Caroline's Secret (19 page)

Andrew turned back to her. Sarah stood at the edge of the trees wearing a black one-piece swimsuit of her own. She also had a pair of
Englisch
short pants on over the suit, and in place of her prayer
kapp
she wore a bandana.

“Jah.”
He had such conflicting emotions, and Danny’s determination to set him up with Sarah was not helping matters in the least.

“Is someone coming?” She turned her head to the side as if listening for the crunch of footsteps through the trees.

Andrew shrugged. “I wouldn’t be surprised if Jonah shows up. After all, it’s his daddy’s pond.”

“You really think so?”

Julie squealed behind them as Danny pulled her under the water. She retaliated with a quick splash to the face. But it was the dreamy look in Sarah’s eyes that had Andrew’s attention.

“You like Jonah.”

Sarah shook her head and ran her hands nervously down the sides of her shorts. “Oh,
nay
, I already told you that I have put in to teach this upcoming year.”

Andrew squinted at her, studying the wide-eyed expression on her face. “Putting in to teach and liking Jonah Miller are not two things that cannot happen at once.”

“Jonah goes with Lorie Kauffman,” Sarah added. “Everybody knows that.”

“Jah,”
Andrew said, though he was unconvinced. “You ready to swim?”

“Sure.” She headed toward the dock as Andrew smiled.

“Don’t worry. Your secret’s safe with me.”

After the day of playing in Millers’ pond and seeing Sarah’s face light up like fireflies on a summer night every time someone mentioned Jonah’s name, Andrew was exhausted and
hungerich
.

Her love for Jonah was destined for a terrible fate given that Jonah and Lorie had been going around together for as long as anyone cared to remember. But Sarah seemed happy to love him from a distance and hang her bonnet on teaching the young scholars of their community.

Danny took Julie and Sarah home first, then swung by the farm to let off Andrew.

Their picnic lunch was mighty tasty, but that had been hours ago. Hours of diving into the pond, splashing in the water, games of Marco Polo, and just hanging out.

Once he figured out that Sarah didn’t have her heart pinned to him, Andrew could finally relax and have a little fun, though the furtive glances and stolen touches between Danny and Julie were enough to make him feel like they should have come by themselves. Or perhaps that was why they had invited him and Sarah along: to keep them on the righteous path.

“Andrew? Is that you?” Abe hollered as Andrew let himself into the back door of the house.

“Jah,”
he called, heading straight for the kitchen. He found some sandwich makings in the propane-powered refrigerator. He gathered up what he could, shut the door with his foot, and set his items on the kitchen table.

“
Gut himmel, bu
. Did you forget to eat today?”

Andrew took a bite of the apple he still held and smiled a little sheepishly at his uncle. “Swimming always makes me hungry.”

Abe eyed the mess of food with a shake of his head. “Go ahead and eat, then there’s something I need to talk to you about.”

The words seemed innocent enough, but something in his
onkle
’s tone made the bottom drop out of Andrew’s stomach. He swallowed the bite of apple around the lump forming in his throat.
“Jah?”

“About Caroline.”

Andrew’s appetite was gone in an instant. “What about Caroline?”

Abe waved a hand toward the sandwich fixings littering the table. “You can eat first.”

He shook his head. “It can wait.”

Abe sighed. “I went to dinner at Esther Lapp’s last night. It seems there are a few things about Caroline that we didn’t know.”

“Like?”

“Emma’s father isn’t dead.”

Andrew felt as if his heart had been stabbed with a blade. If Emma’s father wasn’t dead, then . . .

“He’s English,” Abe continued, twisting the pain in his heart. “They were never married.”

He let the words wash over him, trying to take them all in, but he felt like a sponge in too much water. There wasn’t enough of him to absorb it all and it seemed as if the knowledge might choke him. “But—” he managed to stammer.

Abe leaned forward and clasped his hands between his knees. “I know this comes as a shock to you. It surprised us all. Caroline seemed like such a
gut maedel.
”

“She is a good girl.” The words burst from Andrew without thought or forewarning. There he was defending her when she had told him nothing but lies. Had everything that happened between them been a lie? That moment in the park, their kiss, all the
gut
and wonderful times they had shared? “Why didn’t she tell me the truth?”

Abe laid a hand on Andrew’s knee, but he was too sensitive, too raw, and the heat seemed to burn his skin. He wanted to get up and run, run as fast as the horses that they stabled for their owners, run until he couldn’t run any longer, run until this pain was gone.

“I think we see what we want to see in people. We wanted her to be a certain kind of person, so we all saw her that way.”

“So this is my fault.” Andrew’s very being bubbled with emotions: anger, hurt, longing, and love.

“It’s no one’s fault, son. It simply is.”

Caroline hadn’t wanted him to know the truth. He stood up too fast, the chair sailing out behind him and landing on the floor with a thud. “I’m going for a walk.”

“What about your food?”

He shook his head. “I’m not hungry.”

Abe’s mouth pressed down in a firm line. “I’m sorry.”

“
Jah, Onkle
Abe, me too.”

“I’ll clean up this mess. You go clear your head.”

“Danki,”
he said before swinging out the back door.

Normally watching the horses in the pasture calmed him in a way that only prayer could beat, but the sight of the beasts didn’t give him the serenity they usually afforded him, and he wasn’t sure he could pray about this matter. Not yet, anyway.

He started toward the stables. Might as well muck the stalls. He didn’t have anything better to do than wonder why Caroline had thought it okay to deceive him.

Anger bubbled inside him as he rolled up his shirt sleeves and got down to work. His
elders
would tell him that the Amish way is to forgive, but how could he? He slid the shovel under a messy pile and dumped it into the wheelbarrow. She had plenty of opportunities to tell him about Emma’s father, plenty of times when they were alone. He was a fool.

He scooped up another load of soiled hay. She could have said the truth on countless occasions, yet she had decided to keep it to herself.

Another scoop went into the wheelbarrow. That could only mean one thing, that she didn’t trust him with the knowledge of the truth. The thought hurt him more than he could imagine.

Or maybe she didn’t tell him because she was still in love with this
Englischer
.

He stopped, resting his arm on the shovel’s wooden handle. His breath wheezed in and out of his lungs from the exertion and the thoughts whirling around in his head.

Caroline was still in love with another.

That explained it all.

Onkle
was right. She was a
gut maedel
, but even
gut
girls made mistakes. Love. Why else would Caroline go against everything she had been taught? She had told him how conservative her district was. With a
gut
Amish woman like Caroline, only one thing would make her break her vows to family and church.

He stoked his anger, surely a move that would have his sister Lizzie protesting. But how else was he supposed to survive heartbreak on top of heartbreak?

If he stayed mad, maybe he’d be able to survive.

“Where do I find an
Englisch
phone book?” Caroline asked Don Harper the driver as he navigated the busy Nashville streets. It was beyond Caroline how anyone could live in such a large place and keep their head about themselves.

Don Harper shrugged. “What do you need one for?”

“I don’t really know where I’m going.” She picked at a place on her skirt, then swung her attention back to him. “I mean, I know where I want to go.”

“Nashville.”

“But I don’t know where to look for him. I’ve heard that everyone is listed in an
Englisch
phone book. I suppose that’s where I’ll find him.” She had explained everything to Don Harper. Well, as much as she dared. She had simply told him that she needed to find someone and asked if he would be willing to hire on to take her into Nashville.

“Not everyone,” Don said. “If they only have a cell phone and no landline, then they won’t be listed in the phone book.”

“Oh.” Caroline’s hopes deflated like a leaky balloon. Her only hope now was to go to the apartment where Trey used to stay and see if by any chance he still lived there. “Can we check where he used to live?”

“I’m here for you. We can go wherever you want.”

She remembered how to get to the apartments where Trey had lived while going to school. If her memory was correct, he should have graduated the year Emma was born. But she knew he had plans to attend law school after that. What were the chances that he still lived in the same place after two years?

She knocked on the door to apartment 6A to no answer. She could leave a note and tell him that she had been by, but she didn’t even know for sure he still lived there. And she certainly didn’t have a phone number where he could reach her.

Dejected, she trudged back to the car where Don and Emma waited.

“No answer?” he asked as she got back in his sedan.

She shook her head. She was trying to do the right thing. So why was it so hard? She bowed her head.

Dear Lord, I am doing my best to right past wrongs. Please help me in my search, guide me so that I might find Trey, and show me the way that I can do what is right for all involved. Aemen.

She could feel Don’s gaze on her as she raised her head.

He backed the car out of the space and pulled onto the street. “If you will,” he started, “I have an idea.”

She gave her nod of confirmation.

A couple of blocks later he pulled into a corner coffee shop.

A wave of memories washed over her. How many times had she sat there with Trey drinking lattes and talking, just being together? This small shop had been their rendezvous destination. As much as she didn’t want to set foot in the place again, she wanted to go in and visit twice that.

Don put the car in park and got out, coming around to open her door before opening Emma’s as well.

“I’ve got my laptop in the trunk. We’ll go in and have a cup of coffee and tap into their Wi-Fi. Maybe we can find out something about your Trey online.”

Caroline unstrapped Emma from the car seat in the back.

But something must have shown on her face. Don Harper shut the lid to his trunk and asked with a concerned frown, “Is there something wrong?”

Caroline shook her head, simultaneously asking for forgiveness for the lie.

“Don’t give up hope,” he said, steering her toward the shop entrance.

Caroline stopped. “It’s not that. We used to come here together.”

“Really?” He reached around her and opened the door. “I think that’s good luck, then.”

“Jah,”
she said. “I’m just being
gegisch
. Silly.”

Don Harper smiled and his blue eyes twinkled. “I know what it means.”

“From driving the Amish?”

“From being ex-Amish myself.”

Caroline was surprised. “You’re Plain, but—is that why you agreed to help me?”

“Jah,”
he said. “That and the fact that you looked like you could use some help.”

It had never been easy for her to accept assistance from others. But leaning on friends and depending on them was one of the lessons that Andrew had taught her.

Andrew.

How she missed him. How she wondered if she would ever see him again.

Don Harper ordered them each a coffee and a chocolate milk for Emma while Caroline found them a table and sat the
boppli
in a high chair.

She had to find Trey. She just
had
to.

What if his parents lied to her, what if he knew nothing about Emma or that Caroline had come looking for him that rainy night two years ago?

Trey deserved to know he had a daughter. What would happen after that was anybody’s guess. But the potential outcomes were enough to tie her stomach in knots.

“Let’s see here.” Don took a silver-framed pair of reading glasses from the front pocket of his shirt and opened his computer case. In a few short minutes he had the computer up and running, humming with all the answers to finding Trey. She hoped.

“What’s his name?” Don asked as he tapped several keys, then checked the screen again.

Caroline sat across the table from him, staring at the brand name of the computer and wondering what was happening on the other side. Not that she knew a thing about such matters. “Theodore Marston Rycroft the Third. But they call him Trey.”

Don eyed her over the top of the glasses. “Any kin to Senator Rycroft?”

Caroline shrugged as Don typed in the name. “I didn’t spend much time with his family. But I seem to remember Trey saying that his father had a nickname as well.”

“Like Duke?”

Recognition sparked. “
Jah
, like Duke.”

Don turned the screen around to face her, and Caroline gasped as she saw the face of the man who had sent her away. “He’s in the government?”

“Newly elected last year.”

“And their house?”

“Who’s to say? Sometimes politicians keep their local houses, sometimes they move to Washington, DC. Since their son is older and in college, they might have made the move complete.”

Caroline bit her lip and tried to contain her whirling thoughts. “Do you think Trey moved with them?”

“I don’t know. Let me put in his name and see if I can come up with anything.”

“Danki”.

“Gern gschehne,”
he replied with a smile. He turned his concentration back to the computer screen.

Don tapped a few more keys and waited as the computer did its job.

The waiting, that was the hardest part for Caroline. She had been holding her breath for years waiting on something she hadn’t realized. Now she knew. She had been waiting on Trey to find her, Trey to change his mind, Trey to know that they had a daughter. And now that the waiting was soon to be over, Caroline was anxious, nervous, and antsy at the delay that was left.

“Caroline?”

The voice that sounded behind her was as familiar as her own even though it had been almost two years since she had heard it.

Slowly she turned and looked into those familiar gray eyes, eyes that she had seen nowhere else but in the face of the daughter they created so long ago.

A wave of heat washed over her. After all this time the wait was over. “Trey.”

Andrew pushed the broom around the workroom floor with more force than necessary. In fact, everything he had done in the last week had been accomplished with unnecessary effort. But everything seemed to take longer, more energy, and was harder than it had been before.

He guessed that was the reason the bishop preached a lot on letting go of one’s anger. His anger with Caroline ate at his energy and kept his mind on constant edge. He hadn’t slept more than two hours at a time even with all the extra physical work he’d put in. The stalls in the stables had never been cleaner. The workroom was practically sawdust free. All of the furniture in the showroom gleamed with a fresh coat of polish.

“Andrew.” His uncle’s voice gave him pause.

Andrew rested the broom at his side and turned to face him.

“I need you to go down and ask Esther if she still wants the dresser that matches the bed she bought.”

The bed she bought Caroline.

“Why don’t you go down there?” He hated the surly note in his voice, but once the words were out there he couldn’t take them back. “I mean, you two are something of an item these days.”

Abe seemed not to notice his tone or had grown so used to it over the last few days that he no longer noticed it. “I am not so smitten that I cannot wait until tonight to see her again.”

Smitten. The exact same word he had used to describe his uncle’s feelings to Caroline just a few short weeks ago.

Why did everything around him remind him of Caroline?

“Let me sweep this up.”

But his
onkle
shook his head. “I’ll finish the floor. You just get down to the bakery.”

Andrew handed over the broom and dusted his hands. What was the use in arguing?

With barely a glance at his uncle, he left the shop and made his way toward Esther’s.

The sun shone brightly on the beautiful day. The weather mocked his anger and his sadness, tried to coax him out of himself, but Andrew would have none of it. He had to remain angry lest he fall completely apart.

The bell over the door jangled as he made his way inside.

Esther turned, her eyes lighting up when she saw him. Not from surprise, though. His
onkle
must have called to tell her he was on his way. If that was the case, why didn’t Abe call and ask her himself?

“Abe sent me down to check on the dresser. Are you still interested in it?”

“Jah,”
she said. “Come sit down and let’s talk about it.”

What was there to talk about? She either wanted it or she didn’t. But he bit his tongue and kept his hateful words to himself. If he kept going in this direction he’d be a surly old man before this time next year.

Andrew slid into the booth she indicated while Esther poured them each a cup of coffee.

“Would you like a cupcake or a cookie?”

“Do you have any of those cowboy cookies?” He could have kicked himself in the pants for bringing up the cookies. But it seemed as if his heart was in tune with all things Caroline even if his brain didn’t want to admit it.

“Jah,”
she said, plucking a couple from the case and setting them on a small paper plate. “Course’n I made these.”

Of course
.

Esther placed the cookies and coffee onto a tray and carried them over to where he waited.

She deposited the food on the table and slid into the seat opposite him. “I was wondering if you had heard anything from Caroline.”

He should have smelled this set up a mile away.
“Nay.”

“But you talked to your uncle,
jah
?”

He gave a small nod. He couldn’t meet Esther’s dark blue gaze. He had hardened his heart against all things Caroline. It would see him through into the coming years. He didn’t know what that might be, but he was certain it would be without Caroline.

“Have you . . . have you thought about going to see her?”

His gaze jerked to hers. “Why would I think about something like that?”

“Andrew Fitch,” Esther exclaimed. “I wouldn’t have thought you would let such a small problem sway you so.”

He sat back in his seat and eyed her steadily. Anger and hurt boiled inside him, each threatening to take over. “I would not call this a small problem.”

“As I see it, it’s only as big as you let it be.”

“And what about Caroline?”

“That girl loves you, Andrew, and I believe that you love her as well.”

“And Emma?”

“Of course you love Emma.”

He shook his head again. “A child deserves her father.”

“A child deserves to be raised by parents who care for one another, who love their children, provide for them, and serve God.”

“Caroline can have all that and more in Tennessee. Plus her family close.” Family was so very important. He had been thinking about going back home. Wells Landing now held as many bad memories as Missouri.

Sad, he amended. The memories weren’t bad, only sad.

Esther reached out and touched his hand where it lay on the table.

He pushed the thoughts aside and met her concerned gaze once again.

“Caroline never meant to hurt you.”

“I know,” he replied.

“Promise me,” she said. “Promise me you’ll pray about it.”

How he wanted to tell her no. Praying was one step down from hope, and that was something he couldn’t afford right then. But to tell her he wouldn’t even lay the problem at God’s feet was cowardice at its best.
“Jah,”
he finally said. “I promise.”

Esther smiled. “
Gut
. I can’t ask for more than that.”

Caroline started to tremble.

“Oh my God, it is you. Sorry.” He made the same face he’d always made when he thought he had done something to offend her sensibilities. They had never been on the same step spiritually.

He pulled her out of her seat and into his arms. His embrace was warm and sweet and felt like home.

“You’re shaking.” He pulled away from her and ran his hands down her arms as if it had only been hours, not years, since they had seen each other last. “I wasn’t sure I’d ever see you again after the way you just disappeared.”

Caroline shook her head. “I did nothing of the sort.” Then she stopped. Now was not the time to argue. “I have someone you need to meet.”

A confused frown puckered his brow as Trey turned his attention to Don Harper. He held out his hand to shake. “Trey Rycroft,” he said.

“Nice to meet you. I’m Don Harper. I’ve been helping Caroline look for you.”

“Like an investigator?”

“Just as a friend.”

She was glad the two men introduced themselves. She had completely forgotten her manners. But the person he truly needed to meet had yet to be presented. “Trey, this is Emma.”

He glanced down at their daughter. She shoved a piece of bread in her mouth and blinked back at him with identical eyes.