pretty tired earlier.' Her eyes narrowed on the loosened plank of wood but she didn't say a word about it.

‘Here we are.' She set down the bowl of steaming soup. I could see the vegetables swimming around in it and thought of the stew I'd made Patrick. With a pang in my heart I hoped that he and his brothers were faring well and not starving. Though Patrick was tall and muscular, I could tell he was leaner than he was meant to be and I hated to imagine the littler versions of him as skin and bone. And I had to force myself not to think about him out there in the wild, with his bad sight making him vulnerable to Carriers and whatever else remained of mankind.

‘Thanks, Mum,' I said, easing into a sitting position, careful not to move my pillow so that Alice's journal or Jeffery C would show. Once Mum was gone I'd have to find a better hiding space than the one I already had.

She stayed and watched me eat the soup which made me paranoid that she'd drugged it, but there was nothing I could do but eat it. Though it tasted delicious, it failed to fill my insides which had turned hollow since I understood I wouldn't be meeting up with Patrick tonight.

Just when I thought she'd never leave my side, Mum announced she was going on a hunt.

‘We need more rabbits since the girls ate the smoked ones. I've decided not to wait until tomorrow. Want to come?' She waggled her eyebrows at me, a grin spreading her lips wide.

Although my gut reaction was to shout, ‘Yes!' I instead made a face and placed a hand on my stomach. It couldn't have turned out more perfect. While she was gone I'd place the note for Patrick in the fence.

‘If you don't mind, I'll sit this one out. I still feel funny and...tired. I think I need to have another sleep.'

Mum smiled at me in a way that let me know she wasn't happy, then nodded her head and left. I could hear her rustling around the kitchen and then I heard her open the foyer closet for the shotgun, before she slammed the front door behind her.

I leapt out of bed and waited by the door a good ten minutes before I opened it a crack and watched my mother, along with Charlotte, grow smaller and smaller until she disappeared behind the shrubs that grew all over the property. It would take her a good couple of hours to hunt. Just trekking to the front gate took about twenty minutes and she'd want to spend at least an hour or so hunting.

Emma remained, edgy and patrolling the veranda, stopping occasionally to stick her head up and howl up at the ominous sky. The girls always did this before a storm.

I stepped out from beneath the veranda. The mirror sky had now turned darker and seemed to have lowered.

The air was moist and heavy and carried the musty smell of earth. The tree branches were bereft of birds. Everything, including insects, seemed to have vanished. Only dried leaves and dust and broken twigs — dead things — seemed to come to life in the swirling winds.

Fishing the note out of my pocket and clutching it tightly in my fist, I raced down the veranda steps and stopped only to scoop up a couple of eucalypt leaves to wrap the note in. Emma yapped at me and followed when she saw me run down to the fence. I stuck the note up high, twined it around the wire as best I could. If only the wind wasn't so strong.

Emma took the end of my jeans in her mouth and tugged me back towards the house, a low growl at the base of her throat. I shook her away but reluctantly left the fence, with my note stuffed between its wires, praying Patrick would see it.

Back inside, I wiped the sweat off my face with a dish cloth, returned the bunch of keys to the top of the cupboard from earlier that had been poking at my bum through my back pocket, and collapsed against my squeaky mattress. At least Mum hadn't drugged me. I wouldn't be feeling so wired if she had.

Stuffing my face into the softness of my pillow, all I could do now was hope that Patrick had found the note before the wind took it away, or the rain bled the ink…or before Mum got to it.

I groaned into the pillow before sitting up and reaching for Alice's journal. Even if Mum came home this minute she still had to skin the rabbits, so I had a bit of time.

I was so eager to hear my cousin's words again that my hands shook while I flicked through the pages to find my place.

A Boy!

Okay, so I was going to write about my breakout but that's not even journal-worthy because, well, I met a boy today. A real, live boy! While my aunt was hunting south, I climbed over the front gate and headed north to the waterhole she always talks about…and that was where I met him!

He has dark hair and beautiful green/grey eyes — I call them ocean mist. He laughed when I said that and do you know what he did? He reached out and touched my cheek! I flinched a little, because of the disease and everything, but, oh God, it felt like heaven.

He is from a place about thirty or forty k's north from here. To think people have been this close, practically in our backyard all this time, and we didn't even know it.

Oh he is beautiful and funny and tall and muscular and he can pick me up with one arm around my waist and swing me around like I'm only a doll.

Anyway, I don't want to sound like I'm desperate or anything — what am I saying — I haven't seen a boy in five years. I am so desperate! I'd even go as far as to say that I'm in love. He told me that he wants to introduce me to his mum and dad and little brothers — get this — he has seven of them! Can you believe that? Like some big, potato-farming Irish family.

Oh, and he kissed me. We'd spoken for hours under the huge tree hanging over the waterhole, and it was getting dark, and we both had to go home, but he kept staring at my lips and was breathing hard which was pretty nice and made my insides swim around like fish.

And so, well, he grabbed me by the shoulders and said, ‘Alice, don't be scared, but I want to kiss you. Do you want me to? Because I'll only kiss you if you want me to.'

He was shaking all over and his eyes were kind of all misty and heated which was really nice and I felt like I was going to pass out from the excitement of it all.

Then I closed my eyes before leaning right in and before I could reach him he'd pressed his mouth to mine, real hard at first and then soft, soft, soft and beautiful. When he pulled back he was suddenly shy and scared and without saying a word, walked me back to the front gate of Desert Downs and just ran away into the night.

It sounds clichéd, and ridiculous, but as I watched him go, I whispered his name to the stars...over and over again.

Markus...Markus...Markus...

The journal fell onto my lap.

Markus?

Alice had fallen in love with Patrick's brother?

Footsteps approached my bedroom door.

After shoving the journal beneath my pillow, I had just enough time to draw the sheets up to my neck and act as if I'd been woken when she opened the door.

Mum frowned at first and then forced a smile.

‘Come outside. I want to show you something,' she said, her voice firm yet quiet, as though she was trying hard to keep it steady.

It was already dark, but Mum wanted to break curfew and go out into the night. The last time she had done this was when she'd shot a man. My stomach churned and felt heavy, like it was packed with stones.

As I followed Mum, the girls bypassed us and my heart sank when I saw them stop at mine and Patrick's meeting place and pace the earth, the little noses working overtime to sniff at the ground.

Thunder rumbled in the distance and not long after, thin shards of light exploded, lighting up the distant black horizon and turning it silver.

My heart thudded in panic for Patrick. How would he fair in the storm, half-blind? And how would he feel knowing that I hadn't shown up? The note was gone, but it could have either blown away or, most likely, Mum had found it.

‘What's this?' Mum shone her torch light at the fence, the inside of it. The faint remains of my footsteps led right up to the fence. Then she beamed the light to the other side, where much larger footsteps imprinted the ground and trailed back towards the bushes and into the dark.

Patrick had been. But I had no way of knowing if he had found my note or if he had left thinking that I hadn't shown up.

A small noise escaped my throat and tears filmed my eyes.

The glasses.

I'd dangled the promise of sight to Patrick, told him I'd bring my father's glasses.

And he'd come here, light on his feet with optimism.

And I never came.

‘Did you get out of bed and come by the fence today, while you were supposed to be sick?'

This was Mum's famous trick question, because even though she knew the answer she wanted me to confess. She nearly always spoke to Alice this way.

I thought carefully before I answered. More thunder rumbled, so low and deep, it felt as if it was rolling beneath my feet. Lightning lit up my mother's face, her eyes dark with anger.

‘Yes.' I cleared my throat, which had gone all croaky. ‘I did. I heard something so I came out here, to check if you'd returned from hunting. But you hadn't, so I went back to the house. I hopped straight into bed and fell asleep.'

‘Did you see anybody on the other side? I'm sure you're smart enough to see that those prints are much bigger than mine.'

I gnawed at my bottom lip while I tried to think of something to say.

More thunder roared.

‘Forget it,' Mum shouted over the noisy wind. ‘Let's go inside.'

Mum put an arm around my shoulders and, while to an onlooker it would appear as a motherly gesture, I knew it was an act of control. She was letting me know that she was back in charge.

*

An hour later, after so much soup my stomach was distended, I announced I was going to bed early to read. Mum glanced up from her book, the warm candlelight from the centre of the table casting a soft glow over her face.

‘You can read for an extra ten minutes tonight, okay love?'

She was being generous with my candle time. It was a peace offering.

‘Thanks.' I hovered near her, all my secrets about Patrick and my concerns for his brothers and his missing dad weighing down the tip of my tongue. The fact that I couldn't trust my mum made me depressed.

Within minutes I was snuggled beneath my blankets, my pillow behind my back as I leant back against the bedhead. With Jeffery C against my chest, I opened Alice's journal and let the pages fall where they may.

They landed on her last entry.

Freedom

I've decided to leave. Markus is going to meet me at the front gate, tonight. I'm not sure how I'll sneak out without Psycho Aunty on the trail. But, as I said last time, I'll whack her over the head if I have to.

I need to break free before I die of boredom. I need to be with Markus. He's going to let me live with his dad, mum and brothers.

And, maybe, once I'm safe there and Aunty can see that I haven't died and that my new friends aren't infected, then she might warm up to the idea of meeting them herself.

Hey, even Lena might one day come to live with me. She needs kids in her life. She needs a friend to confide in, somebody that's not her older cousin or mother. Poor kid.

I promise, dear diary, that I'll come back for her. If her mum doesn't want her to leave then I'll sneak around with the boys and visit so that she can meet them and have a little play every now and then.

Oh it'll be so brilliant to finally have some good times and to laugh a little.

To the future and to more time with Markus! And to think I'd almost lost hope in the world. I thought I'd never have a chance to kiss a boy, or to even have little babies of my own one day. Now, the world is my oyster. Maybe some smart country like Japan has already come up with the cure to the disease by now. They could be administering it to the people on the coast as I write this.

There could be hope for us all!

So, goodbye, dear journal, for I won't get a chance to write in you when I reach Markus' house. I'll probably leave you behind in my room here, because I'll be too busy having fun to write for a while.