California Sunrise (18 page)

“Hello, Mom.”

“Alicia. It’s so good to hear from you.” Her mother’s voice held caution.

There was no good way to say it. “
Abuela
’s in the hospital. She had a heart attack.”

“Is she ... Will she …?”

“They have to run some tests. I just saw her. She’s weak but okay. Once they find out what’s wrong, they can do something to help her. It may take a few days, though.”

“What about Luis? Do you need my help?”

Her mother would be the simple solution to her problem—except that would mean having her around.

“No. I’m fine. Sarah’s helping.”

“I see.” The silence between them iced. “I’ll call the hospital and find out when I can see her.”

“She’s in intensive care. They don’t let anyone in very often.”

“She’s my
mother
. I’m not going to sit in Los Banos while she’s in the hospital.”

“Whatever.”

“When are you going to forgive me, Alicia? Nothing happened to you. Elizabeth was the one who was hurt.”

“And Sarah.”

“Yes. But both of them have forgiven us, have been willing to move past it. You were a small child when he died. Your memories are good.”

“But what would have happened if he hadn’t died, Mom? I would have found out. I would have been so ashamed.”

“Why? Because your dad wasn’t always around?”

“Because you cheated, Mom. He broke his marriage vows, and you helped him.”

“Since when are you so concerned about marriage, Alicia? You didn’t care when you were chasing Eduardo.”

“That’s what you always say—like my choices excuse yours. No wonder I made mistakes. Who showed me the way, Mom?”

She gripped the phone tightly. She should stop.

“Alicia, I can’t change the past.” Tears choked her mother’s voice. “I want to be a part of your life—of Luis’s life. Time will go by so fast. Bitterness destroys happiness. I don’t want to see you without love and joy in your life. I’d ask you to forgive me, but those I’ve wronged have already done that. I’ve confessed my sins. When are you going to let go of your anger?”

She didn’t have an answer.

After she’d hung up with her mother, she pulled her knees into her chest and stared at the little sliver of ocean she could see through the trees. Her mother was right. She hadn’t been hurt, but she still felt ashamed by what her parents had done.

Would forgiving her mother release her shame or increase it?

Straightening her legs, she stood and walked down the path to the cliff. Below her, the highway clogged with traffic—soccer moms, commuters, people merely trying to get from one end of the county to the other. Horns blared, indicating a driver’s temper.

The hurt in her mother’s voice had been real.

Madre Dios
. She’d been clinging to her anger like a child with a rag doll.

It’s time to grow up, Alicia. Time to own your life.

• • •

After classes ended, Alicia drove to Raúl’s condo, her concern ramping up with each mile. What if Luis had pulled one of his tantrums? What if Raúl wasn’t the person she thought he was? How could she handle it?

The same way she’d dealt with everything else. She’d square her shoulders and put one foot in front of the other.

Raúl must have sensed her coming because he opened the door before she knocked. He had Luis in his arms. Her son was in his pajamas and sound asleep.

“How did you do that?” she whispered.

“I gave him a little control. He chose whether he wanted his bath before or after dessert.”

“He understood that?”

Raúl motioned for her to walk back to her car. “He’s not stupid, Alicia. In fact, his IQ is probably quite high. The more I see him, the more I believe he’s high on the Asperger’s scale. So, tonight I tried some of the techniques I’ve read about in medical journals. The fact that it worked confirms my belief more.”

He settled her son into his car seat. She shut the car door as gently as she could. If Luis woke, she’d have a terrible time getting him back to sleep.

Luis stirred but didn’t wake.

“Thank you.” Her heart filled with warmth. Not many people would be as enthusiastic to tend for a child who could be difficult.

The chirp of crickets and the voice of an occasional bullfrog dominated the whoosh of traffic in the distance, and murmurs of residents whispered through the night air. It was a moment made for love.

She should leave.

Instead, she looked into his eyes, visible in the light mounted on his building. His pupils seemed to throb with a mixture of feelings: sorrow, caring, and warmth.

He put his hands on her arms, a question in his eyes.

Her body stilled. A first kiss was an experiment, a second an acknowledgement.

He lowered his head and kissed her, chastely at first, then with a hunger driven by years of longing.

She parted her lips.

His tongue slipped between them and caressed their softness. He leaned toward her and put his arms around her, deepening his kiss.

Her body was a taut piano wire. She strained to get closer, standing on tiptoes. Her body ached for him, longing for his commitment.

But that was the problem. For a man, sex didn’t spell commitment.

She pulled back.

He groaned but released her. “I’m sorry. I thought it’s what you wanted.”

“It is—was, but ...” She put her hand on his chest, already missing the warmth between them.

“But what?” Instead of the ire she’d anticipated, his voice was gentle.

She gestured to the car. “I know where this leads.”

“Do you think I’m a teenager?” He smiled. “That was a long time ago, Alicia. If I only wanted the comfort of a woman in my bed, I wouldn’t be kissing
you
.” He feathered his fingers down her face. “You deserve much more than that.”

“But how do you know it will be worth it—if you wait. I mean, what if we break up?”

“We’ve already broken up, and yet here we are. You’re a fighter, Alicia, and so am I. This won’t be easy. To say we have baggage is like comparing an overnight case to a steamer trunk.”

“And you’re willing to try? I’m young. Too young for you.”

“I don’t think of you as eighteen.”

“Almost nineteen.”

“Ah, yes, almost nineteen. I think of you as a woman I want to get to know, perhaps learn to love.”

“Love?”

He touched her face again. “It’s possible.”

“Isn’t it too soon?”

“Tell me,
cariño
, what do you feel for me?” He sat on the low wall beside the driveway and pulled her next to him.

When she’d told Eduardo she loved him, he’d laughed and smacked her cheek. “Poor little girl thinks she’s in
l-uh-v
,” he’d mocked. She may have been in love with Luis’s father, but he’d never shared the feeling.

Her father had been in love with two women.

How the hell was she supposed to know what the word meant?

“I’m not sure. I like you. I care for you.”

“And when I touch you?”

“I ... um ... like it.” She twisted a lock of hair that had escaped from her ponytail.

“I can’t tell you what love is,
cariño
. You’ll need to figure that out on your own. But I know I miss you when I don’t see you, and I’m happy when you’re here, and when I do this”—he touched her lips with his—“I want more.”

“Oh.”

“Exactly.”

They looked at each other for a few seconds before he bent his head again and took her mouth, this time with more force.

She leaned toward him, greedily sating her hunger for connection with his lips. Her need surprised her.

Raúl pulled her closer.

Her nipples tightened as the planes of his body flattened against hers. He tasted of spearmint and masculinity. The flavors heightened her need. Only all of him would do.

A noise from the car brought her back to sanity.

The pediatric office had been slammed most of the day—summer colds, minor injuries from overactivity, bug bites, and rashes. Normal stuff in a normal day.

But his life was no longer normal. It had been turned upside down by an attractive, intelligent, and passionate woman. The kiss had been a tease. He wanted more, but the situation was so complicated, he couldn’t fathom how anything more than kissing would ever occur.

How long was Juan going to stay? When would Alicia’s grandmother be released from the hospital? What kind of care would she need? How could he best help the woman he was growing to love?

Questions spun like a tornado through his mind, roiling up his blood and launching a throbbing in his temples. If he was in this state, how was Alicia feeling?

He eyed his cell phone.

The buzzer sounded. “Mrs. Rodriguez is here with Allan,” Graciela said. “He’s gotten some kind of rash.”

“I’ll be there in a minute.” Rashes weren’t life-threatening.

He dialed Alicia, but the phone went to voice mail. “I’m thinking of you,
cariño
. I’ll be done at four thirty, and I’ll call you then. Let me know if you need anything—don’t worry about interrupting. Just call the office and have them find me.”

Should he say anything else?

“I want to see you again soon.” He hung up the phone.

I want to see you again soon?
He groaned. He was lousy at this romantic stuff.

As he dealt with patients in the afternoon, he anticipated hearing from her, seeing her later in the day. He wanted to be there for her.

The next time he called, it went through.

First things first.

“How are you doing,
cariño
?
Abuela
?”

“She’s more alert. They found a blockage, and they’re going to put in a stent tomorrow.”

“That’s quick.”

“They’re worried.”

“
Sí.
”

Silence.

“And Luis? Have you found help yet?”

“No. Elizabeth assures me my job is safe for me to return to when
Abuela
is better, but without an immediate income, it’s going to be hard. Little boys need food and clothing.”

Raúl’s jaw clenched. The boy’s father gave her no support—claiming the child wasn’t his. It made him want to strangle the gangbanger.

“I tried to call you before,” he said. “Did you get my message?”

“I was with my grandmother. I called you back.” She hesitated. “Graciela said you’d gone out for a while.”

The lower half of his face began to ache. “She lied. I was here.” He was going to have to do something about that girl.

“I was afraid of that.”

More silence.

“Alicia, I’d like to bring you some take-out for dinner—pizza maybe?”

“Trying to get me addicted to your poor dinner choices?” A smile lit her voice.

“Not really. Just thinking of something easy. Maybe we can convince Luis to try it.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Does that mean ‘yes’?”

“Okay.” After a second, she added, “That didn’t come out the way I meant. I guess all this is getting to me. I don’t think I realized how much of a burden
Abuela
was carrying.”

“Mmm.” God, he was inept. How could he court a woman when he couldn’t think of any advice to give her?

“What I meant to say was, I’d be very happy to see you tonight—especially if you come with food.”

“Do you want to see me or the pizza?” The ability to banter was coming back to him.

“Oh, the pizza—definitely the pizza.” The smile was back in her voice.

Maybe he wasn’t as bad at this as he thought.

Maybe she’d even let him kiss her again.

“What about Juan?” she asked.

“Juan?”

“Your brother.”

“Oh, him.”

“Will he be okay on his own?” A thread of worry trickled into her voice.

“He’s a grown man, Alicia. He can take care of himself.” He clenched the phone. What was he doing talking about Juan where the NSA might hear him?

“Besides,” he said, “he left this morning.”

“Where’d he go?”

“No idea.” That should satisfy the feds.

The light on his office phone lit up. His next patient was ready.

“I have to go. I’ll see you tonight,
cariño
.” His voice softened at the thought.

“
Sí
.”

Patients kept him busy for the next few hours, which deferred his pique at his assistant. “Graciela,” he said when the stream of humanity slowed for a few minutes. “In my office.”

She closed the door behind her, smiled, and smoothed her short skirt.

“Sit down. When a call comes in for me from Alicia, you are to let me know. You are not to lie to her.”

A mini frown wrinkled her eyebrows for a millisecond before the almost impertinent smile returned to her lips. “What did she tell you? I never talked to her. She’s trouble, that girl. I’ve tried to warn you.”

“Enough!” He stood, his temper barely held in check.

Her skin paled.

“I’m warning
you
, Graciela. I’ve had enough of your disrespect, especially where my girlfriend is concerned. You will treat her decently, or you’ll find another job.”

“I thought Dr. Patel handled employees.” She uncrossed her legs and leaned forward. “She’s the one who hired me.”

“Oh, trust me. I’ll be sure to discuss this with her. She’ll handle the formality of writing you up.”

Graciela stood, her slightly parted lips at odds with her aggressive stance. “I was only trying to protect you, Dr. Raúl. I know Alicia. She will break your heart.” A shrug. “But if you want me to allow that to happen ...”

“Be careful, Graciela. Your job is on the line.”

Maybe he couldn’t fight for justice for an entire country, like his brother, but he could defend the woman he cared for.

• • •

He arrived at Alicia’s close to five thirty, Pizza My Heart pizza in hand. His heart had somehow developed an extra beat, and his gait a quicker stride.

Was this how love was supposed to feel? Had he ever been in love before?

“You’ve got it bad,” Juan had told him when he called to explain where he was going.

“And how would you know?”

Juan had laughed, and they’d gotten off the phone quickly, fear of the NSA a cloud over any electronic conversation.