California Sunrise (17 page)

She sank into the comfort of his strength.

“Can I do something for you, Dr. Mendez?” a young, blond nurse asked.

“Oh, hi, Patti. An older woman was just brought here. Alicia’s grandmother. We need to find out what’s happening.”

“Let me go check.” She left the lobby, clipboard in hand.

“Not to worry. Let’s get a seat.” Taking her hand, Raúl led her to a group of red-cushioned chairs.

“Hi, I’m Juan, Raúl’s brother.” The stranger held out his hand. “I am sorry to hear about your
abuela
.”

Juan? Wasn’t he supposed to be in Mexico? Hadn’t he been deported?

One look at Raúl’s expression, and everything clicked. Juan was the secret he’d been hiding.

“It’s good to meet you.” She shook his hand, then leaned back into the cushions.

Raúl put his arm around her and pulled her close to him.

All the reasons she was angry with him dissipated. What mattered was that he was here, supporting her in a way no man ever had.

She took in the mass-produced artwork on the walls, the crying baby across the room, and the acrid smell of carpet-cleaning fluid that had successfully masked the normal antiseptic smell of a hospital, but none of it penetrated the dullness of her mind.

The nurse—what was her name? Patti approached, her eyes on Raúl. “The doctor will be right out,” she said.

“Is it bad?” Raúl asked.

“The doctor will tell you everything you need to know.”

What was wrong? Why wouldn’t the nurse say anything?

Raúl wrapped his arms around Alicia. “Steady,
cariño
, we don’t know anything. Nurses aren’t allowed to say anything. Let’s wait for the doctor.”

“But what if she is dying?
Madre de Dios
, what am I going to do?” She wanted to howl like Luis, curse the saints, and beat her fists against the floor.

“It’ll be okay, Alicia. Patti would have said something else if it was that serious.”

“Anything is serious. She’s my
grandmother
.” Her only family since she’d walked away from her mother’s house.

“Dr. Mendez?”

Raúl stood. “John.”

“Is the patient related to you?”

“No, she’s Alicia’s grandmother. Alicia is a friend.”

The doctor turned to her. Your grandmother suffered a massive heart attack.”

“Is she ...” Her legs wavered beneath her.

Raúl grabbed her elbow to steady her.

“She’s in intensive care,” the doctor said. “She made it through the episode, but we’re going to need to do some tests and figure out how to keep it from happening again. We’re going to keep her here for a while.”

“Can I see her?”

“She’s heavily sedated. It’s better if you come back tomorrow.”

“But I
need
to see her.” She had to know if they were lying. Was her grandmother really going to be okay?

“I’ll take her,” Raúl said.

The doctor hesitated.

“It might help the patient,” Raúl pushed the point. “Knowing a loved one is near is healing—you know that.”

The doctor waved the statement away. “I’m not part of the holistic crowd. Hard facts matter more.” He rearranged his stethoscope. “But if you’ll keep your visit short, I’ll allow it.”

“Good.”

After giving them the room number, the doctor stalked off to another wing of the hospital.

“I’ll be right back,” Raúl said to his brother.

“No problem.”

He took her down a long hallway opposite the way the doctor had gone. As they walked into the bowels of the hospital, people seemed to whisper more than speak. Soon the only noise was the hum, hiss, and beep of machines.

Her grandmother’s lips were dry and her skin waxen. There were so many tubes, Alicia didn’t dare touch her. “She looks so little, so sunken,” she said to Raúl, tears streaming down her face.

“She’s still there. Some part of her can hear and feel you. It’s okay if you touch her hand. Talk to her. I’ll wait outside. You have only a few minutes.”

“
Sí
.”

When had her grandmother’s skin become so papery? What else hadn’t she noticed in her rush to live her own life?

A life that she needed to change irrevocably.

Whatever it took, Alicia would relieve the stress from her grandmother’s life. As much as she hated to, she was going to have to ask for help.

“How are you?” Raúl asked as she walked out of the hospital room.

“Okay, I guess.” She took in a deep breath and let it out. “She’s going to need care.”

“Only for a little while. Once they fix the problem, she’ll recover and be able to do many of the things she used to do.”

“I hope you’re right.”

“That leaves you in a quandry, though,” he said as they walked down the hallway.

“Luis.”

“Yes.”

“What about your mother? Is she willing to help? You should probably call her anyway.”

“I’ll call her tomorrow. She can’t do anything now.” Alicia’s temples began to pound.

They reached the lobby. “How is she?” Juan asked when he joined them.

“As well as can be,” Raúl said. “Do you mind if I drive Alicia home? You can follow me in my car.”

“I can do it myself.” She wanted him around her too much tonight—she needed to do this on her own. It was bad enough she had to ask for help to care for her son so she could work, go to school, and do all the other things that living entailed.

She suddenly felt smothered with responsibility, and she gasped for air. The space, as big as it was, seemed too small. She needed to get outside. Now.

She pushed away from Raúl and headed to the main doors, a loud swoosh announcing her exit.

“Alicia, wait.” Raúl’s voice was faint behind her.

If she could get to her car, she’d be okay. As she walked, she dug for her keys. Where were they? Everything else was there. Where had she left them?

When she reached the fountain in front of the hospital, her actions caused the purse to slip from her hands, contents careening in every direction, including her keys. She dropped to her knees on the damp ground, grasping for items and stuffing them back into her purse, dimly aware of the tears streaming down her face and the hiccupping sobs escaping from her chest.

“Alicia,
cariño
, come here.”

“I have to ... need my ... keys.” She let Raúl lift her to her feet and pull her close before she lost total control, crying out the fear and pain in her heart.

He held her as she sobbed, comforting her in Spanish, the melodic words reaching a spot deep in her memory where her father’s voice lived.

The pain suffused her body more intensely, loss building on loss, until there was nothing left to release. Exhausted, she leaned against Raúl, safe in his arms.

“You’d better stay with her tonight,” Juan said.

“
Sí
.”

Too tired to protest, she let him lead her to her car, not really seeing anything on the way home.

The porch light glowed yellow, casting the wicker furniture in jaundiced relief. Her legs were leaden as she climbed the steps, knowing her grandmother wasn’t there to greet her.

“Raúl?” Sarah was on the couch, a magazine in her hands.

“How’s Luis?” Alicia asked.

“Sleeping.” Sarah stood and hugged her. “How’s your grandmother?”

“Heart attack.” Her voice was wooden, and she sank into
Abuela
’s recliner, staring at nothing.

“Her grandmother will be okay,” Raúl said. “I’m worried about Alicia.”

I’m fine.
But the words never made it to her lips.

“I can stay,” Sarah said.

“It’s okay. I’ll stay the night. She’s going to need some help, though. What about her mother?”

Why were they talking about her as if she couldn’t hear them?

“They used to be close, but they had a blow-up after Luis was born. I don’t know what happened.”

“She should call her, though, let her know what’s happening. Maybe she could come down and help.”

“I don’t want my mother.” This time she was able to speak.

She pushed herself up from the chair. “I’ll call her tomorrow, but I don’t need her here.” She rubbed her temples. “I’ll figure something out. Right now, I need sleep.” Gathering her last remaining droplets of strength, she smiled at Sarah. “Thanks for everything.”

“I’ll let my mom know you probably won’t be in to work.”

“Okay.”

“Call you tomorrow. See you, Raúl.”

The click of the door closing joined the lineup of snare drummers in her head.

“Can I get you anything?”

“Thanks. I’ll be okay. You can go home if you want.”

“I’m going to sleep right here on the couch. You have any blankets?”

She pointed to the linen closet, too exhausted to play hostess for a guest she wasn’t sure she wanted.

“Go to bed, Alicia, before you fall over.” He gave her a gentle hug, his warmth a comfort.

“Thanks, Raúl. I’m sorry.”

“For what?” He kissed the top of her head. “Bed. We’ll deal with the rest of it tomorrow.”

• • •

When she fought through the veil of sleep the next morning, Alicia knew something was wrong, but it took her a few moments to realize what.

Abuela.

Her breath left her. She glanced at the crib.

Luis.
Where was he?

She staggered out to the kitchen in her nightgown.

“Coffee?” Raúl looked very much at home in her grandmother’s house.

“Luis?”

He gestured to the playpen. Luis was putting shapes through the appropriate plastic holes—over and over again.

“Don’t you have to be at work?” She accepted the full mug and sat down at the table.

“In an hour. I was just about to wake you. Juan is on his way.”

“Juan’s the secret you were keeping from me.”

“Yes.” Raúl sat down across the table from her. “Do you understand now why I couldn’t tell you?”

Her emotions flipped back and forth. She needed to own her part of the argument, but she still didn’t want there to be secrets.

But what if he felt telling her was betraying Juan?

“I understand why you didn’t want to tell me about Juan, but I still don’t like the idea of secrets.”

“They’re going to happen. Sometimes there’s a good reason for them.”

“And sometimes there isn’t.” She twisted her fingers together. “I know you think I’m overreacting, and maybe time will change that, but …”

Couldn’t he see how important this was to her?

“I can promise I’ll never keep a secret that would hurt you.” He took her hand.

She was still uneasy. No one could make a promise like that.

“I can see that’s not working for you. How about we take it one secret at a time?”

“Is that a little like ‘one day at a time’?”

He smiled. “Could be.”

She allowed him to envelop her hand in his. His warmth traveled up her arm, soothing the vestiges of the near-death chill from
Abuela
’s heart attack. His gaze was staring intently into hers. They’d hit other disagreements, but that was true of anyone. She wanted her independence, but what would she lose if she let this man go?

“Thank you for staying last night. And for letting me sleep. I guess I needed it.”

“Sleep is more healing than we know. What are you going to do now?”

“I guess call my mother.” She gritted her teeth at the prospect.

“What’s up with you two? Sarah said you used to be close.”

“Can we talk about that later?”

“Yes. For now. But not forever, Alicia.” He tapped her hand with his index finger. “You’re right about one thing. Secrets between people erode trust.”

Secrets could do more damage than that.

“Sarah said she’d take Luis when I go to see my grandmother. I’ll skip class tonight, so that will take care of today. Somehow, I’ve got to find another place for him.”

He frowned. “Don’t skip class. I can take him.”

“But what if something happens with
Abuela
?”

“I’ll call you. I know the nurses. I can find out what’s going on faster than they’d notify you anyway.”

“But I just can’t go to school while she’s sick. It feels wrong.”

“I’m sure she’d want you to go. It will be good for you.” He squeezed her hand. “Go, Alicia. Everything will be okay.”

His dark brown eyes were steady on hers, providing reassurance. Could she let go a little—depend on someone other than herself? Was it possible for a man to be honest and loyal?

• • •

Alicia sat on the wooden bench in Sarah’s garden to call her mother. She’d gotten Luis down for an infrequent nap, and Sarah had encouraged her to go outside. July was almost over, although California seasons paid little respect to the subtle passage of time. Grass browned as the summer passed, particularly in the Central Valley, but here on the coast, lush greenery stayed steady until the winter rains.

She luxuriated in the peace of the garden, expertly placed plants and flowers providing a colorful backdrop for the small birds that flitted in the brush.

Almost two months had passed since she first met Raúl, and she still wasn’t sure how she felt about him.

Liar,
an internal voice chastised her.

Okay. She was ... well ... if she were honest, she was falling in love with him, but something was holding her back.

The freedom tapping technique the coach had suggested, along with Raúl’s willingness to do his part, had relieved some of the tension she’d felt.

Her parents hadn’t held secrets from each other. Her dad had never promised to leave Elizabeth. Her mother had been grateful for the scraps he’d given her.

Alicia would never accept so little.

But was her mother’s share of Joe Fuentes any less than Elizabeth’s? They’d loved and laughed together, but there were never any holidays in her memory. She must have believed whatever excuses her mother had told her, and her father had died too early for her to suspect the truth.

After Alicia had became pregnant, her mother had finally owned up to the reality of her affair to Alicia—and Elizabeth. She could only imagine the pain Serena had caused her lover’s wife when she showed up on her doorstep.

She scrolled to her mother’s number on her phone and called.