Cadence (Ruby Riot Book 1) (24 page)

“Taking them to a taxi? Is that a euphemism?”

“Ha, ha. No. Tegan, I didn't do anything!” The next minute passes in another silence and perspiration breaks out along the back of my neck. I’m furious with myself. I want to be the guy who makes her happy. “Tegan? Why would I? I called you yesterday! I was thinking of you – missing you. I still fucking miss you.” Another silence. “Tegan? Nothing happened.”

“I've spent the morning swinging between believing and not believing. Between pissed off and wanting to throw up. This has messed with my head, Jax.”

“You know I’m photographed around girls all the time! We weren’t touching – I don’t even know her name. Ask Will or Nate.”

She snorts. “Reliable witnesses.”

I lie back on the bed and look at the ceiling. “Do you do believe me?”

“I don’t know! I know the media like making stories out of you – us - but watching all this happen from over here is bloody hard.”

“Come back then.”

“I'm going to come back to the tour tomorrow, whatever I decide to do. I’m not giving up this experience for anybody! I bloody fought hard enough with Bryn to let me stay.”

My heart skips out of rhythm. “Decide what to do?”

“About us. I can't believe what's happening to my life less than two weeks into a relationship with you. It's insane!” When Tegan’s voice cracks, a leaden weight hits my stomach. She’s hurting and I’m the reason. 

“Things will calm down. That's why you went home, to wait.”

“Things won't calm down, will they?”

Neither of us speaks, knowing she’s right. Is this my life now? A heavy realisation descends - Tegan might end what we have before we’ve really started.

“Don't make a decision until we’ve spoken face to face, when you can see I’m telling the truth,” I say.

“I said I will come back. I need to think and I need to talk to you.” Her small voice emphasises the distance between us, one I hope doesn’t exist when she returns.

When she comes back, we can click back into the Jax and Tegan who exist outside of all this shit. We’ll push my screw up aside. We have to.

“You believe me? You mean a fucking lot to me.”

“I'll fly to Oslo tomorrow,” she says coolly. “We can talk then.”

Chapter Thirty-Two

OSLO, NORWAY

TEGAN

I ask Jax not to meet me at the airport. He was insistent, wanting to talk to me the moment I arrived; but wherever he goes, the press does too, so I said no. I don’t want the public scrutiny back. Seems the press is as fickle as they presume Jax is. We’re over and I'm old news.

Is this the answer? Jax and I now have the option of keeping our relationship a secret to everybody apart from those on tour. The more I consider this, the more the idea appeals. I could allow them some shots of me out alone and turn on tears if somebody hassles me about Jax. Hell, he denied he’s with me; I can do the same. How plausible is it, really, that Jax Lewis would trade his hedonistic ways for a girl at this point in his life? Unlikely.

That question still dogs me. I believe him. I know he can be an arrogant douche when drunk, but there’s another side to Jax. The softhearted, romantic guy hidden beneath his devil may care attitude. The guy who handed me his necklace, the man who surprised me at the airport to say goodbye, cares. The Jax who phoned me religiously each night and even remembered when out drinking in Amsterdam.

But what about when we're apart longer than a few days? The next tour? If I travel or live in a different city? Experience indicates I'm not cut out for long-distance relationships, and I doubt Jax will be either.

I shake away the overthinking. Again, how Jax can take up as much of my waking thoughts and spend his nights in my dreams concerns me. He already evokes strong and worrying emotions after a short space of time. I blamed the intensity of the tour and claustrophobic environment for the immediate, engulfing desire for Jax; but even away from him, there’s a pull to be with him, in his world.

How will I react when I see Jax again? Part of me wants to end what’s between us for fear of getting hurt, but a larger part wants to run straight into his arms.

****

I'm tired after my flight and the stress of the last couple of days, but I can't prevent the constant leaping stomach when I think about seeing Jax again. I texted him from the airport, and I'm in my room less than ten minutes before he arrives.

The man I open the door to knocks the breath from me, the same way I attempted to deny the first time his glacial eyes met mine in Portugal. He's wearing a loose shirt, the top two buttons undone revealing his smooth chest and the wired feeling I’ve had for the last few hours explodes into an intense desire to wrap myself around him. Jax’s eyes shine as he sees me, mouth tipping into the smile seen the world over, but right here, right now, is for me.

Jax hesitates for a second before backing me against the wall and closing his mouth over mine. My body responds instantly, the familiar taste and scent of him intoxicating. We haven't spoken, don't need to. The passion in his kiss and my response speaks louder. We kiss with a desperate hunger; and when I push my hands beneath his shirt, Jax lets go of the restraint shaking through his body.

He pauses, breathing heavily as he looks at me with darkened eyes. “I fucking missed you.”

My heart slams against my chest. “I missed you.”

“Do you believe me? You mean a hell of a lot to me, Tegan. There was no girl.” Jax holds my chin in one hand forcing me to look at him.

My stomach lurches for a moment and I can't move my face from his grip. The concern in his eyes pushes away my last doubt about his sincerity, and he holds me here as if I might change my mind and walk away again. “If I thought that was true, I wouldn't be in this position with you right now.”

Jax shifts his hands and seizes my head, suffocating me with another kiss as he grips my hair in both hands. My legs shake, mind blown by how a reunion after such short time can prompt such an intense reaction.

“There’re plenty of other positions you could be in,” he whispers against my ear.

I giggle and squirm against his tickling breath. “And I’m sure that you’re going to show me.”

“You bet.”

One thing, which constantly burns between Jax and me, is the intensity of our physical lust when we’re together. The moment he touches my skin, the desire triggers. The second his mouth touches mine, common sense leaves. We constantly crave each other with a passion overriding everything I should be cautious about. Jax yields to me as easily as I to him. The inexplicable and dangerous attraction has fused us in a sudden and frightening way.

The man whose touch is pulling me away from the real world and back into the intensity of our place, has a grip on me, and he won’t let go. What worries me more is I don’t want Jax to let me go. The girl who refuses to be constrained has been dragged into something where control over her life loosens every day.

****

I snuggle with Jax in bed, with room service and movies, hiding in our world where nobody else can touch us. We haven’t left the hotel room all day and don’t intend to.
American Sniper
wasn’t my choice of movie, or one that interests me; but I’m with Jax, and right now, that’s enough. Something about Jax's presence soothes me, a natural connection to match the intense physical one.

Although part of me screams not to, I can trust this man.

“We should keep things as they are,” I say and shift around on the bed to face him.

Jax trails fingers along my arm and raises an eyebrow. “What? In bed all the time?”

“No, the world thinking we're not a couple.”

The raised brow switches to a frown. “What? Why? I thought you said you were fine with what happened in Amsterdam.”

“I am, but the situation had me thinking we could use this to our advantage.”

“Right…”

“Obviously people on the tour will notice, but let's keep out of the spotlight? I’ll confirm Jax Lewis dumped me.”

“Huh!” He pokes me in the side. “Not gonna happen.”

“What? Pretending we’re not together?”

“No. Dumping you. Awesome chick and awesome sex. Why would I?”

I can list a number of reasons, but why spoil the moment with practicality? I push Jax’s fringe from his eyes. “True. Lucky you.”

“Oh, yeah, I know I am.” He wraps me in his arms. “Cool by me if you want to keep this quiet.”

“We should've done in the first place,” I say and rest my head against his shoulder.

“I guess.” Something in his voice suggests he doesn’t share the sentiment.

“I think it's the only way, Jax. I can't live my life under a microscope.”

“But you still want us, together?”

“If you can do one thing for me.”

He twists to look at me. “Sure. What?”

“Don’t drink so much.”

“Drink?”

“Yes. You’ve said yourself you do stupid things. If we’re not officially a couple, somebody else might want my role in your bed.”

“I doubt they’d match up to you.”

I tense as his hand slips up my leg. “And that. You say dumb things.”

“What have I said now?”

“Again, your response should’ve been ‘not going to happen’”

“Tegan…” Jax sinks back and holds a hand in his hair. “Not going to happen. Why are you this insecure?”

“I’m not!”

“You are!”

“Well, are you surprised considering your reputation?”

“No, but you need to trust me.”

“And you need to stop drinking.”

Our eyes meet in a Tegan and Jax style challenge, until he pouts and picks up the nearby popcorn, repeatedly throwing the pieces back into the bowl. “I’ll cut back but won’t stop completely. How’s that?”

“Better.”

“And will you stop doubting me?”

“I’ll cut back but won’t stop completely.” I laugh as he throws a handful of popcorn at me and catch his hands.

Our struggle over who has the upper hand flows through every aspect of our relationship. Even though I often win the verbal, he usually wins the physical. Usually. My hair hangs in Jax’s face as I sit astride him and hold his arms away from me.

Jax blows a strand away. “You’re intoxicating enough.”

I scrunch my face up. “Oh, god, please don’t tell me I’m your drug.” I let his hands go and clutch my chest. “An addiction running through your bloodstream and you can’t get enough. Craving me every minute of every day.”

“You’re funny.”

“I don’t do silly romance.”

“And I only do the truth. It might get me into trouble, but I’d never bullshit you.”

“I hope so.” I dig my nails into his hard abs. “If I see you with a girl. Once. This is over.”

He winces and catches my hands. “I wouldn’t do that to you. I don’t want to lose you. You’re my girl.”

His words dig into my heart, pushing himself further into the corner I don’t want anybody to go. “That’s cute.”

“Aren’t you my girl?” He drags me toward him by the hands until our nose touch.

“I’m here aren’t I?” I say and skim my lips against his. “I don’t get naked for just anybody.”

“I like you naked.” He runs both hands down my back and pulls me closer. “And happy.”

I roll off him before my body has any more ideas about his nakedness and how exploring him further would be fun. Again. “Tell me about non-rock star Jax.”

“What do you want to know?”

“What were you like at school?”

“Nobody paid any attention to me at school. I wasn't a cool kid. Too busy with the twins and music for much else.” Jax curls a tendril of my hair around his finger.

“Nothing?”

“We snuck into clubs in town a few times but apart from that my life was about music. I figured I could indulge in the booze and women once I hit the big time because I was sure we would.”

I ignore the women comment. “I love how much you believe in yourself.”

“I thought you said I was arrogant?”

“Admit you are sometimes, Jax.”

“Call it what you like. Once we arrived at uni and started gigging, a few more people were interested. Then Ruby. Then Jem and things became fucking awesome.”

There’s a question, which nags, a desire to discover the man beneath the persona. Something to guide me what being his girl exactly means. “You never had a girlfriend?”

“Nothing at school. Like I said, too busy.” He leans across me to reach his beer from the bedside table. “The girls I liked weren’t interested in me.”

“Are you seriously telling me you didn't have girls all over you at school?”

He grins. “I was skinny and quiet, didn't dress to impress. I wasn’t always an egomaniac you know.”

“But never a relationship?”

He shakes his head and drinks again. “Not really.”

“At uni?”

“A few very short relationships. Like, a couple of weeks. Girls get pissed off when I don’t pay them enough attention, so I stopped pretending I would.” Jax tips his head. “Why all the questions?”

“Trying to figure out the guy beneath the rock star, that's all.”

“I’m not him. I told you that before.” He purses his lips, as if not wanting to ask the next question. “You? Did you have something serious at school.”

“Yeah, a couple of years.”

Jax's eyes widen. “Years? Wow. So, what happened?”

“He went away to uni and found somebody else,” I reply more nonchalantly than I feel.

“'Kay.” Jax picks up the remote. “You watching this? We could find a better movie.”

“Yes, I am.” I take the remote from him. I'm pissed off Jax didn't respond to my broken heart story with sympathy; but I wouldn’t expect Jax to be intuitive about these things.

We settle back, and watch the movie again. Is part of his behaviour attention seeking after years of rejection from girls exactly like the ones who pursue him now? And what does that make me? I try to imagine Jax as a quiet guy who nobody’s interested in.

Impossible.

Some of Jax’s allure is the rock star label, but he’s built to break hearts. From his startling blue eyes and sensual mouth, to his lithe body that begs to be explored, he’s one hell of a man. The girls from school will be kicking themselves hard now.

I can’t let Jax know how fast I’m falling for him, and how confusing this makes my life. He will let me down; and if I choose to keep going with the relationship, I have to accept the inevitable end. And to do that, I need to keep my heart protected which means keeping my emotions in check and saying nothing.

Why do I have the feeling I lost control of the situation by coming back?